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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend nor been kissed...I keep telling myself its God's will or that the time will come. Yet I really dont understand. I dont think its my looks since people keep telling me im good looking (and i mean random people that i dont even know will actually come up to me and tell me this)...And i have a lot of friends who always say im funny or what not. Yet weirdly enough they're all female friends! go figure hehe. Anyhow, i was wondering if anyone else had experienced this...or i guess i just wanted to tell some1 i dont really know how much this truly does bother me..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): This website really does make all of us single girls who have never had a serious boyfriend or relationship feel slightly better. I am now just barely 20 and also have never been in a serious relationship or had a boyfriend I have been kissed and made out only once though and I thought that once this happened that everything would fall in to place but the sad part is the guy basically acted like I didn't exist the next day he told me I was beautiful the whole time but none of it seemed sincere it seemed like he was just trying to go as far as possible with me which I feel like god protected me and gave me the confidence to say know but it really did damage my self esteem for a while after that I felt like nobody really liked me for me that they were just trying to use me and that I was nothing special. I have gotten over it now and I can say I am glad I had the experience although it was not ideal.
I know I don't really know any of you guys but I think that it is awesome that so many of you have not given up hope and that even though hope seems dismal you haven't given up your self respect and you still have your values. And I don't think not being in a relationship is anything to be ashamed of at all not being with someone doesn't make you of any less worth. And as single people we just need to stop beating ourselves up and evaluating all of our flaws because the truth is we all have qualities that make us totally awesome and we all have qualities even those of us who appear to have all the confidence in the world that makes us seem insignificant and small. We all just need to relax and realize that life is about having different experiences than other people. Don't ever say you aren't pretty because you are and telling yourself you aren't pretty will not do you any good. Thank you guys for helping me not feel so alone and realize that we are all awesome and worth it. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): I'm 18, soon enough 19, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been on a date. I've never kissed before. I find this all perfectly fine. I found that I have to discover myself and stabilize my life before I bring someone else that I will care about into it. This is my second semester of college, and in high school I was never asked out. Guys even said no to me. Now that I'm in college, I'm not used to the attention I'm getting- three guys in the past week. The sad part is I tend to attract the creepers, I want a good, respectful Christian man. A godly man, one who can support and comfort me. It is fine to wait, and that is exactly what I'm doing. Even if I do want to have a relationship, I know patience is key, it is a virtue that most people don't have. And the most important thing is to discover yourself before you find someone for you. Know who you are.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): I'm 18, soon enough 19, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been on a date. I've never kissed before. I find this all perfectly fine. I found that I have to discover myself and stabilize my life before I bring someone else that I will care about into it. This is my second semester of college, and in high school I was never asked out. Guys even said no to me. Now that I'm in college, I'm not used to the attention I'm getting- three guys in the past week. The sad part is I tend to attract the creepers, I want a good, respectful Christian man. A godly man, one who can support and comfort me. It is fine to wait, and that is exactly what I'm doing. Even if I do want to have a relationship, I know patience is key, it is a virtue that most people don't have. And the most important thing is to discover yourself before you find someone for you. Know who you are.
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male
reader, shawn2032  +, writes (17 April 2013):
And what do you think if we turn the tables? I am 28 and had my first and only kiss with a girl at the age of 27. She must have been really experienced with that as she really led all the way through and surprisingly enough I have got into it very quickly. I guess the experience was so enjoyable that it paradoxically backfired and prevented me from calmly going into a relationship with her. She was 21 - with three times having been blown off by her boyfriends in the past, so quite a burden of negative relationship experience - and admitted thinking of a relationship with me, however I have simply acted too clingily and too insecure afterwards, which eventually made her blow me off... What would you think of my situation? Both those of you, girls, who are experienced in kissing/sex/relationships and those who admitted not having been kissed before? Would you think there is something dreadfully wrong with me?Would it be attractive for you to have your first relationship experience with me? Cause after the experience I have just described I guess it may have been easier for me to establish any kind of relationship bond with a girl who hasn't experienced a kiss before, that would create the 'first time'-based bond for us. I would be grateful for any insight you have on this.
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female
reader, Mzmichelle11  +, writes (2 September 2012):
Wow...While I'm still sad that this is truer,but I have never been kissed,never. Nor Asked on a date
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): As much as I want to say this makes me feel tons better, it doesn't. I'm 20 years old now, never been kissed or on a date. I've had 2 guys ask me out, but that was in high school. I kind of regret saying no to them, but I didn't have any feelings for them. I would like to believe that I'm moderately attractive (my friends tell me this at least), of average size, not dumb, have a fairly good sense of humor, and I'm not clingy or obnoxious. I feel like God forgot to give me the "guy attracting gene" because no matter how much I flirt, no one really responds. I'm getting extremely desperate here because almost all of my friends are either in a relationship or have been. If I ever do get a man to like me I have no idea how to explain to him why I've never kissed anyone before. :/
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female
reader, rayraysnyder17 +, writes (17 June 2012):
Im 17 and have never been kissed or had a relationship. Im feeling a little desperate because all of my friends have gone on dates and kissed people, but I haven't. I don't want to go my whole high school career without ever going on a date. Idk...maybe it's just me but I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): OMG. I really, really thought I was the only girl in her 20´s who had never been kissed. It was such a relief to find out i was not alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): I am soooo glad I'm not the only one. I'm seventeen and the only one among my friends who has never been kissed or on a real date. I've been starting to feel like something is wrong with me. Guys have never been interested in me, and the one guy that was, prefered to date some chick that lives five states away. Whatever.
I don't exaggerate when I say I am the only one of my friends who is single. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because they wouldn't understand, so I've been keeping it to myself, not letting anyone know how much it bothers me. I'm starting to doubt everything about me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): I'm almost 19 and I've never been kissed, nor asked out on a date. I'm so glad I found this page because honestly I was losing faith... I'm not bad looking, to be honest, in fact I think it's because I'm extremely shy.. I have problems in making friends, too... I keep telling me that everything will change in college, I really hope so..
Anyway, I don't think we're hopeless, I think all we have to do is open up a bit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): i was so depressed because i was 21 and had never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or asked out. it was the worst pain ever. mean kids in high school who were uglier than me always could get boyfriends or girlfriends so easily. i am not that ugly either. so i started getting all dressed up and going to party scenes in the city- even if youre too young for bars, stand near them and ask guys out in the city because there's more people. if they say no- who cares!lol. you'll never see them again. this worked like a charm and all my haters got sooo jealous and i could pick and choose anyone that i wanted...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): This is a hope message for all the girls/boys who have written in this web saying they've never been kissed. I was on the same boat until a few months ago. Of course i wanted my first kiss to be with a guy I liked and felt something for, but I waited and waited and that never seemed to happen. It was hard to see all my friends not only kissing guys but also having sex with them (we are 17) and I hadn't even been asked out. I decided I really wanted to kiss someone just to be able to say I'VE KISSED SOMEONE. Lots of you must find this kind of silly, but for me its releaving, now that I've almost ''learnt'' how to kiss (I've kissed 4 o 5 guys until today) it's going to be easier once I find someone i really like (which i hope will be next year as i'm starting university)My advice to you is to kiss a random guy on a party (that's what I did) even if it's just for a seconds, just to try it out, to loose the fear... Good luck!
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male
reader, floyd  +, writes (17 September 2011):
I don’t want to sound sexist here but... I must say I am very surprised by the number of women posting on here. Now please don’t misinterpret my meaning, I of course feel a great deal of comradeship with my female counterparts, however of the two genders I have always imagined that women by a very long way had a much easier time finding a partner than a man ever could. Once again please don’t think of this as a cheap shot at women, I speak out of innocent curiosity and mild ignorance. If we use the standard social paragon of how relations (be they sexually-based or not) start, then we seem to find that the chasing, the forward momentum of the initial introduction is performed almost exclusively by the males. To use myself as an example, part of the reason I have had no success with women is that I am the one whom has to put his neck of the chopping block, whilst for the female it appears to lack any and all risk. It is for this reason I find it hard to understand why a female "virgin" even exists. A woman in theory only needs to say yes, a man on the other hand has to jump through a series hoops to achieve the goal. I invite any women to feel free to enlighten me if my theorem is grossly inaccurate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): I am so glad i found this page, I was starting to feel so bad and depressed. I am 21 never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been on a date, and I haven't been so interested in boys, I cherished my independence. I guess I started thinking about that since highschool, but anyway, I agree with all of these comments, learn to appreciate yourself, and I'm sure God has someone special saved for you, just like he has for everyone, a soulmate. Don't rush into things just for the sake of it. Good luck everyone!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Hi. Im 17 almost 18 and in college. I have also never kissed a guy, been asked out on a date, or anything. Being in college it's really hard to see all my roomates constantly talking to this kid and hooking up with this one while I'm like always ignored by the oppiste sex. I tell myself that im waiting on the "right one" but i know that I'm just making excuses for myself.
It also lowers your self confidence, even though i know that I'm attractive and not high maintenence, having your friends tell you youre pretty is different then when a guy says it. I hope i find "the one" soon, but I'm getting kind of desperate. I'm glad im not the only one going through this, i just wish it wasnt this hard
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male
reader, PrinceCharming +, writes (27 August 2011):
-Read this girls that have no game lol like me ... but im a dude.Hello there, i totally understand what your saying. I am turning 19 in two months and i have never been kissed or a had a date or anything lol , i have seen alot of romantic comedies with my mom and sister , so i know what women want i just dont have good self esteem.But my advide to you is, say your going to the gym dont bring a pack of girls with you , (that scares guys) ,i know it sounds crazy but go by your self! If you catch some good looking guy checking you out then smile at him . Chances are he will look at you again so onces he does introduce yourself and then say 4 easy words "Hows your workout going?" You want him to know that you actually care about him.P.s guys love girls that take care of them selfs because most guys put so many hours into their body haha
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I am 18, and I just found out my friend lost her virginity around Christmas, without telling me. She said she thought i wasnt interested. whatever. Anyway, I've only been on two dates, and the guy was a dud. I've never been kissed and all my friends have had several boyfriends. I'm not religious or anything, so i don't pray about it. But I am getting tired of people telling me the right person will come along. It is patronizing. I flirt with guys, but they rarely flirt back. I am overweight, but come on. People tell me i'm cute. I want people, especially guys to tell me i'm pretty, or attractive. I'm ready,but I feel like every time i see a guy, i want to jump him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): all your posts are such a relief i feel so much better!im 17 and i was so embarrassed when someone asked who my first kiss was i made up something! i felt awful. just waiting for that special someone:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): I've just turned 19 and I have never been kissed either. I feel like I'm getting old and my time is ticking :S. I have been asked out by guys only a few times in high school and the only date I ever said yes to was for prom night. I was one of the only girls in my group of friends with a date LOL that made me feel pretty good!
I have many guy friends/acquaintances but I am VERY shy so I never take risks or ask them out. I don't feel I am pretty enough to have a boyfriend. People say that I really need to work on my self-esteem before I can commit to a relationship, but plenty of girls with low self worth have boyfriends so... what the hell!? It feels good to know I am not alone in this situation :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I'm 20 and never been kissed. My friends think i'm a lesbian because i've never had a boyfriend. Starting to think it might be easier if i were a lesbian. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not ugly, i'm fairly petite and guys have even randomly walked up to me on the street and told me that i was beautiful but it never goes past that. I just don't understand, i see all my friends have boyfriends and it's not like i'm a hermit and lock myself off from all social activities.I have a friend that i really really like and i think he likes me too but he's engaged so that's off limits. I think it might be an arranged marriage so it's complicated i guess. Why are all the good guys taken? Not that i'd even know how to tell him i like him anyway... Is there a school where we can actually learn how to interact with guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): I'm 20 and have never been kissed either. I'm the same way as the other poster because I am waiting for someone to be just right for me. I don't throw myself at guys, and will stop talking to a guy if I don't feel the connection is right. I want my first kiss to be memorable. I would like it to be with someone that I really care about, and I don't want it to be something that I regret. I always think that maybe the man that gives me my first kiss will be my husband one day.. and it would be extra special to share that with him. So, I'm not in a rush. It is kind of embarrassing to admit that I haven't been kissed before, so only a few people know that about me. Just take your time. You don't want it to be something that you regret, especially since you waited this long anyway.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Hey guys, I just wanted to say that I am almost 19 and in the same position. I am so relieved to know there are other girls like me out there, and I'm not alone. I noticed that we all have stuff in common: independent, funny, witty, pretty, etc. All the things you think would be great, but yet we have no luck in the dating dept. I don't get it. I am old fashioned and believe in romance, I just want it to be right. Its so hard sometimes though because in college friends want you to go party, but I can't because if something like a kiss were to happen, it wouldn't mean anything, and I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I have to wait I guess, I just hope fate lends a hand.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Im 17 turning 18 soon and ive had experience with guys and kissed but honestly ive never been asked out on a date..ive come off older to ther people so ive been flirted by older men but not guys my age and honestly it does feel lonely sometimes but honestly im focusing on myself right now and my goals in life.doesnt mean im not going to be with guys...soo honestly just realize in the end you can make yourself happy and dont try so hard to please others.3
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): I'm so glad to ear i'm not the only one in the world. I'm turning 21ys in a few months and guess what..never been kissed.
In my whole life i've been asked out from some guys, but i've always refused them. I terribly feel ugly and i'm afraid someone want just joke and have fun with me( because it happened actually), so initially i say no. With time, i've learnt i should take a change, but from that moment on the guy was never the right one. I try to convince myself to give him a possibility, or i will have been alone forever, but no way.
I'm waiting for my Charming Prince, yes. Because it's the only thing i could do..telling myself somewhere there's a guy who is just looking for me, because out there no one wants me. Moreover i think i'm getting a little depressed for that..i see all my friends struggling for love, cry all night, asking me tips. I want suffer for love, because i'm suffering for no-love right now.
I believe God, nonetheless. It's hard to keep togheter my suffering with the belief and i always pray my "He" will come soon. I won't be able to wait for him any longer, it's hurting too much.
I hope while i'm typing that, some of you has found the right guy.
Love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): I'm 18 and I am really desperate:( I never went out on a date with a guy and I really would like to but unfortunately I'm shy and not really outgoing.....in the last few months I also parted from my best friend and sometimes I'm really lonely but I can't do nothing to help.......well there was only one guy who asked me out but at the time I wasn't interested an then there was another one which I had a crush on but he didn't seem to notice although I tried t make it obvious...I'm really loosing all my hope that one day I would be happy:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): I am also 20 years old and never been kissed. I have many friends and many people love me. I am a bit overweight, but I still have all the confidence in the world. I am so involved with everything I do and I love it all, but there always seems to be something missing I know that we are only 20 but I fear that I will wake up one morning, be 30 years old and still be in the same place. That is terrifying. Though for now I might be okay I see my friends getting their hearts broken and I see the pain they are in so it makes me feel a bit better knowing I don't have to worry about that. I feel Like I have such a big heart and so much to give, but just need to find the right guy. As stated before I just don't want to be 30 and in the same place. I am glad to hear there are others out there though, more power to us!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): I'm turning 20 soon and am in the exact same position! I've had a lot of "almosts" with guys I really like but one of three things ALWAYS happens: 1. I find out he's a creep 2. He already has a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend or 3. I never hear from him again and assume he's not interested. Nothing anyone says helps. I try not to think about it, but I really feel like a loser sometimes. More than that though, I just really want to fall in love and have that first kiss! I'm so glad there are others out there in my position. Let's hope it only gets better from here!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): dont worry girl, im in the same position. tho ive gone out on a date, ive never been kissed. my first 'love intertest' was this guy who my parents hated soooo much, so when they found out they made me promise i would never see him again..i was 13....so i didnt really care
then at school boys used to talk to me, but never more than that. well...i did get asked out by this guy but i didnt like him at all.
college was just painful =/ even my best friend who is more 'innocent' than me has had more experience...
now im at uni and everyone who i live with has bfs..they are around all the time..and even tho they dont say it, i know they wonder what is wrong with me...
i keep telling myself that God is with me through this, and its something i always include in my prayers...
i just wish it would happen soon, not with just anyone but someone who will mean something to me...
prob doesnt help the fact that i read/watch romantic fiction and movies/series...
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): Wow, I am 20. Never had a bf or been kissed. I'm a good person. . . meaning, no drugs, alcohol or partying. But I know that God has a plan for my life, and is preparing a man of God for me right now :) I have a crush on one of my best guy friends. . . He is states away though. He moved down south. (Needs Jesus in his life though)
Its like nowadys you can't find a virgin over the age of 15! I don't want my first kiss to be meaningless, or end up catching herpes from anyone. I need to hang out with friends more. I'm 20, but feel like a child. I thought I was the only one like this out here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2011): I'm in the same boat. Whenever I'm feeling extra low about this, like right now, I look at this webpage and how many people have posted they're in the same position and I feel a little better. I'm just getting so impatient and more hopeless that it'll ever happen. I have a friend who complains about how she gets hit on and asked out by guys everywhere she goes. I have to stop myself from smacking her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): I just turned 20 a few days ago, and I'm in the same position as yall and my best friend is about to get another boyfriend which makes me really jealous. I just want to thank everyone for posting about themselves, because whenever I get upset I just come to this site and I feel better knowing that I am not alone. Yall are awesome!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Hey everyone :)
I'm almost 20 too! and never had a boyfriend, much less been kissed! And it's kinda relieving to know there's others too who've not had the fortunate experience of a kiss or a romantic relationship and I'm not the only one! :P
And well, with due credit to me, I'm a pretty friendly person, I'm funny and have been told I look pretty... So it sucks sometimes that I don't have what almost ALL of my friends do. So the reason why I'm still single completely eludes me!! GOD, does it suck! Especially when almost all your friends are in a relationship or have some "action" going on in their life!!! :(
Also, phrases like "the right guy will come along" and "you're single only cos there's someone freaking awesome waiting for you and he's on his way" are plainly patronizing and have become nothing more than pseudo- consolations my friends give me. It just plain sucks :/
But it's finally nice to know that there's so many of us out there... definitely awesome and eligible people, that are waiting for a beautiful relationship to come their way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Wow, I can't believe how many other people are in the same situation I am in! I just turned 19 and have never had a boyfriend, or my first kiss. I do believe that God knows my desires and will fulfill them one day. It is the waiting game that is so hard! I look around and see most of my friends who have had boyfirends and can't understand why I can't get a boyfriend. Of corse this makes me so insecure, so I ask myself if I am too fat, or ugly, or just not fun to be around.I just finished reading a book called the List by Marian Jordan, and it really did help me with the struggle I am going through. I feel a little better, but I know that until I find the right person this will be constantly on my mind. I felt so alone in this, but it is a comfort to know that there are other girls and even guys in the same position!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): Girl, I'm in the exact same position. I'm in college and I've never kissed a boy, never had a boyfriend, never held hands, NOTHING lol Part of me is really disappointed and wants a boyfriend for the companionship factor and for the romance, but the another part of me is keeping in mind that the reason my dream guy is so long in the making is because God is taking extra long to make sure he's just right ;-) At the same time, He's probably working on me too so that when the time comes, it's obvious to both of us. I'm sure you're beautiful (as your friends and random strangers have told you lol) and obviously you have good sense and standards for yourself. Chin up! He's out there! Just think of how perfect he must be if you still haven't met him :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone. I'm almost 21 and I have zero experience with boys. I don't blame it on my appearance because I see unattractive girls with their boyfriends all the time. I blame it on my shyness. I'm so shy it hurts, I'm in college but I live at home and I never go out to social events. So I have a lot of stuff to figure out before I can even get close to a guy, let alone find one who wants me...Good luck to all of you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): It's so good to come here on the world wide web and see we arent the only ones...I am twenty two about to be twenty two and never been kissed :"( it feels so horrible to admit that to anyone. its a topic I always pull away from, having a drink w/ friends and laughing at their 1st kiss and having to be ahahaha... I'll tell you the story once it actually happens... I know what it is to feel so ugly cause I'm over weight and blame that on why, even though I am not too shy, Ive never attracted someone with my personality. Oh boy I've cried my eyes out so many lonely valentines, how much it hurts to see couples :/and our friends are great supporters of course but only we know what we go through.but I live by this quote"some day someone is going to walk in to our lives and make you understand the wait was worth it"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): *hugs to everyone* I'm 22 and about to graduate with a masters degree. Never been asked out, no guy has ever shown the slightest interest in me. I ask guys out regularly (at least 2 a month) and they all either act really disgusted or play a dirty joke on me - this guy ended up giving my number out saying I was a prostitute. Yeaaaaa. I don't think there is anything wrong with me but when I tell my friends they're like "you're fat" or say horrible things about me. I'm not even fat, and there is nothing wrong with people who ARE fat anyways.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I am turning twenty in four months and I'm also in the "has zero experience with the opposite sex" category. I've been told I was pretty, I've been told how smart I am, funny... but no guy that says these things, however rare it is, will ask me out. I went to all high school social events with friends and went to prom without a date. No kisses, no holding hands, nada.Like another girl here mentioned I'm also an only child and under rather light pressure at the moment to do... SOMETHING. I don't believe my parents want me to be promiscuous, but they want me to be more engaged with the opposite sex. At one point I got a second version of "the talk" which subtly asked if I was a lesbian. I'm not and I was incredibly insulted by the suggestion that if I wasn't in a relationship I must not be interested in men.It's difficult though, you know? I'm very picky and it's known among my immediate friends that I'm a bit demanding. I enjoy my personal space and respect others' with very little explanation required. Though being in uni I wouldn't really have time to carry on with a boy, I wouldn't mind being asked at least. So as everyone here assures you, hun, you aren't alone. Not even a little.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): same here too im 20 and never had a boyfriend i dont think i ever will
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Reading all the threads below has made me feel not so alone, thank you all.I, too, am twenty and have nearly zero relationship experience. I used to have a really low self-esteem, and still at times do, to the point where I thought I had body dismorphic disorder. Throughout high school, and now I will have moments where I build a lot of anxiety and feel sick to my stomach and nearly paralyzed because of my appearance. Now, the only person I've ever confided in my lack of confidence in my appearance are my immediate family members and one of my best friends (who I consider my free therapist).From other friends, peers, and sometimes strangers I have always gotten compliments on my appearance and when I would hear them say negative things about their own body image, I would give them words of encouragement and never let them know of my own insecurities.A lesson I've realized in the past few months is we usually associate our self-esteem with our appearance. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells you your beautiful, you must believe it. And what I've noticed is the times I feel most beautiful in my exterior, is when I feel confident in who I am as a person.My family has always told me, that the reason they believe I have trouble finding someone is because I am intimidating. Which I used to deny, because if I was so pretty, that I intimidated men then why were the pretty girls I know in relationships? And as I've taken scope of things I realized, perhaps it is deeper than that. I am extremely goal oriented and have accomplished a lot for my age. I am independent, extremely creative, and intelligent...And maybe, those traits are what is found as intimidating. I mean I think of it, and all the guys I have been attracted to who I've seen as all of those things (who aren't extremely stunning) I've always shy'd away from myself.Perhaps this is the "problem" with some of you as well. If you even want to see it as a problem. Perhaps, we have too much to offer and it is waiting for someone ready to take on such a promising man or woman.I am disappointed I haven't been in a relationship as of yet, but at the same time I feel blessed to have been given time to mature and move forward with other important aspects in my life, I have an amazing circle of friends and close relationships with those in my life, I have been one other's have seeked advice from, and that is something that should make me extremely happy about my life. Period.Also among my theories, for women, I believe we are in an age where women are no longer courted or pursued by men. Now I consider myself a feminist, but I do still have the old fashion value of the girl being courted rather the girl chasing after the man. I also think that social networking sites like Facebook, have caused us to drift away from good communication skills in person -which is why I recently deleted mine- and I have discovered that I have become more happy and in tune with the outside world.And maybe I think too much. Thank you all for your posts, and I hope maybe you find some answers in my own self discoveries.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Hi ... I just turned 20 this month and i have never dated or asked out before. (so naturally never been kissed or had a bf ). I am an introvert and like to keep to myself most of the time. I am very shy but people sometimes get the idea that i am arrogant. I know that i am averagely pretty. I have a few crushes but i never had the guts to talk to them. I am really losing hope !!! I have never had many guy friends and for the pass years i never worried about not dating. But now that i am in college and also reached 20 i am starting to panic. I am a romantic and i love reading novels and watching romantic movies. I really want to have a prince charming who will make my heart melt. Lol ... Now i am afraid that it will never happen and that i will die without love . I really want to find someone who will love me as much as i love him . PS : if there are any guys reading these post .I would really hope that u guys do not judge a book by its cover. Some of us girls are just too shy to reveal our true selves .
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Yeah! I'm not alone! I'm 19 and never been kissed. I feel uncomfortable when a guy starts to show his feelings for me. I don't know why... By reading all of these posts I've come to realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. But there IS something wrong with our self-esteem. I used to think there was something wrong with me. I thought I was ugly, not interesting, and just plain boring. But I was wrong. We are beautiful and smart and funny and sexy, it's in our nature. We just have to BELIEVE it! So I began to work with that. Now, instead of wasting my time feeling miserable and alone, I think about what I want to do in life and do it! We tend to think too much, and we (as beautiful and honest romantics) are making a big deal out of this. Life is for living. We are alive! Let's just live and learn to recognize the beautiful things that surround us! Enjoy the little things, learn about yourself, and most importantly, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF! As cheesy as this sounds: (YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF, BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE): )
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): It's such a relief to know that I'm not alone :DI'm 20 turning 21. I've never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, and have very very few guy-friends. I went to an all-girls school which was wonderful for my academia, but socially? Kinda turned me into a retard around boys. I have my pretty days, and I have my ugly days, none of which seem to attract the attention of the opposite sex, beyond a look and a smile. Today I found myself pondering whether I should wear more red, as red seems to attract guys more (or so says a study). Laaaaame T.TI'm not the only one in my friendship group, though. There used to be three of us. As of last week, the number is now down to two. But even my "lonesome buddy" has been asked out several times. Guys just don't seem to want to ask me out :(I've had one guy seriously tell me I'm pretty, but that was after I just met him, and I never saw him again. I do have one on-going crush (now in its 4th year) on this guy who is, to be honest, not right for me. I just can't seem to control this raging beast in my chest :(He's hit on me on numerous occasions, and come close to asking me out...but he never quite gets there. Grrr. So anyway, onwards I go with a positive attitude, meeting new people, and trying new things :D I know there's nothing wrong with me. It just hasn't been the right time, yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): I am not the only one! yayayay!
I am 20, never been kissed and never been in relationship with a guy. I get sooooooooo shy when I am near most guys... uggggghhhhhhh!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Hey guys.. I'm 19 and a uni student. As most of u I've never been kissed, had a relationship or anything like that. Guys apporach me only to ask me about my friends phone numbers. Once, a guy started texting me without saying who he was and he was flirting with me. A couple of weeks later I realised that he though I was my friend.
Anw, when it comes to looks I hate myself. I hate myself because I see people around me uglier and fatter than me, but still with relationships. Which leads me to the following: It must be my character then. But boys don't actually come close enough to see it. So, what's wrong with me??!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Yep, I feel the same as everyone here. I'm 20, turning 21 in September. Never had a boyfriend, never held a boy's hand, never been kissed. Nothing, nothing, nothing. And I want it so badly. I'm not ugly and I have cute clothes. But I'm starting to realize clothes really has nothing to do with getting a bf.I actually had the same problem as one of the other commenters. I was sexually abused when I was younger and I think that's what's creating this mental barrier. I have crushes but most of them end up being guys waaaay out of my league. And then I started realizing the reason I do this is to protect myself and prevent the guy from actually liking me. So there's that, and then having incredibly high standards for guys. I'm 5'8" so I absolutely need someone who's like a lot taller than me. And that's so difficult because a lot of tall guys end up with the cute, pint sized girls, leaving all the short ones chasing after tall girls. I have a whole list of qualities I would like my future guy to have and once you have that list, it's really difficult to forget about it. At the moment, I'm falling in love with someone I will never, never get. He's 100% unattainable. I don't know how to give advice to the original poster, because I'm in the same situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I'm so glad I'm not the only one.... I'm 18 and never been kissed too, and I don't have many guy friends, mostly are girls... And all my friends already have been kissed, I'm starting to feel the pressure to do it soon, but at the same time, I don't wanna just kiss someone, without meaning anything... I getting a little depress with this... I don't know what to do actually.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I am 18 (nearly 19) and a freshman in college. I have never fallen for any guy, let alone had a boyfriend. I have never held hands with a guy, been kissed, or even been told by a guy that I am pretty or beautiful. I know that I'm not unattractive, I mean, I notice guys looking at me, but they never act on anything. I don't want my first kiss to be meaningless with a random guy, but I'm ready for the right guy to come along. Sometimes I feel like I will never know what it's like to love and be loved in return, which terrifies me because I believe being in love is beautiful and sacred and magical and as close as you can get to perfection....and who doesn't want that? Someday...
-E
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get -- only with what you are expecting to give -- which is everything." -Katherine Hepburn
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): i'm 18 and in the same situation and starting to feel like i am inadequate(sp?). my friends tell im pretty and so do other people but no one ever actually makes a move and when ive liked guys and told them they've been really nice about it but its never gone any further. all my friends have had some kind of experience even the ones that i would have thought would have less chance then me (i know that sounds harsh, im not a nasty person that judges thats just my opinion). my friends are always telling me things like u really funny guys would be lucky but im starting to think thier just trying to make me feel better. i mean im strating to think it might be my hieght im 5'9 and the fact i am a red head with glasses that what i think is the down fall for me. its good to see im not the only one though :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): here again, again, again.Literally three times since 2009. Since this site is such a help.Anyways.Hi. I'm 21 now, and still yet to be kissed. It still rather bothers me, but at the same time I've realized that it will most likely happen when I become comfortable with myself. Which I have trouble with. I always have always been self concious, and tend to compare myself with all the girls in a radius of me when I spot a cute guy thinking "Oh, nevermind, if he were to check out anyone it would probably be that chick..."One of my friends has gotten married, and others are always off and on with the hook-ups and boyfriends. But sometimes when they call me all upset about a guy, I'm relived at where I'm at. But, I really know that I can't stand the fact I have zero experience except for holding hands with a guy and being asked out a few times. And I SERIOUSLY getting sick of people wondering if I'm a lesbian. Since when has lack of experience automatically made me a lesbian in the minds of people? I'm confidently and completely straight.Recently I've had some guys at work making small comments in the middle of conversations that I'm pretty... and little things I pick up on. But that stuff always tends to make me all uncomfortable because I feel like they're kidding. And I don't want to be like "Hey thanks!" because then I feel like I'd look cocky. And I don't want to be that girl that's like "Ew no I'm not. But thanks.." because those attitudes always bothered me when I've over-heard them.I seriously just have some issues with myself. When I was really young I was sexually abused by a family member. And I told my parents, and my parents did everything they could to make it better. I had to go through therapy and all this stuff. And my brothers still don't know, and neither do any of my friends. I've never talked about it with anyone close to me, since the day I told my mom when I was 7, and the therapist for the month or so afterwards. It's weird the flashbacks that hit me of that event years after. Things that I blocked out from that event as a kid, will appear to me at random times and it still tends to mess with my mind. Kind of like being black out drunk and getting those little flashes of what you'd done that night. But anyways.. I've been close to telling my best friends before about my childhood just to get it off my mind a little bit, but I can't do it.I feel like that whole thing though kind of screwed me up and over a bit in the relationship department. I never really have trust of anyone, since the person who did those things to me was someone who, in society, I was supposed to have been able to trust. And now I feel like I will get used by any guy who shows interest... just like I was used as a helpless kid.But I realized recently I can't let something terrible that happened to me as a child just ruin the rest of my life. I just need to make those risks, whether or not I do end up getting used again. If I just keep in this shell I've been hiding in for 14 years, I know my fate will continue to be singularity. Risks have to be taken, and I'm getting that now. Courage is the key. And being able to realize that you yourself are an incredible person will help the courage come along.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Oh wow! I'm so glad there are so many more like me out there. I'm 20 and I've never been kissed, dated etc. In fact, I've never even met anyone I liked or had a crush on. I'm beginning to think it's because there's something wrong with me...most of all I just want to experience that special feeling for someone, even if they don't reciprocate. The worst part is all my friends have had experience in this stuff and they keep subtlely making me feel terrible without knowing it. Like they keep hinting that every Tom, Dick and Harry likes me, or they make it a goal to find me a boyfriend...it makes me feel like they think that I'm not worthy unless I have a significant other. But we must stay strong!! I'm sure that if we lose ourselves doing something we love, love will find us. Till then I guess we should just live our lives and become immune to all the disheartening things others might do or say. My best wishes to all of you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2011): Wow. It feels so AMAZING to know I'm not aloneeI'm turning 20 in a month. Like everyone else, I have never been intimate with a guy. I've barely even had any guy friends. I just don't know how to act with them. When they approach me, I just go blank and don't know what to say. It's so frustrating. I know (not to be vain) that I am fairly attractive, and I can catch a guy's attention from far. But the second I have to talk to them, I turn into a puddle of awkwardness.At college, ALL of my friends have had sexual experiences and bfs. When we go out, they dance with guys, make out, hook up and go the whole 9 yards, with the walk of shame and everything. That's not something I would ever consider doing. I mean, yeah I go out, too. I don't mind dancing with guys, but that is as far as my morals will let me go. I want to meet a guy outside the bar with substance. I want someone who gets to know me first and cares about me, not my body. And I guess that will come with time? But I wonder how long I will have to wait. I feel like I skated through high school. Now, I'm skating through college, without any experiences. I don't want to look back at my golden years with sadness.Ughh I hope I meet someone soon. I wish you guys luck in your endeavors.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): I'm 17 and a half...until 5 mos ago, I had never been kissed, had a boyfriend, or even been asked out on a date. I was kind of worried but then the perfect guy came along, asked me out, kissed me...and we've been together ever since. Eight mos ago, I had no idea when/if/where/how this would happen, but it did...
