A
female
age
26-29,
*elpHelpHelpMeee1
writes:[OP original title]I'm 14 years old and my boyfriend is 25. I really liked him before we were going out and he liked me too, he even dumped his girlfriend because he says he can't be with her when he loves me. I love him too but I'm soo scared about my friends or family finding out... I really don't want to break up with him but I can't keep lying.He looks 17 and he's not a fat slob looking for sex off me, in fact he's the exact opposite.We have talked about sex and he says he wants me to wait untill I am at least 16 because he thinks I will regret it. He is not a paedophile, I look alot older than 14 and most people say I am more mature.I really don't know if I should break up with him... he's really sweet and even writes me songs, he loves me and I don't want to hurt him. Please tell me what you think, because I can't talk to friends about this.Btw, is it legal? I'm from Ireland. thanks, x Reply to this Question
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male
reader, nah19  +, writes (26 December 2010):
I just turned 20 and my girlfriend is 14. We met in a chat room and we just joked around online. ( she was funny as all hell). Eventually we grew on each other to the point were in love. I didn't intend that, we met in some comedy chat room for gods sake! The first time I thought I really liked her I immeadiately thought it was strange/ wrong. I got on sites like this one for advice on the matter and slowly came to realize that people were just judging me as some pedo-rapist-murdering-terror-Nazi hunting for small children in the park. & it's absolutely untrue! I really like her but we don't even hug; I mean it's not physical. I'm not some pedo; it's completely non physical and I don't want it to be at all. I didn't enter into this relationship trying to cast some psudo-stockholm syndrome spell on her. I just fell for her just like I would have if she were my same age.
Now I'm not trying to say he's a safe little angel! At ur age u might not be completely able to tell if he is or not! If you can't find some adult you know and trust to be honest with then don't put yourself in a position where he can be dangerous to you. Keep in contact online& don't lock yourself away and alone with him! It's very possible that he is a predator and he's manipulating you! As you get older you'll realize that you can be completely wrong about someone; even those closest to you! Speaking as someone in this position right now Id advise you to just be good friends for now! Do not become lovers until your older! The physical aspects of a relationship don't make it any more meaningful and their absence does not detract from it!
All I'm trying to say is he may be an angel and he may be the devil himself! U can't know for sure yet! I think you should treat this like a long distance relationship until your older! Youre safer both mentally and physically this way and if he loves you he will understand and he will wait for you! Just please be careful!
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male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (8 August 2010):
While there's nothing wrong with men who like to go for younger women (we've all seen middle age men who are always on the hunt for 20 year old girls), no matter how nice this guy may treat you something isn't right. No normal 25 year old guy goes for a 14 year old girl. Even if you do look older than 14 and he thought that was the case when you met, a normal guy would have backed off immediatly when they found out your true age.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): This man clearly has no morals irregardless of your maturity in appearance and appearance.
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female
reader, jrunlucky +, writes (8 August 2010):
 it's really really illegal. well, in america i dont know about where you live but it's usually not normal. and i suggest you wait to have sex at 18 because then you'll know what your doing and you wont have hormones blasting out your rear end. another reason why is because then your considered adult and he wont get arrested.
my personal opinion is that if you cant tell your friends about your relationship then you probably shouldn't be doing it.
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female
reader, xXJDXx  +, writes (8 August 2010):
Sweetheart the term for this if he's having sex with you is statutory rape and peadophilia, it is VERY wrong and you should NOT be seeing this so called "man" I would class him more of a sick animal.