I know you'e 20, but if I hadn't met this one guy, then I would have kept on the way I was...I was lucky to meet him at 17, you will meet yours soon too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): I'm pretty much in the same situation as everyone who commented: 20 years old university student, never been kissed, asked out, (blah blah blah).... It can can depressing at times. When you watch your friends go through relationships, watch movies about love, read literature- there are points where I yearn for a guy's hands to wrap around my waist and for him to tell me how much I mean in his life. (Is this over dramatic? Probably not, considering that everyone wants to mean something special to people other than their family).I not an ugly looking person, I dress fairly well and I study a lot but I'm not socially weird, I'm pretty jokes and a nice person. I have friends (not a full out loner) but I've always felt different, like supposedly small dilemma burns a hole in my chest every time I see them with friends/people with their boyfriends. It's not jealousy just the pain of being neglected and aloneness. I've had crushes over the past few years but honestly how do you approach a guy you've seen in lecture repeatedly (and taken an interest in) and introduce yourself AND ask them out without looking like a desperate creep? I always felt alone for YEARS. Since grade 8 i've told myself "that this year will be the year some guy will find something special in you"........ I'm still waiting. As another tide rolls in, my dreams of finding someone are being drowned by the heavy water.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): I'm pretty much in the same situation as everyone who commented: 20 years old university student, never been kissed, asked out, (blah blah blah).... It can can depressing at times. When you watch your friends go through relationships, watch movies about love, read literature- there are points where I yearn for a guy's hands to wrap around my waist and for him to tell me how much I mean in his life. (Is this over dramatic? Probably not, considering that everyone wants to mean something special to people other than their family).I not an ugly looking person, I dress fairly well and I study a lot but I'm not socially weird, I'm pretty jokes and a nice person. I have friends (not a full out loner) but I've always felt different, like supposedly small dilemma burns a hole in my chest every time I see them with friends/people with their boyfriends. It's not jealousy just the pain of being neglected and aloneness. I've had crushes over the past few years but honestly how do you approach a guy you've seen in lecture repeatedly (and taken an interest in) and introduce yourself AND ask them out without looking like a desperate creep? I always felt alone for YEARS. Since grade 8 i've told myself "that this year will be the year some guy will find something special in you"........ I'm still waiting. As another tide rolls in, my dreams of finding someone are being drowned by the heavy water.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Hi, everyone I’m a 20 year male. I’m really glad I found is post. Because up on till now I thought I was the only person in the world that had never been kissed or had a relationship. You see I have never been kissed before and I have never had a girlfriend. These days it's hard to find someone to love. Because these days most people drink alcohol,smoke,party,etc. Luckily for me I do none of those things I don't drink alcohol I don't smoke I've never been to a party and I don't have any tattoos or body piercing. It's almost like no one wants a good person anymore :(
But reading the other post gives me hope that I will one day find True Love.
Thank You
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): To the anonymous male writer from (8 February 2011): Too add to your comment, sure all we have to do is say yes, but just think of it this way, we are the ones who have to sit and wonder if someone is going to ask us at all. I mean Im going to be 20 in just a few months but I've never been kissed or even had a boyfriend, and Im not trying to sound self centerd or full of myself, but I know im not ugly because I've been told im pretty, but I wonder everyday if I'm ever going to find someone or anyone for that matter who will even just ask me out on a date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Hi, I'm a female, 20 years old .. to tell the truth I'm so glad that I got the chance to read this, I thought I was the only one that never been kissed or been in a relationship .. I only had some crushes over the last two years and it never went anywhere, some guys liked me before, but I didn't like them back or I knew they are just nor right for me, I don't want to rush myself and run into a relationsip then regret it later .Like most of the people said, waiting is the best thing, in the mean time I'm getting to know myself better, to know what I want in life and what I want in my partner.Even thought most of my friends are in relationships, I try not to care about this, I just know I haven't found the right one yet.I'm shy too, so now I'm trying to be more social, I'm getting better with this and maybe someday I'll find true love .
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): Hi,
I was 20 and never been kissed or had a bf. But I decided to push myself and meet more and more and MORE and MORE and MORE people. I joined clubs, made new friends, tried new places, strike convos with random strangers, join dating sites. LALALALA. Cuz I was sick and tired of being alone and seeing my friends have long relationships. And it worked. No, I never asked a guy out, but I did have to try a little to get to know people. And that is the hardest part. I am also shy, but it is also a mindset. If you try hard enough, you can slowly get over it with practice, as with public speaking. So just try and talk to people, both women and men, becuase they might have a friend that might be suited to you..which is how I found the amazing guy I am dating now. 3 weeks now. :) I wish you luck and give you hope. I thought I never was gonna see a guy smiling because I am just me, but I did. And it will happen one day to you...(corny but true..I always thought it was a lie).
If you don't get out there, you won't find anyone.
Good luck!!
K
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): I don’t want to sound sexist here but... I must say I am very surprised by the number of female "virgins" posting on here. Now please don’t misinterpret my meaning, I of course feel a great deal of comradeship with my female counterparts, however of the two genders I have always imagined that women by a very long way had a much easier time finding a partner than a man ever could. Once again please don’t think of this as a cheap shot at women, I speak out of innocent curiosity and mild ignorance.
If we use the standard social paragon of how relations (be they sexually-based or not) start, then we seem to find that the chasing, the forward momentum of the initial introduction is performed almost exclusively by the males. To use myself as an example, part of the reason I have had no success with women is that I am the one whom has to put his neck of the chopping block, whilst for the female it appears to lack any and all risk. It is for this reason I find it hard to understand why a female "virgin" even exists. A woman in theory only needs to say yes, a man on the other hand has to jump through a series hoops to achieve the goal.
I invite any women to feel free to enlighten me if my theorem is grossly inaccurate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I just found this and it's been really encouraging!
I'm 23 and have practically zero romantic experience. There are definitely days where it gets me down. I get jealous of friends and younger siblings who seem to have found love. I compare myself to them, start thinking it isn't fair or wondering what is wrong with me. However, that is no way to live.
Neither is just waiting and being "patient". I don't want to feel like I'm sitting around waiting while everyone else is passing me by. I'm looking for ways to really use this time as a single person. I'm traveling, trying new things, exploring life's abundant possibilities, and pouring into friendships. I have extra time I wouldn't have if I were in a relationship so I'm trying to find ways to use my time well. I don't want to look back in 10 years and realize I'd just been waiting around. That would make still being chronically single at my age (for me) a failure.
Another thing I have to remind myself is that it makes little sense to judge a person's value based on their romantic experience. Does having kissed a guy make someone a more credible, interesting person? no.
Besides, not having kissed a guy by age 23 is much more unique- maybe that's interesting? :o)
Anyway, I hope this can help someone else.
Let's just keep living, having adventures and trusting that someday it'll happen and it'll be worth the wait (or awesome experiences you had while not waiting around :o)! )
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I'm 20 too and I've never been kissed, had a boyfriend, or anything. I keep telling myself that I'm just really busy trying to get into medical school and playing collegiate volleyball, but I know how you feel. And you aren't alone. I don't have any advice (obviously) but I completely understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Hi everyone! I am 30 and not married. When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I always wondered when would be my first date. Most people I know had their first date and kiss as a teenager. My first kiss and first date when they eventually happened were nothing amazing and not what I was hoping for. But since then, I've had much better experiences (mostly in my late 20s). So try not to worry about when it will happen cause it's better to have the good memories even if it's later in life. Plus, though you may not know anyone in your social circle, there are many many people in your situation and who are a lot older than you. Good things do happen to people who wait! Think about how you have the time to work on yourself and understanding your self worth. Other people sell themselves out and end up in situations that will leave them in debt and affect their life forever. You, on the other hand, can have the wisdom to save yourself for the good, and the knowledge to know what's right and wrong. You have the rest of your life to experience these "firsts," and you will never again have the time to be this age again so look at the positive side to life! It will change your life! Smile too :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Hey, I'm 17 and I am in the same boat as a lot of these people. The only weird thing about me is that I am in the "In crowd". I have never kissed/dated/held hands/etc. NOTHING. I tend to get along with every group in my school but I'm considered "popular". I have tons of guy friends, but that is exactly what they are.. FRIENDS. They all think that I am really funny and always ask me to hang out, but that's all we do.. hang out. I am practically one of the guys. Everyone always claims how they love my sense of humor but no guy is interested in me, in that way. I really don't let it bother me. My friends that are girls always ask me for guy advice, and I can give great advice because I hang out with so many guys. It is just sad that none of them have wanted anything more than just friendship. Hopefully I'll find someone in college.. we'll see.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): im 18 and never been on a date nor kissed a woman im ok with it (sometimes) I know im young still but my friends are dating so it gets really depressing. this morning i woke up feeling sad, alone, empty, and thought i wasn't going to make it through the day. i laid there motionless questioning my lifestyle. (im home schooled and Straight-Edge both by choice so basically no highschool prom or aids to cope) I recently sent in applications to various places so i could get my first serious job and to hopefully meet someone as well, sadly all were rejected which didn't help my self-esteem too much. im a bit shy until i get to know someone but im outgoing in my "clique"(all guys) but with all of them dating i feel pretty close to a social outcast. i didn't tell them that im not dating im almost sure they know im not though just because when the subject comes up in conversation (yes guys do more then just grunt and piss standing up ) i start to get unintentionally awkward because if i comment on the subject im pretty much talking out my ass! any ways..glad i came across this group and that it's normal to wait past 15 to kiss, date,ect..im especially glad that there are girls out there who are (sort of) in the same situation. because as a guy i pretty much don't know anything about the opposite gender. and as for your problem if a girl worked up the courage( that i cant seem to right now) to ask me out well.. id calm and cooly say yes, find some where private and SCREAM THANK YOU GOD!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): I am also 20 and have never been kissed or had a boyfriend, much less held hands with a guy. There have been one or two times that I think someone might have liked me, but I always told myself that I was just jumping to conclusions. I believe part of the problem is that I'm awfully shy around guys that I don't know very well.
To look on the bright side for a moment, I think it's admirable that we're not throwing ourselves at every guy we see. In time, we will find the guy who is right for us. I like to believe that there's a special someone for all of us, and he'll be all the more special after we've gone through these efforts to find him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): No worries, you aren't the only soul out there who's never been kissed or had a relationship. In addition to that, you most definitly aren't the only 20 yr old out there to never experience both of them. Some people handle it differently, sometimes I too tell myself God will put a man in my life when I'm good and ready. Nevertheless, at times it will bother me, or i'll gently question the matter. But no matter what, keep your chin up. A relationship is more than what it seems. Its not a picture perfect painting. Being independent isn't a bad thing. It just means you know how to take care of yourself. Besides, if you spend you life looking for someone, then you haven't lived at all. I'd say, be open and yourself. Don't be afraid to talk to strangers (even if your a shy person) you NEVER know where a spark my fly. So don't shut yourself out and take away the opportunity to date, just don't fret over it and be that individual who must have a boyfriend. you're perfect the way you are!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): was sittin at the computer and googled if anyone else was 26 and had never been on a date and this group came up. I thought that I was the only one. I've been reading some of these comments and tears started streaming down my face. I just feel so alone sometimes. All my friends are in relationships and brag about how happy they are. I am truly happy for them that they have somebody. I just wonder when that's ever goin to happen to me. My best friend of two years just recently found a guy and now I hardly hear anything from her. We used to spend hours making jokes and talking about nothing. Now I don't even know how to talk to her anymore. Any text messages I send are met with a quick response and thats it. I don't even know how to respond to that. I just feel like i've been dumped by her now that she's found someone new to share her stories and jokes with. I get the feeling alot of times that I'm the person that my friends talk to when their significant other isn't available. It just really sucks being single sometimes. I always thought that my life would be different. My life just seems to stand in the same lonely, single place, while everyone elses keeps moving forward.
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reader, eloe +, writes (19 January 2011):
hey, I want you to know that you are not alone. I feel the same way that you feel. I am nineteen, and I have never been kissed or even been on a date before. I am fun to be around, pretty I think, and low-maintenance. I love to joke with people and I game for just about anything! (within my moral limits of course :) I have the same question. I want to know when my turn will come. Why is it that guys won't ask me out? I know when it is God's timing everything will come into place, but I mean, why is it that I seem to be so unlikeable when it comes to relationships?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I'm twenty too, never been kissed, or done anything of that sort, sort of. A month ago I found my younger sister was pregnant, Eighteen! Yesterday, confirmed that our bestfreind is also pregnant. Nineteen! We've all grown up together, shared happy meals, kickball, crazy dark adventures that we payed for in our parents stern ambiguity, middle school, high school. Which leaves me. I'm good looking, very normal, attractive, happy blonde girl, especially happy I'm not pregnant, and I am perpetually single. Why. Because I can build stuff, I can restore cars, I can work two jobs and go to school, I take care of myself, pay for myself, live, sand, paint, and weld, I draw beautifully. Think for myself. Fend for myself. I cannot keep track of my cell phone and I will probably not answer if I'm driving. I care way way too much. I feel more than most people dare to think. I can walk through the middle of nowhere by myself and feel fine. I feel embarassed to admit these things not because they are false but because, I am usually modest, and right now I'm thinking of my sister, and what she would say if I said these things, she wouldn't like it, she always says I can't live because I'd rather sit in a room and draw, than go out and live aka party. but I did so many things, is that not living, is the proof not everywhere around you? I will not peg any negative feelings to her negative reactions, I refuse to believe that no matter how far from reality it may be. But yeah I'm gonna stand up for myself, when you start saying that I haven't lived.Reality, to the perpetually single. Love yourself. May sure that you know where you are and where you'd like to be. You are crazy strong. You don't even know. and You are especially crazy, Learn to live with it. If you'd really like to have a guy or a girl, do not, I repeat, do not, decide to loose all inhibitions, and give into some beast you think you have. Take it easy, scope it out, and don't take the bumps so hard. Relationships are pretty amazingly difficult, and everyone has theories. I think one foward move is usually enough for anyone to fall in love, or just find somebody new. So be more creative than this but buy lunch for someone, or make them a cd, tell them I'll be around would you like coffee sometime. I think phone numbers are b.s. but sure get a phone number, just make sure it has some basis. Be polite and courteous. But this could go nowhere, Where is my guy, my first kiss?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Hey girls i know you may think that you will never find a guy so you try to make yourself better looking or thin or some such thing . In the long run if you want to find a guy thats right you have to show your true colors . if he loves you it wont matter if you have pimples or are a bit heavy because in the long run its what's inside that counts .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I just turned 20 and well never been kissed, had a relationship, and sadly I was never even asked to prom. Maybe the kiss or the relationship thing did not bother me as much as the prom thing. As a high school freshman I always pictured myself with my date dancing the night away, but sadly this never came to be. I went to prom by myself and I felt so stupid. If one day I get married and my children ask me about prom what am I supposed to say. I feel so bad. anyway I am currently in college and nothing is different. I do not have many friends and over the years I have come to really have low self esteem. I do not feel pretty and to add insult to injury i have a problem. When ever I seem to be put in an uncomfortable situation I instantly blush. When ever it comes to talking in front of people bring on the blush. I hate it. and when people say ohh look she's getting red or look she's blushing or why are you getting red. This may possibly also add the lack of being asked out.
I really do not know what the problem anymore. But I hope that each one of you find someone. Good luck. I just hope people look beyond the outside.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I'll be turning 22 this year and have never done anything remotely sexual with the opposite sex...well either sex.i know it is probably because i'm overweight and have a problem with that. i'm working on it, this year to me is about just focusing on myself. i am striving to become a better me, in very sense.someone else said it before,i think in order to attract someone worth while you have to know your worth while.i really feel like if your confident it draws people to you. find out what it is you really want, what is it about yourself you'd like to change and change it. if you cant change it, accept it.
that being said, i completely understand what it is like to be the only one i know who has never been with anyone. i have friends that are all younger and they have experienced so much with relationships. i feel left out, whenever they start to talk about their boyfriends,they huddle together and share, and i just can't help but feel a yearning to be part of it. i want to know what its like to be kissed, have a boyfriend, have sex. but then again i'm not the kind of person to do those things with just anyone. i'm holding out for a person i am comfortable with, who likes me for me.
i too know the awkward silence after a relative asks if you've met someone and reluctantly say no,or lie to save face. this year i'm not going to lie or make excuses for why i'm still single, and when they ask me (and i have not found someone) i will say no with as much happiness as i can summon, because i know my worth and you should know yours too. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): I'm a college student who's never been in a relationship. I think through my experiences Ive grown afraid of guys but I cant get my mind off of them. (Guys have either used me to get other girls, or tried to get sex from me) I dress comfortably, not slutty. I dont drink, but remain social at parties. I'm always to come to person if someone needs to talk to someone who will attentively listen. Ive been told that I'm naturally pretty. I hold my values dearly to myself (ie not to give it up to just anyone) I play sports but try to keep femininity. I'm also artistic. What Ive heard guys complain about throughout the years, that they are looking for a nice girl, they fail to realize that we are always there. Us nice girls will always be there for them , through the laughs and tears. They seem to want more than just a nice girl...... maybe a nice girl who dresses in shorts even when its freezing cold, and one they can bone whenever hey want.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): I'm 25. Not too tall (5'7''). Average or below average weight for most of my life. Never been asked out, etc. etc. I get a lot of compliments on my looks; but, I can't really believe them anymore as my situation seems to speak for itself.
I've been changing strategies on this for a while now. In middle school and high school, I was shy and kind of a dork, which didn't help things. So, since college, I've made a point of dressing well everyday and wearing at least a little makeup. Still, no dates. After that, I tried online dating for a bit: no success. I would get lots of "looks" on my profile, but not one person sent me an e-mail.
I then thought that I might not be assertive enough. So, I tried to work on being more forward with guys (smiling, flirting, asking out). I ended up with a bunch of rejections that were very hurtful. The last time, I basically did all of the "by the book" flirting tips and did the asking out, because I really liked the guy. The result was that he lead me on, asked out my friend, and, basically, went out of his way to make me feel like crap when he rejected me.
At this point, I just don't think I can care about finding someone anymore: it hurts too much. I can't compromise my dignity any more by trying to ask out guys and be assertive with them when they're just going to reject me or manipulate me so terribly. I'm trying to find a way to come to terms with the fact that I'll very likely be alone for the rest of my life; but, it doesn't help that I can't watch tv without those stupid Lifetime movies or wedding ring commercials telling me that if I was "normal" I'd be married now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Im 17 and never been kissed or had a boyfriend!Im a sociable person and have been told several times that im pretty and nice!Ive been crushing on this guy for nearly a year now and have only talked to him once or twice!He just doesnt seem interested because he always talks to all the other girls(in the club we go to)except for me!In fact,none of the guys talk to me unless i talk to them first!Why should I be the one that has to start the conversations all the time and put myself out there!?No matter how hard i try,its never good enough!My friends are in the same boat as me but they are alot more shy and i feel sometimes they hold me back!I dont want to ditch them by going over to talk to guys but yet if they were to come with me,it would be embaressing to have them stand there and say nothing!so i end up sitting in the corner with them while everyone else is mingling and having a good time!I want to be that person who all the guys are after...or even just to have guy friends-that would be a start!Im sick of it,sick of being single and sick of being seen as the nerdy group who sit in the corner and dont talk to anyone!The club is finished now so i have no hope to change things!So what do i do next?!Its really geting me down...Advise would be great!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Im 18, a senior in high school, and Ive never been kissed or even in a serious relationship. Lots of girls tell me I'm cute, and I don't think of myself as ugly either, but I get VERY nervous when a girl and I get close.
My younger, lol WAY more awkward little brother who is 16, made out with his first actual girlfriend this year and it still surprises me that he did ANYTHING before I did.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): I'm turning 19 very soon, and I too have never been kissed.
Part of the reason is I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay.
I feel like a loser. I don't have the best smile, nor the hottest body, so i can kinda understand.
I always want to make the people around me happy, but I can't even figure out how to make myself happy.
I will chant, and hope for the best for all of us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Going to be honest, i don't really have any pointers. I know that's not what you want to hear but i just wanted to let you know that i appreciated you posting this. I'm 16, and the last of my friends to not have done anything. It makes me feel so immature, lonely and ugly; it's not like anyone has ever appeared to have shown any interest in me. And i hate it. i know it makes me seem really silly, vain and annoying, but it just makes me feel so low knowing that no one (guys) thinks me good enough to date. It's really confusing, it's not like i have no friends - i have lots, both sexes - and i just feel so ashamed about it all. I'm sorry if this is wasting your time, but i just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Thank you all for posting here. It is so cathartic to read all of your stories and finally know that there are people out there who feel the same as I do.
I'm 26 and have zero experience in anything. I've never even been on a date. Like many of you, I dread family gatherings because of the inevitable questions and awkward silences that follow. I recently found out that my mom, aunt, and grandmom have been looking into some sort of singles group for my cousin and me. The difference is, my cousin is 24 and has been in several long-term relationships. I wouldn't even know where to begin if I did meet someone new.
The worst part though, for me, is that I'm so scared of being in a situation where my inexperience might come up that I push my friends away. Some are married, some are engaged, and the rest have or have had boyfriends. When we hang out, they'll stop in mid-conversation and say things like, "That waiter is really cute, you want me to go fix you two up?" And I turn so beat red because I just KNOW that that'll be the moment where my secret is revealed. I've begun turning down invitations to hang out and am slowly isolating myself, which is the opposite of what I need to be doing if I'm going to be eternally single.
To add to my pressure, I'm an only child. I see the way my parents look at my friends' children. I know how much they want to be "mom-mom and pop-pop" someday. It kills me to know I'm breaking their hearts by being this way.
I wish you all luck and hope that each of you finds what you are looking for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Wow, I guess I'm not the only dateless person around. I'm 26 years old and I've never been asked out on a date. While I didn't notice it as much when I was younger, now it's getting worse. After all, alot of the girls I went to school with are either engaged, married, and even starting families! I also feel bummed out when I see happy couples, or on days like Valentine's day. Another downside is that due to the fact that I never seem to talk about any of the guys I 'date', some of my coworkers think I'm a lesbian. The sad thing is that the men who ever seem interested in me are either old or just really perverted. Darn Hallmark and the media for making me feel like some kind of weirdo!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): So I understand that no one will ever read this. But I want to type it out anyways, just to vent a little. My parents met in 8th grade, and from then were inseprable even to this day. I am now 17 years old, and have never had a boyfriend, been kissed, asked to a dance or even been liked. Not even truth or dare. I have lots of friends in relationships. Despite my inexpirience, they often come to me for advice. I've always helped them. Only one time have I showed anyone how insecure I really was by crying to my best friends in ninth grade, but I've sort of now accepted the fact that I'm not going to get anything in highschool. At this point, I'm just praying that someone will ask me to my senior prom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Hello , im 19 only 2 mounths away of turning 20, only been kissed once, and not really in the best condition i had drunk to much and very upset about nobody ever ever liked me more then just a good friend, the guy was about 36 have to say very very atractive biker guy but i was not myself. i get very upset, tired of being ALWAYS the one that is the third wheel, tired of being considered the tougth one, the is not sentimental, of not having a company when i most need.Dont get me wrong i am very proud to be considered a best friend a sister to my friends but i want more and i dont know how musch longer i have to be like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): I just felt compelled to return to the site and share my story.
Like many of you, since 2007, this site was my beacon of hope, it allowed me the chance to feel less lonely, more normal, even if it didn't give me much hope for the future, at least I didn't feel alone in this heavily populated metropolis.
The truth was that I was 23 and had never been kissed. I blamed it on my height (6'3" and I am a woman), on my small girlish chest, on the awkwardness of my encounters with members of the opposite sex, and on the fact that I never been too outgoing. Sometimes I didn't even know what to blame, none of it seemed plausible enough to explain the mystery to me. There are people that never have that problem even with the same characteristics that seemed to be getting in the way for me. So I made up my mind that my destiny was somehow to be alone, for some inexplicable reason, and I must accept it and move on.
During that time I started working at an used book retailer and there was a friendly co-worker that had a similar sense of humor to my own and although we laughed and enjoyed the time we worked together, I never thought anything would come of it. One Friday after closing he told me he was going to see a Norwegian film that just came out, and after finding out that I had never seen a foreign film at his hidden gem of a theater he invited me (I thought it was maybe out of boredom, loneliness, perhaps it was motivated by friendship, maybe out of pity)I didn't know but I didn't care, so I accepted. We traded numbers and developed a close friendship over the next months, with zero pressure, and zero expectations.
By that time I had completely given up and although I was attracted to him I was convinced that he wouldn't possibly be interested in me, so I shifted my focus. One day after knowing him for 7 months, we were in a traffic jam after coming back from bowling, and just then in the middle of all that traffic he asked if he could kiss me. We have been together for a year and five months now, completely in love with my best male friend, best and closest friend overall really.
In retrospect I knew I never wanted just a kiss, I wanted a genuine loving relationship. I would never have wanted just a fling, a handful of scattered dates, a confused encounter, an empty and meaningless source of physical expression. I wanted something more, something deeper, something of depth and quality, but that always takes time. That is never easy to find and therefore it makes sense that it took so long, but I found it in the end.
My advice is to hang on, there is always somebody, no matter how unlikely it may seem at the moment, that will see your unique beauty (because you are not a-dime-a-dozen). The cheap thrills are always the easiest to find and for those who aren't ashamed to prostitute their souls and bodies, they always have sloppy kisses to fill their void. If you are here, then most likely you want something real, something meaningful, something special and that takes time, but it will come, just be patient end enjoy living.
Know your strength, know exactly what your void is and recognize just the nature and quality of what is able to fill it, that not just anything will do. There are many others out there in the same position that you are right now. Beauty is to be found in everybody, and everyone sees it a little bit different than the other. Different cultures have other definitions of what is beautiful in a person, and it varies immensely from individual to individual. Not every person thinks that toned muscles, a plentiful chest, a small waist, and a tiny nose is the only ideal of beauty. Since features vary, the perception of beauty also varies. You are beautiful, I don't care what the mindless few who are brainwashed by society have to say.
You too will return to share your story, you'll see!
-Camille
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Again... 19 never been kissed/ had boyfriend... Only ever been on one date (he was a total loser). I'm a sophmore in college and don't really have any friends here (far away from home). I feel so lonely. A few days ago I was invited with as part of one of my classes to go to a party. We played "Never have I ever" and I realized I was the only person in the entire class who was a virgin... Everybody said college would be so much better and that I'd fall in love and the guys are so much more mature but it's all the same. Nobody's interested in me and all the guys I'm interested in and either gay or in a relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I know how you feel. I'm 19 years old, in college and still haven't had a first kiss. I've never been asked out. I doubt anyone's ever liked me. I know it's because I'm overweight and not very pretty. I have no friends at school. I'm lonely all the time. I feel so unloved and I doubt I'll ever find someone who will love me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): hey everyone, i wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your stories. this page has become a sort of refuge for me- whenever i'm feeling lonely or lost, i come back here and reread all the posts.
i'm 17, a bit younger than most people here, i guess. i'm in my last year of high school, have never had a bf, kissed, held hands, etc. i have a small group of close friends, all girls, all in the same situation as me. we're not outcasts, really, just not part of the 'in' crowd.
it's not even that i'm holding out, really- at this point, i think anyone that i'm even sort of attracted to would do; it's just- there's not even a chance that anyone's interested- i've spent the past 4 years with the same 30ish people, and i don't really know anyone outside of school. i never go to parties, they just make me feel awkward, because i don't dance, don't know most of the people i see every day.
i hope things get better in college, though from most of the posts here, it seems that's not the case. if that's true, i guess i'll just come back here for more comfort :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): 17 year old here. Just like most of you, never been kissed or had a boyfriend. Most of my friends are male and i have liked one of them on and off for sometime now. In the last year my feelings for him have been all over the place. It broke my heart though when he asked my sister out. Being his best mate at the time though i had to encourage him and ive just done the same again for another girl he likes. I dont know why i do it as everytime i do i ache inside but put on a brave face as i know that he clearly doesnt want to be with me. About 3 years ago though there was another boy and we became extremely close. Everyone said we should have been together but i denied it as he did but there was something. He would hold my hand and take me places and tell me he just wanted to get away from everyone else. Over a year I fell in love with him and on his birthday once im sure he went in to kiss me before another of my friends came over to us. Then a year later he wasnt around as much and claimed he was in love. I figured it out. He had a boyfriend. I felt so stupid. I wasted two years of my life on him when i could have been out there with some other dudes. But he is still now one of my two best mates.I feel that all my efforts are wasted. I seem to be able to become a guys best mate, kinda like im their wingman and never the girl they are after. But at the same time I just have to say to myself that it will all fall into place eventually. And its true, in the end IT WILL ALL BE ALRIGHT
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Same here! Im going to turn 20 in a few months; never been kissed and have yet to be asked out. But to be honest I have been a bit over weight, not caring for my body and really shy. Since then I've lost weight and have never felt better. Attending college has opened me up to the world. I see it in a new light. However, I am still alone. I mean I'm okay with it, but it's not something every girl wants. We want to be noticed, catch someones eye... feel special. My advice to you is be yourself. I know I hear this all the time (it kills me! haha) but it is true; There will be someone out there one day that will like or even love you for who you are. Just be happy that you know what you want and don't want. Find out who you are first and don't rush into anything. You are beautiful inside and out, don't let something like never being kissed or having a boyfriend slow you down. Peace, and God be with you! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Hey im replying because i understand completely what you are going through. i dont want to sound stupid but iam 14 and i feel the same. My struggle is brought up everyday... like sleepovers when truth or dare is brought up, i cringe at the thought of being asked those particular questions like : who was your first boyfriend? or what was your first kiss like and who was it with? So you would think a quick fix would be to say dare but not so fast then if boys are around its kiss him or do that?And when that is over....I go to school and get the secondly reminder that iam officially alone when i look here and there seeing highschool couples makeout and hold hands. When will my time come to be happy and in a relationship?
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reader, Don't worry be Happy  +, writes (23 November 2010):
why don't the guys who have never been kissed go with the girls that have never been kissed ;)
God is probly busy sketcking the perfect man for you but you must just go out and meet him!!!
now YOU must beleive you are a beautiful intelligent special woman focus only on positive things about yourself. speck positive things to people. but be yourself
SMILE this makes you even more attractive!!! people are intantly drawn to happy confiedent people who shine out and will want to be around you. He probly is cheacking you out you just not aware open your heart
personaity is important have FUN your a funny girl BONUS guys love a funny girl don't take life too seriously
ask yourself or talk to your girls how you feel about past sitations such as trusting issues rejection or experiances and why they could be stoping you. overcome and face your fears.. write in a journal to vent don't let them bring you down!!
You have your girls right? TAKE ACTION find a place make a plan so you can all hang out were there are some FINE YOUNG MEN ;).. a party( put on your best dress!) find a hobby or interest you want to take up which is SOCIALl(look hot aswell ;))e.g a sport, surfing,sport events a match, book club, a Music consert , Music classes ,shops, Life saving, an adventure Camp,rock climbing, Christain group or church,history or biology group, volenteer for an NGO projects ( e.g Habitat 4 Humanity) did you know? doing any random acts of kindness or helping the enviroment can also boast your self esteam BONUS!! do somthing that you passtionate about or intrests you so you can strike up convo easily them BOOOM! fireworks! oh right.. you must let him know you into him there many ways to do this...
ALL THE BEST :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): I'm seventeen and I am soooo glad to have found this site . I live in Australia and it seems that there is something wrong with me i am over weight but im pretty and i always dress my best . I hate that I am alone as I finish high school and see that all my friends have had their first kiss and a relationship . I was so close to havin my first kiss once two years ago at my fifteenth birthday but he pulled a face and refused it was the most humiliating day of my life . People dont understand and question why its so humiliating . I am friends with him now but i am so scared that if i trust him and let down my guard than i will start to like him again and get my heart broken . I wanted so badly to have a date to my formal but i didn't and i dont know what i do wrong ,before when i was young i was called a flirt but i cant now its terrible i hate being alone but im scared to let my heart be open to be broken . This site makes me feel better that im not a social reject that their are other girls and guys out their like me hoping
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): I'm a sophomore in college, 19, and I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend either. I'm pretty sure I'm not ugly, but I know I'm not pretty either. I've been a shy person ever since I was little, and I really regret it because now it's super hard for me to make friends or meet new people. But hang in there girls, things have got to get better for us eventually. Most likely not like how it happens in movies, but better is better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): :) So, reading all this makes me feel slightly better about myself. To know that there are so many people in the same situation. I'm 16, in high school and I've never been kissed before.I had a boyfriend in middle school, for like 3 days. But I broke it off because I didn't really like him 'in that way'. That was the last boyfriend I had. There are some days, where I don't think about it and I feel fine. Then there are other days, where I feel so depressed and insecure. Its worse, because, my parents started dating when they were my age and they've been married for 20 years. Everytime relationships come into a conversation, my mum asks if I'm interested in any guys at school T___T.I feel upset and awkward when she asks me, because I haven't had my first kiss and its embarrasing!I'll admit, I have possibly the lowest self esteem known to man kind. And whenever a guy talks to me I get shy, not with everyguy. I don't know how to have a normal conversation without saying something dumb and whenever I do, I keep thinking about how stupid it was...Also, I turn 'red' which is so ANNOYING. aha. even if I'm not embarrased, I just go red. D:To make matters worse, a guy in my class has said to me that my mum is attractive!o__o.Its so awkward and I feel even worse, to know that people find my mother more attractive than me -___-I don't believe in God, and although this may sound cheesey or corny, I do believe that everyone has a 'soulmate' someone who you will find and be with forever. I hope that I will find this guy, and the same to everyone else in my situation.I feel a bit better now that I have vented,And I hope that everyone finds someone for them (:xo.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I have been reading this site for some years now. Until 3 days ago I was 21 and never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I just sturned 21 two weeks ago, so I wasn't 21 for long without havent been kissed. I just went out and had fun, yeah I was a lil intoxicated but not sloppy drunk, it just gave me a lil edge. I noticed a guy in the club and was just saying high because we met a couple times before. He wanted to dance and then he wanted to kiss. I was just dancing with the guy and he went for the full on kiss. I dont regret how it happened or who it happened with, doesn't have to be a boyfriend. It happened and I feel more confident, like seriously I was not expecting friday to be the night but it was. So it will happen, dont know how, but it just happens.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I'm only young, mostly younger than everyone here,
I might sound pathetic,
but I am so worried that I'll never get a boyfriend or anything. My friend has all the guys chasing after her, and she sends pics of her in her underwear to them and stuff, and makes out with her boyfriend every minute, and me, i've never held a guys hand, other then like professional dancing or whatever. The closest I've got is guys asking me to dance, but I declined them. I regret it.
I think everything will calm down just a bit, once I have my first relationship.
Until then, forever alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): hey! Ok i feel super wierd posting this but whatever. So I recently turned 17 and I've never been kissed. I know I'm younger than some other people who posted but i still get wierd looks when i tell people I've never been kissed. "Technically" i have had a boyfriend but it was one of those Middle School things that do not count! I'm pretty, funny, and sweet. I'm sort of shy and i know thats whats holding me back. I totally believe you have to accept yourself before you can be in a relationship and I'm working on it lol! so hang in there your not alone :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Hey all,
I'm almost 20 and a sophomore in college. I have never had a real boyfriend, never been on a serious date, so obviously I am a virgin. I have only been kissed twice (never made out), both of which don't really count in my book because both guys turned out to be gay. Plus they were the antithesis of swoon-worthy and totally awkward.
My first kiss was when I was 16. I felt like I was behind all my friends at that point, so I was elated to finally have a guy interested in me. We kissed towards the beginning of band camp (cliched, I know) but then the day after things got really awkward, and by the end of the week he essentially broke things off with me before anything really happened.
That was the first and last time thus far that a guy has shown interest in me. I was good friends with most guys I liked in high school but every time I confessed my feelings I was rejected. I think that over time the constant rejection has damaged me into thinking I'll never be found attractive or desirable. I was/am (but especially in high school) pretty good looking, in shape and outgoing. I had plenty of friend, many of whom were guys, and they all told me I was pretty. I have struggled for most of my post-pubescent years with mild-moderate acne and body image issues, which lowers my self-esteem quite a bit.
When I went to college I thought things would change. I was still my outgoing self at that point, but when I saw that my efforts were largely wasted (I wasn't really making new friends so I certainly wasn't catching dates) I gradually gave up. Feeling unattractive and worthless, combined with failing a class and a somewhat negative college experience, caused me to gain quite a bit of weight, which only added to the problem. I let myself go. I figured if I couldn't get a boyfriend in high school when I was in top form, both physically and socially, then I had no chance in college, so why bother? I became a miserable introvert, the complete opposite of my high school self in almost every way.
Now I'm in my sophomore year, overweight, boyfriendless and the only other kiss I've had came along three years later from my gay best friend, who was extremely drunk at the time. My only guy friends are gay men who (for obvious reasons) will never be interested in me. I think the reason I have so many gay friends because I receive some form of male attention when I'm with them. They love me, tell me I'm pretty, and want to spend time with me; stuff that straight men don't say/do. I thrive on that because it helps patch together (though never fixes) the aching void in my heart left from being perpetually single.
I dread family gatherings because I'm always asked the same questions every time and never have a different answer. My family must think I'm either an undesirable ogre or a lesbian because I've answered "So... do you have a boyfriend?" with an ashamed "No..." for most of my life. It doesn't help that my cousins are all pretty close to my age and stunningly good looking, so naturally they all have significant others or at least had sexual experience. I've taken to making things up or being ambiguous and vague so I stop sounding so pathetic when we swap stories. I even told one of my younger cousins I was having a pregnancy scare because my period was irregular that month.
Suffice to say, I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. You know that feeling when you watch a romantic comedy or see a couple acting lovingly toward each other? That ache in your chest, that yearning, envious sensation that washes over you, sometimes so much that you feel as though you're drowning in it? How you'd give anything just to experience what it's like to feel that close to another human being, physically and emotionally, knowing the feeling is mutual? Sometimes I don't believe I'll ever find that in life, despite what my parents, family, friends and therapist say.
I've resigned myself to the fact that I may become a lonely old maid with twenty cats. Hey, maybe all us singletons can start a crazy cat woman club to keep each other company.
Sorry I wrote a novel. It just feels so good to vent, you know? I hope that everyone out there finds the right and perfect person for them. In the mean time, don't feel alone because as demonstrated here, there are plenty of us in the same boat. I know I'm taking solace in that fact.
Take care, everyone.
xoxo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Though I am younger than most of you, I too have never kissed a guy or been furthur.
I feel it's because of my lack of confidence and self esteem issues and with that it minds I've tried my up most hardest to fix the problems, and have done so. However I still have the fact that I'm alone.
While I'm not the most sociable person, I admit, I do still go out and try to meet people but my effeorts have gone unnoticed. I do believe though there is somebody out there.
What I'm trying to say is, I know I have flaws and inexperience but when the right person comes along, and they will, eventually, they'll overlook it and help you move on.
Happy partner hunting, people.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): hi there i am 21 years old male and let me firstly say you r not the only 1 out there...Me, well i have never had a girlfriend, never kissed never anything....the closest i have ever been with a girl is being there best friend.Yeah its a good thing being their best friend but i guess in life we want more or we want to go that extra step.However love is based on 2 persons, one could want it and the other doesnt...well i have alot of friends that are girls, I mean alot and yeah i realy did think that i could have a chance with some, espically one now that i have recently meet. my fear is that if i open up to her which i have also never done, never told a girl that i love you, the fear is that if i do say it, betwwen the girl and I it will be wierd and i get the feeling our friendship will start to die off and i dont want that......i feel this way with the girl i just meet. they see me as a good friend but nothing more. I am sure there are many people out there like me and saying to ourself what are we doing wrong or what arent we doing....it is always better to be love and lose love than to have never loved at all. I feel heart broken because again the girl i see right now will never truely be mine..I'd like to finish off by saying with all the girls i talk to as my friends, He (their boyfriends) breaks her down I pick her up and back to him she goes, he treats her wrong I make her strong and back to him she goes she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes...Thats what breaks me
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This has made me feel better, but I can't believe I'm posting something like this online. It feels weird, but I have to vent. You know the saying don't post anything online that you wouldn't want everyone knowing?
I'm 18, never had a boyfriend, or been kissed. I go to an all-girls school so really the root of the issue is that I know very, very few guys- like 3. I don't really think I'm super picky either. I just want an intelligent, fun, candid guy; he doesn't have to be a model. I'm pretty, thin, in shape, smart, and funny and talkative once I get to know someone. I have low body image/self esteem though. My biggest, HUGE insecurity stems from my Eastern European ancestry (2nd generation). I'm downright hairy compared to some girls. The same genes that give me gorgeous dark brown, wavy hair on my head also gave me some brown peach fuzz on my upper lip. I made the tremendously bad mistake of shaving it off a few years ago. BAD IDEA. My upper lip feels completely smooth and normal but up close to my face you can see how I shave it. I cover it right up with some light foundation so you can't really see it, but there are times when that doesn't work like swimming or sweating or being under very bright lights. I'm in the process of taking care of it through electrolysis, but it's a long road. I'm also pretty flat chested. I feel like all most guys want are tall, blond, hairless girls with big boobs.
I'm so terrified of what people think if they notice my upper lip that I push most new people away. I have a lot of friends including a couple of guy friends, but even if I have a chance of making friends with new guys...I basically push them away with my weird behavior. Two very attractive, great guys seemed to like me at camp for 8 weeks over the summer, and I basically avoided them because I was outside sweating all day without my foundation cover up.
Also, I'm afraid when I do find a guy to date that he will dump me when he realizes I have no idea what I'm doing. What if I'm an awful kisser? Is it ever a good idea just to be upfront with a guy about inexperience. I wouldn't just blurt it out, and it seems like a weird idea but...I like being honest and upfront.
Help me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): All of these answers and pleas and questions are so familiar to me! Exactly one year ago, I was 21 and never been kissed, never held hands, never had anyone interested in me, and certainly never had sex. It is literally one of the loneliest feelings in the entire world, feeling like no one understands, you are the ugliest thing ever (not true, I assure you), and the anxiety building with each passing second as to when, when, WHEN your sex life is finally going to start - or if it ever will.
I think back to a year ago and how different I am now. I finally kissed someone (a drunken makeout with a man-slut, but hey, baby steps) and am now settled down with my first amazing boyfriend, fully in love with a full sex life.
The point of this is not to gloat, but to say: IT. GETS. BETTER. really. It does. You WILL find someone. You WILL. if waiting isn't working for you, get out there and DO IT - my first kiss was definitely not what I envisioned, but it gave me the confidence to know that I at least COULD do it. The waiting is the worst part, but it. will. happen.
The funny part was, my boyfriend came along when I least expected him, when I was at the point in my life where I was thinking about my lack of sex the least and enjoying life the most. I think independence - self-confidence and self-love - is the sexiest thing.
DON'T GIVE UP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): In response to one of the earlier posts--"girls just like bad boys."
"Girls" may like bad boys, becuase of the fantasy and what Hollywood has portrayed certain relationships to be, but if you want a real relationship you need a woman (not meaning date older women, but "woman" in my sense, means someone mature enough to see and want a good man).
I am a woman (young, about 22) and I can say that I have always wanted a good man. Granted I wanted someone who treated me well, but could also fight with me and love me all the more for my opinion. I am dating someone who is that way and honestly the first thing I noticed about him was his confidence and his nervousness when he first approached me.
If it had been the other way around and I had seen him before he saw me, I probably would never have approached him, because I thought I had a specific type of guy that I am attracted to, but when he talks, listens, and the way he shifts me in the right direction while we're walking by putting his hand at the small of my back turns me on.
He was even nervous to swear in front of me at first, which only increased my attraction. Anyway, like many of the posts on this I was the same way for a long time, but I found that patience is key and just like another poster said, if you are shy and someone catches your eye do the following:
Someone can tell if they are being watched...we all know this. So if you see someone you like and they make eye contact either give them a smile or look away (both say I am single and you may approach). This may happen for a while, but eventually you or they may decide "what the heck," I will go for it. Most of the time that will lead to more interaction.
Keep an open mind with the people you meet and don't settle. If you want your first kiss to be wonderful, you can make it so by sticking to your guns and waiting for Mr. Right not Mr. Right Now.
Hopefully this will inspire confidence in those who are still waiting, because I know I have confidence in everyone. This blog helped me as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Hey everyone,
I am 22, soon to be 23, and I just had my first kiss. Like many of the men and women on this site I too had the same feeling of inadequecy and self doubt. However, take my advice on this one. The right person will come along (whether they are the person you are supposed to marry or not). However, this being said, fate or God may have something to do with you meeting, but you still have to put in an effort--let me explain this.
I too am very picky, refuse to settle for just anything, and have always seemed to attract the "hey baby, how you doing?" kind of guys. For me, I had to believe that happily ever after existed. I am very set in what I want and that is a great guy who loves me for me and not just my looks.
But here's the thing...
You have to be completely comfortable with yourself, before you add another person to that mix. I have always been shy around guys I am attracted to and therefore was never myself around them. Or I would scare guys off with my intelligence, aspirations, and the fact that I am a virgin (I just want to be in love before I share that with someone--I don't need marriage). I also was tired of meeting guys in bars and understand this...most people at our age (men and women alike) are looking for "fun." If you want to truly care for someone and have that butterfly feeling when you have your first kiss stick to your guns, because fairytales can happen.
My first kiss was perfect. What was so funny, was I was talking with a friend a few days before I met this guy and telling him how tired I was of only meeting guys in bars and always being liked just for my looks and not me. I just wanted to meet someone in a normal fashion (whatever that meant). Also, I was being a complete dork when we first met, reading and rocking out to music (singing and all) and didn't notice him, but he noticed me.
He is such a great guy and I feel incredibly comfortable with being myself around him. We had been out on a few dates and at the end of one, where we talked for four hours about life, love and dreams, he drove me home gave me a hug and as I went to leave he kissed me (I get butterflies thinking about it) and I remember thinking I have no clue what I am doing, but nature takes over and you know.
The point I am trying to make is you are wonderful about you...don't worry about the never been kissed part. Just be fine with who you are as a single man or woman. However, put yourself in good situations to meet people--go take a walk on a daily basis, if you have a dog go to a park, or just be comfortable sitting by yourself at lunch. Be proud of the fact that you are strong in your resolve to have the "happily ever after." I mean people would not write about it if it was not possible.
Stay positive and know you aren't alone.
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reader, taaasha  +, writes (24 October 2010):
wow! honestly, i very much thrive on this, as it makes me feel less lonely in the world :) i too, wonder daily why i am nearly 20, never been kissed, never had any kind of relationship! i mean sure, i've got physical flaws, but so do everybody! nobody can call themselves perfect, so why is it that all these imperfect people can find partners and we can't?
my bestfriend has had many boyfriends and has had sex and i always laugh off how i will become celibate for the rest of my life. everyone tells me: you've got a great personality and the right guy will come along.. but what am i supposed to do until then?
call me a hopeless romantic, but ive had my fair share of romantic fairytale movies. And seeing how easy it is for an ordinary girl to land the guy of her dreams, it kinda shows us that we have a chance right? or is it all false hope and expectations? i wanna feel my heart race when i see my boyfriend, like it would the first time i met him, i want butterflies in my stomach and to catch my breath just before he kisses me.. just like it would in those movies, as corny as it may be :) i know it probably wont happen that way, but a girl can dream right?
like many here, i have alot of trouble with my confidence, having been living in a household where ive been constantly put down about my looks for most of my life. i try to look past that and maintain a cheery fascade and outlook on life.
i think the main key is to stay positive and leave it to time to decide. if we try too hard, the guys will never come! lift your confidence and self esteem, and tell yourself that you are just as beautiful and exceptional as all other girls (which i try to tell myself haha :))
and as this question was written in 2007, i hope you were able to find who you were looking for and that you got your happy ending :) good luck to everyone else though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Hello All,Reading this thread gives me some hope! For me, the worst part is that it's all my fault. I'm 21, attractive and socially competent. I have been on many first and second dates (never third-that's kiss territory!). I've been on the cusp of starting something many times, but always seem to either A) find some miniscule trait in the guy that annoys me B) decide that since I can't see myself marrying him, there is no point, or C) experience a distinct lack of physical attractionI have felt very strong attraction to only a few individuals in my life, but it hasn't happened for about five years now. Am I just too picky? Sometimes I worry I might be Lesbian because I don't get big crushes on guys any more, but I definitely don't like girls! Ahh. So frustrating.In any case, there's no sense in getting too depressed. There's gotta be something waiting around one of these bends, best to enjoy being single in the meantime. Go abroad, do things you could never do with a boyfriend or girlfriend to tie you down! Let's stop waiting and live.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): I'm 28 and never been on a date. Not even close to a date, never went to any high school dances, never went to any college parties accompanied by a guy. Like everyone else here, I attend family functions and am asked repeatedly if I'm dating anyone. I've fooled everyone at work to think that I've had past relationships and that I've had sex, I just play along and pretend like I know what everyone is talking about. My family knows of course that I've never dated and the level of pity they have for me is severe. I've got two brothers who are both married with kids. My brothers tease me about being a lesbian, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with being a lesbian, I'm not one. It hurts so much because I know how much my parents would love to see me married and have kids. Everyone tells me that I'm smart and really funny, and I get along with guys really well who are married or in relationships. I've got a pretty face, but am overweight and extremely self-conscious about it. My fear of relationships is somewhat based in a very conservative upbringing. But those really aren't my values anymore. Also, I'm crippled by my fear of rejection. Anyone I've ever liked has never liked me back, though I've never had the courage to tell anyone that I like him. One thing I regret is that at a younger age I didn't talk to someone about my fears and reservations about dating. I think it would've helped to talk to someone, like a therapist to sort some of these feelings out. Even now, I have access to a therapist, but I'm so ashamed and feel so embarrassed of my dating reality. At this age, I just feel like I'm stuck and don't really see any hope. I'd encourage the younger people who've posted here to talk to someone now. It gets so much harder as each year goes by. Everyone tells me to just enjoy the time I'm single, but when there's nothing with which to contrast it, it's not easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): To those of you who just aren't interested in guys, or who hate kissing guys...what about girls? Girls can go out with girls. Girls can kiss girls. It's okay. It's just different.
Don't get me wrong - just because you have never kissed a guy or a guy has never been interested in you does not mean that you're a lesbian. But...if you're finding that you're just not interested in guys, then start paying attention to how you feel towards girls.
Whether it's with a guy or a girl, I wish you all happiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): To those of you who just aren't interested in guys, or who hate kissing guys...what about girls? Girls can go out with girls. Girls can kiss girls. It's okay. It's just different.
Don't get me wrong - just because you have never kissed a guy or a guy has never been interested in you does not mean that you're a lesbian. But...if you're finding that you're just not interested in guys, then start paying attention to how you feel towards girls.
Whether it's with a guy or a girl, I wish you all happiness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Hiya, I'm 20 too and never been kissed, held hands or been in a relationship with a guy. What baffles me is that I have quite a few guy friends which I have no problem talking to, even on a one on one basis. Dunno if this is weird but there's been no mutual attraction between me and most of my guy friends as well. I guess I must give off the friend vibe rather than the girlfriend vibe. All I can say is, lets hope our time will come and someday, someone will see how beautiful we all are.
Good luck everyone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I think allot about what you are saying is unhelpful. I am in the same situation. The only thing that works, is work. Prince Charming? Puuleease... Pheremones won't work, you have em or you don't, perfumes are largely a hoax. Work works. Thinking about trying the "wait and see" method. go ahed, you'll be back here in two years, garuntee' it!
"The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting to get a different result." -Einstein.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I turned 40 this year. It was a major bummer because when you have milestone birthdays, you tend to take stock in where you are in your life. All I can focus on is how I'm still alone for another birthday. I'm pretty outgoing in certain social situations, but very shy when meeting new people. Coupled with depression and the fact that people have rejected me all my life, it doesn't paint a pretty picture. I have accepted the fact that I won't find anyone. Every time I try (join a single's group at church, take a class)it never works out. I just sit there by myself. It's funny because not one of my friends or family members ever knew any guys to set me up with. But somehow they knew plenty of girls to set my brothers up with. I found that interesting. It seemed to send the message to me that my family and friends think I'm a loser. As I've gotten older, I think my original assumptions are true. I remember vividly in my childhood and in my teens being told to my face by people that I was ugly. I didn't' think I was that bad looking in school. I wasn't thin, but I certainly wasn't obese either. The loneliness is the worst. I HATE holidays and weddings and other family gatherings where all the couples get together--I'm the only one in my family who isn't married or in a relationship. I hear my mom making excuses for me when someone is rude enough to ask why I'm still single. It just makes me feel so w********. I don't have to be married--I've given up on that fantasy. But it would be nice to have someone in my corner who thinks I'm special and interesting. It also would be nice to not be the "odd" woman at family gatherings. It would also be nice to have someone to go places with. I don't think that's asking too much--is it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): hi, this is liz, my first kiss was when i was 21, he was the cutest boy in school, but the kiss really sucked, i dont know why i just remember that i wanted to trow up!!!! 2 years later i had my first bf, he was a mistake, and 4 the experience i had in general, how i wish 2 be a never kissed again, in my personal experience, dont hurry up and wait for the right person, when people knows ur a never kissed sometimes they wanna take advantage so be careful
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): I'm 20 also and I am in the army I have never had a girlfriend nor have I been kissed let alone had sex. It pisses me off so bad I don't understand why I can't seem to find a girl. I'm getting deployed to Afghanistan and the only thought in my head is that every day I go on a mission could be my last and I will be gone without ever having loved or been loved.
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reader, bruce lee  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 I used to get angry about not having a girlfriend and never being kissed, so I did something drastic...I had it off with a prostitute at the age of 30. It didn't make things better or worse, but it answered some of my questions.
This might not be put through for publication but the fact is God isn't going to get you a boyfriend. You have to take the risk to find one.
Good luck with it anyway. I really mean that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): I'll be 19 in 3 weeks and am proud to say I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend. It is just dumb to have a boyfriend in high school because you aren't going to marry the guy. And I am not embarassed to say I am a virgin (duh) and will stay that way till I am married. Jesus is all I need and if it is Gods will that I marry someday then I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I just turned 19 today, and all I could think about was the fact that I'm another year older without ever having a boyfriend/first kiss. I've never had a boy even be remotely interested in me. I'm not a shy person, but I am very independent. All though high school I would ask a boy to the girls-ask-guys dance and every year i was turned down. Like other girls on here, I'm told I'm pretty. I take pride in the way I look, and try to always look my best. I'm also a very fun person to be around but I still dont get it. Guys just don't like me.
To make it worse, my sister who is 12 has already surpassed me in the dating department. MY LITTLE SISTER WHO IS 12. If that doesn't make me feel like a loser, than I don't know what does. And to add insult to injury, my sister is constantly nagging me about why dont I have a boyfriend? Why have I never been kissed? All the questions I want to know the answers to myself. And then she makes fun of me. My whole family nags me about how I havent had a boyfriend and even tease me about it and it hurts. It really hurts.
I just wish I could find my prince charming who could whisk me away from all of this.
My whole
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): That is soooo like me. I get told i am handsome and must get in trouble with heaps of girls but like you i havent kissed a girl before. Im 20 too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I can certainly relate to all of your stories. I'll be turning 20 in March and I have never been even remotely close to having a relation with a guy.
I have no guys in my "past" to giggle about. Some of my best friends avoid the subject sex.. Because apparently when you don't have information to share it is hard to talk about those kind of subjects..
I can't help it. I'm not even 20 years old and I feel like I have missed the boat. It's embaressing enough to confess that you're still a virgin. I don't even dare to mention that I haven't properly kissed someone.
Is there something wrong with me? *sigh* it frustrates me to no end..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I'm 22, and yes, I'm in the exact same situation.I suppose it could be a lot worse, right? That's why I hate thinking about how much it sucks to be alone. I have a good life, great friends, a loving family, and I just finished university and got a job...nothing to complain about, really.Except for my perpetual state of being alone.No kiss.No date.No boyfriend.And even though it's comforting to think that there are so many of us out there...it's also really depressing.What were we doing when all our friends picked up these "dating skills"? From observation alone, I've already determined that attractiveness, weight, ethnicity, intelligence, wit, and everything else DOESN'T MATTER. I've seen ugly/pretty/smart/ditsy/nerdy/shy/outgoing/fat/skinny/normal girls alike with boyfriends.It seems like every new girl I meet is currently in a relationship, and it's frustrating to think that I never even made it to the first step.Mutual liking seems nearly impossible, as I rarely get crushes on guys, and the ones that like me, are never "good enough". I'm aware that I'm picky, but the selection doesn't seem very good either. I'm also shy, but I don't have trouble making friends or talking to people.My sister (who didn't have a boyfriend until she was 23) said she was talking to our mom, and my mom was telling her that she wishes I was dating and everything. It makes me feel like a social retard. My sister and friends think that I'm just "really independent", but truthfully, I WOULD like a boyfriend.I just don't know where to start.I try not to let it get to me, but it does. I always dread social situations (especially family parties) because they always ask the inevitable question:"Do you have a boyfriend?"I always answer "No, not right now" and try to change the subject. And around friends, sometimes I feel like "VIRGIN" is tattooed on my forehead or something because they automatically think it's going to make me uncomfortable if they talk about sex or dating.It's weird.I just wish I could relate to everyone else and experience everything for myself instead of looking from the outside in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): HI... I'm turning 20 in November. I have never had a boyfriend or been kissed either. I know exactly what you mean.
It's really hard I tell you. I get the same compliments from friends, who are all girls, and it makes me feel good for a little while then Im back to square one. I'm alone in my room, I turn on the sad I'm lonely songs, watch a series or a romantic comedy hoping that someday I'll find love or just a little fling. The drama that comes with being in a relationship seems much more fulfilling than being alone. My friends have kissed guys, been on dates, have guys smsing and calling and some have had sex. When we chat I put my 2 cents in but what do I know.
I am a Christian and I know that God has a time and place for everything I just sometimes wonder why it's taking so long :) heheh... Perhaps there are things that I need to learn and do before I kiss someone... or better yet He wants it to be perfect just the way I've imagined in my mind. What ever the reason I will have to be patient and wait. He has blessed me in many ways with friends, family and in my work. So I shouldn't be complaining... but it really gets hard not to cry from time to time.
Don't spend too much of your time thinking about what you don't have. Instead be grateful for what you do have... When he comes along (and he will) you'll be grateful that you waited ... That's what I'm holding out for :) All the best
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reader, Miamine +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Quick tip for you guys who are waiting for romance, don't forget to use your eyes... Eyes are the window to the soul.
Nice quick discrete way to show your available and interested. You look at the person, catch their eye, then turn away as if you are shy. Give it a second or two, and look up again, directly at them... shows you see something nice, your shy, but the person looked so nice that you had to look twice.
Try it out, it will give you tons of confidence and it really is fun. If you catch the right person's eye, hopefully they will come over to have a little talk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): I'm really glad that I found this page on the internet! and thanks to all who are sharing their stories, it makes me feel understood!
I'm 24, turning 25 in winter but already feel like 25 somehow, could also be 26 or 27, just because I know that nothing will really change in my personal life until my birthday. That's how it's going now for years. When I was 15 I thought by myself "omg if I don't have a boyfriend until I turn 17, I'll REALLY gonna be the odd one out". After I turned 17 and nothing happened, I talked once to my mom and she told me that I shouldn't be worried, she didn't had a boyfriend until she was 21. So I thought, well, it can't be that bad.. and kept waiting for years and years. And every year the same story, panicing at the birthday and thinking 'if I don't make it THIS year, it'll never gonna happen ever."
and here I am, 24 and still nothing, not even a kiss. I never went on a date with a boy or wasn't even holding hands... and obviously I'm still a virgin. Since I'm about 15 years old, I know that a good self esteem is really important to be attractive to the boys/men, and I really worked on my confidence (I'm overweight). Back then I learned how to accentuate my good sides, such as my charisma, I'm pretty, have talents. I started to make some really good friends, having a social life etc so I know I'm not a total loser, I'm at university, have hobbies, interests, I even feel quite confident in my body... but still, no man ever showed any interest in my person. And I dont understand why! I mean, somehow SOMEone has not to be repelled by my personality (or whatever repells men)? maybe it's indeed because of my physical constitution (I'm really tall) but since soo many people keep telling me that alot of men like big women and STILL no one likes me, I started to worry about my inner values. And no matter how you look at it something seemes to be wrong with me. I just don't seem to be 'in that place' where normal people are having dates, relationships etc...
and I'm still waiting and waiting. A good friend keeps telling me that someone finds you as soon as you stop looking for it. needless to say that I stopped looking for 'it' years ago..^^
well.. thanks again for sharing, and for reading.. it makes me feel better :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): The responses on this thread have really made me feel so much better. I have been freaking out because it seems like I'm the only one, but it's comforting to see others in the same boat. I am nearly 17 and have never have a boyfriend, been kissed, or even been remotely close to being asked out by someone... I've never even really been more than an acquaintance with a guy. I am painfully shy and have incredibly low self esteem. Hearing all these stories about women like myself makes me feel so much better. I have been reading the advice of this board and I think feeling better about myself is the first step to improving my social life. The fact that so many women have come to this board to share their experiences and offer understanding really uplifts me. I think that every woman that has posted here over the years is strong, beautiful, and deserve the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. And may we all have a chance to find it! It will happen for all of us at the right time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I was browsing through the internet and found this site.
I'm going to be 25 soon and i've never had a boyfriend, kiss or even hold hands with a guy before. I know this is pathetic. I've been thinking positively for a while. Ever since I had a serious crush in junior high, I've been waiting patiently, year after year after year.... and suddenly it's been 10 years and I'm still alone. It's been hard when your friends who had been single alongside you are gradually finding that someone special in their lives, having a serious boyfriend, getting married, starting a family etc. I just want to find someone too...
I hate going to gatherings or reunions because I'll be the loser who come alone without a date. And as if being alone among them is not scary enough, I have to fend off questions about whether I have a boyfriend etc... It's becoming so stressfull for me to go out with friends because almost everytime we hang out, they will bring along their boyfriends and I'd feel so left out.
Most of my friends are girls and I do tend to back off a little when guys get too close to me. Maybe that's the problem.
I don't know how much longer I'll have to be alone....hopefully it won't be any longer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): I've been checking back on this thread periodically for over a year now, and it never ceases to amaze me how supportive everyone here is. It's incredible how you can find a sense of community through shared experiences alone. I'm 17, never been kissed or had a bf. I've attended extremely small private schools my entire life, so I don't have much of a social life. I'm hoping that that's why I haven't had normal high school experiences like my friends at other schools, and that it'll get better in college...but I'm extremely shy. I have extreme difficulty talking to anyone I don't know, which makes it really hard to get to know people. I'm the type that has a very small group of close friends and doesn't really interact with anyone else. Again, I'm not sure how much of this is a result of my environment and how much is ME. I guess I'll find out.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories- they've made me feel a lot better about mine :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): I'm so glad i found this thread! I am 23, never been on a date and obviously a virgin. I've only been kissed by 2 guys, both times i was drunk, and the last time was over 4 years ago, when i was 18. What worries me is I dont even think i know how to kiss, as both those times, it was more a case of the guy kissing me and me just letting it happen and pulling away after a few seconds.
I just think it's abnormal that I'm so inexperienced, and like one of the previous posters said, I don't want to have to keep pretending everything's normal. From an outsiders view, I have a good job, good friends and I go out at the weekends. I feel like this should make me happy, but I never feel fulfilled, I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start. I feel like I'm not a proper 'grown-up' until I actually know what it is to have sex and be intimate with other people.
Only one of my friends (also a virgin) knows im a virgin, but she doesn't know about my lack of kissing! Although she's a virgin too, I know shes kissed quite a few guys, and got to at least 2nd base, possibly 3rd (she didnt divulge full details) with one guy.
I'm worried that maybe my other friends suspect I'm a virgin though, as the majority of them have boyfriends/have had relationships in the past, so when this topic comes up in conversation, I just keep quiet because I have absolutely nothing to talk about.
Unlike many of the posters, I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, just a sex life would be nice! I'm just worried that my lack of sexual or even just human contact is turning me into a freak. Today at work, one of my male colleagues was showing me how to do something on the computer and as he used my mouse, he accidently brushed by hand with his, and I pulled mine away like I'd been shocked! I've no idea why I did this but it's worrying me and making me think will it ever happen? Am I really that scared of human contact?
I know I've written quite a lot, but I'm hoping it will be cathartic for me to actually be able to express myself about my situation, and I'm hoping if other girls/women in my situation read it they will feel not so alone too!
Great advice from everyone on here by the way, I do think confidence plays a big part, good luck everyone xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): I'm 24 and only been in one relationship. It's still something right? But he only stuck with me because he was desperate. He didn't find me all that attractive (I'm overweight). We were together since high school and unfortunately, I eventually had a child by him. In spite of having a child in tow, he found someone more attractive and promptly kicked me and our 2 year old daughter out of his life. Now this has created more baggage and self-esteem issues than I can handle. I'm now neurotic about my weight, I'm bulimic, I smoke and exercise to the extreme. I have such a strong need to be desired. I don't want to settle again for someone who'll just do me because hey, I'm that easy fat chick. No one has ever, at any point in my life, expressed any sort of interest in me whatsoever. When I get the gall to approach a guy I'm interested in I get a semblance of indifference at best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): I am 21 and never had a gf. All the girls that I know always want to date jerks that treat them like shit. Girls like bad boys
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Wow most of the posts on here sound identical to my story. 20 going on 21 and I have never been on a date and never been kissed. The worst part is that it never really bothered me before, until I start getting these questions from around me ie grandmother, mom etc. "have a boyfriend?" then I get really nervous because once I answer "no" most of the time they ask about my past, and when I have absolutely no past, not even a hint of a "maybe past", and they give me these looks like I have become social unacceptable, like something must be wrong because teenagers these days are losing their virginity at 14. And a few times they decide to launch into a story, no joke. Such as the story of my cousin who is a homebody and they are severely afraid she will become an old maid, or the one about my aunts friend who let her son know it was okay if he was gay because he was 18 and hadn't had a girlfriend... Why do I have to be dating or a lesbian? Why do I have to be one or the other?? As much as I try to not let people's thoughts affect me, I can't help it. I am starting to feel like I am getting to much behind, and no one will ever be interested. Gah i just want to scream and shrink away into the corner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): I fell upon this thread as I wanted to know if other google users had ever used the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button, so I started typing "I have never used the I'm feeling luck.." and hit this site, for some beezarre reason.
Anyway, I am a 32 yr old guy that's had a few girlfriends over the years, and just want to ring in, because this is all so sad that cuties are not getting the attention they deserve. :)
You girls who haven't made the connection have had bad luck, plain and simple. TRUST ME, guys are quivering in nervousness around you and any signal of "I don't need you" in your body language will shut 'er down quick. So make sure you are not sending any negative vibes. Also, don't be afraid to ask a simple question about THEM, it'll change the mood immediately. It's an ice breaker without breaking the ice.
The other ingredient? A little "balls" on your part. You need to flirt, just a bit, to prime the scenario (have a shot of Stoli to get the courage). Once the guy gets this signal, he'll throw the dice, trust me. GOOD LUCK !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): I am 22 and in the exact position. I have low self esteem. People tell me I am beautiful but I dont believe them. I am a perplexed person, I have high expectations so this might send boys a negative message. I am smart and my humor is great (not my words but it is lol) but I am extremely shy and lonely.
I m glad there are people like me out there... I thought I was one of a kind...!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): I am so relieved that there's so many other people out there that are 20 and have never had a boyfriend. I think I'm in that situation though because I'm so ridiculously shy though. I would love to finally be in a relationship and enjoy doing nice things with a boyfriend. Keep the faith girls (and boys), we'll find some one soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): *Hugs* I'm sorry that I don't have any advice. I'm 22, from London, and am in the exact same situation. It's frustrating because when my friends find out they try to find something wrong with me. I'm actually pretty sociable and I don't think I'm weird or abnormal at all so it's really annoying when people jump to conclusions. Guys have never shown interest or asked me out and when I approach them they act as if I was a molester or something!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): Sigh. I feel you. I'm 22 and never had a boyfriend or been kissed. I'm cynical, and I am prepared for the worst -being single forever. I'm hoping I'll find Mr. Right. I like to believe God has someone out there who he made just for me and I for him. If not, I guess I'll end up a crazy cat lady, except I like dogs too, so I'll probably be a crazy dog and cat lady. The kids will say, "Stay away from her house. That lady is a loon, a real whacko."
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): You don't know how much this has helped to see! I'm in the exact same situation 20 and never been kissed or had a boyfriend.I'm in love with one of my friends and he doesn't want anything to do with me. But this has made me realize it's best to just know you're not alone and be happy. There's so much more to life! Now we all have to just go and live.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This story is all to familiar to me. I am 20years old, never had a boyfriend or been kissed.It does make me feel sad, i believe that i'am ready for a relationship. I have a friend who i am completely in love with but he doesnt seem to want a relationship with me.I too, find it uncomfortable when conversations about my personal life arise and try my best to avoid it. I tell myself that the reason that has happened for me yet is that it is God's will, he wants me solely for one person when he feels its right.I actually know who that one person is but not when we will be together.It might sound crazy but i'm positive its my friend. In a way i feel trapped, i'm meant to have one person but that one person does not know it, and i fear if he gets into a relationship with someone else. My fears aside the most important lesson hear is faith. Don't let your time alone go to waste, work on yourself so when Mr Right does come along your ready. So many peolpe create restricted and limit their ability to love, - skin colour, height, facial features... we lose sight that what is really important remains within. Never in a million years i would believe that i would have feeling for this friend, he is younger that me- by a year, shorter than me has weird teeth, lol but i guess those things aside is compatible with my personality, P.s is very handsome. You should not give up, sometimes we are not meant to find love, but rather to allow love to find us...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): wow, this post has been going for 4 years. i would really like an update frm the original poster. anyway, i'm 25 (female). i found this page after googling for advice on how i can prepare 2 b alone. i feel tht is my future. i hav been kiss exactly 3 times. i cant say tht i enjoyed it. and never been in a relationship. im embaessed wen the topic of relationships comes up. i'm @ the stage where my friends r in serious relationships or married. i've always been the serial single with no prospects. i dont want 2 b bt probably always will b. so i'm grieving for what will never happen. preparing myself for a life of singlewood. i'm going 2 try 2 enjoy my life. it will probably always hurt bt i will b more equipped 2 handle it. i havnt told my friends or fam. i dont think i will. like many of u i dont want them 2 worry. so wish me luck and i pray tht all of u find ur partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Hey!