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female
reader, xXJDXx +, writes (8 August 2010):
Sweetheart the term for this if he's having sex with you is statutory rape and peadophilia, it is VERY wrong and you should NOT be seeing this so called "man" I would class him more of a sick animal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): its illegal. And its wrong. No adult male (adult being someone over 18) should be interested in anyone under 16. You are still classed as a child. It doesnt matter how old you look or how mature you think you act, you are far too young to be involved with an adult. Of course he says he wants to wait until you're 16. He will be in jail a long time otherwise. Even hanging out with you can end him jail time. Also in aus, the younger one has to be 18 if the older partner is 18 or older. I doubt this guy will wait 2-4 years for you, and why are you even interested in someone so old?! He's nearly 10 years older then you. When you were born he was at school. This guy is way out of line. Break it off with him. Tell him if he wants to date you he can wait until you are of legal age. The law is there to protect you. Please dont think you'll be safe when this man is grooming you. You are in a bad situation here
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female
reader, lam0111 +, writes (8 August 2010):
I know when you really, REALLY like someone (especially love them) it's hard to see anything clearly... even at 39! I know you may be a mature 14 year old, but you are still only 14. What I'm going to say may sound harsh but I'm going to be brutally honest: There's ALWAYS only ONE reason why a 25 year old man would be interested in a 14 year old girl. He may say he wants you to wait for sex, but it could be something to only seduce you even more to gain your trust. That's the way the pedophilers work. They seduce there victims into trusting them and making them believe that they only have your best interest at heart. In reality all they want is power over you. Men that prey on young girls (because you still are a young girl) will ALWAYS try to gain your trust anyway they can.
As far as the "girlfriend" if he did have a girlfriend, I would really question if he had one or is he's actually broken up with her. Since you're not old enough to have the means to jump in your car and drive over to wherever he is to catch him he's got the advantage. Could be another way to try and gain your trust.
BE VERY CAUTIOUS OF THIS GUY PLEASE!!! If he really loves you like he says he'll let you go and wait until you are older. You have only one life and allowing someone to ruin it will cost you that life!
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female
reader, meshelle88 +, writes (8 August 2010):
 SIGH...Sweety, a man of this age dating a child (whether or not you look or act older, yes, you're still a child) is wrong. WRONG! You're mental, emotional, and sexual needs are MUCH different. While you may say you "love" him, trust me, you know not a thing about love. I am 29, and I have just now figured out what love is. This man and you are not on the same levels. His needs and your needs are on way different ends of the spectrum. You should not hurt your family number one. I am a mother, and if I found out my child was dating a "man" way older than her, I'd be very hurt, and I'd KILL the guy who is robbing the crádle. You need to focus on being a kid right now, trust me, when you're older you'll wish you had. Any "man" who claims to be in love with a minor has little selfworth and should be institutionalized. Please break this off and date a boy your age. Or...don't date at all!!
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reader, OhGetReal +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Honey, if he were a decent man of 25, he would not see a 14 year old as someone he had romantic feelings for, he would not want you to hide him away from your friends and family. He is cool with that because he isn't safe...he has plans to have sex with you and he is saying all the right things to groom you which means getting your trust. He knows your hormones are on fire and you will be the one to start the course of sex and he can pretend to resist, but come on, he's a man, he will give you what you want and then hurt you emotionally when your expectations are never met.
This guy is a pervery, a law breaker and you need to pull your head out of your arse and tell your family about him pronto. He is breaking the law so that makes him a law breaker.
A mature, sane man of 25 does not mess around with a 14 year old girl's head and heart and mind. There are laws in place for a reason to protect CHILDREN of 14 that lack life experience and good judgement from predatory 25 year old boy/men and psychopaths.
Run do not walk away from him this instant. You are in danger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): The age difference is too high, not to mention illegal.
Even if you don't look 14 and that people claim that you're mature and that he is very sweet to you it is still against the law.
He could get into serious trouble with the police and end up with a criminal record because of this involvement.
Do the smart thing and end things, date someone who is the same age as you and you can put this behind you before anyone finds out.
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reader, Universe Man +, writes (8 August 2010):
It appears to be illegal until you are 17:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Ireland
Your boyfriend could very well be decent and sane. My instinct is you should explain it to your family, including the part about him saying you should wait to have sex.
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male
reader, James_Michael +, writes (8 August 2010):
 He's a complete pedophile, leave him now while you still have your sanity!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I am 20 years old, my boyfriend is 25. He was worried about dating a girl my age (yes I thought that was silly) BUT he is a decent man. No decent, sane man would date a 14 year old girl. Can you say jail bait? can you say pedophile?
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