Don't worry I feel the EXACT same way!-I get worried sometimes and I feel like I will be alone forever. But when I feel down about that, I always remember this quote I found:
“Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top becuase they value quality.”
Hang in there-we'll get our chance :P
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): Continued Factors that are rebelling against me and forming a strong connection with someone special. So I can certainly sympathize with all of you when it comes 2 relationships. I just keep hoping and holding on 2 the thought of finding the absolute perfect girl 4 me. If u don't mind me asking u ladies, do u still find 20+ yr old guys as attractive as19 or below. Or even close? Any response would help me. Thx. Any tips or suggestions would also help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): I am in the same spot. I have never been kissed, or dated, I even have never had a guy friend. I just don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): Wow.. It was amazing to read that I'm not the only one! :')I'm 20 years old. I have had 3 chances to kiss someone (lol, even counting them:D) But I turned every each and one of them down, because I felt without feelings with random guys it doesn't matter at all. And this all kissing thing haven't really bothered me, but lately my 2 friends shared their life (we live in different city) in this past month and again they talked about going club and kissing with different guys and how cool was that. Though I don't want that, I don't really want to be just a piece of meat. I did wanted that before, I dirty danced with random dudes, but always rejected their kissing. But few months when I had to live alone in different city (because of summer work) have made me realize that this is not what I want. I want a guy with whom I could be friends first. Person who could understand me completely. He would be first person then... I truly hope that this upcoming school year can be this, as I'm going to move again to another city, sepereated from my friends. I hope to meet this person in there, though I have to study and work on the same time, actually I might not have time for relationship so it's better to find this soulmate who maybe is willing to wait for me and later we could get relationship:)Anyway, girls, let's be strong! Mr. Right is out there for us for sure!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): I'm 19, and never been on a date, never kissed, etc. I can also be classified as beautiful (as several of you said, the object of double takes). I'm tall with a thin hourglass figure, beautiful face, stylish, I've got straight A's at a top liberal arts college, fairly cultured. I am quite shy and I think this comes off as cold and aloof. I'm very worried at this point that boys won't even bother with me, given my inexperience. I'm getting tired of the "you intimidate them" platitudes, and even more tired of feeling like there is something people aren't telling me. But I'm glad we can all commiserate, at the very least.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I am 16 years old, and never been kissed either. and guess what? I thought I was the only one!! haha
This forum has made all the difference and I feel so much better about my situation. I have dated about 4 guys but for some reason it has never gotten as far as a kiss. I feel as though I am the only junior in my school that has never been kissed but now I realize that there are probably many more who just aren't vocal about it.
Thank you all!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I feel so relieved to read about other people in my same age range having the same problem! It's tough to watch ur friends be in relationships and even break up when u urself have never experienced any of that. The only thing I can say is be strong. Maybe the time truly isn't right for you. Just be young and be free. I know how hard it is though to take that advice. I'm almost 18 years old and have never had a bf, been kissed, or even been on a date so I can sympathize with you. Another factor I might add is that woman are becoming increasingly more independent from men. Not that that's a bad thing but I think some guys simply don't like that. I know the guys in my town can't stand it. But I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than take orders from a man lol. Just have faith that something amazing is waiting for you out there and it'll come in good time. In the meantime live life to the fullest so you can enjoy the time ull have to settle down with that person. I hope this has helped you bc it certainly has helped me. Good luck! =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): Is this wierd that we all have the same story?
I'm not trying to sound vain, but for the sake of honesty I'll admit that I'm beautiful. 5'4", 115 pounds-- big eyes, good skin, nice hair...all of the basic criteria. Like one girl said, double takes on the street and everything. But I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never held hands with anyone... nothing.
I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm a nice person, and I have a lot of different intrests. I'm a writer and a musician. I love art. I'm outgoing, but I don't think that's enough.
Here are some problems: most of my friends are girls. I'm not very good at flirting or picking up signals. I'm constantly busy.
Again, this is all pretty standard. But I can't help thinking... why do ALL of us have this problem? From what I've read, we're all attractive people. We have our faults, but so does everyone else. What could we be doing wrong?
Here are two conclusions that I've come to:
1) Guys are intimidated. This is what every parent and friend has been telling me but... what if it's true? How can we truely connect with someone when they don't even bother in the first place? Furthermore (and this might just be in my case) business and determination to do other things might be driving guys away. This isn't a bad thing: it just means that for people with dreams and a full schedual, it'll be harder to find someone that fits in.
and 2) ... possibly the most important. I think we're all forgetting that it only takes one right guy. There's no rush for a boyfriend-- in fact, maybe if I stopped looking I would actually find one. Ironic, but true. When I was in a band, I was so hung up on the lead guitarist that I didn't notice his friend liked me. I didn't get either of them. Why? I wasn't keeping my options open. I wasn't waiting for the right guy; I was stabbing blindly at what I thought was a good option, completely missing the person who would have been best for me.
Anyway, I suppose this is a long and rambling, possibly usely, post. Just my oppinion on this whole dating institution.
Maybe I'll be single with cats... all I know is if the right guy isn't smart enough to find me, he might not be worth it after all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): Am I the only guy here? I feel the same. I'm almost 18 and have never even dated. I don't know if it's my own fault or not because i'm shy, and i don't really know what to say when i talk to a girl. I'm glad to know that i'm not the only one though (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): I am almost 17 and I have never been kissed, never had a bf, or hung out with a guy alone. I know I am young but I think that we all can empathize with eachother regardless of age. Like many of you I have been told that I am beautiful, I get hit on my random guys, and I sometimes get double takes when out in public. I am a pretty normal girl. I can be classified as an introvert but not really, I just really enjoy time by myself. I love to talk and I can talk to guys and flirt with them its just that I have never had a relationship. All my friends have been in relationships and have been kissed, when they talk about boys they I get embarrased because I have never had a boyfriend. I am not very vocal about my emotions and how I feel so my friends don't know that I am embarassed. I don't know if its me but maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Maybe I have to be even more outgoing although I already am I. It might be because I am a little scared of what guys think of me, but we all are. I'm afraid to take that chance-I'm afraid to take matters into my own hands when it comes to relationships. I am just waiting for a guy to ask me. When I read these stories that you gals have posted I can't help thinking that we are the women that will find our true love, someday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Yep, I'm on the same boat as everyone else. 20 years old, never been kissed, never held hands with anyone, and definitely never had a boyfriend. I don't let this problem control my life but I definitely become upset whenever I talk about it or think about it long enough. After 20 years, it becomes so hard to not blame yourself. I mean, all my friends have been in relationships...so why haven't I? I'm not looking for a Prince Charming because honestly I don't believe he is real. I want to experience everything...even being dumped. My friends think I'm crazy for wanting that but they truly do not know how it feels having to watch everyone fall in love and even out of it. I want to learn from my mistakes, but I have to make them first. I'm also really afraid that this situation has changed my view of love eternally. How can you believe in something that you've never had? I mean yes, my family and friends love me...but I'm talking about THAT love. The love you have towards a person that has that same love for you. The love that all of us are waiting for, hoping for, and dreaming for. But how long will I have to wait? I think 20 years has been long enough.
Be strong, live for today, and love yourselves for who you are. Life will go on without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): I just wanted to start off by saying you woman are phenomenal and have truly been inspirational to me!!!I am a 21 year old college student going into my third year of college. I have been kissed before, however it has been my failing attempt to have fun and make something special with a college guy who is only interested in getting girls to be another notch on their belt. I am 6ft tall and have told for most of my teenage adult life that I am very attractive. I do get hollard at by guys but it always seems to be in a disrespectful manner (most prob wudnt think by looking at me that I am a virgin) that makes me feel uncomfortable. I am also one who believes not to fall into the "college way." My parents were very strict in high school and didn't let me date so now I feel like I am playing catch up w people who are passed what I want at this age (teenage love).I think my height also presents an intimidating factor, but anywho I am just waiting for the guy who finally sweeps me off my feet and approaches me and a way that I feel respected like I have always hoped. My only problem is that as the years go bye I still can't help but feel less and less hopeful, I can't help it. Please help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Glad to know im not alone! I am also 19 and have never been kissed, on a date, or had a boyfriend as many of you. Like several of you mentioned, I sometimes ask myself if something is wrong with me. I would say that I'm attractive and friends tell me that I have a great personality, etc. I'm entering my sophomore year of college and its becoming quite difficult to find someone. Most guys at my school are only interested in partying and getting laid, nevermind a relationship. I tend to be quite picky sometimes when it comes to guys, that could also be my problem. Anyways, my friends tell me that I need to get out there and meet guys which is fine with me except they think I should do this by going to parties and dancing with random guys. My point is, dont do something you dont want to just to get someone. Chances are they wont be worth your time, and never settle for second best. I had a friend who did that and has regretted it ever since. Everyone says that things happen for a reason and when the times right you will meet mr.right. I truly do believe this. Dont give up hope!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): hi there! I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I am already 23 years old and I have never kissed anyone, forget all the other business 2 people do. The thing is sometimes I feel very lonely when I see others out there with their partners, very happy and content. I start to wish I had something like that too. But the only guys who have approached me in the past have been the sleazy, easy ones that are definitely not worth my time. And i cant approach anyone to save my life!! Basically im a reserved, average, ordinary girl but i have no problems talking to guys. I have just explained to myself that my Mr. Charming is held up somewhere and when the time is right we will definitely meet. It might be when i'm 24...or when i'm 27!! It's not that i have high standards, because if hes respectful, has an amazing personality and a sense of humour he's got me! but in today's world these sort of males are very hard to come across. Anyway, the point is that we've waited this long to have our first kiss with someone special who deserves to be stored in our memories forever, then why not wait a bit longer?? And what i've heard from most guys is that they loved to be a girl's first...and at least you know its not your looks...me? well...i think i am very unattractive. just the type that guys go for after 10 beers... the ugly one in the corner of the bar every guy would want only for one night. And i even dress very conservatively...go figure!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): My advice: Don't give up, and take solace in knowing that you are NOT alone in this suffering.
I am 22, approaching my last year at college, and, of course... never been kissed.
When I was in high school, no one asked me out, and I began to question my attractiveness. Thankfully, things have changed greatly since then. I no longer worry about my attractiveness. Over the past several years, I've had many men who have been interested in me and have asked me out. And of course, I've been attracted to men as well. However, the perfect combination of reciprocal attraction has been VERY hard for me to find. Only in three instances did there exist mutual interest. Sadly, it wasn't enough, for it fizzled out each time before anything really started (I would say it was the equivalent of the "second date" is when it became clear we were not compatible.)
The context of this is important, however. My school is notorious for having a very limited dating pool(the ratio of girls to guys is highly imbalanced) and painfully awkward guys. So dating on my campus is especially problematic. Even still, I have pushed forward.
Throughout all of this, I would say I have followed all of the best dating advice marvelously. I take chances, I flirt even through I'm highly introverted, and I have pursued multiple means of meeting men. I've tried online dating, and I've asked out guys. GASP! Apparently this shocks the hell out of people. I don't see why it's so surprising. If I know what I want, why should I let him slip away? Yes, based on societal standards, I have huge cajones for doing this. But because I find guys I like so infrequently, why would I waste a potential opportunity by remaining silent? Anyway, I digress. The point here is that I'm not hiding. I put myself out there.
So basically I'm a mixed bag. I play the dating game. I am not a wallflower. And yet, I haven't met someone. It is so incredibly frustrating. At times, I feel so infuriated because I know I'm ready for a relationship. Just like the rest of you, I desire it very much. At other times, I get horribly depressed because as much as I try to ignore the feeling, it's hard not to think that something is wrong with me.
It becamely extremely painful when all of my close friends, who were also single for a long time, finally got boyfriends. And then some of my friends started to get engaged and married too! It's hard to not crumble when you're the last one left standing. I literally have no one left to talk to about it. It's almost like someone snapped their fingers and POOF! all my friends magically forgot what it was like to be single, even though only 6 months ago they were! UGH. It's frustrating.
So, since you did ask for advice, I'll give it. My advice is DO. NOT. GIVE UP. It's difficult, I know. It's painful, it's maddening. I told my story more for me than for you. The one thing that has helped me is to know that other girls are experiencing this too. We can support each other, without knowing each other well. :)
So keep your chin up, ladies, and DON'T GIVE UP. Be yourself, and keep your standards. As much as everybody has plenty of "suggestions" to offer about how to change your appearance or how you act, it's stupid. Trust me. You'll regret changing yourself. The only thing you must have is CONFIDENCE. And in our situation, that's the hardest thing to have. If you are introverted, you must find ways of overcoming it. I'll hazard a guess that you have difficulty making lots of friends because you don't open up quickly. That's fine - you do not have to change that. But you DO have to try out the more "extroverted" dating skills like flirting. Keep trying at it, even when it's awkward and uncomfortable and you don't like it. It's temporary, and it's the only way to play the game.
I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Hey, I'm 22 and have never been kissed nor have I had a boyfriend either. I'm not super cute, but I'm not ugly either. I hate going out with my friends because they always get the attention and I just don't feel like being the lonely stool pigeon at the party. I don't just sit at home either, I go to parties (when I'm extremely bored), comedy clubs, festivals, concerts, etc., but no guys ever come up to me or anything :-( I really feel lonely a LOT because I think I'm well past the age where I should be dating/have a boyfriend. I don't have many male friends, but I have plenty female friends. I get nervous when guys approach me (it's only been a few) because I feel like they only want sex, like they're not trying to get to know me personally. I've never been on a date, never held a guy's hand, never slow danced with a guy. I feel like I'm a wonderful person, my friends tell me I'm funny, I give wonderful advice etc. I'm very lovable, social, fun, outgoing, hardworking, educated..all of that, but yet, guys don't come up to me. I feel like I'm doomed to be lonely forever. Quite frankly I don't think it's fair. I really don't think I deserve to be alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): PHEROMONES. We are probably missing the hormones that attract the right type of guys. At 18 I am still highly curious about everything!!! I feel pathetic ALL the time!!!! When I just started out in high school I had multiple crushes!! I used to ALWAYS asked my sister what I should do to get those guys!!! The sad/funny thing is that she is 2 years younger than me. I have always felt like I should know more and help her out but it is constantly the other way around. Embarrassing to me is that she always gets the guy even if she hates them while I'm always being rejected. There was a point in my life when I actually started to get extremely envious of her. That's when I decided to make vow to learn everything there needs to be known about guys, flirting, playing hard to get, dating, kissing, having sex, and making all of it worthwhile. I kept my vow and I have learned a great deal of absolutey useful information. When I reached sophomore year I decided to try it on (till today I still can't get over him) the biggest crush of my HS years. We started out on the flirting base. Went to the getting to know each other. Then talking on the phone all the time! We became best friends and he told me everything!!Unfortunately iwa still inexperienced and desperate to get him. All my best friend were on a roll and getting boyfriend left and right. I decided it was time to take affirmative action! I started to rush thing because other guys were crushing after me (which by the way were gorgeous XD) and I thought I would start to like them. To let him know how much I really liked him a wrote him a love letter in spanish. I know now that was pretty cheesy.- told my crush to read it at home so no one sees. He completely ignore me and oped it anyways ten minutes into the class period. Many things happened in b/w involving some people who found out (including one of the most popular guys in school who liked me). Things got awkward and our friendship totally fell apart. At that time I thought he new exactly what he did wrong but he was absolutely clueless! I flirted with a few of his friend to make him jealous and it worked; now I feel bad and a little pathetic. I tried to make up for our stupidity by trying to talk to him again and he completely ignored me! So I gave up. Then junior and senior year he sporadically said hi to me and because I'm deeply shy and angry at him a ignored him every time. I wanted to say hi but it was too overwhelming. All this made me realize I need to mature and build my confidence. So then I started to learn more about myself and how I could get over him. I accomplished 1 of those 3 things. Maturing. I am still working on the other 2. One day when I was researching I came across something very interesting. PHEROMONES. It was like somebody turned on the ligthts in my inexperienced brain. At that time I was depressed becaude while I was ahving guy issues my sister was getting almost every cute guy in her school!! Even a really older cute guy in high school wanted to date her. The worst part?. She didn't do much to get this attention. They were attracted to her like bugs to lighted lamp. She is beautiful but so are a lot of her friends, but they went to her!! She could be lying to me about not doing much when she not around me but it doesn't matter.....because even my crushes have asked her out! I was always asking myself what did she have that I didn't besides the looks, body shape, and personality? I am pretty awesome myself. Now I am so glad I found one of many possible answers. PHEROMONES are hormones in are body that radiated all around us. It cannot be detected physically by any of our 5 senses. You know that special some thing popular people have that you can't quite put your hand on? That's it! This hormones reacts in other people's systems that makes them seem irresistible!!!! The person. Giving off the pheromones will have to do little to know work except being nice to get tons of people (maybe even that special someone) chasing them! The person giving off the PHEROMONES does it subconsciously and is unaware of it. I want that! I think I am low on it and need to boost my PHEROMONES. I'm still researching on it I vow to learn how to boost mine up and to have everyone attracted to me!!!!!! I don't want to be alone anymore!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): i am 19 and never been kissed or had a boyfriend. i dont go out to bars bc i think guys there are stupid and obvisouly only want sex. im glad to know im not alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): After I read all of the responses, I realized how similar my own story is to many others here. I'm going to be 21 soon, and I have never been kissed, had a boyfriend or anything like that.
As an introvert and a quite unusual person orientated towards academics and art, I was never a popular kid. Having a much older sister better than me in almost everything didn't boost my self-confidence either.
It was a great achievement for me to make friends in high school. I gained two real friends (both girls), and I was happy. Of course, as time passed by, my friends had relationships, and were more and more concerned about me and (the lack of) my love life. They thought it's weird that a pretty and smart and nice girl like me (they said so) doesn't have a boyfriend.
I was also concerned about myself; I didn't understand why wasn't I into the dating scene, why wasn't I attracted to guys around me, why was I indifferent towards flirting, dating and all that jazz. I thought that everyone around me can't be crazy, and I the only one sane.
Then I understood that, intuitively, I wanted and want just one man. A soulmate, a companion, a friend who would get me, and whom I would love with all my heart.
I realized my Lord wants me to be with one man, and I accepted that as a fact. When he shows up, I'll know him. All of the sudden I was no longer plagued by fears about my sanity or normalcy. I explained that to my friends and the two of them are no longer concerned; actually, they understand and encourage me.
I'm proud of my choice. The wait for the man of my life can be hard sometimes, but I focus on developing my skills and talents, because I want to be the best I can. Of course, I haven't told about my decision no one except my friends. I'm not embarrassed because I haven't been kissed yet, but I know the people around me. They would think something's wrong with me, or that no one wants me, and I hate pity.
So we beat on, boats against the current... I hope everyone of the posters will come to peace with themselves. You're all great, and very brave to tell your stories. As someone had written, it will happen one day, I have no doubt about it. It's all very easy when you love and care about the other person.
Just have faith in yourself and good luck to all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Hi all, firstly I am 24, i live in Wales (Britain), and I have never been kissed, dated, asked out and obviously a virgin. I think it's partly down to the fact that I am 6ft tall, so probably quite intimidating to all these guys who are shorter than me :-). Like all of you I have always felt like I am the only person in the world going through this. A few years ago I told my closest friend, who then went and told all our friends, and it became like a mission for them...and in all honesty it just felt humiliating. My friends dragging me to clubs, I didn't want to go to, and pushing me onto guys (literally)!!! I lost contact with all those girls over the years, and now only have one friend, and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it.
Every year I have told myself that this will be the year I meet that amazing and sweet understanding guy, who will sweep me off my feet. The only problem is the guys I do meet that I really like, are always in relationships. Or they have so much experience it makes me feel like a complete dork!
For the past six months now I have been trying to think about myself in a positive manner, and I have started to dress a bit more colourful and girly (compared to the jeans and t-shirts look). Also I have been making a point of going and talking to people, baking cakes and bringing them in for people on their birthdays...and generally trying to be me! Which isn't easy as I am very shy, and get tongue tied easily.
The point I am trying to make, is that the whole kissing thing hasn't felt as important. I really have started to love me for me, and I am really starting to believe that there is a guy out there just for me (and he will turn up one day). Also, guys I work with talk to me allot more, and I feel more comfortable talking to them.
So please...JUST LOVE YOURSELVES...'cos if you don't who will? Your prince charmings ARE out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I am 22 years old and I too have never had a boyfriend,never been kissed and never have gone out on a date. I try not to dwell on it too much but every now and then I think about it because I don't want to be like that forever. I am told that I look good and that I have a great personality but I still haven't even been asked on a date and it certainly doesn't help that all of my friends are girls. I guess it bothers me because all of my friends are at that age when they have been there done that and I still haven't been there to say the least
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): i am 20 going to 21. i am beautoful nice features, long legs, tall and sexy. i have never had a boyfriend nor have i been kissed before. i want to be a relationship one day, honestly i don't know what the problem is. i do get nervous when i meet guys but i don't know. it kinda feels weird because it feels like i have to listen to everyon's story and wishing that i could share some of my own but that's not happening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Reading everyones post has really helped me. I constantly thought that there werent many people with my problem, and I thought something is wrong with me. Last semester I went to see my schools psychologist to see if it was me, and she suggested that I try to just get to know the guys (at a friend level, since I seems to have a problem opening up to them, I have more girl friends then guys.) I am currently talking to three different guys right now, one is really into me, another is trying to get to know me, and the third is into me and I am into him too. Do any of you have any advise on how I can open up to these guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Hey girl! I am in the same boat as you! I tend to always fall in the friend category. Everyone is always so shocked when they find out I've never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy. They always say I'm so pretty and sweet. Everyone tells me to be patient and that God has an amazing guy out there for me, but sometimes I'm not so sure. So you are not alone!One positive thing has come from this. I am in charge of a group of middle school girls at my church and I have helped them to see that they don't need to put their identity in a guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): March 2nd 2010 here again. I love coming here and reading all the new posts, and realizing all the past posts have helped them :). And I like how supportive everyone is.
For all those people who say they don't have hope and are ugly and all of the above, I don't think that's true. I think you under-estimate how many male's are out there. And everyone is pretty in their own way. Even if it's only personality, because judging on all the posts I've read, everyone seems to be a beautiful person personality wise.
Anyhow. Things still have changed much this year for me. I haven't been as social as I was during the time I made my first post... in november..ish. I've moved back from school since then, and have been stuck in my hometown and truly don't want to meet anyone to date here because I don't want to be strapped to this town quite frankly.
I'm moving out of state next week though, to a city, and am really hoping to meet someone there though! I will be turning 21 in 4 months, and am sad that I still haven't had that first kiss :(
I realized that a lot of the guys where I'm living presently (thank God for only a week more) are disgusting. They are all about partying and getting laid. It's vile. I know you're thinking 'but every place is like that...' but you have no idea.
I had the unfortunate adventure of going to a party last night with a friend. I'm not a party person unless I'm comfortable with the entire crowd, so I sat akwardly in the corner waiting to see if I would be texting my brother to come save me. Then some guy sat next to me after a loud and rousing game of beer pong he'd just played, and started showing off all his tattoo's to me. As he blabbered on about his squirrel tattoo on his inner leg that's arms are reaching up to grab his nuts (har har -_-) I realized that I can't even tell if guys are into me. I could not tell if this guy was going on about his tattoo's because he was so self-impressed and proud, or if he was wanting to get at me. That is such a huge flaw about me. For all I witness, no guy has ever been interested in me, because I never realized they are. But I know there has been guys that like me because I've been told so, and asked out and all that. But I am completely oblivious to the signals.
Another thing. My friends always come to me for dating advice. They all know I've never had anything with a guy, but they always come to me. I have to say though, I guess i would be the best person to come to because I see the truth because I have never felt that love that blinds you when you like someone. So I'm blunt and tell them straight up what I see. But I've always found it odd I'm the one giving the advice all the time.
I'm the one that needs it! 20 and never been kissed here! Hello?! D:
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Hey I am like all of ya'll and I am 20 and I have never been kissed or been in a relationship. At first I was ok with this, telling myself to give it time and something would happen. Unfortunatly as time passes, I feel more like there is something wrong with me. I am pretty outgoing, and I think I am attractive (many boys tell me this)and smart but still nothing. Its not like I sit and my room either, I go out and party and have fun. My best friends know of my situation and they tell me that they think guys are atimidated by me. So I tried to put a stop to that. My freshman year in college I did meet someone, and liked him alot, nothing went further then flirting though. However I am happy about that because he ended up dropping/getting kicked out of school. But since then nothing as really happened other then me talking to some guys and nothing happens. I think the thing that hurt the most is that my two best friends lost their virginity this year, I had never been so alone until now. Yea they had had boyfriends in the and been kisssd but at least we still shared one thing in common. Another thing is I think that by the end of the summer they will both be in relationships, leaving me as a 5th wheel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Hi everyone. Firstly I just want to say reading this has been amazing.
I'm 20, female and never been kissed.
The worst thing is how sometimes I feel like the only person in the World who is in the situation, so reading this has given me a little bit of hope.
Someone on the 13th April 2010 summed up my situation.
My main fear is fear itself really. I still go out with my friends, all of whom are in long term, sexual relationships - but I always feel awkward.
Because I'm 20 and because I'm so far beyond I've become trapped by my inexperience and fear - so it's almost like I'm stopping myself letting any boy come near me (not that many have tried hard).
I'm scared I'll mess it up, I'll get it wrong and that everyone around me will know, and laugh and then I'll be humilated.
I'm starting Uni in September and I'm moving away from home, so the idea of sharing a house with hormonal and sexual activity boys and girls is scary! Most of them will be a year or two younger than me and they will know what to do.
I don't want to be afraid of it anymore.
I'm not really interested in 'hooking up' with anyone (not that I have) I want a relationship, I want to feel like the special girl. To be honest, I want to feel normal. I don't want to have to keep up this pretence that everything is fine in life.
I'm sure you all feel the same - because it really knocks your confidence and I get quite paranoid about it.
I try to believe that everything happens for a reason, and I still have a very fulfilled life.
It's going to happen for us all one day girls, I think we just need to start believing in ourselves a little bit more, because we all deserve to have someone and we all deserve to be special.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): I am in the exact same boat as you, although i have some close guy friends but not many. Also this bothers me a lot, it often makes me question myself and sometimes question whether my friends actually like me because there has to be something wrong with me. Along with this i find it highly discouraging, think that even if I get to a place where I could have a boyfriend that the chance would disappear from my inexperience. Its nice to know though that I am not alone in this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): Like everyone else on here, I've never had a boyfriend, never been asked out on a date, etc. My first kiss wasn't until my freshman year of college at a frat party with a random guy. Since then I've kissed several other guys at parties, but obviously nothing has ever come out of any of them (not that I expected anything anyway). Now I'm almost 21 years old and I feel completely lost. I feel like I'm just not normal. People always tell me that I'm pretty and smart, and now I can't even take it seriously because I can't imagine that someone as "pretty" and "smart" as me would be wanted by absolutely no one. It's pathetic that I think about this so much, but I really just don't know what to do. I know I'm going to end up alone, and I keep trying to tell myself that I'm fine with it but I know I'm not. I try to make jokes about it with my friends, but deep down we all know that it really just sucks. Everyone keeps saying that when I least expect it, someone will come along. Personally I think that's bullshit. We'll wait and see, I guess. That's all there is to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): hey girlie it seems as if you are going through quite a time her. I'm 20 going on 21(yes)! I have been asked out on dates and have been on "A" date plus a special movie date, but i have never been kissed. My fist kiss was suppose to be on the day i went to watch movies with my male friend, at first everything was nice a little hand holding, and cuddling, but then i had to make a big decision. That evening would have went much further than a kiss. So PLEAASSSSEEEE take your time, don't rush. As I look back on what i like to call "My Would Have Been First Kiss Night" and im so thankful i didn't get my first kiss, and now i think about what i would have lost if i had got kissed, not just a kiss but i would have lost my virture and for what a one kiss, one relationship that wouldn't have lasted for month. Needless to say this boy didn't tell me he would be leaving for a new college in just week, and he left but i'm so very proud to say that he didn't take a piece of me with him. So please don't rush time and wait for that special someone, and just think of the joy you will have when you tell him you've never been kissed. and to all the girls out there looking for a kiss PLEASE don't sell yourselves short bc of doubt saying it will never happen to for you. there's someone out there who will be excited that there is someone out there like you. And the most important thing i can tell you is know that you are a child of God, and don't sell yourself short for a kiss and when you do have one share it with someone who is worth of you
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): Hi girls I'm 8 May 2010 back again, unfortunately I already turned 20 and I still the same, but i'd like to share some thoughts, I've been thinking bout' it and I think that my situation right now is that I'm looking for a serious relationship but not for much long just the time enough to set me free and then fly away (don't know if you get what I mean, I want to have a normal relationship, fall in love, etc and then enjoy the life without prejudices) but I can't seem to find that special guy who will lead me to this, I just find one-night stands and I don't like that so better I stay the same. And I'd like to say one more thing,
that is an IMPORTANT ADVICE to those girls who said their friends don't know, if their good friends (close ones) it'll be ok, most of my friends know it and it's ok they don't treat me different, on the contrary they are closer to me cuz' they think it's a good point for me to be honest so think about it and take a chance to tell your friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I'm in the same situation. It feels a lot better to read these replies.
I HATE when girls complain about their boyfriends if they did one thing wrong. I just want to smack them for being so ungrateful. A lot of my friends do this, I just go along with it and pretend to agree with them. They don't know about my situation, fortunately.
To all of us who are feeling hopeless, remember there's always dating sites. I plan on joining match.com or something if I haven't had a bf by 25. This isn't how I'de prefer to find a guy, but it's better than nothing :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Hey it's ok I am 15 and never been kissed or had a boy friend. Only one guy has ever liked me and we haven't spoken in 4 years. I know how you feel though, my sister gos through guys like paper towel so I get it. Not much I can do I think I just wanted to tell some body too lol =D
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Like others said, I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
I'm 25 (about to be 26 in a few months), and never had a boyfriend or been on a date. I've only been kissed once (it was my first and last kiss), and it was only by a guy friend that I asked to show me how to kiss. I rarely get asked out, and the few guys that do are never guys I'm physically attracted too, so I don't accept because there's no point if there is no attraction there. I'm okay looking (not ugly, but not considered hot either), and I'm not really picky. I've thought all kinds of different looking guys are cute, but they never want me. It gets so depressing after awhile being rejected by every guy you've ever liked. I highly doubt I'll end up finding someone. I see couples doing cute things together and I know that will probably never be me. I try to make my peace about my future knowing that, but it's still very hard and I get so lonely. I never wanted to end up alone, nor do I want to date some random guy I'm not attracted to at all either.
I hope the OP's situation has changed since it's been a few years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): Thank god there are others there just like me! It really does suck doesn't it?
I'm 19 and I have never been kissed or asked out on a date! I don't know why though? Is there something wrong with me? Because I see girls out there who aren't as pretty (Not that I'm very pretty), funny, smart as me but they've had so many relationships! Is god testing me or something? I always tell myself the guy is coming- one day I'll be one of the others but the truth is now I'm scared. All my really good friends are girls so I don't know how and when I'll meet a guy who will also fall for me.
Really hope things change soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): i'm 20 years old as well and have never been kissed, been on a date, been asked out on a date. it makes me feel like crap and it also makes me feel delayed..like this should have happened already. i feel like most girls get their first kiss in their early teen years, and most even have sex starting around 14. but if God wants you to remain pure until marriage, then thats actually a blessing. i would keep praying for the Lord to give you a spouse. my mom tells me all the time that even though it hurts to never/not have a boyfriend, at least ive never had to suffer a broken heart and live with regret. i know how it feels. i feel rejected by the male population. and people tell me im pretty all the time-including strangers. and my friends think im funny, etc. so i dont understand what guys are looking for. it really sucks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): i'm also 20 years old and have never been kissed, been on a date, had a boyfriend, been asked out on a date, and of course never had sex. i feel so delayed in this area of my life. all of my friends have at least been kissed,and people also tell me i'm pretty all the time-strangers as well. and my friends think im funny, im a nice person, etc. but theres nothing. i feel like im always going to be alone. its nice to know im not the only one, because i feel i am. and im so scared im never going to find anyone that it keeps me up a lot at night.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Wow I feel exactly the same way as most of these replies! I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone or been asked out...nothing. It feels really embarrassing. I don't go to parties because I know everyone will be making out and I'll just stand there awkwardly, boys just don't have an interest in me. I just want to get my first kiss over with. It feels like each day that passes I get more behind. All my friends are out having random hookups...whenever they talk about it I just pretend I have too, but I'm so worried they'll find out I haven't. I don't want to have random hookups though, I'de rather have a real boyfriend that's like meaningful or something. Only it seems like people don't do that in college. Sometimes when I see anything related to dating or sex I feel sick and nervous that its never going to happen for me. I feel like I'm missing out. It just sucks. I try to think that having this issue now means that later I'll find someone really special and it'll be great, but I don't really believe it. I can't imagine it ever happening for me, it seems impossible at this point. Maybe I'll just turn to eharmony or something eventually. It's great to see that others are in the same spot, I used to feel like I was the only one! I hope there are some boys that are in this spot too. I would love to find a nice guy who has as little experience as me. Good luck to everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): I have to say reading this is so helpful and great! its like everything i thought about myself other people have said and are going through...
I dont know it just seems like im not really going to meet anyone and I just dont understand its like guys are never attracted to me or the ones that are are guys i would never want to date...
Its also like i don't know where i would meet guys my uni is like 90% girls and it seems like there are no guys there that are dateable....
I dont think i am like the prettiest girl ever but i definitely dont think i am ugly....
I'm 19 now and soon going to be 20 and it seems like everyone I know has had a boyfriend and been kissed but it will never happen to me....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): im 15, & in response to all the girls on here. when your young you don't need a relationship. in my experience, out of the 2 guys i've actually dated, boys our age are heart breakers. just focus on your own life, and love should come naturally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): i'm 16 and i've never been on a date, never been kissed, never been asked to go on a date actually... so yep. i attract guys i am not interested in at all (very strange guys...) i'm a normal, pretty girl but yet there's absolutely nothing! no guys, no guys, and uh... no guys. very sad. i tell myself, 'hey! u don't need a guy!' and its true i dont need one. but i want one! and that's enough to drive me crazy =) lately it's all i've been thinking about. i just stay positive. it'll happen someday. preferably someday soon. just thought i'd add myself to this three year old list. haha
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): I'm 18, 19 in July and I have never kissed a boy or had a bf either. This has really made me feel better. It doesn't bother me all the time, mostly those moments when you just lay down and think. I recently told someone I like them on the last night before I will most likely never see them again. I did this bc I knew he wanted to just be friends. Turns out he had a "little thing" for me in the beginning of this year, not anymore. I seem to arreact weird people. I got a dozen roses for Valentines day this year from a guy I talked to out of politeness maybe twice. I'm used to being pursued. My first semester of college I had three guys chasing me down. I almost gave in just to have the experience with one but couldn't do it. All the wrong guys like me. Hang in there girls we just HAVE to find these guys somewhere! For now I just always turn the attention on someone else when relationship talk comes up..
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Hey. I'm 18 going on 19. I too have never had a guy, a date, or a kiss. I don't really have any advice other than stay strong and stay patient and wait on God. One thing is for sure. Because you have waited so long, hopefully patiently, people will look up to you because of your strength. People already do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): I'm 8 May 2010 again, you girl from 9 May 2010 I'll tell you one thing, if you ain't got nothing to lose, dare to send him the friend request on facebook, what's the worst thing that could happen? that maybe he doesn't accepts you? if that would be then he's not worth it and you'd find another one I'm sure, I always say that you have to dare to do things if you ain't got nothing to loose, I kissed that guy because I knew I was never going to see him again so I didn't had nothing to loose, besides when I kissed him he smiled so I wasn't that bad. The only thing right now is that I think he's the man I want to spend the rest of my days with but right now I'm young and I have to meet many other fishes before...so dare to do things
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): omg i feel ur pain but i am 14 i feel ugly but my friends say i am pretty i hate myself and i lova this guy his name is aaron i call him shorty but he doesnt kno i am alive i dont even have the courage to send him a friend request on facebook
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): nothing u jus kiss ur mom or dad. it doesnt mean u shld kis 2 a boy
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): I'm almost 20 too and the same happen to me I'm not ugly, i'm funny and all that but maybe very demanding on what my first time-guy should be , til' last week, I met a guy and I fell for him but... he had girlfriend and he was 7 year older than me so he saw me as a little sister, well the thing is that I met him on a trip and I was never gonna see him again so I decided to say a special goodbye, even though he didn't felt the same for me (so I think) he was really kind with me so the last day I told him I was gonna show him a trick, I told him to close his eyes and I gave him a short kiss and turn back and started walking, he was really surprised he said: "what a girl" and that was all, lately we hug and said goodbye forever I think. The thing is that that was the first time I dared to do something like this, I had kissed twice two boys like this but that was playing the bottle so I didn't mean anything for me. And that story will last in my mind as a beautiful memory but I still have to have a relationship because I hadn't have one before. As you all say I don't wanna be a freak, and maybe after a first one I could be as normal as my friends (in spite of all this I consider myself normal but I wanna feel free to make out with anybody I like), but the first has to be special.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): I am 18 and have also never been kissed. It seems like all of the guys I like are never into me. Well, it more than seems, it is. Of course other guys out there have told me I am attractive and I have tried to see if a relationship would start up. The truth of it is, though, I am not physically attracted to them. Even if I overcome this obstacle, they are still not my type. Their interests are completely different, they don't understand me, or it seems like they are just pretending to be interested in me because I am one of their only choices.
I just feel so alone out there. The worst is getting close to someone as a friend and then wanting it to go further, until you hit the brick wall of realization: they are not interested.
I am stuck in fantasy worlds where guys appreciate and love me but imagination can only go so far. I just feel soooooooo lonely. I don't want to be 60 years old, with all of my family dead or estranged, and not have someone to love me and lie next to me.
I want someone. Everyone else, it appears, has someone. They still cheat and fight and break up and move on to repeat the process while I am just sitting here waiting for something to begin. I hate being the extra wheel any time I go out with friends. It feels like they just keep me there in case they run out of conversation. Frustration consumes me!
I digress. I just want "him" to notice or aknowledge me. I'm not optimistic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): God, I thought I was the only one. Reading these comments have made me feel a little better since I now know that I'm not alone. I am also 20 and have never been kissed or dated. It hasn't really bothered me before (and personally it may just be because I am a late bloomer) but I've become intensely attracted to guys and the fact that I have no romantic experience with guys is killing my confidence. I'm also afraid someone may find me to be a "freak" because it just doesn't seem normal. It's made me feel insecure being around my friends because it seems as though I'm the "third wheel" or the only virgin (inexperienced) friend. All I know is that I don't want to settle for any guy and I don't want a pity party. I just don't want to be the female 40 year old virgin whose never even kissed a guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): i'm 18 going on 19, had one bf when i was 13 although nothing seroius(seems that i had more game then cuz many boys liked me),and finally never had a kiss! People keep telling me i'm really beautiful, cute, funny, and smart!! i have many male friends more than female... i'm so confident and down to earth.. however my problem is that all the guys take me as a friend!!they all care for me, fool around with me, tell me there problems...but at the end tell me u're an awesome FRIEND!!! Another problem i'm facing, is that all the guys that i feel are interested and like me, i dont like!! And the guys i like take me as their friend or are taken:S i dunno how lond i'll stay like this. All my friends at uni want me to get a bf !! few know that i have never been kissed:/
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reader, lalalalalala +, writes (3 May 2010):
Thought I'd finally add to this board. I look at it every so often when I am feeling particularly low.Thought I'd share, not that my story is any different, but add just one more soul to the never been kissed/dated list. 20, female, never been kissedand yeah, the most awkward thing is if it ever occurs, do you say something, do you not say anything about it being your first time? What if I am terrible? And they figure well she should have had a lot of practice by now... when I haven't not at all! But then as someone put it before, what if they think I am a freak? I mean I don't know anyone like in person who hasn't been kissed. All of my friends have, multiple times, and most of them have had sex, which is like a whole other boxes of worms and worries for me. Anyway, the longer I wait, the longer I want to put it off because the more ridiculous I feel. I am not ugly but I have dealt with acne for most of my teenage life and even though my skin is pretty much clear. It is still oily and the tone isn't great without makeup, and I have worried about it for so long, I think any guy would feel so betrayed once he saw me without makeup because I would be so much uglier... Each day passes and I can see my days slipping by. Its like everyone else is racing to the finish line while i'm still at the start. Me and my mom were talking about the future while we were looking at last years christmas cards, and one of our family friends sent us a christmas card and the girls had pictures with their boyfriends and my mom made some comment about that being me next year or something (even though i refuse to take christmas pictures). Anyway it was like my heart stopped beating for a split second, and it was no longer just me worrying thinking I was the only one who noticed I was a pariah, but no my mom was thinking these thoughts all along. It was like she slammed 200 pounds of added weight to my back, the pressure to be "normal". My aunt even told me a random story a while back for no apparent reason about one of her friends who told her 18 year old son it would be alright if he was gay. And I have nothing about being gay and if I was a lesbian I would be proud. But when she told me that I got so angry. It was like she replacing her friend, and me replacing her son's friend. It's like omg she realized why i hadn't had a boyfriend was because I was attracted to girls. and obviously I hadn't had a girlfriend before because I needed my families permission. I was so angry because it felt like she didn't even realize I didn't ever date because i felt like no one could ever love. It just occurred to her that I wasn't like everyone else kissing and having sex like her 15 year old daughter, so I must be a lesbian because what other explanation is there! Sorry I got off track, I just hate the pressure. Its like everything and everybody around me is telling me its wrong to be 20 and never dated or kissed a boy. Its just not the way its done, and now my friends don't know what to do with me. I am no longer asked to go out because I usually just sit in the corner while everyone else parties and makes out with guys. Its just not the way I want it to happen (like everyone else here :) yay us), but its like why can't just one boy on any normal day, like something about me enough to ask me to coffee. And I'd say yes even though I don't drink coffee. And I would know that somewhere out there if he liked me enough to put out just a simple question into the universe, someone else would too someday. Thanks for listening.
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reader, NBK +, writes (17 April 2010):
Hey, I am 20 and never been kissed or been in a relationship and like you I am very bothered by it. I want that passion and that puppy love or whatever happens when a guy and girl like each other do. I am a christian, so I am taught and I believe that women shouldn't look for men, men should look for them and the one that comes should be more than what your heart desires because he came from God, a match made in heaven if you will. But I find myself so frustrated and angry by that sometimes because I wonder how much of a role am I supposed to play in that. Do I wait and do nothing...do I approach and then wait...what? Like many of you answered all of my girlfriends say I have a charming personality and I am pretty, but I feel like other guys don't see that. I do have low-self esteem and I am very self conscious, I wonder if guys see that in me and are turned off. But I also feel like that isn't fair. You should get to know a person before you decide to stay or not. The more I wait the more scared and uneasy I get by the idea of having a boyfriend and kissing him. I too think "will I be horrible at it, will it be awkward, if I tell him I've never been kissed with he run away and think I'm a freak?" I'm just so confused. I don't understand, I know this isn't exactly advice or an answer, I just wanted you guys to know that you all are not alone. I am so very happy to have such respectable and nice women like me to share this with. I hope nothing but the best for all of you and I some day I too do believe that what we all are waiting we will get and it will be wonderful. I just want so badly...
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): I think the main reason why most of us haven't been kissed or in a relationship is because we are scared. Its so new to us and we are past the middle school point of silliness. All my friends are at the point of having sex and making out at clubs. I feel like I am just terrified because I have never done anything with a boy. I don't know how to interact with boys I like. I always crush on guys that I know I can't have, because I don't actually want a guy becuase I am scared. I am tired of being scared. Sometimes I just want to get it over with and kiss a guy at the club but then again what if I am losing something special.BTW I am 19 and a girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): Hey! I am almost 22 and I have EXTREMELY low self esteem. My mom says I am pretty but I don't think so. Everyone says you'll meet someone someday. But I don't believe this its all fairytales and lies. I know I wont meet someone. BUT that doesnt mean you wont. I wont sugar coat it. Its not fate. Its not destiny. It's just being in the right place at the right time. :)About ur first kiss. I decided to do it cuz my friends kept telling me i was loser. So I made out with some random at a club. Big mistake. SAVE IT:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): ah i'm with ya.i'm 20 and haven't been kissed yet. they approach me and i walk the other way, so they think i'm being rude. but truth is they make me so damn nervous! but we awkward kids have to get over such nonsense. just have to gradually approach them little by little and then we'll be in business! but like others have said, do not settle for a loser. you've been saving that kiss for a long time, don't fall for a jerk just to cross this off your list. Best of luck!! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Hey,I am also 21 and never been kissed. Interestingly enough, I get asked out quite regularly, but usually the guys that do ask me out I do not find interesting. However, I am too shy to approach those that I am intrigued by, because I am self-conscious.
I think being confident in yourself is key, if you are not happy then you will not only shy away from opportunities, but it will be harder for the guy to enjoy being with you.
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reader, thoserainydays +, writes (29 March 2010):
December 19, 2009 here.
Less than a month away from turning the ever-so-intriguing 21. Was reading 2-March-2010 and I know where you're coming from. I don't think I can ever take a compliment seriously, from anyone. Anything remotely "progressive" seems so out of the ordinary that it can't be true, or I can't stomach it and so I attribute it to mistaken identity. Boys can't find me attractive, or interesting -- it just doesn't work like that in my head and I'm starting to think that maybe it's not necessarily me, but it is my perception of me.
Personally, I think I'm weird. With a capital W, I suppose. My guy friends all say "weird is interesting" or "weird is pretty cool", but is it? By weird, I mean I'm quirky. I'm a little forward and blunt, maybe too daring to do the dangerous things (but not the important things, like compliment a certain someone or tell someone I love them). I've had people in my uni classes stare at me in that blatant way, and friends have said, "I think he wants something from you" or "I think he likes you." But I can't help but think: maybe they're staring at me because there's something unfathomably odd about me.
So, briefly put: maybe people do find you attractive. Maybe people are interested. Maybe people are genuinely drawn to you. But maybe you're too hard on yourself, or maybe you're so used to putting up that wall that anyone who gets behind it is a foreigner, an enemy, or something not to be trusted.
At least, that's how I feel.
We'll see what happens, I guess.
I told myself I couldn't do relationships. Like you 2-March-2010, I get sick at the thought of attempting or initiating those classic cliche interactions... Holding hands, going out for coffee... I can't see myself doing that. I can't see myself returning a phone call. I can't see anything. And maybe you're right. Maybe I ought to change that outlook and see where it takes me.
If I can go bungee jumping, why can't I let someone in? Why can't I let my guard down for a second? I don't know. I know I'm young, but life's a rollercoaster.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): It really is nice to know that you are not the only one out there. I think we need to just remember that our time will come and it will happen, no matter how much we want it now.
Don't settle though for anyone, just because you want the experience of having a guy like you.
I know that we are all impatient and want that special moment soon, but the key is not to dwell on it, and not be scared by it.
I hope you find them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Hello! 4th November, 2009 here. Again!
I thought I'd come back and read all the postings after mine. This page is always such a help. Everyone is so respectful and encouraging to one another!
I'm still on the same boat so far. Still 20, still haven't had a bf, still never been kissed.
I think I've realized more reasons why this is happening.
I feel like maybe I'm not only picky, but I'm too nervous or embarrassed. I don't think I could ever go up to someone and tell them I liked them unless I'd known them as a friend for a while.
I also always worry.. what if I do have my first kiss, and i'm totally terrible -- which is a reason I'm scared I'll back out of the perfect oppurtunity.
A few days ago one of my co-workers told me that her friend wants her to "hook him up with me" because he came in my work one day while I was working and she said he thought I was cute.
Honestly, I give the guys props for saying he thought I was cute in a terrible company hat and an ugly appron, and I was completely flattered.
But then she wanted me to go and watch him play a show and meet him.
The weird thing is I feel akward so easily it's sickening. I couldn't even IMAGINE myself going there by myself, and just hanging around waiting to meet some guy. I had already made the decision that I wasn't going, before she was even done explaining what night the show was going to be on...
Anyhow. I think for me personally, there's quite a bit of work courage and self concious wise. But it's nice to know I'm being noticed.
It will happen for all of us one day. I'm POSITIVE of that. Make it special, and cherish it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): hey I been going through the same problem im 18 and I'm a part-time model and never been kissed! I don't know what it is but I know it will come someday when its right or not even...if you find someone you really like try to start and build a relationship and if it gets deep enough tell em that you've never been kissed.....as for me as I'm a guy so...it's kinda different lol...hope this helps ya
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Well, I'm about to be 16, and never been on a date, asked out, kissed or anything. My twin sister on the other hand, got her first kiss when she was 12, had sex when she was 13. That's three years from now. I still haven't had any type of relationship. I've always been told I'm prettier than her. I don't see how though, because she's always the one with the relationship. Middle schoolers are even more sexually involved than me! Like 6th graders! I'm in 10th. I'm okay with not being kissed. I'm okay with not having a boyfriend, honestly I love being single. You don't have to worry about what one guy thinks. You can flirt, you can have fun. You can be more yourself without a boyfriend, I think. I might think differently when I'm older, but I don't care about having a relationship. It just bugs me that I see everyone wasting their youth and having sex and getting pregnant! A lot of my friends wish they could take back their first kiss. I myself, kind of want to know what it's like to have been kissed, but on the other hand I do not want to waste something so special. I think, you are what I want to grow up to be 20 and never kissed, I want to save everything for my "soulmate". I myself, even at my young age know that I deserve the best, because I have never treated someone bad even if they treated me bad. I am honest, kind, loving, and respectable. I know you are probably a older version of me, and you deserve the right guy, Mr. Right. Just keep being yourself and having fun and when the time comes, you'll find him and you'll be happy you waited. Because you'll get to share everything with him and not worry about it all ending quickly cause he'll want you no matter what thick or thin.
That's what I think, I am only a teenager, but I know what I deserve and I hope I help just a little bit. (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): hey, i just read your post and woow i'm not alone!!! i'm 19 and never been kissed too! I had many occasions where I was about to kiss but I didnt because I realized that I didnt like the guy enough. If I have one advice : just be confident with yourself, don't bother yourself dating jerks cause you might regret it when you'll be older. A 1st kiss has to be very special, so just wait for the right guy to come, and I'm sure that when we'll meet "the one" our soulmate, we'll feel it. Take Care Ladies!!! xxx from Paris with Love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I first responded to this thread on the 1st December 2008. I am now 21 years old and still in exactly the same boat. It honestly doesn't worry me too much not having a boyfriend, I have lots of great friends (including male friends), a great family...hell, I have a great life!! But I do worry that if I haven't managed to meet a guy at university, how will I meet one when I graduate? I think my problem is that I'm attracted to very few guys, and they are usually taken. Maybe I have high standards, but I just like nice, genuine guys. Everyone has a type, and I just don't seem to be attracted to a lot of guys. I don't want to complicate my life by dating someone just for the sake of dating. I want to have a connection with someone. I've had plenty of opportunities before, I think we can all recognise when someone is into you. But, unfortunately, I never seem to be into them. Or at bars, when there are so many men trying to crack onto women, I have zero interest because I don't know anything about those guys and we are probably completely incompatible (besides, they are probably on the prowl for a quick hookup). I'd like a relationship to come out of friendship.I've read all the posts, it's so wonderful to find so many people out there like me. Sometimes I feel really weird about having never been kissed...I usually lie if it comes up in conversation, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, because I don't feel sorry for myself! Ironically, I always seem to be the one giving relationship advice to everyone else. Sigh.Anyway, let's all just hang in there and keep on living our lives to the full! Be confident and happy :D hopefully we will all get the relationship we desire some day soon
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Relief. I am overwhelmed by the response that this wonderful girl got. I am in the same boat, and I have to tell you to look at the number of responses here. You should also look around...there are lots of young women out there in the same position. Don't feel bad. We are the new generation of women. We know what we want and we wait for it to come. If those guys don't have the guts to step up to the plate then they are not worth it. Have faith. If God intends you to share your life with a partner he will guide you and provide opportunities. Take courage ladies!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I'm 19 and also never been kissed. I went on my first date about a week ago. The guy keeps talking to me but I don't know if he thinks of me as a friend or more. We have been out one more time since. I have fun when I am with him and he is nice to me. The only thing is that I think I may be more attracted to the idea of him rather then him himself. I'm not sure what to do. If the opportunity comes for a kiss I will probably take it because I am dying for the experience. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): YES!!!!! i HONESTLY have to say reading this makes me so happy. I am 19 never been kissed or had a bf. I've been feeling depressed about this lately especially cause i met a guy in my class last semester and i really wanted someting to happen to us but it didn't. So i am happy to read this and see i am not alone even if i dont know you, you have all just helped put a smile on my face and more pep to my step knowing im not a freak and alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): Girls!! all around the world! its going to be okay! We should embrace the fact that we have held on to our virginity for this long. Believe me , a good man will find this attractive in a woman. All of you will meet your " soulmate " and you will be able to give everything to him. How special is that! Think of all the time we could have wasted in our teens, on boys and dating. when most of those relationships are awkward and last for a short amount of time. Why give it up to some pimply, prepubescent boy who hasn't matured enough physically to make your first time a satisfying event anyways? Now we are women, and we will never have to deal with the worries of teen pregnancy, or mono for that sake! Our time will come, and soon. It starts from within. Look at yourself. If you are self conscious, it will show. Try to better yourself , for yourself, and then meeting new guys will be less stressful and intimidating. Figure out your hobbies and interests, go to school, learn about the world, and your time will come. Join a gym! Working out can be great for the mind, and knowing that your getting healthy is an automatic confidence booster. Believe me , we are the girls who are patient and it will be worth it in the end.
You guys are amazing! And Embrace your pureness!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):
Wow, so I'm not the only one! I was really starting to get depressed, as I am about to turn 21 soon. I've had summer flings and flirtaions but never a real boyfriend. I was almost kissed when I was 17 but I got nervous so I hugged the guy instead!!!
Part of it is because unless I know the guy for a while I get really nervous and turn red (I hate that) when approached. Anyway, my advice is to keep going on with your life and don't obsess: desperation will not get you anywhere. Put yourself out there and be confident.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go spend my Valentine's Day eating Fair Trade chocolate and watching "The Notebook" again.. sigh
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I've been reading everyones posts, and I am in the exact same boat: 19 (soon to be 20) never been kissed, and never had a boyfriend (or a date for that matter). It is so comforting to know that I am not the only one out there. I've been fine with the fact that I never had a bf because all my friends were single, but around 17/18 they all got boyfriends. I felt alone, hopeless, and depressed. It's a relief to know I'm not the only one out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Same for me.
I keep thinking something's wrong with me. Either I'm too ugly, too boring, or not nice enough. I probably wouldn't be able to do anything about it if I knew what the reason was, but it'd be nice to know. I wish I knew someone honest enough to just tell me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): hey. im 20 years old, female as well. and i too have never been kissed. ive never had a bf. and ive never been on a date..well a serious one anyways. lol. people are always giving me compliments on my looks and my personality as well...so maybe its just the guys? lol. idk. it really gets to me too sometimes..especially tonight. i dont have any advice, accept dont date a jerk just because you can say you have a bf.
i hear you and just want to let you know, youre not alone :)
val
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): thank god im no the only one out here!!!! i thought it was just me.... im 18 and never had a boyfriend and people think im weird or that everyone should have someone in there life... all my friends are in relationships or just got out of one.... even my best friend who just got a bf when she was 17 nd thats when i felt like i was alone or i should have someone cause everyone else does... it's so confusing?? :S...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Like almost everyone here,I have never been kissed. I'm 18 and I've asked one boy out, and told 2 that I liked them. I feel like I've tried my hardest for such a long time, but nothing works. It makes me very sad to think that I could very easily go for who knows how many more years without being kissed, or liked. I find it so strange that some girls find it hard to keep their virginity until marriage, when I would practically have to be a hooker to give it up, and who knows if even then anyone would want me. Depressing topic, but thank god I'm not the only one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): I'm 16, I've never been kissed and no one has ever shown any romantic interest in me. Sometimes I can tell if some guy is checking me out, but no one ever approaches me and though I seem confident on the outside, it's a whole other story within.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I'm glad to see that there are lots of ppl in the same situation :)
I'm 16 and I haven't ever been kissed, or had a boyfriend yet...Any boy hasn't asked me out, but my friends (some of them aren't pretty) have had kisses, and i don't know what to do!Ok, I'm shy, and quiet, and thats not very useful to meet people, but, if someome wants to know me, I'm very friendly! I dont bit! xD I have fairy hair and i dont think i'm ugly...
So, whats the problem?? =S
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): I've never kissed...what's it like? Be descriptive and give me examples of your first kiss...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): ms. original poster, guys are probably intimated by you cuz you look pretty. or bcuz ur pretty, they probably assume you're already taken. my friend was the same thing. i told her to flirt so guys know her status is single, not taken, and totally ready for something. if you like someone right now, go and flirt with him. show your interest. love is timeless so don't worry if you haven't experienced anything yet. nobody's rushing you :-)
get over yourselves and stop thinking that you're that one person who will be alone forever. if you keep on thinking and believing that, there's a high chance that you may become it because you're blocking the chances for possibilities. keep an open mind and don't be shy to look.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): don't worry. i'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend. it just happens and if your really worried about it, start going on dates.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): don't worry. i'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend. it just happens and if your really worried about it, start going on dates.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): hi, u're in a good position. am 24 and i've never had sex or been in a serious relationship. I have male friends but not like am really close to them as i am with the girls.
may i suggest you try being more outgoing and try new things you're still young.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): hey Jan 25 poster, this is Jan 15 poster ha ...it's crazy someone else out there has that same situation going on. sometimes it feels like I am the last 20 year old on the planet that has never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I also am always so scared someone will ask me who my last boyfriend was or my friends will say, "when are you going to get a boyfriend? you still haven't been kissed? It feels better knowing someone else has this same problem. When you think about it, it isn't a problem so many people have so many horrible problems in this world and here I am complaining about never having been kissed. Yet it still is scary wondering if I'll be the that one person who is alone forever. I want to think I won't be the one that, that will happen to..but what if i'm alone forever?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): The right guy will not just magically or spiritually end up on your doorstep. You gotta work and find him. Finding love is tough for many people but it is very possible. Try these and see if it will work for you:1. GET A MAKE OVER!: It's just the beginning of the year and what better way to spice things up than trying out a new look. Get a new hairstyle, get some cute clothes and shoes, put on some makeup. Look sexy, look hot but keep it classy at the same time unless you are just looking for a good time. Let's be honest, beauty attracts guys! However, let's not just do it for them and always keep in mind that we are primarily doing it for ourselves. SELF is KEY. 2. JOIN A GROUP If you are still in school, join a club with lots of members in it. It's a great way to boost up self confidence for those who needs some. Being around people and socializing could kick up our confidence meter and hone our communication skills. If not in school, join a COED gym. Guys who cares about their health is a great trait for a guy to have. Plus, some eye candy while we are working out won't hurt a bit. Oh, and there are also what you call meet up groups that you could find online and some are legit. I only know one because my friend told me about it and it's called meetup.com-- trust me, i am not affiliated with this website what so ever. Try it out if you find something.3. REDUCE PRESSURE ON YOURSELF Instead of pointing out our flaws, let's point our strengths. Let's think more positively. Write down words of encouragement on a piece of paper and read it at least once a day to yourself in front of a mirror. Say it as many times until you believe it. I use: "I am an attractive person and I deserve the best." It's very bold but just saying that to myself makes me feel good. Try something like that. 4. SMILE MORE They say one of the best accessories you can wear is a smile. It makes our beauty shine..haha that sounds so corny but it's true. Smiling could lure guys towards us. I've done it so many times and it works. Plus, it will make us look approachable to others.5. BE CONFIDENT Confidence confidence confidence! Don't be shy. You want guys, be bolder. We can all do it. Block all the concerns you have and just go for it. You got a crush? Give him signals like smile at him when you see him and flirt. The worst that can happen is that he will just want you as a friend or not feel the same way. TOO BAD! He's probably not worth your time anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Being 20 and having no experience with men and dating is not so bad. You could be a 25 year old wondering what kissing feels like. I have just described myself. Its funny, because, in theory, I'm every decent guy's dream girl, a real catch. I am good looking, petite, cute, funloving, a good person, with a high education. Yet nobody has EVER been interested in me, nobody has ever asked me out. I can completely relate to the previous poster, who mentioned "...the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one talks about." That is exactly the type of situation I have going on with my friends. We never talk about the fact that I have never had a boyfriend and I am constantly worried that one day they might bring it up in a conversation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Lately I have been getting depressed because I'm 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never even had a guy like me that I know of...pretty much in the same boat as all of you. I feel like the older I get, the more awkward this all becomes..I worry about being alone forever. I'm not ugly..but I am "chubby." I know my weight could be part of the problem but I see plenty of overweight women with men and I also see plenty of overweight men...aren't they looking for someone to be with?? I always hung out with the popular group in high school, went to parties but never hooked up with ANYONE. My three closest girlfriends have all been in serious relationships and it hurts to always hear them talk about their significant others when I don't have one and never have had one. It's especially awkward because none of us address that I have NEVER been kissed or had a thing with a guy. It's like the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one talks about. I feel pathetic sometimes. The only thing that I can do to make me feel better is think that this can't be forever and that we all are still very very young in most people's eyes. I think I'm waay too shy and scared of intimacy and boys can sense that and that is why a guy has never gotten close with me. I just want to get my first kiss over with because I'm imagining having a first kiss in your early twenties is very awkward. I think by posting this I am feeling better getting these words out. I have NEVER told ANYONE about any of this. It really is comforting reading about other girls in this same situation. I also get anxiety worrying about being close with a guy and even imagining a guy could like me. And, If/when I get a boyfriend I worry about how awkward it will be to tell my friends about it and family...they'll probably be very taken aback I would ever have a boyfriend. There so much more to my story, but I'll stop here. Hoping to make others feel better and realize there are others like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Im 18, and Have too never been kissed, or been in a relationship, Guys Chat me Up at partys, Im not like a stunner but i play alot of sport and therefore in good shape, i also model so look after my skin. and i no boys arnt that shallow but im told all the time im really funny, And good company, but as i have too older brothers and a twin sister(total tom boy) so i therefore have intrests in football, wrestling and general things boys like and this does impress them. however i think my shyness can b a bit off putting :( and boys just treat me as a mate. it kills me to see all my friends i relationships,i want a facebook picture with a boy i want a status change to say in a relationship i want to go on dates, and it shouldnt bother me this much but it does.! i get told my time will come... im just tired of waiting. nice to share these feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Hey! I'm 18 (almost 19) and I'm in the same boat. Though I've had a boyfriend before, it only lasted a few days as he just wanted to be closer to my best friend. I've never been on a date, and I've never been kissed. Not even on the cheek. I find this odd as so many guys are attracted to me. I'm not gonna lie; I'm pretty and am in good shape. Everywhere I go I see guys checking me out. They're always telling me how cute, pretty, or hot I am. Now that I'm in college, I get it even more. So I can completely relate! As for advice, I'm just waiting for the right guy to finally ask me out so that I can experience my first kiss. Maybe you should do the same? The only guys that have asked me out or even come close to asking me out only wanted to use me to make one of my friends jealous (don't ask how many times that has happened) or they're just complete drunken/high/drugged up scumbags. I'm a bit of a goody-two-shoes so I don't go for those types :). I won't just let any guy off the street grope me, maybe that's why I haven't kissed anyone. If that's why, then something is very wrong with this world, but we already knew that. I'm a nice girl too, smart and a sweetheart. But I guess that's not the kind of girl that guys want.
Hope you have better luck than me! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): I am also 20(soon to be 21) and never had a boyfriend, never gone on a date, and never been kissed before... I know how you feel...I am not ugly. like you, people tell me a am good looking, gorgeous, pretty...blah blah.
Though I do have many friends, most of which are females, but not all...I do have a handful of guys friends...but that's all that are...friends...they will tell me that I am the best friend a guy could ever have....
but I mean...is that what I am? just friend material?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): This really helped me. I'm 19 and I've never been kissed or even had a boy even like me. People tell me I'm attractive and it will happen when it's supposed to but I'm struggling to believe them. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one out there with this problem. After reading all these posts I'm feeling less depressed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Wo,
It IS good to know there are others out there with this problem. I'm nineteen, soon to turn twenty and have never been in a relationship or had sex. I'm from new Zealand and had always been one of the popular girls at school with lots of friends and was told I was pretty and funny, and have kissed many guys before ( 40 ), but for some reason things just never work out. I'm so sick of people syaing I just have to wait, and i try to kid myself by thinking there is a perfect match for everybody, im so lonely all the time and am a lot bigger then most of my friends and I think that that alone may be why I havent had a boyfriend. I'm pretty sure losing weight is the answer, or at least to give me the confidence i need and attract a guy, but a part of me keeps telling me that weather you are skinny or fat you've gotta be happy with who you are and love youself or nobody else is going to love you, and you might end up depending on them to make you feel attractive and loved, when you should feel that way about yourself. But that is so cliche i feel like it is just a defense mechanism, and i have to face the truth, boys don't like fat girls and losing weight increases your chance ten fold, i'm very very sorry to anybody out there who is offended my me saying this, i more then anybody know what its like to loathe the way you feel, but I just need to know IS THERE A GODDAM GUY OUT THERE FOR ME! one who will want to be intimate with me and who i love and am comfortable enough to be intimate with?
Please help,
Hephania
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): It's kind of a relief to know that others have felt this way... kind of gives me hope. I'll be 21 soon enough, the go-to gal for relationship advice BUT (now here's the kicker), I've NEVER been in one. I can't say I know why -- I get along with all my male friends; they just about "love me to death" because I can relate so well (I was raised by a predominantly male family). I don't quite know if I'm attractive (you hear it from your parents -- who are obliged to say it -- and from other folk -- who seem to be saying it out of politeness -- and then from random strangers -- which should make my day, but instead leaves me wondering). I'm short and more shapely now. I have a modest chest and no "striking" features. But most of my life I've been the "fat, nondescript-looking girl", and since high school, I've lost loads, gained compliments ("Oh, you have great bone structure")... but like a previous poster, it hasn't done much with my confidence to just step up to a guy I like and tell him, "I like you." I've spent most of my life on the defense -- on the run -- from social interactions of the intimate type, mostly to avoid feeling the rejection I felt when I was younger.
Now, nearing the end of my undergrad years, I've a little more confidence. I can actually flirt with someone, albeit unknowingly. But I'm wondering if being this empathetic or relatable to guys is just hindering my chances of actually connecting on an intimate level with any guy -- i.e. I feel like I'm "the girl friend" and not the "potential girlfriend". There were a few times where I really thought things were breaking through. I really thought he was genuinely interested in me (we went out for walks a lot, spoke about serious matters, confided in one another, went to the movies, etc), and then I realized we were this close because I was such a great listener. I was a great friend, and he needed a "girl friend" to help him out with another girl. Needless to say, I was a bit hurt. Confused, mostly. And since forever, I've been stuck in this "best friend" rut.
And I've never been kissed (except this one trivial kiss, i.e. 1st grade "kiss tag" games, which is nothing but humorous to me). I've never been on a date. I've never even been asked out. I've never had sex. And yet, I'm on the speed-dial button of many friends -- male and female -- for relationship advice. Ironic? Perhaps. It hurts, I'll tell you that. To sit with your friends and their boyfriends, and just feel like the spare tire... that hurts. To have them ask you questions, assuming that you've been in relationships yourself, is kind of a bittersweet feeling.
My advice on this? Don't think about it. Don't think about finding a boyfriend, or anything like that. I've heard that self-confidence can go a long way. Most of my guy friends really like a girl who's confident in herself. I think it's in not searching that something like that will find us -- patience, really, is the key. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
I'm finding it's difficult to follow that advice myself, but I know that I've just got to wait a bit longer.
Take care -- and keep on trucking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): I'm 22years, and I've also never had a boyfriend, nor have I been kissed. However, I always say that in time God will find the right person for me, since, even while many think I'm attractive, I've found it hard to be in a relationship.
Now, God has awoken me to a new feeling. I've met someone, oddly enough, on an airplane, and from the start, we've shared such a heavenly connection.
Keep your fingers cross and keep on praying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): 19 here.
I've never done anything, but lately I've really wanted to. I may not be the most attractive girl, or the skinniest, but I'm confident in myself.
Why can't anyone see that? It just baffles me.
I wish that people could just tell each other that they're attracted to one another, that way everyone could be spared their loneliness.
People shouldn't go without love, it's torturous.
Wishing for that special guy to come into my life as soon as possible.
I want to know what loving someone who loves you in return feels like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I love reading this. I've read every post. It really helps, knowing there are others in the same situation, and getting good advice. And it's really nice that a lot of you don't write clichés like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" etc. Bullshit like that does much more harm than people think. It's like opening up to someone and getting a 'Get Well'-card as a reply. It's impersonal and insulting. It doesn't help.
Personally, I'm 20, and never had any sort of intimacy with a guy. When I was a kid people (boys in particular) would call me really nasty names. People who were more polite would just do it behind my back. Once a guy I didn't even know stopped in front of me on the side-walk and said "Fuck! You're ugly." Starring at me, horror and surprise in his face. I was so shocked and hurt, I just walked home and cried. I did that a lot, especially when I really tried making friends. I was 11 when that happened, and still trying to get over it. I was really fat, with extremely bad acne, and since my family's pretty poor I wore second-hand boy's (from my cousin) clothes until I was about 14. It hurt, so I just shut myself off. It taught me to be nice to others, though. But secretly I really thought that 99% of all people were evil. And that being nice was a façade, and never genuine. Really, really evil.
I didn't experience having friends at all until I was in what amounts to high-school in Denmark, when I was about 16-17. Even then guys would still look at me as if I was a piece of crap they'd stepped in. It helped having friends though, and we're still really close, me and 3 other girls.
I'm in university now, and I was really shocked how nice everyone is. I'd hate to say it's all about higher education, but apparently meanness and lack of tolerance comes from ignorance, and I'm finally just not around those kinds of people any more. I used to be very scared of others, but now it's a bit easier, and the guys at my course are all really friendly and open, which is wonderful. I'm in a study group consisting of me and 3 guys, and it's really helped me relax, and put things in perspective. One of them's extremely nice, always happy and sweet. He's brilliant too, he's too modest to say so, but everyone else says so too. And of course he's the most handsome guy I've ever seen, not that it matters, really. Half of his attractiveness is probably due to his great sense of humour, positive approach to everything and friendlyness. He's always smiling. You probably know the type, the one who gets along with everybody.
Point is, yesterday the two of us and another girl were talking about perception of women, focus on appearance etc. I said I didn't think it mattered if a guy had cuts in his face and both arms amputated; what matters is if you get along and enjoy being together with that person. He completely agreed, which was weird for me, since I sorta always though men couldn't look past appearances.
Anyhow, the conversation moved to relationships and dating. I really didn't feel I could contribute with anything, since I've had no experience whatsoever. Then Sara said something, that she'd only tried this and that, and I said, "At least you've tried as much. I haven't even tried kissing a guy, so you really shouldn't feel bad."
At this point the guy turned to me and said that if he wasn't already in a relationship, he'd kiss me.
I still don't know what to think about that. No guy has ever shown interest in me, and even guys who 'tolerated' me in high-school would joke about how disgusting I looked. (I had short hair, still pretty fat and much acne, and always wore t-shits and jeans. I'm also told people thought I was stuck-up and dismissive, which is terrible, because in reality I was just terrified of strangers, and would slip away, and not know how to start a conversation.)
So what should I think when someone says that to me? I can't figure out if he was just feeling sorry for me. After talking with him for a couple of weeks I've found out he genuinely wants to cheer other people up and help out, and I also know he's not inclined to lie. But even though I've lost over 10kg's and got my skin under somewhat control, got a sense of style in clothes and grown my hair long (people compliment me on it) I still couldn't imagine a perfect guy like that ever being interested in someone like me. I couldn't imagine any guy doing that, in fact.
And like many of you, I don't want to grab the nearest person with a Y chromosome and go for it. If a guy who finds me interesting never shows up, then that's how it'll have to be. I can't pretend I'm outgoing or interested in sports, or drinking or the like, either. And I'm still very uncomfortable around other people, especially strangers. It's getting better, but I still feel weird.
And like most of you've said, it feels horrible when people talk about intimacy and relationships, and you just sit there, pretending you know what's going on. Or just in awkward silence.
I just think it's about luck. You don't find love at a party or a disco, I think, it's probably at the grocery store, on the beach, through a friend or in an art class. And if being yourself and friendly isn't good enough, then it'll be a waste of time and energy worrying about it.
I hope I'll find a guy who likes shy girls, and who isn't unreachable. But I know I'll have to become a happy person by myself first. Getting a boyfriend won't make an unhappy person happy, I think.
Here's what I thought up last night: Try and be happy. And if you can't be happy, try and pretend you're happy, so it'll rub off on other people, making them happy, making YOU happy. Do nice things without expecting anything in return. See, if you cheer someone else up, they'll cheer you up in return. So compliment people. Help out. That's what's so great about the guy I like; not that he's gorgeous, but that he genuinely wants to make people around him happy, as I've found out. No-one would feel alone, if everyone were like him.
Happy Holidays:)
Nina
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Ok just wait and he'll cum just keep a packet of mints around when u do get a boyfriend, then KISS! Lots of love, Girl :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): Hello there ladies!
My advice would be to not even think about it!
1st of all, if u r in the need of someone is b/c u feel rlly lonely when being alone (when u should feel peace...), you feel rlly insecure, unloved, or whatev the case is...
So a relationship, or being obsessed with a guy will make things worse, what you need to do is get to know yourself, get to be who you want to be... that person deep inside u've always dreamt of becoming but never had the courage to take action... to be happier, and eventually confident, and then u can go from there. ('member, be patient, never, ever give up hope)
B/c if u r there, then u don't feel the need to be with someone, rite?
Your main goal in life should be to become a better person day by day, not to find that someone.
Just live your life... it's your choice.
Don't leave it up to "destiny", take control.
Be proud of who you are(if u r not is k, do the things u know that will make u feel proud) so when the last day of your life comes, you are heck proud of who you are. And, beauty is not just in the outside, think of this, a smoking hottie, car accident, ends up looking like (the most horrific think you can think of) , so what's there? see? The inside is what matters. Well don't take it literally, I'm not saying live like a monkey(like don't brushing your teeth, not shaving, blah blah, c'mon!! we live in society... don't avoid it...
Anyways,
Don't let your dreams become dreams.
Say this(If you want to): I, (name, saying last name will give it more power) will achieve my dreams(goals, anything u wanna say) because I am strong and I will fight for 'em. I won't give in!
Somethings that might add to this is printing a picture of yourself doing what yiuw ant to do, or drawing, or anyhing, u get the message...
So now stop wasting time in the internet and start living the life you want to live!
This is YOUR life, no one else's. Honestly, you shouldn't give a shit if everyone else around you(you think that, but is not true) is on a relationship. Does it make you feel better? Um, fuck no! So shut those fucking stupid depressing thoughts and move on!
Sorry for the cursing, but at least when I talk to myself, especially being franc(extremelly honest and open, very sincere), it really helps... It kinda motivates me... I know is not the best way to express one's thoughts but what the heck! (See? I shouldnt be even think 'bout this)
Another advices that will help you overcome that dark hole is: - do your responsabilities 1st (yes do the fucking essays(just an ie.) 1st and then chill out, and if u don't have time to chill out, at least you feel good about yourself! rite?
-try to do a physical activity, sports... I'm pretty athletic so if I don't work out I honestly don't feel good, but that might not be your case, maybe art, or singing, or whatever, but from statistics, doing a physical activity releases endorphins9makes u happy, more postive towards life) and eventually becomes a habit. (If you don't like it, do it anyways, trust me, it will become a habit...) Is like eating a veggie u hate b/c u want to get used to the taste since u need it to be healthier, get me?
-Sleep enough hours
-Wake up early, and use your day hours the most you can
-Learn to depend on yourself, you are the only one that can make you trully happy.
-Take time to relax daily, write down(say 'em.. whatev) your goals, obejectives, or whatev u call it, for the next day; and be realistic, and don't feel sympathy(pity, or whatev, u get me...) for yourself, love yourself (oviously) but treat yourself as by lookin from the outside (at least it helps me)
-Try to become spiritual if you aren't, b/c we as humans are body and spirit, we need to feed both...
And if you are an atheist, find inner peace withing you, and know that your spirit needs positivity,
-And more things that u guys can add
Alrighty ladies,
hope this helps,
Best of luck to all!
P.S. 'member YOU can do this! Oh fuck yesssss! (woot woot) (did this encouraged u? I hoped...)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): Oh my goodness. This is stressing me out. I am 16 and have never been kissed. I think 16 is a good age for my first kiss because a lot of my friends have already kissed at least one guy. I am not the best at flirting but have been asked out a few times. I almost kissed this guy a while back but I didn't really have feelings for him, so I decided not to. I just want to be kissed at least once before college. I have two years. It would be nice to be kissed before the age of 17. I hate being embarassed by this because it shouldn't be a rush.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Wow i can't believe so many other people are in this situation. I'm 19, a freshman in college and have absolutely no experience in the dating department either! Like alot of other people here, I often get complimented on my looks (I even modeled part time in high school) and seem to not have any problem attracting guys. The high school I attended was small so I justified the fact that I didn't date because none of the guys there were my type.
I figured that once I got to college all of this would change and that I would meet a slew of hot guys and finally start dating. However, I'm already almost one semester into my freshmen year and its just not happening. There are a ton of potential suitors don't get me wrong, but just like in high school none of the ones I am actually attracted to are attracted to me :(
Now I'm finally starting to wonder if the problem is me, that my standards might be too high. Part of me wants to just to hook up with whoever so I can finally get my first kiss, virginity, etc. over with, but another part of me wants to keep holding out for the man of my dreams.
This is definitely a unique and sad situation to be in, but just remember based on all of these reponses that your definitely not alone in this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Well missy, then you and i have something in common,im almost 20, and ive never had a gf, never been kissed, but i think its all my foult, sometimes i notice girls looking at me and stuff, but i don't know why, i don't do squat, maybe i have to change my attitude, wich is the w8 and see attitude, i guess i have to stop w8ing for someone to come to me, and go to them, maybe you should as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): I'm SOOO relieved there are so many people in this situation. When I went to look this up, I expected to see answers like "Are you kidding me?! What's wrong with you?!". But this is great.I'm in the same situation, 20 and never been kissed, never had a boyfriend etc. and the closest I got anywhere with a guy was holding hands a month an a half ago (with one of my older brothers friends that i sort of had a crush on when we were a bit tipsy..). Anyhow, (in the most unbragging way, just for the conversations sake) I've been told I'm good looking, been told I'm funny, and I've had a few guys ask me out, or told me they liked me. But I never like any of them like they like me, and laugh it off =/. I KNOW I'm picky, and I think that's why it's taken this long. And another reason I think it's been this long is because one of my brothers is just a year older, and one is a just year younger, and most of the guys I've known are their friends, and I don't want to hook up with their friends and be kniving (minus that one innocent event.. which I stopped! He wanted to kiss me but I couldn't do it...I really don't want to ruin the relationship with my brothers because of something like that). And I don't want to hook up with someone they'd hear about and be disappointed in or make fun of me for. I guess that's another reason I'm picky. I really care about what my family thinks.Another reason I suppose is because I'm NOT AGGRESSIVE in the least. I'm not the flirty type, and I never have been. I've always been real old school in the fact I wait for him to make the first move..Anyways! recently I've been feeling like I'm finally getting closer to my first kiss. I've stopped being so picky, and I'm willing try and be the first-move maker. And I'm really trying not to worry about it so much. When it happens, it will. And it will happen to us all one day. Just keep your chins up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I'm 19...I have a grand total of two kisses, two dates, & no boyfriends. I didn't enjoy either of the kisses (the first was awkward, the other was drunk) and the boys that took me on dates were both just as shy/quiet as I am...so they both went nowhere. Well, one of them actually really liked me and wanted to take me out again, but I pushed him away. I still feel horrible about that, but I just didn't feel the same connection he did. I've suffered from incredibly low self-esteem, depression, & anxiety (mostly social) the majority of my life - I think that's the main issue. I can't even get close to a person as a friend very easily, let alone open up to a guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): This is what: I was in the same boat. I was 20 years old, never been kissed, never held hands, never had a boyfriend, and had only been on one date my freshman year of high school. Last weekend, was my first kiss. Ladies that think it's weird to be 20+, just wait it will come your way. I find though with my personal experience I just was really assertive, and flirty, which usually I'm not. I don't know if that helps, but it's going to work out... It did for me, and I thought I was going to be a cat lady.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): hey!! yeah... same here. people tell me i'm pretty and i'm fun to be with. yet i've never been kissed nor have i had a boyfriend. its wierd cause i know i'm not bad looking and i'm smart and witty but somehow it never happens. and i'm tired of ppl telling me it'll happen when it does. i want to be proactive about it all. but i don't know how. maybe i'm a lil reserved, but mostly i'm scared. and the fact that this isn't happening anytime soon is scaring me more. so hey don't worry, take comfort that at least you're not alone :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): Yeah I know what u mean! I'm your age and ALL my friends have/have had boyfriends and so has everyone i know. And i am the only one who has never had ANYTHING. I know its not me coz a lot of people have tried with me but i just can't seem find someone who i want to be with and wants me too. I feel like i'm going to be alone forever :S like no one in the world is meant for me
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): There's more of us out here?
I'm 21 haven't done anything, so I know what you're going through. It's hard, especially when you feel like the only one, but you have to think about it in a positive light. It's hard to see but we all have our own silver lining; for me it's without a boyfriend, I have time to focus on all the other stuff in my life. And until I can figure out who I am, why drag someone else into this mess?
I don't know if you have the same issues but either way, you're not alone. And, in my opinion, a lot smarter for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): this is literally the most reassuring thing. I'm in basically the same boat, glad to see many people out there are.
There are so many web pages with the same agony aunt questions, so we're all together.
LIFE MOVES ON AND SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DO CHANGE!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): At least you can rest assured that you're not alone! I feel the same way, and I'm pretty much in the same boat! 20 years old and all... it's really rough thinking you're behind everyone else and somehow you're going to miss out on something big... but in the end fear is a big thing too. I certainly want my first kiss to be special, and maybe that's why I'm too scared to have it happen, in case it isn't. Sometimes we just have to take that plunge... it is frightening though, isn't it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I know exactly what you're going through...i'm 19 almost 20 and was seriously depressed about never having kissed someone-- and all my friends (including people i didn't think were as pretty as me) were finding guys...ahh that drove me insane! I finally did get kissed and its really not a big deal, i didn't feel any sparks and am nowhere close to finding a real boyfriend. But just remember that it has nothing to do with the way you look or act, or whatever. I've seen some UGLY people hook up with tons of guys...its just weird and it sometimes it just is luck that some people have that knack. And i bet you're pretty good looking anyway (its the really bad looking girls who have sex at 14 and what not lol). So hang in there, remember that you have tons to offer, and dude you WILL GET YOUR FIRST KISS! Trust me. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Hah dont feel so lonely, Im 19 and am in college. I have been kissed(she was dared), but I have never been in a relationship. My friends and random girls tell me the same thing "your funny, your really smart, or your very facinating", and what not. People always go to me for advice(though I cant make them take it which they will regret later). I am just not sure what it is, I am an artist, have a decent job(for a college student), have a cool car, nice room, can find something in anyone that interests me, but for whatever reason I cant seal the deal. I feel like I just dont know how to aproach the subject and that women want me to make the first move, and since I dont they become disinterested. Another issue I have is that every girl that I am interested in already has a boyfriend(perhaps they are just telling me that). Anyways the point of this response was just to show you that there are some guys on the other side that feel the same way, only if there was an easy way for people like us to spot eachother. Until then I guess we will be like atoms bumping into eachother until we find the right match.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): I'm almost 19. Never "anything"-ed. XD I admit I don't dress up in Abercrombie and wear a different name brand purse every day like the girls around me, but I don’t consider myself bad looking either. I can be pretty open and fun too, I get along with anyone, including guys, but it’s not the “spark” kind of “get along”. And the problem is, if we’re talking like normal, it’s all cool, but if a guy were to flirt with me (no it doesn’t happen a lot), I suddenly get really awkward. That and skeptical of his true intentions. Just looking at some of the people around me, I get really, really skeptical - though I wish I wouldn’t! Last month I got hit on by a random guy but I think he was just practicing improvising his lines. So yeah…either he’s just like the rest (I don’t want one of those shallow relationships), or he’s too good to be true and I’ll end up feeling like I’m not good enough. And out of the very few guys that have like me in my life, I’ve never liked them that way and what’s worse, I’m acutely sensitive to others’ feelings so when I start to be able to tell they like me, I can’t help but avoid them. I keep thinking it’s better to wait and keep your eyes out but I’m not the type to ask a guy out either. I know I’m probably too traditional in this aspect. I guess I’m afraid of being hurt if I jump into something or get rejected. At the same time I have high standards, maybe except looks. I’m also extremely critical of my own flaws and am scared people will see them if they get too close. While I’m not into the idea of changing myself to fit the definition of society’s “perfect girlfriend material”, I admit I do get insecure sometimes. And I often ask myself, not “what’s wrong with me?” but rather, “am I just over complicating things?” Should I just go with the flow and wait? Shut away the part of me that keeps asking these pointless rhetorical questions? After a lot of thinking in circles, it all comes back to the same thing. I know we should just live life optimistically, which I think I do for the most part, but I suppose it’s only normal to get a little worried at times. :) I’m sure we’re all great people here with lots to offer, we just have to be ourselves, be confident, and wait for the right person to come along.
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reader, plse just kiss me +, writes (11 August 2009):
well i got two words for the ladies out there who are shy and insecure, and i realize some pple might find this stupid and blah blah u can get into trouble that way and all that...BOOZE IT. just have a few at a party itll loosen ya up. thats how im gunna do it,see im 20 dont have alot of freinds cuz of my own self esteem issues and i used to have really horrible skin and was just...butt ugly pretty much, not that im actually an ugly girl i just was a complete disatster. but im older now, and stil la distaster, but i aint too bad looking, and ive just recent ly got my skin all cleared up and im dressing better, and guys r noticing me now. got sick of being pathetic and ugly. but still all i do is wk and i dont really hang out much, but im moving in w/ a freind whos very outgoing and im just gunna do it the dumb way, get tipsy and let it happen, im just real nervouse bout that first time, once thats over im pretty sure ill be ok, mabe not, but worth a try. all im sayin is drinking always loosens me up, might not be the smart way, but better than being 20 and untouched, it really friggin bothers me and ppl r always like, wow uvee nvr been on a date..not that i broad cast, just the select few. srry to talk so much just nice top express how much it bothers me. u probably wont do it this way, but either way hope its relieving to know ur not alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): well i got two words for the ladies out there who are shy and insecure, and i realize some pple might find this stupid and blah blah u can get into trouble that way and all that...BOOZE IT. just have a few at a party itll loosen ya up. thats how im gunna do it,see im 20 dont have alot of freinds cuz of my own self esteem issues and i used to have really horrible skin and was just...butt ugly pretty much, not that im actually an ugly girl i just was a complete disatster. but im older now, and stil la distaster, but i aint too bad looking, and ive just recent ly got my skin all cleared up and im dressing better, and guys r noticing me now. got sick of being pathetic and ugly. but still all i do is wk and i dont really hang out much, but im moving in w/ a freind whos very outgoing and im just gunna do it the dumb way, get tipsy and let it happen, im just real nervouse bout that first time, once thats over im pretty sure ill be ok, mabe not, but worth a try. all im sayin is drinking always loosens me up, might not be the smart way, but better than being 20 and untouched, it really friggin bothers me and ppl r always like, wow uvee nvr been on a date..not that i broad cast, just the select few. srry to talk so much just nice top express how much it bothers me. u probably wont do it this way, but either way hope its relieving to know ur not alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Hey, I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I were you. I'm 25 and I've never been kissed yet either, let alone been on a date. If there was one reason for this, it's probably due to my low self esteem. I've always been extremely shy, ever since I was little, and would NEVER EVER approach a guy I like and ask him out.I know my looks aren't to blame cos people have told me that I'm well above average in physical attractiveness (really don't mean to sound up myself!). I just think that many guys mistake my shyness for snobbery and that's why I don't get asked out. Also, I've noticed that, because many guys out there also have low self esteem, they feel uncomfortable in asking girls out and would settle for the more outgoing girls who make the first move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Hey, I haven't had a real actual boyfriend ever and I'm 24. feel like a freak sometimes though. I'm struggling with this a lot lately since I've never been kissed and I guess i'm not ugly as sin but don't have the confidence either. I want desperately to change this at least by my 25th birthday in a few months. Is it really not normal since it's considered so taboo in our society?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I am 16 almost 17 and even now, it seems that people all around me are hooking up with guys and dating and I often feel left behind. I have never had any form of romance with a guy. I have just never had a chance to meet potential boyfriends I think. But, to be perfectly honest, even though I sometimes feel left behind, I'm happy waiting. My aunt was in the same situation until she was 22 and she is now happily married. But I know what you mean. Its hard, but hang in there - ur not alone, and love will come.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): I can`t believe that there are so many people like me.... I am only 16... but it worries me... when is it going to happen... People have told that i`m pretty, guys even say stuff when i`m walking by them, or they even honk at me with there car... i have guy friends... just no one ever asked me out for a date, and sometimes i feel really sad because of that... i even lied to my BFF and said that i kissed 3 guys, but that`t not true... it`s just my wish... she is 2 months younger than me and she has a serious boyfriend for almost a year... what does she has and I don`t....
I hope that I will get that kiss and many more after... :)
greetings from zagreb, cro ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): thank you to all of you for writing. like one of you said, it may be better to write here in honest anonymitythan bend any bit of the truth in one way or another to peers. while I can't offer advice myself, i can tell you I'm in the same boat. I'm 19 years old, never kissed, virgin, etc. the last time i had a girlfriend was when I was 12, and really since then things just didnt align somehow. If anything started going somewhere it was as if I missed the crucial step completely, and mostly I just don't find girl that I really want to date in my near proximity. From afar, there are tons of girls id like to date. but as for the ones in my classes in school, circle of friends, none of it fits. the thing that worries me the most is that girls who are my closest friends say things to me like 'you're different from most boys, you're nice, special, etc etc'... ?? i understand im a nice person, but there are plenty of nice people. its normal to be worried about being different from other boys in that way. why should i be viewed differently?? i just want to be a normal boy. which is hard?? i'm not too effeminate, i pray. since elementary school i had to work a little bit to not be effeminate, which i think is natural since i grew up with two older sisters... and i think it's natural that this issue- that is not appearing gay is important or in the forefront of american males' minds just because so much emphasis is placed on that in this culture. this is unfortunate in my case because when i was younger i was very outgoing, but i gradually became insecure, quieter and grew to be more perceptive about how i appeared. now i sometimes have nothing to say at all. no desire to speak, though im a very expressive person. (as you can maybe tell by the wordiness of this message). i think i wanna go to confessional. i went to catholic church as a child, and i like how in the movies they have confessionals and the women are veiled and no one can see your face and you're expected to say everything. i like it even if the priest knows your voice, like it is in small town cathedrals. i wanna be in love a lot. and i dont wanna feel sexually confused guilty or insecure anymore just because i dont know how capable i am of fulfilling my role as a human, being loved, and the confidence that comes with being part of a relationship. until i can do that, i dont know... of course i can try to be fine with it all, im social enough, i talk to girls better than boys because the undjudgmental openness of girls is refreshing. but. i have to think... something different? something the same ? oh whatever. love to all of you. lets be ourselves and respect ourselves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): I am going on to 20 and I never been kissed or had a boyfriend. All my friends are starting to get married and moving out with their boyfriends. They always go out on double dates and I am usually left out and I feel so hurt and upset because same thing everyone says I am beautiful I think that it is a lie though.... I have tried I have worked on my self and still nothing...
Why do girls who are so mean and have no personality have boyfriends? When us Ladies who are kind and loving and thoughtful get left out why is this? All my young and older cousins all have boyfriends and all of them are snobs except 4 of them and I have a lot.. but still how is this fair right? Is someone out there putting a curse on me? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): First of all, like so many of you have already stated, reading all of the replies to this post has just made me feel so good. Yes, I am also 20 years old and am in the same boat as the rest of you; I have never danced with a guy, have never been asked out, and certainly have never been kissed. Does this sometimes make me feel down? Yes, of course it does, but reading all of the posts here definitely helps to assure me that I'm not alone in this plight.
I guess you can characterize me as one of those nerdy biology majors who has always put her studies first but personally, I don't think I'm a bad looking gal. I'm very shy however, and I know that this has been my achilles heel in trying to approach guys and even talk to them. I have a couple close guy friends, but the closest of them are homosexual so it's fairly clear that nothing's ever going to happen there lol. My best friends are aware of my ineperience with guys and although I love them to death, whenever it happens to brought up and they try and make me feel better, more often than not it just makes me feel worse bc it's almost like they dont completely understand since they have so much experience themselves. In fact, these are the times when I start feeling the most depressed and lonely, bc most other times I'm either not thinking about it or I've just adopted the mentality that "the right guy and I will find each other someday". Reading all these posts though, it definitely makes me feel better, like I'm not the only 20 year old out there who has doubts and feels insecure about this somewhat awkward fact about ourselves.
Am I afraid that the first guy I kiss will be sorely disappointed with how awful a kisser I'll most likely be? lol I'd be lying if I said I weren't. But in response to that I just keep telling myself that if it's really the right guy, then he won't care about something like that and he'll just like me for me. Like so many of you, I don't want to kiss just anybody; I want to kiss someone with whom I can have good conversation (and to be honest, I know I'm kind of a bad conversationalist so I know that's also an obstacle I'm aiming to overcome) and, of course, someone that I love :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): I'm 16 and have never been kissed or had a boyfriend. Im so afraid it will carry on all through high school and college. I dont have the best self-esteem but don't have the lowest. I'm just so sick of being the third wheel and backing out of games such as "have you ever" because of how embarrassed i am. I just want to get it over with now just so I can feel like a normal highschool teenager.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Hey! 20 in August now! Still no relationship/kiss/sex. I don't think about it until I see happy couples- I've kinda been enjoying independence.
I asked a guy out that I was really into (still really in to). Well, he turned me down. I was incredibly shy and awkward when I asked him, and he was nice enough but he turned me down. I'm just glad I did it. I'm not sure why but I had a fear of being rejected but the greatness of being accepted by him overcame that. Yeah, I really liked him lol but I must have read him wrong. I thought he was into me and it was only a matter of time before he confessed.
I know I have just started to grow into my body and be pretty if that makes any sense. My acne is clearing away and my braces are off- so maybe that'll help with guys. My breasts look a little bigger I think. (I asked the guy a little over a year ago)
What else? I have guy friends- no mutual attraction. I don't tend to be attracted to guy's I'm friends with. Anyway, love to all of you! You rock!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This question is a couple of years old, and yet the answers keep piling up. And yes, this is another one of those "I've never been kissed either" things. I just turned 21 and have never been kissed/had a boyfriend/etc. The more I think about it, the sadder and lonelier I feel, but I try to distract myself with things that do make me happy. Friends. Family. Art. Reading. Thing is, I don't want to change who I am or anything. I've been asked out by guys, but none of them are ever "good enough", and the guys I do like, never seem to like me back (oh, dilemma). I'm having trouble figuring out the balance between having high expectations and settling. Because no one wants that...to settle. Is it so hard to find mutual liking or what? Where is that one person who likes you and gets you and wants to be with you? Reading all those chick-lit novels really screwed up my idea of an "ideal guy" (damn you, Meg Cabot!).I read the posts on this website occasionally because it's oddly comforting (and a bit terrifying, really) that there are so many of us with the same issue(s)!The fact is, there is nothing wrong with us. Me, you, or anyone. I've watched everyone else who has been in a relationship, and have determined after extensive observation, that it doesn't matter how attractive or skinny you are. It doesn't matter if you're smart or witty. And although it's easy to blame yourself and who you are for your situation, every other girl out there proves that looks, weight, and intelligence don't matter when it comes to this sort of thing. I've seen attractive and non-attractive girls alike get kissed, and into relationships, just as easily.It's just a matter of finding someone who likes you for YOU....which is apparently the hardest thing for us. It'll happen. I say stop worrying about it so much and try to meet new people. My sister didn't get her first boyfriend till last year (she's a few years older than me), and she was set-up. Maybe that's what we need? A push? Good luck, everyone!(Sorry this post was so long)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I know exactly how you feel. I just turned 20 I feel like I will be alone forever because I have yet to even go on a date. It's sad, I know... I've never been kissed and I feel like a total loser. I don't really have any guy friends except maybe a couple and my low self esteem keeps me from feeling comfortable around men. I also feel horribly ugly most of the time and unlike most who just say they feel ugly...I know for a fact that I'm ugly. No one ever tells me I'm beautiful and they never have. When ever people sort of flirt with me,or so I think, it's usually cause if have misread the signals or I feel as if they are making fun of me....I'm sorry I couldn't offer you much advice...but you sound like a genuinely pretty girl so I'm sure some guy will come around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): I feel exactly the same. I am 19, turn 20 in just a few months, and have never kissed a boy. The most sexual thing I've ever done is had a drunken kiss with a girl that meant nothing.
I always thought it was because I went to a girl's school and physically didn't know any boys between the ages of 11 and 17. However, at college, I met a lot of boys and now most of my friends are boys. Yet, still nothing has happened.
I don't feel attractive but a few people have asked me out. It has always taken me by surprise though and has usually come at a bad time, so nothing has ever come of it.
I was used to the idea that it would happen eventually but last night my mother passed a comment about how she will have to do something to "remedy" the problem if I don't! She has never been pushy before but the fact she sees it as a concern upsets me. I feel totally abnormal but seeing that others are in the same situation is a comfort.
My concern now is that as I have no experience, if I am bad at kissing or something, I won't have an "excuse". When you are 14, kissing badly is probably expected but at 19? I don't know. Part of me just wants to get the first kiss/sexual relationship over with so I can relax and take things as and when they come!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): Dear, oh dear... good to hear there are so many of us nice single girls out there who seem to be in the same boat. It's so damn frustrating! I'm 20 and I have never been kissed, never been in any sort of relationship. I have lot's of guy friends, but they're just friends. Unfortunately, every time there has been a possibility of an inkling of a relationship, somehow it fails. Either I am getting the wrong idea from some guys or I'm doing something seriously wrong, ugh! And feeling lead on is one hell of a shitty feeling. Oh and I definitely don't have the courage to ask a guy I like out, such a wimp, and SO afraid of rejection, it's awful. I can barely even stand to watch romantic comedies without feeling all kinds of upset... I feel like the only people who are calling me pretty are my mom's friends and creepy old men, dang. Eh, anyway, well one day we'll all find our prince right? Or we can all become nuns I guess... Well ladies, good luck in all your ventures, and may you all (AND ME!) find a boy who loves you for who you are! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I am 20, nearly 21. I have never been kissed, been on a date, had a boyfriend or got anywhere near having one.
I feel so much better just reading this, knowing there are other people who feel exactly as i do... I go through waves, i have weeks where i am fine; just enjoying being single and hanging out with my friends, and then suddenly it hits me - something on the TV or just watching my friends who are in relationships, just sparks it off and suddenly i feel very depressed, lost and lonely again.
It is these friends, who have partners, who try to set me up with people, and i don appreciate it, they care and they want me to be happy, but i cannot talk to them, or anyone for that matter, they would not understand...
I get on with guys fine; friends, workmates, i love hanging out with them and have alot of fun; but thats just it, they're just friends.
When i was at school my male friends asked me out quite a bit, but when i was at school i wasn't ready for a boyfriend, i honestly didn't want one, so i turned them down...stupid mistake! I am still friends with all of them, and it is now me that is worse off, they have had or are in relationships, which is so much more than me.
Like i said, i get on well with guys when we're just friends, but the minute i feel it becoming anything more than that and i feel myself shutting down. I run a mile and back off as quickly as i can. I wish i could stop myself behaving like this, but i get so scared that i'll mess it up, or make a fool of myself...
My friends and family tell me that i'll happen when it happens, that there is no rush-all the cliches but they do not help me stop feeling there is something wrong with me. My family and friends tell me i am pretty, i disagree; my self esteem has been pretty low for the last ten years and i'm only now steadily starting to build up my social skills and my confidence again. i am 5ft4, and 8 1/2 stone, so pretty bang on what i should be for my age, yet guys just don't seem interested in me. When i go out, they look once but i don't get that second look.
I just want a decent guy to like me for being me. Not some guy who is just out for sex, but a friend who gets to know me, likes what he see's and wants to take it further, and then for me to be able to control my fear and just see how it goes.
The reason i am posting this, is because i am on one of those lows i was talking about. And after finding this thread, i thought that maybe it would help someone else in the future, as much as it helps me.
I really appeciate you taking the time to read my post, as i notice i have rattled on a bit, but i needed to just get it out of me and onto paper, so to speak.
Thanks again and hopefully things will change for all of us soon.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Wow i thought i was seriously alone and it's great to know that i am not. i am going to be 20 in a few weeks and i have never been on a date, kissed, nothing and i get so frustrated becuase i'm not shy, funny, sarcastic, i am confident with my looks and i don't find it really hard to talk to guys. the only thing is i really don't think any guys have ever really liked me and i have never ever felt that a guy was ever going to ask me out. I have been flirted with by random people but that was it and nothing else. I use to think that it was going to happen when it was suppose to happen but now i just don't know. Now it seems the older i get the more awkward it is going to get when a guy does finally ask me out, especially when it comes to kissing. I am like some of you none of my friends know that i have never been on a date before they always ask me, so hows your love life and i always respond with horrible, there going to wonder someday, or maybe they already figured it out. all my friends have all been on dates, had boyfriends, had sex, etc, all except for me. I am just hoping it will happen someday soon. The only thing i can do is hope that because i had to wait so long it will all be worth it and i will get to have that perfect guy that compliments me in everyway possible. The perfect match for me, then all of this waiting will be for something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I am 17 and have never been kissed, had a boyfriend, or fallen in love. I've never really even had much of a crush on anyone. But I do know I'm hungering for love. I think about it every day. I really just want someone to hold my hand. I think that's what everyone wants.
I think we all need to do eachother a favor, and be ourselves! stop sulking and love somebody! As long as we are afraid of rejection, we will get nowhere. Look at all of these people just like you, looking for you. What a crime it would be if your soulmate didnt chance at a relationship with you because they were afraid.
The point is, we have to be proactive about our relationships. In order to be loved, we must show love first. Why are you waiting to be kissed? You should be giving the kiss! Experience is overrated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I completely relate to your whole response. I am turning 18 in a month and I have never been kissed by a boy and I have never went out with a boy. I'm straight and still a virgin and from what I am told all the time nothing is wrong with me. Guys walk up to me and tell me I'm hot or something like that. Of course it's guys that I don't know.
It is hard for me to make any friends that are girls. My mother says that it's because I'm pretty and pure, that is why they don't want to be around me. I don't go to parties or do dope or drink. To top it all off, I'm an only child. It's very lonely.
I use to go to a public school, but I started getting into fights with other girls because of the way they was so I decided to go to an online school and as crazy as it sounds, I miss that public school. Not because I miss getting into fights, but because I was around people my age and at least it wasn't lonely there. It's even worse now, but in a way I'm kind of grateful for being able to have the opportunity to go to an online school. My mother and I are really close and in fact we are more like best friends. However, she has been ill since May of last year do to cancer.
Things have been terrible and she is the only one I have to talk to. I can't tell her how much I hurt do to her being ill because I know that it will only make her feel worse. Now is the time that I wish I had someone to talk to just to get things off my chest. If I had a boyfriend, all I would want would be for him to be patient with me and be there for me. I don't expect to loose my virginity until I am absolutely curtain that the "future guy" is someone I can rely on, trust, and keep.
I know that guys will say anything you want to hear until they get what they want and then you're history. My mother has always told me that once I find a guy that I think I love I won't listen to her anymore. And every time I tell her she's wrong. She has taught me a lot about how guys are when it comes to girls and I have listened all the way through. I've watched so many true movies about this sort of stuff.
And what I have learned is Never Close your eyes. Be aware of everything he says to you, and never show him you're that smart because that will just make him even smarter with you. A guy wants girls like us in the end, you just have to make sure he is what you want. Myself, he has to have a good job, vehicle, decent place to live, a level head on his shoulders and he has to be clean. I wouldn't want a guy that has any children and his family needs to be decent people as well.
lol, I think that is to much to ask, don't you. I'm scared of growing old and being alone, I know I am probably to young to be thinking like this now. However, in time when I get my degree, I always think what happens next. I guess this is just me, this is what I usually call "felling sorry for myself" lol. Oh well, I'm glad there is a site like this, it feels good to get it off my chest.
Of course I don't expect anyone to read all of this because it is so long. If so though, then thank you for taking the time to read this. And I hope you achieve all of your future aspects in life. God Bless you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): hi, i'm 17 and, like the rest of you, i have never been kissed and never been on a date. i don't have any special problems with the way i look, i think i look quite okei and all my friends think the same. i think i'm a good, kind and caring person. it's true that i don't go out much and yea i am a bit shy, but i just don't understand why i haven't had a boyfriend so far. all my friends have had or have their boyfriends and it just kind of brings me down to see that. i have a lot of male friends too so i just can't figure out what the problem is. and i also don't have any high expectations from a guy, i just want him to be good with me and smart. is it too much to ask?
but i'm glad i found this page 'cause it made me feel a bit happier to know that other people encounter the same problem which, btw, i though was only mine.
a big hello from a girl from croatia
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Hey, i'm going to be 20 in a few months and just like the rest of you, never been kissed, never been in a relationship. etc.
Reading this though, i suddenly don't feel lost.
I am that geeky girl, chubby during school, excelled at school, the nice girl with a funny personality that lads only ever want to be friends with.
It frustrates the hell out of me that I can't talk to any of my friends about this, because I feel awkward ... but thank you all for sharing your stories and giving me some hope!!
I know it's going to happen one day, just waiting for it's a drag. I dread going out clubbing because I am always the one out of my friends that dances alone and never gets chatted up. Maybe I just don't 'appear' sexy or confident.
I know I have an amazing personality and a lot to give in a relationship, just need to find someone who wants to get to know me.
Thanks everyone. I suppose if we only get on thing from this website it's the feeling that we aren't alone and that it will happen eventually when the time is right and when fate wants it to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I'm 17, also never been kissed, or had a boyfriend. I am really shy person, and I am chubby, so that is the problem..
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): I loved reading this. I just turned 20, and up until last fall I had never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I thought I was the only one. I was just always so shy and way too afraid of being judged. I was always really embarrassed about it, but after reading all of this, you really shouldn't be. I love my boyfriend to death, and a part of me is happy to have had all that time to discover who I really was. It makes having a boyfriend a lot easier and nicer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I have never kissed or had a real boyfriend either (one when I was like 6) and I am 26. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am attrative and have a decent personality so I can't figure it out either. Frustrating as all hell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I'm 16 and have never had a boy friend or been kissed
it really depresses me because i feel i have no-one
it makes me feel un atractive like there's something wrong with me
to the point that if my hair is not done ,or not wearing makeup
i go into anxiety attacts because i feel hideous
i find it hard to talk to anyone because i am shy
and am scared of beeing judged
I't nice to know i'm not the only one though....
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I'm 18, turning 19 soon, and about to be a sophomore in college. I've never been asked out, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and never been on a date. I used to really let this bother me. I used to think "What is wrong with me?" I'm not the skinniest girl in the world and I don't look like barbie. I used to think that was what guys looked for. I used to be really shy also, and I never approached guys because I was scared of rejection. And when I would find out that a guy liked me, I had this problem of avoiding them and becoming really awkward around them. But recently, I've realized that none of that matters. People won't jude you based on how much "experience" you have had with guys, and if they do, they don't deserve to be your friends. I realized that as long as you are confident and comfortable with yourself, guys will flock to you. Trust me on this one =)Be yourself and you will find that one special guy who deserves you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I am 25 years old, and I had low self esteem most of my life. I have never been: kissed, on a date, or had a boyfriend.It is shocking to see so many people who are going through the same thing.I read a book by Joel Osteen who helped put it in perspective.I hope to one day have that special relationship with a man, but I know to not comprise who I am and not settle for less, by which I mean personality characteristics.It took a long time for me to be happy with who I am. There are things I would like to change about myself, like lose weight, but I know I have to build confidence on what I do have. And I hope all of you wonderful young ladies stay strong and not lose hope even when there are days when you feel less than confident.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): i love reading this page at least once a week to see all the new stories. wrote on here a couple of months ago, well im gonna be turning 21 next week and i still havent had that kiss. the thing is if it doesnt happen in the next few weeks its never going to happen cos i'm moving back home, and my parents are fairly strict so i don't really get a lot of chances to go out. its frustrating. i don't know what to do. but reading everyone else's stories makes me feel a little better. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): seriously don't worry about your first kiss- it will just come naturally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): Hey!im glad i found this post!
im only 15 but ive never been kissed. I thought i was really old as nearly all of my friends have been kissed loads of times!ive only ever had one boyfriend but we were
young and it wasnt a real relationship.Only two boys have fancied me but generally no boys show any interest in me.
Reading this has made me feel much better! We will all get kissed when we're ready and meet the right guy/girl. Dont rush it, when you kiss the right person you'll remember it for ever and remeber to be yourself, dont change for anyone.
True love waits ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): omg... i actually dont feel like a freek after reading this..thanks everyone for sharing your stories..I'm 20 and never been kissed/dated..
honestly i dont understand why? people have told me that im cute and funny and smart (but mostly gurls) but a guy has never asked me out. I have crushes and stuff but dont have the guts to go talk to the guy cause im scared of rejection.
I think its a cycle..the fact tat im single makes me feel bad about myself and then im scared to approach guys because the rejection will only make it worse...Also a few friends say that i can bee a little intimidating..but its not like im bossy or loud mouthed..i do tend to get sarcastic funny, like chandler frm friends :P
It gets very frustrating at times..when all you see are couples all arnd you..And anyone who has hit on me, im not attracted too or are only after sex..and responding to them makes me feel like a whore...i guess it too high standards or something..but then tat contradicts my low self esteem??
hahah im truly strange.. well hopefully i will get a nice guy soon who has the guts and personality to ask me out :)
till then fingers crossed
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): It not that abnormal to not have been kissed or been out with anybody at 19. At the start of uni (this year) I made lots of fun, lovely and attractive girl friends. I just assumed they were REALLY experienced by the way they spoke.. but when we finally got talking obout relationships only 3 out of the 10 of us had been in
relationships and only 2 out of the 3 have had sex. Im 19 turning 20. I thought i would never be kissed till last month. A good looking guy that girls fancied had taken a great interest in me. But me being me was way too shy about moving foreward with it. This lasted for 2 months. I didnt seem to made much effort.. was a little scared of things becoming serious and then him finding out that i had never kissed or been with anybody.. which would put him off.. coz he told me a few times that i was hot?!(he prob thot i was getting hit on by loadzzz of guys and had been out with lots.. but i havent! I think he is quite experienced but he gets shy with me.. and im like in my head "its me that should be gettin shy here!!" Once in the Su i said "come lets dance" (he doesnt like dancing) .. he came.. then i got a little shy and was dancing with him and my m8s but not looking at him. Then when my friends went to get a drink.. i looked at him.. he looked all shyy(??!!) and then i got the courage to grab his hand and led him toward the bar- he smiled! But then nothing happened..i went back to dance and he went for a smoke! To cut the story short he would always speak to me on facebook and asked for my number.. and then another Su night... he saw me.. we went to sit down to talk.. then he randomly asked if he could make out with me... i said yes! I texted him a day l8r (HE DIDNT!!!!) and asked him what was the kiss all about.. he said we should talk. I told him to come to the Su the following night. I went and saw him on the dance floor .. only to be kissing another girl!!! I confronted him- served him right. Then a friend of his told me he had been kind of unofficially been seeing her recently (like a couple of weeks b4 the kiss). He apologised 4 days later on facebook. I dont know what to think of this situation. Ne body willing to assess? Did he like me? Is he a player?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Hey! i am 20!! i have never had a boyfriend or been kissed. i have come very close though. i have gone on dates with boys and "talked" to a few for periods of time but we never got into anything official. Its always akward for me because there will come a time when i am getting to know a guy and he will ask me about my relationship past and im always like....."uhh i kina have never had a boyfriend and oh ya i haven't kissed either!!" and to most of them they are just kina shocked and confused lol! its cause they dont understand. i dont understand either. i get guys that tell me im attractive all the time! and i have even had 2 TRY to kiss me before but i just BACKED away...then later regretted it. i dont know what my problem is. maybe im just waiting for true love? maybe i dont want to waist my kiss on a boy that wont really mean anything to me in the long run? i dont know but its a tough situation to deal with. I feel like its hard to trust sometimes because ive been hurt so much...so i kina just block people out ya know? how do i get over this!! i wanna kiss a freakin boy!! ahh!! patience i know!
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reader, smartone911 +, writes (11 April 2009):
Same thing here. 20 years old never really been kissed. I've been to parties and everything yet my friend's are the ones to always get the girls. Usually end up home alone feeling like crap. I don't think this can really help however every one tells me it's the initative yet they still think my friend/s is more attractive even if they like me more. Personally, I think I may need to hang out with unattractive people haha. mehh
Bob
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): i guess you are not the only one that's never been kissed as you see many have responded with similar situations.i am just another person on that list.the reason i guess i am in this situation is because i actually listen to my parents, when they toled me that i should concentrate on my studies.i did i excelled, now i am 19 turning 20.i guess, well i admit it i am shy in some ways when it comes to speaking with a guy, but not really because i can talk to any guy as if i was a friend never the girl friend.i feel weird i guess.what's worse is that now that i am in college my mother says i am getting old and that i should go out.i find this to be impossible.i just feel lost, confused and so many other things.i try not letting any of this get to me but as i see all my friends around me develop these wonderful and some not so wonderful relationships, i feel left out.i bet one day you will receive that one kiss that will make you feel it was worth the wait.because after all the first kiss is the one you will remember always.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Well this is exactly what im talking about a girl that understands me. I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a BF. I could say that I'm pretty the best personality ever cause alot of people has said it. But Maybe its my body, im chubby but i think it shuouldn't matter. I use to think a lot of having a boyfriend cause my friends have one. I feel so lonley i want someone to love me. But i just realized that it will come when it comes. And don't worry it will it hasn't for me yet, but i bet you its going to be the best kiss ever.
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reader, Whodat +, writes (2 April 2009):
Hey girl,I'm in a similar situation. I'm about to turn 21 and I've never had a good kiss, only weird awkward ones, and definitely never dated anyone, and even worse, have never had a very intimate crush on anyone, and havent even had a stupid crush on anyone in like 5 years at least. It is painful at best. I feel like my vagina has dried up and filled with cobwebs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): What about the ugly people. Me im 21 and never been kissed or anything further than that. im ugly and I know it. But im also funny as hell and Its like no matter how funny or real I am women never get past the fact im ugly.I've went on dates but women feel nothing for me. I feel like no matter how great a person I am no women would ever care for me because im ugly. I mean what the point of going for the kiss when you know she's gonna turn away from it. And there is nothing worst than getting rejected when trying to give a kiss. Im thinking about just giving up because you can't change how you look. It seems there's a chance if you look average but for the ugly like me it seem there's no light at the end of that tunnel. Just remember uglies are people too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): I am 26 another college kid with no social skills. I never been on a real date because I am socially awkward and extremely shy. I am average or slightly above average looking guy. I am really a down to earth person and nice guy once you get to know me. But my shyness gets in the way and I come across as boring person. I hate being lonely and i feel like I am missing out so much. It is difficult when you do not have the basic human need to love and be loved by some one. I do believe there is some one for everyone and hopeful I will meet some one who will accept me with all my flaws.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): I can relate.I'm 18 (gonna be 19 in 3 months) I've had one boyfriend (10 days) and one nearly-boyfriend (2 months maybe) and NEVER been kissed. All my friends have, so I feel bad sometimes too... But I guess it'll come. Since I ws 14 maybe I had this hope that my first kiss (and first sex, etc) was also gonna be the guys. But since I'm 18 already (and not really considering a younger guy - no offense- I don't see how the kiss, at least, can work out.Don't worry about it, we'll survive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): I just turned 20! Never been kissed or have had a boyfriend. I can not talk to any of my friends about this because they are a lot more experienced then I am, I try and change the subject as soon as they start asking me. I feel very uncomfortable.. but I don't just want anyone, I want the right guy ya know!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I'm 22 and never kissed someone. I have lots of guys interested but I'm just not interested in just anyone but like you I'm starting to feel a bit weird about it. I never even told my best friend that. I don't really care all that much since i know it will eventually happen but it makes me wonder sometimes.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): i'm going to be 18 on saturday and have never been kissed, been on a date, had a boyfriend...i remember this boy having a crush on me in 4th grade, and in 8th grade a lot of my friends used to say me and my best guy friend were perfect for each other. they were convinced he liked me, but was too shy to do anything and i apparently was oblivious. for the past few years though, i've started to like him more and more. i've become basically obsessed with love stories, from the Bronte sisters to Austen, and i guess i have this idea of true love in my head, though my cynnical nature tells me i'll never find it or have it. i think this same guy friend might still like me, or have a newfound crush. we talk all the time, laughing, inside jokes, he constantly says he loves saying my name, hugs/touches me, writes me novel sized nots/emails...we have so much fun together and he says i'm completely hilarious and brilliant (i don't know about that?) but yet he's never asked me out. should i wait for him to make a move or take action (kiss him? ask him to the prom? ask him out?) and risk rejection and damaging our great friendship. i don't want it to be awkward. there are moments i'm sure he likes me and then times when i don't know. i don't see why he would like me, i don't know, but i hope he does. glad to know i'm not alone. so confused????
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): I'm going to be 19 in three months, and I've never been kissed. Your stories are reading like my life! I'm smart, interesting, good sense of humor, and attractive. I'm in my first year of college, and the other girls are always talking about their high school relationships--it's so weird. They all assume I've been with lots of boys, and I honestly don't correct them.I have some questions for you guys:1. I know this really cute junior is interested in me--sweet kid, good looking, nice, respectful. But every time I see him at a party I get too nervous! What if I am a HORRIBLE kisser?? I have no idea! Do I just go for it?2. But then to the point a few of you have brought up: do I really want this random guy to be my first kiss when it's already been this long? Do I want this semi-desperate move to be how I remember my first kiss? For anyone reading this forum who HAS been kissed...how important is the memory of "your first"? Because I'm tempted to just take the plunge.3. And if I do make-out with him, there's no reason he needs to know that it's my first kiss, right? I don't think/want this to become an actually relationship, so a lie of omission really isn't a problem--agreed? Or will he just KNOW and therefore the situation will be made much more awkward if I don't tell him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): I completely know what you are talking about. I am 18 going on 19 and have never had a boyfried or been kissed. As a college freshmen I feel I am missing out on something. I'm pretty, smart and funny but still don't have anyone interested. I know the situation you are in and can totally sympathize.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): I'm so glad im not the only one. I'm 18 and i have never kissed a guy before. I've been on a date before and the guy I was with wanted to kiss me. But, I just didn't want him to be my first kiss so I kind of backed off. For some reason, I seem to attract the kind of people that I don't really see myself with. I don't know why. =(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I am going to turn 20 soon, I have never been kissed, on a date and I have never had a boyfriend. I do not have any guy friends, and I have never been asked out or hit on. I am attractive but I am on the heavier side. In every conversation I've had with a person, I always have to approach the person, boy or girl, no one ever approaches me. I do not know what it is about me that people do not like, I am funny, and very smart. Its really strange actually! I do not like to approach guys that much because I do not want them to start thinking I like them. But sometimes on that rare occassion that I am daring, I approach them. So I have a lot of friends that are girls. I want to meet more guys, but I have no idea what to do. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I have the same problem! I am going to be 20 in a week and I have never had a boyfriend, been kissed, or gone out on a "date." I do not believe I am that bad looking!! I feel so uncomfortable around friends taking about the subject because they are well really far ahead of me in the boyfriend category. I do not know what to do. I am a firm believer in God has a plan, everything works out the way it is supposed to blah, blah, blah... but come on! I am 20!! I just do not know what to do!! I would not mind a nice NHL player hahha
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Omg. Let me tell you...having to write "human" in that box helps remind me I'm not a freak. I'm gonna be 19 soon and I'm amazed so many more people are like me! I'm a very rational person and I know I'm not ugly. I also know that I'm smart and funny but still the only things close to "romance" were the worst heartbreaks that you could ever imagine. Every single guy. And I mean every single guy I've liked has talked to me and led me on...only to find his perfect girlfriend a few months after. Apparently I bring many people together...only at the expense of my heart. I keep hoping it's god but maybe that's all it is. False hope. I'm absolutely terrified of the idea (which at this point is a HUGE possibility) that I'll end up alone. Forever. My hearts been broken so many times that I don't even tell my friends what's going on in my non-existant lovelife anymore because I hate pity. It drives me insane. I also hate seeing my mom genuinely miserable at my state because she knows what I feel. And the thing that bothers me the most is I am positive that there's nothing wrong with me! I'm smart, friendly, pretty and hygenic lol but still no guy that was anywhere near boyfriend-able has ever tried to hit on me. I usually get weird compliments from my cousins old, obese friends and that doesn't help my confidence very much. I just I wish there was a way of guaranteeing me that I won't be alone for the rest of my life. I couldn't deal with never having a family because in 10 years yeah I see myself with a career but my real goal is a family. I just...you have no idea how relieved I am to know I'm not alone. That I'm not cursed somehow and that I'll grow up to be that old woman who no one ever really loved. I couldn't deal with that. Thanks a lot for reading my little rant...no one can imagine how relieved I am just in typing it! I'll keep all of you in my prayers!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): I'm pretty much in the same boat.
I'm 19 years old never had a boyfriend.
Sure, i've danced with guys and gone on some dates but nothing ever happens.
I'm also in college and see a lot of guys but i'm way to shy to ever have a conversation where something can happen.
I'm glad i'm not alone in this and one thing I know for sure is everything comes with time so it's all about the time and moment =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Reading all of this makes me feel like I am not as abnormal as I thought. I am 19 years old and never been kissed. I have danced with guys and had "friend dates" to dances but nothing serious. Now that I am at college, I see hundreds of guys everyday. I find many of them attractive and have had crushes on them. I just don't want to put myself out there because I have a fear of being rejected. Guys talk to me all the time but nothing ever develops. I'm glad i'm not the only one out there who feels this way because I really thought I was the only 19 year old who had never been kissed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I'm in the same boat. I'm 20 and have never been kissed and im also a virgin. The wierd thing is i had a boy that was interested in me recently and we did things that can be considered sexual without going all the way (because of my religious beliefs) but i wouldn't let him kiss me eventhough he tried many times. It wasn't that i didn't want to kiss him it was just that he is very experienced and people think i am experienced just because of the way i look. I have men call me sexy, cute, and hot all the time and ask me out but im just to shy to say yes.i was afraid that he would realize that im not that experienced and be disappointed.Plus im just a little insecure. I'm just glad I'm not the only one out there cuz it seems im surrounded by extremey experienced people that I have nothing in common with all the time. It's nice to know Ii fit in somewhere. SORRY for it being so long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): To the first female reader of Jan. 30: You should see about getting away from home for a while. I know what you mean about parents. Mine aren't overprotective, but I've got really different religious views than them, so living with them for the year after college pretty much precluded dating. Maybe financing an out-of-state college degree could be difficult or impossible at this point, but seriously look at making a clean break - I really enjoyed my four years at college in California. Going off to graduate school was a great excuse to make a clean, uncomplicated break from living at home.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Oh my goodness,,all these replies are such a reassurance that I am not the only one with this problem...I don't mean to copy one girl's post but it truly did feel like reading my own diary. I'm not 20 but I am 17 and find it really depressing that I haven't ever had a boyfriend nor a first kiss. And just like all these other people, I am not just the ordinary; I know that sounds biased. But I get straight A s, was prom queen, play the violin and piano, and am slender. So I just really don't understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): I'm 21 years old going on 22 and i have never been kissed, never had a boyfriend, and never been on a date. I get pressured alot by my family to have one. All but my mom. She is very overprotective and she is not ready for me to have one. My friends know how strict my mom is so they ditched me. They dont invite me to parties or call me. I have a cell phone and no one but my family ever calls me. Guys do not find me attractive. Not even the ones at work. Many Guys have hit on me but they never ask me out. I have no social life and am not tuned it on what is going on outside of school and work. I feel so old. I've tried talking to my mom but she wont understand. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): I am 17, I haven't had a boyfriend, and I have never been kissed. Everyone says to wait until I find the right guy (But it doesn't make me feel better). I thought I was the only one in this situation, but I was wrong. I guess I'll keep on waiting for the right guy!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): Wow, reading all this, is like reading my diary. I'm 20 and never been kissed. before uni my parents were real strict so i barely went out, so i guess its kinda understandable that i hadn't been kissed. But now Ive been at uni for almost 3years, and still not having been kissed, depresses me. I was beginning to think i was the only inexperienced person out there, its nice to know i'm not alone. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Honestly its not terribly weird, but at 20 there's probably things you could fix or alter to nudge "fate." I don't think you should keep that attitude that it's God's will, YOU have to take control of your life. So if I were you, go out to a club with your girlfriends, not all men who go out are assholes. If you're not comfortable in a club, go to a few of your local hangout places where talking to random people is not considered weird. And let your guard down, you don't have to do anything you don't want to with a guy, but, if you're stiff and introverted, guys won't be attracted. btw seriously clubs are not satan's tool. i met my boyfriend of two years in a club. he is the nicest guy ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Hello everyone, Umm like most of you, I am 20 and without a bf. I am still a virgin also. My mom always telling tht Gods got it all, he's just getting me ready for the perfect man thts coming my way. Now mind you, I AM being very very patiet(not the sex part I can wait til Im married, its my religion and I am blessed and happy with my decision), you kno "Good things come to those who wait", Im patient, but haven't gotten anything yet. I don't kno rather to get upset or continue being patient, but Im such a punk tht I just suck it up and gon bout my biz. What am I gon do? :\
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): heya....its really nice...sorry that sounds wrong....what i mean to say is i completely understand....im 19 and have never been kissed ect.....i have deeloped some wiered fear of guys, when ever they attempt to come on to me i get scared and say something to get rid of them....probably because i used to be obese...and have esteem problems sice being bullied about it...now even though im a size 12 i feel like the 18 i used to be!....anyhoo apart from that what my real problem is that going into yr 2 of uni im moving in with my 3 closest girl friends, all of which are extremely 'experianced' if you get my drift, and always talk about it....the thing is that i pretend i know what there on about but am pretty sure they know im blagging it! ... i cant tell them my situation because im so damn paranoid about it..... AAARRRGGHHHHHH! its somewhat comforting to know there are 'others'(it is rediculous how it sounds like its some sort of awful desease) that are in my position.... and finding it just as difficult to deal with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Hi! I'm 20 and I've never been kissed/had bf/all that jazz... it's so nice to have found so many people in the same situation. Like most of you have said, I'm not not ugly or anything, I'm intelligent. I've been told by some guys that I'll make a perfect girlfriend to some guy, but they were either gay or taken (haha figured right?).
So anyways, I've also been told that part of my problem is that I intimidate guys because I am so athletic and all that. Plus I act much older than my age so it's hard. I get along better with people about ten or more years older than me than I do with people my own age.
Anyways, like someone on here before me said, now that I'm at this point, I figure it's a good thing because now I know who I am and I've seen what my friends have done wrong in relationships. I've learned from their mistakes. The only thing that worries me is that I really don't want to be lonely the rest of my life. I'm sick of being lonely, and I can't help but getting bitter on Valentine's Day and at other events where there are lots of couples.
Well, good luck everyone!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): girl, i am right there with you. I'm 19 and a half and still a member of the virgin lips club. I tell myself the same things. I don't have any advice as I am in the same situation but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!
-a fellow lady in waiting
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): It depends if your men are not attracted to you then find a way to make yourself look attractive if you do that then your confidence would be higher and that would help you talk to men that you are attracted to.
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reader, Jonny1985 +, writes (17 January 2009):
I'm going to be 24 this year and I too have never been in any kind of relationship and have absolutely zero experience with girls. Whenever I see couples out in public I get very bitter and angry. There's nothing I would want more than the feeling of being loved.
Most of my friends, both male and female are in relationships or at least have been in a relationship. I have never told them that I've been single all my life and I don't think they know whether I've ever had a girlfriend or not, but I suspect they do as they never ask questions.
I don't think it's because I'm ugly or anything. Girls have checked me out in the past and some have even asked me out but I just shy away. Maybe it's because I don't think I'm good enough to have a girlfriend. But how can I expect to be loved if I can't even love myself? It's a vicious cycle.
I'm in my final year at art school which is full of smart gorgeous girls but I still haven't had much luck and I know things will only get harder when I leave. I don't know... I think I need to see a shrink.
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reader, lildrummergurl  +, writes (11 January 2009):
To the person who just posted on the 9th of Jan, don't worry so much about having to explain about never having been kissed, I find it fairly easy to keep it from people at uni! Some people can probably tell I'm at least not very experienced from our conversations, but no one has ever talked to me about it except for friends that I have confided my situation to. And one of those girls told me not to worry so much about it because her first kiss wasn't very good anyway (and he gave her cold sores!) so she wouldn't mind taking it back.
Besides, I think because the world had become so based around sex like you said, that all the people like us are just too shy to talk about it so I think there are more people like us around than you would think but we just don't know it because they manage to hide it just like we do...
What I've noticed about myself lately is that I tend to push the guys that like me away since I never really like them back. And the guys that I really like who give me butterflies and all that are usually guys that hardly know me who I admire from afar, and I don't know what to do about getting to know them!
Like one of the demonstrators at uni who only took us for one 3 hour lab in a small group at the start of last year and I have only seen once since then. He did the same fairly unusual major as me and is 4-5 years older than me. I only know a small amount about him and he probably doesn't even remember me, but I just got such a strong feeling that he is a lovely guy from that short amount of time, and haven't stopped thinking about him since then. So what to you do in that situation?! If I happen to see him again should I just put myself out there and risk embarrassment? I'm always too shy to actually do anything about the people I like, I suppose partly because I wonder why they would like me over someone else.
Wow my last post on here was way too long as well, I do apologise for blabbering too much! :s I suppose I just love that fact that I can tell this to people who understand exactly what it's like :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Ah, reading these comments makes me feel a bit more normal in this modern, oversexed world. I'm 19 years old, and I have never had a boyfriend, nor have I been kissed. Like most of you, I've been told I'm pretty and interesting, yet I've always been single and unkissed! Two years ago, when I was a senior in high school, I really liked this guy, and he really liked me, but nothing besides a prom date came of it. I mean, 7 months of being so close to him and not even one kiss between us! I haven't liked anyone like that since then. I attribute being NBK to two main things:1.) I'm very shy and insecure, and I think I intimidate some guys that way.2.) I get freaked out even when someone cute/nice is interested in me.Next year I'm going away for school, and I'm really nervous about how I'll explain my non-kissed self to the people there, who will most likely be sexually active. I guess I'll plead the fifth...:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Hey all! Wow theres so many of us out there...was thinking i was like a FREAK or somethin! haha.. yeah, i'm 24 years old don't have a boyfriend...well i've never had a boyfriend or kissed or even hugged. seriously nobody ever hugs me. maybe i give out the "don't hug her vibe?" i don't have any friends either. man is this getting negative...my personality is very reserved.i'm not sure if i'm ugly or pretty...i get mixed signals, like everyone says i'm gorg. but then my family is a lot more prettier and they get all the attention...dunno...I was bullied from age 5-17, so i guess learned not to make friends or build relationships...my teacher drugged me once and assulted me...I have panick attacks after that and I never feel safe. So, i guess i've got issues. but, really, I just want a friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): wow i'm so glad i found this. like alot of you here i am also 20 years old and have never been kissed/or gone on a date. I know i'm not ugly and i'm constantly being told that i have a great sense of humour. Reading some of your comments made me feel better about myself. Still, i just wish i could meet the guy thats perfect for me...and stop feeling lonely!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): i am 29 yaers never had a boyfriend being kissed either.i know its sad but there is nohting i can do about it
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I'm also 20 never been kissed, had a boyfriend, or had sex. I figure, that if I've waited this long I might as well hold out for someone meaningful.
I've had a few first dates but none of them were worth going beyond that. The humorous part is that I didn't even realize they were dates till I was in the middle of it. Confidence wise I think I'm doing just fine - I'm smart, cute, good sense of humor, little extra weight (honestly who cares? I like food!) etc.. and as far as putting myself in situations to meet guys - I play a rugby and water polo, lived in dorms for 2 years and I'm not all that shy.
I've come to the basic conclusion that it has nothing to do with looks (so for those of you worried about weight - don't - plenty of my guy friends have said they like the appearance of someone with a little extra!) Basically, it just comes down to comfort and chemistry with a little luck/timing.
Not saying that it doesn't get annoying or somewhat depressing at times - fireworks shows, new years celebrations are the worst!
I feel like not having one yet has given me the chance to really know myself as an individual. When I find a guy worthwhile (haha who knows when!) it'll make the relationship that much stronger because wont be solely defined by our relationship (as I've seen happen with several of my closest friends).
nice to know i'm not the only one!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): I'm in the same boat. I'm 24, and a lot of it just comes down to bad timing and unfortunate circumstances. My dormmate's girlfriend tried to jump me in the last couple days of senior year, but I thought better of it (and I was probably right on that one - didn't need the drama that would inevitably have ensued on top of two lab reports, a 35-page history paper, a 15-page political philosophy paper, and two final exams). In other cases, I can think of girls who would immediately have said "yes" had I asked them out, but I didn't think to do so until two years after the fact... And once you graduate from college, it just gets a lot harder to meet people.
The girl who wrote on 14 October 2007 brings up a good point:
"The thing that gets me down now is that I very rarely meet anyone who can give me that wonderful feeling of having butterflies in my tummy and the antipation and expectation that comes with really liking someone, even if it doesn't materialise to anything!"
I agree completely. I haven't felt that way in years. Maybe it's more of a high school thing. Or maybe I've just completely checked out or something... Maybe when I finish my graduate studies at age 29 I'll return to reality :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): im 19 very responsible, live on my own, work full time, school full time, and like everyone else I am in the same boat. I try not to worry too much about it but sometimes the mind can be a powerful thing. I am not ashamed by it but wonder why this feeling scares me so much. There is a time and a place for everyone so I just keep on rollin' with it. I have had opportunities but declined them and I do not know why. Life works in mysterious ways so I just keep going with the notion that everything happens for a reason and I try to flow with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Great thread :) Like you, I am 20 and never been kissed. And like everyone else, I not unattractive/bitchy/weird, I have lots of friends (even guy friends), people think I'm funny etc
In early high school I went to a small country high school and I didn't like any of the boys there...really rough types. I always thought it would happen in later high school. The closest it got was I was mad about one guy but, when I found out he liked me, I got turned off...what is with that? Why do we do that? I think it comes down to having high standards, and also maybe being a bit wary about relationships. Let's face it, if we really wanted to be kissed it would have happened by now, because there are plenty of guys who would kiss anyone (that's why those unattractive/bitchy/weird girls always seem to have boyfriends). Now that I'm at uni I have plenty of male friends. I have even been asked out on dates, but I would like to get to know someone before I go out with them.
Good to know none of us are alone! It can be a bit embarrassing, it would probably be a bit humiliating if anyone else knew. One of my friends was 18 and never been kissed but then first night of college she drunkenly kissed a guy at a dance...she can't even remember his name. I certainly don't want that, so I don't mind being alone in my inexperience! So, there is nothing wrong with us, not our looks or our personalities. When the time is right, the right guy will be lucky enough to share that first kiss. Until then I'm just loving life! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): I'm 20 and have never been kissed. So now that I know that I'm not the only one, I don't feel so bad. I know that there is someone out there going through that same thing.
I just went on my first date with one of my good friends last Saturday. He is sweet and funny. He likes to talk about himself alot, but maybe thats what he does when he gets nervous. I want something more but I don't know if he wants something more. I called his cousin after the date and he also called his cousin as well, and she told me that she asked him if he kissed me good night, and he said no, but I thought about it.
So that makes me think that there just might be a first kiss in my future. I'm wishing and hopeing that there will be. And if there isn't then I will keep waiting knowing that I beautiful no matter what! :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): I'm in the same boat! Eighteen, pretty, smart, funny, nice (like all of you, there's nothing that should stop me from being with a guy!) I don't understand, because girls who are mean and nasty get any relationship they want. You know, they always say that nice guys finish last, well what about girls?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): well, its practically a year and abit later-finally had that kiss???Well, I'm a 20 year and my situation is the same!!!Approached for modelling, complimented on my looks, etc. I feel like I'm waiting for something...someone better. But I feel abnormal! An alien! Am I fooling myself???Too many romantic notions in my crazy head? The funny thing is, people have no idea that i have never been kissed, nor has a boyfriend! I feel like my expiry date has passed! I actually wonder, if put in the situation-would I even know what to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): Hello! I am 18 and I have never had a Boyfriend or been kissed!My Story'Can't say I haven't had a lot of luck. I have gotten of offerings of guys in my teens. But I could never just start dating a guy I just met. I have to be with him for at least a few months or even a year to know if he is worth it. I have had two close guy friends. Cody and Lyle. Cody and I had been friends with since I was nine. I had a huge crush on him when I was 12. I always thought he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio. (a celeb crush of mine) but over time I realized that cody didn't like me at the time and as I grew older I started to notice his personal flaws such as a slight arrogance. He began wanting me really badly and would ask me to be with him but I wasn't feeling him anymore. We havn't spoken in two years. Then Lyle came in to my life a year ago. He had a wonderful personality and was quite intelligent. I didn't like him at first even though he was filipino Asian and interesting to look at. We talked everyday in french class and stayed aquaintances but for 7 months of not talking to me he would tell a friend of mine he liked me and he missed me and at the start of my senior year we became close friends for 3 weeks. During this 3 week time he opened up about his feelings for me but his comments were a bit too sexual. And everytime i would complain about my body he would tell me it was perfect. He told me that he was not only into me physically but also into my mind and personality. It was almost to much for me and I wasn't that into him. But now he has moved on to another girl and now I finally decided I like him too. (alot and not out of jealously or because I know I can't have him) But now its too late. I still talk to him but it became so arkward was he found that other girl. I blew my chance. And still remain unkissed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): I'm 18 and never even been asked out, this forum made me feel a lot better :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): I'm so glad that I found this! I just recently turned 20 and I'm in the same boat as most here. I've never been kissed and I've never been in a real relationship. I've had a few first dates but nothing worth pursuing and I've had lots of crushes but never tell anyone about them because they don't tend to last long. I don't think I've ever liked a guy for more than a month and I'm afraid that I'm going to wind up alone. I also have a tendency to stop liking a guy once I find out that he likes me (what can I say- I like the chase better than the catch? Maybe?). I have a healthy self-esteem, don't get me wrong, it's just that I look around and all of my friends have had a lot of experience.
My best friend tells me that I'm way to picky about the guys I decide to let close, and I agree. I do think I have high standards but you shouldn't just have to settle, you know? I don't want to settle. I've always been really focused on school and work so I make the excuse that I don't have time for a guy in my life. But I know that if there was one, I would make time.
Anyway, don't give up. The right guy is around here. somewhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Here we go...
I'm nineteen. I'll be twenty in four months. I have never even had the indication that any guy (ever) has been interested in me - it's always been unrequited crushes from far away. I'm not going to put myself down a lot because I know I'm not disgusting or fat. I am of normal weight, I have neither stunning nor repulsive features, and I have male friends. What on earth is wrong with me? I used to think that it was because I'm asian, but now I know that's just wishful thinking. If only it were that easy. There must be something seriously wrong with me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): I'm almost 20......and apparently not so very different from many other people out there- never had a relationship or a first kiss...
For me it's a question of always being extremely cautious and thinking things through, all while feeling like a freak for being so unusual- I'm embarrassed to admit that I am so inexperienced.
I've been asked to dances, and been asked for my phone number. People always compliment me, and I don't usually have trouble finding guys to dance with. But I'm scared of anything beyond that. I feel like I'm ugly and fat, but I want someone who is perfect. But how do I expect perfection, when it doesn't exist and I'm not perfect? I think that i'm just waaaaaaay too picky and that I'm scared. I am way too critical, but i hope that no one would think those things of me.
i hope its because we're all too smart to just jump for the opportunity no matter what- that we wait and are cautious. but, someday we'll all have to let our guard down a little bit and stop being so scared.......
I just hope that one day I will know that I'm not ugly and that someone really could love me and want to be with me ~ I just wish I wasn't so scared to try to even talk to guys :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): I'm almost 20......and apparently not so very different from many other people out there- never had a relationship or a first kiss...
For me it's a question of always being extremely cautious and thinking things through, all while feeling like a freak for being so unusual- I'm embarrassed to admit that I am so inexperienced.
I've been asked to dances, and been asked for my phone number. People always compliment me, and I don't usually have trouble finding guys to dance with. But I'm scared of anything beyond that. I feel like I'm ugly and fat, but I want someone who is perfect. But how do I expect perfection, when it doesn't exist and I'm not perfect? I think that i'm just waaaaaaay too picky and that I'm scared. I am way too critical, but i hope that no one would think those things of me.
i hope its because we're all too smart to just jump for the opportunity no matter what- that we wait and are cautious. but, someday we'll all have to let our guard down a little bit and stop being so scared.......
I just hope that one day I will know that I'm not ugly and that someone really could love me and want to be with me ~ I just wish I wasn't so scared to try to even talk to guys :(
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reader, whatever123 +, writes (30 October 2008):
hello,I'm a 20 yr old guy, I'm Australian. I've never had a gf, I've never been kissed. I don't believe it's because of my looks, I actually put my pic on hotornot.com once because I was paranoid that I was ugly... I think I got 8 /10 or so.By nature, I'm extremely shy but I do go out a fair bit. I can get very depressed thinking about this, I feel like I've wasted so much time, that I'm the loneliest person in the world.My greatest fear, and I sometimes have a sinking/suffocating feeling late at night when I consider this; is to die alone, never having experienced love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): I am so glad i found this tonight !
I have just turned 20 and started university. I have never had a boyfriend i have never kissed anyone etc. I got pretty close to a guy in yr11, but i just couldnt make up my mind and mucked him around, so yes that went well.
I have no problems dancing with guys, but i just cant let myself go enough to kiss them, like tonight for instance i pushed someone away when they tried to kiss me and now i feel really bad. I just felt like everyone else has had a boyfriend, their first kiss snd all the rest, im fed up of being alone and i dont want to let anyone down or disappoint them!What makes it worse is my brothers,one who is two years younger and the other is 3 have both had girlfriends etc !
never mind i feel a lot better now i know im not the only one, they say patience is a virtue!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Well,
Funny thing this site- kinda just what i was looking to read. A bunch of people just like me! So from that you may deduce the truth I'm almost 19, never had a boyfriend of any sort, never been kissed, never had someone ask for my #, never went even to a dance with anyone...
The funny thing is that I know I am a smart, kind, interesting person. I guess you could say I am pretty- but not in the conventional barbie way. My interests are diverse: reading, writing, fishing, hunting
I never really feel that "spark" with any particular boy. I guess once I did, when I was a freshman in high school. It was at a dinner my school and another puts on. His hair was red, and I think his eyes were brown. Anyway, it was odd- like seeing a ghost only worse and better all at once. I never knew his name, his grade, or anything and I am sure I never will being miles and years away.
Anyway, I guess to an extent every boy I have seen since then I get to comparing with him. I have never felt that again and it hurts to think that I might not.
So, here I am almost 19 and never been kissed...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): i am 19. i am alone. i hate it more than anything.
I hate feeling like the loneliest person in the world, even if i am standing in a crowded room.
I have friends who are with some really caring guys, and are having an absolutely awesome time. I wish and hope everyday that i will be as happy as them soon. i have been wishing that everyday for the past year and 6months.
all my friends have ditched me for their guys. the only friends i have now are as lonely as me.
I kissed a guy once - a year ago now, but i was drunk at a club and cant remember much of it. I dont even know where he is now.
thats all i have in the way of expereince.
I used to be shy around guys, then i grew to be able to talk to them properly. And now i realise that no matter how much i talk to them or be friends with them, they dont seem to like me in that way.
I dont know of anyone that has ever had a crush on me.
I want someone to notice me and think that i am worth the bother.
i want to feel alive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): even though im da youngest replyer im freakin 17 never had a real relationship or been touch/kissed by a guy.............i had two boyfriends my entire life one i only talked on the phone/comp with and another who i actually chilled with but was too nervous when he was round he had a bangin body..any way thats the story of my sad love life
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): girl, you're not alone at all. i'm twenty, never had a bf, been kissed, i'm a virgin, and i've had one guy in my entire life actually like me (that i know of anyway) and that wasn't until my senior year of high school and he was on drugs. seriously. like cocaine and weed. sad, but true. he was nice tho when he was sober... at any rate, it's embarrassing. i want to remain a virgin until i'm married, but it would be nice to have a man, ya know? i'm a kick ass person. i'm all about laughter and life and feeling good and have a fun time playing pool and watching movies. i have a shitload of friends that i adore and i have no problem talking to people, guys in particular, even if i'm freakin out inside, i play it cool the whole time. i don't get it. i used to think it was my weight, but i really don't any more. i see so many girls who are bigger than me get guys all the time, so i'm more confused than ever. i've got a crush on this guy now, but i don't think he likes me. he's so friggin' cute and he talks really easily to me...idk. the point is, you're not alone. believe me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): You're not the only one. I'm 21 and have never been kissed, or had a boyfriend. Sometimes I do feel bad, but I heard somewhere that the longer someone waits for a relationship the more likely they are to have a successful marriage. I've always been pretty, funny, witty, and smart! I'm told by alot of people as well. So it always boggled my mind why a guy wouldn't want me. My mother says it's because guys are intimidated too...especially the nice ones. And your probably not a girl to go with just anyone--like a lot of other girls. Stay strong because your not alone, and our time will come, and be mor precious than ever. Just keep being you. My doctor asked me if I were a virgin because he had to ask about a medical problem of mine. He couldn't believe I was never kissed. He replied, "Guys are stupid, and one day they'll grow up and realize how much they missed." I wanted to cry when he said that, but I stayed strong because I realized some guys do grow up, and they'll want someone like you, and I.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): 19, female and never been kissed, or had a bf. I was asked out about a month ago but I got nervous and told him no, but that we should just hang out as friends.
I had a chance to kiss a guy I liked alot, but he was drunk so I decided it wouldn't be a good idea.
I got asked to a formal homecoming dance at my college, and I said yes, I'm not sure if it's a date or not though and I'm really nervous and I want to have my first kiss but I'm scared.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who's this age and without anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): Hi, i'm 20 and have also never been kissed.
Most of the time it doesn't bother me until i'm around other couples or when im with friends who are always talking about the people that they've hooked up with its then that i start to feel lonely and embrassed.I would'nt say that i'm beautiful or anything like that,but im not that bad to look at.People do compliment me and say im really pretty,etc, but its kinda of hard to believe them. I have been asked out before but it just never seems right or maybe i was too picky.I found that once a guy starts to take notice of me i feel really weird and don't know how to act and tend to shy away.
It nice to know that im not the only one even though sometimes i feel like i am.
So i wish you all luck in finding that first kiss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): When I read this, it felt like you were talking about me. I also am 20 and have never been kissed. People also say I'm pretty and funny. I have some confidence, although I know I don't have as much as some. That being said, I'm not too shy. I do put up a wall to protect myself though. It takes a long time for me to trust people. I've only had three crushes my whole life and I never told anyone about them. Four guys have tried to kiss me, but I always pull away and I convince myself that they're not for me. I've been on three group/double dates that were set up by friends and they were all let downs. None of the guys were special and only one seemed to want to pursue me, but I did not feel anything for any of them. I hate admitting it, but I avoid guys because I'm AFRAID of being hurt. I see other people unhappy in relationships and I think well I'm happy without one. And I was until resently. Now I feel like I want someone to be emotionally, not sexually, intimate with, but I don't know how to tear down people's perceptions of me. I wish I could skip the dating and go straight to the long-term relationship feeling. I jokingly said my parents should just arrange a marriage (almost seems like the perfect solution).
I don't know how to react to guys. When they approach me or call out things in passing (how gentlemenly). I've always had problems with this. I don't go to clubs because I had a bad experience. Guys just won't leave you alone. You're nice and say no thank you, but they continue to mess with you. A guy friend of mine had to yank a guy off of me. That scared me.
Plus, where I live the guys have egos and don't take kindly to sarcasm, but that's my humor. It's funny and I don't want to completely change for someone to like me. I wish I could find a guy who's humor matched mine. Until then I can't decide whether to settle or wait it out for another 20 years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Let me trump you all--I'm twenty-four, have yet to be kissed, haven't been on a single date, and you know I'm a virgin. I can't remember once being asked out on a proper date. I once conversed with a guy online, and he suggested meeting because we went to the same school, but the thought freaked me out, and he didn't make it any better--I grew to strongly dislike him, and quickly blocked him from my email and aim. At nineteen on a winter's day, I was asked out twice in one trip to CVS while I was nursing a bad cold. Both were strangers, older, and had the heir of brokeness. A friend tried to set me up with another socially-challenged person who never bothered to ask me out, and assumed I was going to prom with him, despite not having spoken to him after our original meeting (we did know each other in middle school, but neither of us brought that up). These add up to my greatest loves! I spent most of my youth being teased and ostrasized by boys because I was fat and I never talked. I remain brutally shy, overweight, and I wear clothes that will either make me blend in or hide my fat. I have no reason to believe I'm attractive, and not since that day at CVS have I come upon a man that found me so. I feel like I lost hope a long time ago of being a normal adult. I have the experience level of a child, and so I retreat into books in writing rather than deal. It's a woman's role to be an object of desire, and though I consider myself a feminist, it's disquieting to have the evidence that proves I'm the wrong kind of woman. If I'm not desireable, then what is my use when men have the power in every other respect?
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reader, lildrummergurl +, writes (24 August 2008):
This is a nice forum compared to some others :)I'm also 20, never been kissed, never had a boyfriend and a virgin. I'm not at all concerned about the virgin bit, but I do feel like I'm missing out on the rest of it. I want love, and the real deal like almost every other person in this discussion! I have had guys tell me or my friends that they think I'm hot, and I think I'm pretty too so I don't have any self esteem issues. I've had quite a guys that liked/still like me but I just never feel the same way which is unfortunate :(I can be fairly shy around strangers sometimes, but in most situations these days after a little while I can relax enough to talk properly to guys. I went to an all girl high school which has made guys seem a little foreign in a way, but I have two or three good guy friends, it just takes a bit longer for me to relax around them. At school I was very involved in the music side of things so didn't have time to worry too much about boys anyway, and my friends weren't too interested either, so that got me a bit behind the times.I'm at university now and lived in the uni halls last year so met guys that way, but still not the right one. I have fairly high standards, and now that I've waited so long for my first kiss and relationship, I feel like the first guy will have to be extra special! I'm just getting so sick of waiting though...On the positive side, my life is so much less complicated than my friends who have there on again off again relationships and frequent guy troubles. At least at the moment I can focus on my studies and just enjoy life (even though the romantic in me knows something's missing!). It's nice to know there are so many of us in the same boat, and I wish you all luck in your hunt for love! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): I am 22 and I got muy first kiss last weekend. Never had a boyfriend or sex, but after seeing all the heartache my friends go through about men and all that, I'm quite happy enjoying being free and my own person at the moment!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Im in the same boat, 19 yr old girl never had a boyfriend. Probably the fact that 1. I hardly get close to boys and boys think im scared of them 2. Probably because i seem to intimating, stuck up and too attractive or because which sounds more realistic because im shy insecue, immature skinny and ugly. i think the same, think god has plans for me but reading the first reply i realised maybe i have to force myself to be around boys etc. But then again if i dont feel like im ready for that then i should just go with the flow. Everyone is different and there is no age set on when your first kiss should be, and first time blah blah blah. Some have that wen they are 13 or even 24!!! Im still discovering myself and to feel secure and confident before i get involved with someone else. if boys pick up on that they can take advantage! Proven by what all of us are saying "Tired of being the ONLY one not having a boyfriend/ girlfriend while everyone else has one!" You need to feel confident with yourself being single firstly, secondly its about what YOU want! Do you really want a boyfriend, or is it because others have one? Are you really ready for one? I know its hard because of age, but REMEMBER everyone is different!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): I completely understand your situation. I would say because you have mostly girlfriends, it is likely that you aren't as comfortable with guys as you are with girls. I think your best chance is to put yourself out there and focus on feeling more comfortable around guys (as friends not potential boyfriends). You seem to be a lot like me only I'm almost 21 and in the same boat. Also, there is a chance guys are intimidated by you and if you get to know guys they won't be as intimidated. Either way, I agree with you that it is up to God's will but you can't expect God to drop some great guy on your doorstep...you can't be passive bystander in your life so if you want to change your situation put yourself out there and I'm sure it will happen for you! God bless!
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reader, Phoenix-Rose +, writes (15 June 2008):
Ok so i know i'm younger well 17 and i'm 18 in november and like all of you i've never been kissed, not even close. I get attention from random strangers but no one in particular. I feel quite depressed about as i know i'm happy the way i am but i'd love to have a guy around me. I think i feel more pressure because my mum had me at 16 and then got married at 17, my aunt got pregnant at 16 had him at 17 then got married straight away. My mum and dad are still together and happily married. I also have 3 amazing friends and we are all closer than sisters but they are in the same situation. Worst of it is though i even get jealous of pregnant women because i think i'd like to have a baby not right now but maybe middle 20's but i feel like i'm going to die an untouched old lady. oh wait yep i'm depressed again. I just wish i could find someone who likes me for me as i say i'm not bad looking slightly better than average i'm told but i just feel like an outsider:( so, sorry cant help as i'm in that situation
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): I won't tell you to not worry because that never helped me. I too was in your shoes. I was seventeen before I had my first real kiss. I kept thinking I'de die an old maid before I'de get one! heh It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss or the oppurtunity hadn't appeared but you can't create chemistry. It just is or isn't there. The more guys you talk to and focus on becoming friends with, the more you will begin to realise they are just as worried as you. Many of them are freaking out just the same, about all SORTS of things they think they are doing wrong/have wrong with them. I speak personally, when I say I am a virgin at almost nineteen. It's such a hard stand to take in a world that be-littles saving your body for your future husband but it's just something I believe in. It's SO hard, but I just know it's right. I've seen first-hand the emotional brokeness of women who gave their heart and soul, to men who used their beauty to empower their own masculinity. All I know is that each woman brings a special beauty to the world and has a special purpouse only they alone can fill, just as every man brings a strength and a adventure. Never forget you are exactly what you are meant to be. I've also spoken to many friends who have been very sexually active and almost all of them , I'de say 99% {all but the few in denial} tell me they wish they has never began to have sex, as it is so hard to let go of once you have awakened that desire. The ones who give themselves away to many guys often suffer from depression, low self-esteem, and tend to keep winding up with the wrong guys, due to their self-destructive decisions. All I want you to remember is, you are NOT alone. DO put yourself out there, go tons of places, as much as possible. Give guys a chance that seem average because, they ones who don't stand out tend to wind up being the sweetest ones!! I still feel the same way your feeling sometimes, but if you help yourself, God will meet you there 110% always and FOREVER. Never doubt it sista!! haha We're here for you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): im so glad i found this im 20 and have never had a bf or been kissed or anything...i recently met a guy and i have that gut feeling hes going to make a move real soon and im afraid i wont know what to do! lol ive never kissed any1 before ahhh and its a bit more nerverwracking bc he is older(28) n has experience and here i am with none
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): hey all, i'm 20 (21 in dec.), and like many of you i, too have never been on a real date/had a real kiss/bf. i'm 4'1-and-1/2 ", but other than that i'd say i'm pretty average looking at least. i have had a few opportunities as well, but for the most part i just wasn't feeling them. i know i'm kinda picky and i do have some trust issues that i have been trying to over come, but it still didn't stop me from feeling like such an oddity around my friends. which is why i'm really glad i found this site, because now i know i'm not the only one out there going through this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I'm 19 never been kissed or had a real boyfriend. Ive had a few opportunity's to date some guys, but they just didn't feel right to me, so I passed. Now I'm wondering if that was the right decision. Right now, my friend is trying to get me to date a friend of hers, hes really nice, but seems to be a bit obsessive and clingy and I don't like that, so it looks like my journey will continue for a while!! ANY NORMAL GUYS OUT THERE???
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): i'm 24 And I've never even been on a date.. Just a Skinny Shy Virgin=)
Sure I've Made out with a few Girls all drunk as shit at the bar, but that don't count.
I Think I'm a somewhat decent looking guy.. Kind of skinny im 6'0 and 168 and my teeth are messed up a lil bit .. I Wish I could get them fixed! Its my biggest Flaw i Think.
I Have good morals..I Have a good Job, I Own my house. I love Snowboarding, Rock Climbing, Hiking, Skateboarding, Football. I never ask for other people's help or complain too much
I Think its just because I'm Shy.. Basically. Its not that I have no sense of humor.. Im just afraid to use it. I can't even talk in my normal voice when I tense up. Sounds dumb.. I Know. I don't think I'll ever get over it..
However.. I just don't get a f*ck anymore. I've started going to the Clubs alot now. I just Say whatever I want Whenever I want. I've finally somewhat realized to not care about what other people think of you.
I'd Rather Talk the confesser and be proud of myself thean Lie to a friend and wish it was true
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): Hey! I'm 19 (I'll be 20 in September), and I've never been kissed either... In fact, I've never had a boyfriend, and I've never been on a real date :(. Sometimes it really depresses me, especially when all my friends tell me all about their boy escapades and all I can do is listen like I know what they're talking about. Like other people who've responded, it makes me nervous that the older I get, the more awkward it is that I'm so unexperienced... Also, I'm scared that I'm going to keep feeling more and more out of touch with my own friends, because I can't relate to their situations :(.
Like you, I don't think I'm too awful to look at (I get a lot of compliments too, which is nice :P), I'm smart, funny, and I think I have a lot to offer, but for some reason, nothing has ever happened for me :(. I thought things would be different once I started college, but really, not much has changed at all. Yes, I'm sort of shy, but I know plenty of other shy girls who still manage to get boyfriends. It seems like everyone else in the world is capable of finding someone except me! It's nice to know that I'm not completely alone :).
I guess all that we can do is stop obsessing -- it will only depress us -- and focus on all the other positives in our lives :). And, of course, hope that things will fall into place and one day, we'll have our own boyfriends to gush about :D. We can't lose hope -- we're only 19-20, we're not dead yet! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Wow, I am so glad that I found this forum! I too am 20 and have never been kissed or had a boyfriend. Sometimes I feel so down and spend ages obssessing about what's wrong with me and why for everyone else it seems so effortless, but at other times I feel glad that I've still got the experience to come and haven't got anything to regret.I think that like a lot of people who have answered here, my problem is high expectations and low self esteem. No one I like seems to like me and I just don't have a clue how to read guys. I have been asked out etc. in the past, but it was always by people who I felt nothing for.I have sort of resolved myself now to waiting until the right guy comes along and not beating myself up too much about it. I know that at times it can get really lonely and frustrating and you get sick of seeing your friends with their partners and being the odd one out, but you are not alone. It's hard to talk to family or friends about this because it's embarassing which is why it's so great that we can help each other x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): i'm 23 now, but when i was 22 i got my first kiss. just days before that, i was feeling really depressed about never being kissed, not having a boyfriend...nothing. then all of a sudden it happened! i got my kiss...i was pretty into him at the time. then EVERYTHING sort of just happened...i ended up kissing 4 guys and having sex with 3! no boyfriend still though. (not a slut i swear!). they're not random guys either. i'm really into one of them. so don't worry...it's going to happen! everything happened really fast for me, it was incredible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I'm two months away from turning 31 and I have never had a boyfriend...or had sex...or been kissed...or even been on a date. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Other times I'm glad that I don't have to worry about becoming pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Every cloud has a silver lining.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I'm 24 years old, and I just got my first kiss last year when I was 23. Trust me, it will happen when you least expect it! Don't worry! Since then, I've kissed 6 other guys! It's totally normal for you not have your first kiss yet! :) Just don't fret about it, and it will definately happen!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): I am 21 and also have never been kissed or had a boyfriend before. I really worry about myself. But I feel little bit better after knowing that there are people like me. I hope you'll all find your dream partner.:)
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reader, daletom +, writes (24 December 2007):
The feeling of "being the only single in a sea of couples" can be devastating. I was there!
In fact, the "onliness" of your situation is probably not true - there are probably more unattached (and never attached) people around you than you realize. But you won't discover this for several years, so my telling you isn't much comfort right now.
Whether romance, physical intimacy, or sex is involved in the relationship you'd still like to experience the companionship and emotional intimacy. I think that's normal and healthy. The sacred writings of the Hebrews and Christians even state, very early, that people were made to have fulfilling interpersonal relationships. I'll make several suggestions. Evaluate them and decide if they're useful to you. I'll warn you now - it will take a little courage and you may experience some discomfort.
- Proximity. You aren't going to meet many guys in a convent, but you don't have to be a National Hockey League player to be around guys. Get involved in activities that are comfortably co-ed. This might be an interest group like a Kennel Club or the local Historical Society. Or a church. Or take a few college classes. Or even a mixed athletic team, like bowling, tennis, or volleyball. The key is GET INVOLVED: serve on a committee, organize a study group, plan a party, volunteer to make the reminder calls. The whole process will be easier, and quicker, if one of your girlfriends goes with you. Ask her to critique your behavior: Are you too talkative? Too quiet? Too withdrawn? Too bossy?
- Don't think of guy acquaintances as potential dates or relationships. (I KNOW this is hard!) Instead, just become comfortable being around guys, talking with them, working with them. And don't concentrate on guys alone - even women you know have sons, cousins, coworkers for you to meet.
- Don't get obsessive about looks. Look at the couples around you. (I know - you already have! And that's why you're asking this question here.) Not necessarily the couples you went to school with, but rather the couples your parents' age, who have stable, long-term relationships. If you are honest you will see that tall people, short people, fat people, skinny people, curley-haired people, bald people - even smart people and dumb people - are all capable of having fulfilling relationships. Ask yourself, "What did he/she ever see in her/him?" And then - if you're brave enough - pose the same question to the couples themselves. Well, not EXACTLY the same question. A better way to put it is "How did you meet your wife/husband?". Believe it or not, old married people LOVE to answer this question but that's something you're still too young to appreciate.
- Don't try to be what you're not. One of the old philosophers said, "Know thyself.". Don't try to be the life of the party if you're quiet and shy. Don't dress like a super-model if you're short and chubby, or don't like being gawked at. Most folks can spot a phony - and either avoid avoid that person, or try to take advantage of his/her insecurity.
- Let older adults know about your situation. Think of the adults you've had good personal relationships with. These might be aunts or uncles; athletic coaches; special teachers; Scout or Church youth workers; perhaps a neighbor or family friend. Somebody who KNOWS you and you can speak with in confidence. Let this person(s) know how you feel deep inside. Ask for two kinds of suggestions: things you can do to improve the situation, and people you can meet. Folks your age are generally very poor matchmakers: they'll simply try to hook you up with the first unattached person who comes to mind. Older adults, who know your personality and temperament, are much better at it. They recognize qualities and traits that improve compatibility. (Very few young people consider this idea, but it has been rather effective in other cultures down through history.)
My true story: Although I dated (and loved) a girl during the summer after I finished High School she broke up when we were separated at different universities. I went through 4 years of college without a real date, much less a girlfriend. At spring break of my senior year, in the course of conversation with an adult acquaintance, I mentioned that "Girls just avoid me like the plague." and we discussed the situation briefly. Now this "adult acquaintance" was my parents' age. Her daughter was in my High School class; I had been in Scouts and church activities with one of her sons.
But she had a niece . . . Two months later, after college graduation, I had the niece's mail address, and the suggestion "You'd probably enjoy comparing your college experiences.". There was a distance problem, so we wrote to each other - real letters on real paper, sometimes a friendship card or a trinket gift - for three months. It turned out to be a wonderful way for two quiet and shy people to get acquainted. In August I finally met her in person. One year and two weeks later we were married and still are. (I won't say how long that is, but our youngest kid is your age.) Every few years we send flowers to my wife's Aunt Laura on our anniversary, and thank her for introducing us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I am 22 and never been on a date how do you like that let alone a kiss. Im not a bad looking guy and im very normal. I just have never been in the right social situation to meet a female. It is quite depressing at this point. I stayed home for college and did not dorm. This did not help my situation :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Hey, i'm 20 and like most of you i've have never had a bf or a first kiss. Being away at school, i've started realizing how awkward and uncomfortable it can be when you're hopelessly single and surrounded by couples. It also bothers me that my younger sister has had so much more experience than me in the dating/relationship world when she should be coming to me for advice! Lately i've been crushing on a guy, and my lack of experience is making it really hard to tell if he is even remotely interested. It has also got me thinking about how i would ever approach the "virginity on all fronts" situation with a guy i liked, and whether or not that would completely scare him off. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): wow the people here are so much nicer than other forums. i'm 22 and miserable because i don't even get looked at which would at least be something to keep me sane. i'm not hideous although i would like to be thinner but i'm not fat and my face is fine but i feel so ugly and lonely. the longer it goes on the more i close up and now i think i will probably never be with anyone because even if someone was interested, i wouldn't let them in and the older a virgin i become the harder it will be to explain to someone. arghhhh!!!don't worry you're young yet, you'll meet someone
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): well i think i'm in the same boat as you. i'm cute, i'm not gorgeous.
my problem is that everytime i get a compliment i write it off, and everytime a guy is into me, i just seem to be repelled by that. i only seem to like guys who don't seem to be into me. why is it that when a guy starts to like me i see him as less attractive than before he started liking me? why is it that i never like a guy when he likes me or vice versa?
i sort of came to the conclusion that it's just plain luck. you have to be in that situation, at the right place and at the right time. things just work out for some people. i think it just takes longer for people like you and I. I don't know why, but i often question my self-esteem, which may contribute to this neverending cycle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): Im glad to see there are others in the same situation as me! I am 20 and while I have 3 sets of friends who are engaged I have not so much as seriously fancied anyone. That said I dont worry about it that much-I figured that I am prioritising my college work (although plenty of people seem to be able to balance the two!) Im hoping that I am just waiting for the right man and havent met him yet. We are all still young-there is plenty of time and im sure that true love is one of the few things that are really worth waiting for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): I'm also 20 (I'll be 21 in a month, though) and i've never had a bf and never been kissed. I can totally relate to you because people have told me im pretty...even beautiful, but nobody has ever asked me out on a date. i get really worried sometimes. like im so inexperienced that im afraid that when i finally do meet someone i like, i'll freak out or something. sometimes i worry that i wont meet someone until it's too late, until im all old and shriveled up. anyway, this probably isn't really helping you, but at least you know you're not alone...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Hey, I too am glad I found this! I'm 24, so a bit older than you and I've also never had a boyfriend or been kissed. It does get me down sometimes. I always used to think that there was something wrong with me; that I either didn't have the personality or the looks, as everyone around me had partners. As I've got older I've realised that I do have both of those things in abundance, and that really I'm a victim of unfortunate circumstances and extreeeeemely high standards! The thing that gets me down now is that I very rarely meet anyone who can give me that wonderful feeling of having butterflies in my tummy and the antipation and expectation that comes with really liking someone, even if it doesn't materialise to anything!
But anyway, getting to the point, I can totally understand how you're feeling, and hey, I've got 4 years on you! I'm sure the men of our dreams will come along and sweep us off our feet before long! (I bloody hope so anyway!)
Keep your chin up.
xxx
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reader, sam_14 +, writes (12 October 2007):
wow, thank God i came across this...like im 18...so i am younger...and i feel like so inexperienced, and it just seems like the whole world around me isn't. And so just today actually, on a bus ride home, i was thinking, is there something wrong with me. I do know that im extremely shy and insecure, but i don't project at all. And i am kinda tomboyish...but ppl do tell me im good-looking, and i have been hit on...but only by "weirdo's" and/or "creepers"...as though that is what it takes to like me. But after reading this, i now know that i am not alone. So ur question really helped me. Also, i hear on numerous occasion that if ppl cud go back n do it again, they'd want their first kiss to be different, their first sexual experience to be with someone else/after marriage, and their first relationship to be more meaningful and stuff like that. We don't really have anything to be ashamed of. but it is kind of hard in the sense that u have to worry about measuring up, because chances are ur mate is going to be experienced, and u know, they wud expect that u know stuff, and there's always the fear of them getting impatient with u...cuz ur too shy or too much of a nube.
hmmm...im actually not sure how i feel anymore...
i guess our situation has its ups n downs
take care,
love sam_14
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): yea, right now im a 21 year old college student and i have never had a boyfriend. all through out my life i have been shy with low confidence. As i got older i started to wonder why i never got asked out by a guy, which made me think that i was ugly and as a result i had low selfesteem growing up. when i got into my late teens, i was so desperate to meet a man and have a real boyfriend, mind you i was also a virgin, so i felt pressure to lose my virginity because i felt like i was the only person out of all the girls my age who hasnt had sex yet. when i was 19 years old i went to a party and got really drunk and i met up with a man. I really wasnt interested in him at all, but i was amazed that he was interested in me. we exchanged numbers and everything and he called me two weeks after we met. we went on our first date and he kept trying to get me drunk. well i got drunk and he ended up taking me to a hotel room and we had sex. i gave my virginity to a complete stranger just because i felt ashamed that i was a virgin and i thought that would make him stay interested in me. well to make a long story short, i soon found out that he was older than he told me the night i met him and not only that, he was married with two children with a child on the way. i felt horrible. i just couldnt believe i was so stupid. now i realize that it pays to wait and to not let society or your peers pressure you or to make you feel down because you are not doing what everyone else is doing. god sure taught me a lesson and i will never let that happen again. i have to come to realize that a relationship with god is the only relationship that is important to me. to everyone who is reading this think before you act. god bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Don't go out with / kiss any old random guy just for the experience or sake of it, you want your first kiss to be special and memorable (for good reasons) and you need to feel a closeness and connection with that person.
So wait for the right guy to come along, and enjoy those first experiences, but I would agree in putting yourself out there a bit more and just be yourself and likeable, you might be so gorgeous guys feel a bit intimidated around you!
Remember eye contact ... It's all in the eyes!
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reader, kellyO +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Hi,
i had my first boyfriend and kiss at 22. In my own case i was extremely picky and careful. My parents didnt help also for they were very strict and would never admit i was grown up! Anyway once i started dating it came naturally and i came to realise what i really wanted in a guy. You will meet someone special, i know u will. Try to show confidence around guys and dont turn down dates to begin with!
Goodluck
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reader, Ivana  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 You shouldnt worry about that.Are you in love?If you are take the first step.If you not?I am sure that you will foll in love,and than you vil get the first kiss wich is the sweatest with the first truth love.
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reader, nologo  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Do you have any male friends as such?This is the key question in your case.If yes, think about why none of them is a potential boyfriend.Maybe you are around wrong guys or your expectations are high.If no, your girl friends are likely to be of Girly Girl type.They have only female friends and treat boyfriends like toys.Make friends with girls of other types before looking for BF.
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reader, Artemesian +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Sounds like you might just be a bit shy or bashful around guys? Not that confident? You have nothing to be worried about if people come up to you and saw how pretty you are! If you lack confidence, maybe try meeting guys through friends, or go out with friends socially like to parties, outings and so on where you might meet guys you can get to know? Intimacy isn't something to just try with anyone, it will happen in it's own time when you've met someone you care about : )
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reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Of course, God ultimately controls the universe, but you mostly control your circumstances. If you have people telling you that you look great, and you are funny, chances are, you're a good catch! so why don't you put yourself out there a little bit? ask friends if they know anyone that would be a good match for you, or casually converse with men that you think look interesting while you are shopping or in line at a supermarket. maybe you should set up a girls' night out, and set yourself in situations where there are plenty of men. if you initiate things, instead of relying on fate, your circumstances will change. i hope everything gets better! please do a followup!
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