A
female
age
26-29,
*ae21598
writes:I am a 14 year old girl...i am from india...the question i want to ask is that am i ready for sex?...i know this guy since 8 months..we are pretty much good friends...we share everything with eachother..no secrets...he wants to have sex with me...so do i..but im not sure whether i am emotionally ready or not..the country i live in is pretty much very intolerant about sex before marriage..but im going crazy,maybe its the hormones...i feel ready for sex..but then i dont want to regret it afterwards...i just need some suggestions and guidance...as my mom died when i was 6..and i pretty much dont have anyone to talk to...so please tell me what to do..thanks in advance!
View related questions:
ready for sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Acudi24  +, writes (11 December 2012):
Dear rae21598, Experiencing this can be risky and dangerous due to the different diseases that lie behind sex. Having sex should not be a regretful thing because you are having sex with someone you love or been with but sex comes with consequences such as pregnancy, infectious diseases. I am now 19 and have encountered a woman have a UTI infection. We live upon these pressures that allow our hormones to make us feel and choose these decisions on a daily basis. Sex is a natural thing in life. It is normal to go through the changes of oneself while growing up especially when we hit the teen years. We tend to become curious, making us face pressure. However, sex has consequences due to the health issues it can cause. According to The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) they state, “Often, a major consequence of untreated STIs is infertility. Women tend to suffer more severe long-term consequences of STIs, including infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), ectopic pregnancy, chronic pelvic pain, and cervical dysplasia (abnormal pap smear). Women are also less likely to see a doctor if they become infected because many STIs exhibit no symptoms in women, and the infections are more difficult to diagnose”. These are some things you have to think about because sex does have consequences behind it. Personally I believe you are too young to be thinking about sex. If this guy really likes you, or loves you then he wouldn’t be pressuring you or talking about sex at this age. If he keeps talking about this topic bring up those ideas of diseases, and infections. The decisions you make at this point in your life, may have an effect on you whether it’s today, tomorrow or later in years, be aware that a decision like this isn’t easy for anyone, it is harder said than done. Ann Meier a sociologist at the University of Minnesota states, “Being female or younger than the average age at first-time sex among your peers increases the chance of depression, as does a lack of commitment or intimacy within the relationship and what happens to the relationship after first-time sex. For girls in uncommitted relationships, ending a relationship with sex [involved] has more of an impact on mental health than ending that same relationship if it did not involve sex”. Feeling pressured leads to feeling depressed especially at the age of 14. Meier mainly targets the women at the age of 15-19; these teenagers begin to think about having sex with a “friend” or their partner. You are just 14, you shouldn’t be having the thought of wanting to have sex with your “friend” that is not even your boyfriend. In my personal opinion, based on personal experiences I believe that you are young. The outcome of having sex, and making the decision to have sex, are strictly yours to choose. I can only suggest so much, in the end it will be your choice, but be aware of the outcomes of having sex. In conclusion, I believe having sex, isn’t as everyone believes it to be. In complete honesty, I believe that you should wait for the right moment, whether you believe the moment is now, or later, then that is a choice in which you choose to make for yourself. Having sex, once again can be dangerous, but there is also more to it, than just the effects it causes. There is a possibility that one can get pregnant, and the effect of having a baby, can also mean the changes that you could go through when having a baby. Teenagers that have sex, also have the highest risk of getting infectious diseases, which create problems along the way. In my opinion stay safe, be cautious of your surroundings, and the people. Thus meaning, personal, and physiological problems can be an outcome, such as reputation.
A
female
reader, cupidhelper00 +, writes (11 December 2012):
Dear Rae21598, I want to start by giving my condolences, it’s not easy growing up without a mother. Not having someone to talk to about sex can be rough. All the questions that arise can be very confusing and easily change the course of your life. What is sex and what does it mean for a young girl? And what’s the rush anyway? Well, let me just start by saying sex is not all its hyped up to be. Sex has consequences that a young girl should not have to deal with. You don’t want to end up getting attached and heartbroken by the person you lose your virginity to because you rushed into it. Being in love with someone, feeling comfortable, and pure pressure can lead a young teen to get caught in the moment before she is ready. Now stop and ask yourself is it worth it? In my opinion a fourteen year old girl is not ready for sex because there are too many things that can go wrong such as pregnancy or catching an STD.At age fourteen you have not fully developed mentally and physically. You are vulnerable and inexperienced about life and especially sex. Yes, you are close with your male friend but that does not mean you should have sex with him. Your hormones are making you think you are ready to have sex. Here is a guy friend offering you a chance to have sex and that is what has you thinking about sex. I know a fourteen year old girl does not need to have sex. You can control yourself if you want to. Sex is a big deal and can’t be a casual thing. David J. Ley states in his article, “Can Women Enjoy Casual Sex? And Should They?” that, “Women are not biologically set up for casual sex. Headaches and heartbreak are the two effects of casual sex that you can avoided with abstinences. He also suggests that, “the female brain reacts with bonding, attachment and love after sex, in a way that makes casual sex decidedly less then casual. Meaning, after you have sex with your friend there is a huge possibility you will become “attached” no longer being a casual thing. I don’t know if he is your boyfriend or if you are in love but those are not good enough reasons to have sex at age fourteen. It is very likely that you could regret having sex with him. What if he has an STD and you don’t even know it? This leads me to my next main reason. Did you know you can catch an STD the first time you have sex? One of my best friends thought she knew the person she was sleeping with was STD free. Unfortunately, she came to find out that he had an STD and he didn’t even know about it. Now she must live with this STD and the reasonability of having to tell all her future partners. STD’s are a growing worldwide problem. One of four teens has a sexually transmitted disease. STD’s are spreading fast but you can avoid this with making smart decisions of planning ahead and becoming aware of all aspects of sex.Understanding your hormones will help you realize that you aren’t wrong for the way you feel. It is simple, teenage hormones make teens feel the want to have sex. Yes, your body may technically be able to have sex beginning at certain ages but this does not mean you are ready. It is irresponsible to have sex when you are not ready. Odds are, you are not ready to raise a child or face getting an STD. Negative effects that come after having sex can be depressing which make your life hard. Your young and shouldn’t have to worry about sex and the effects. If you have sex because your hormones were making you a little crazy and end up pregnant.Teen pregnancy is more popular then when bubble gum first came out. It could change your life forever. If you get pregnant you would be faced to make a decision to keep the pregnancy going or to stop the process. If you decide to stop the process then you will have to deal with that decision for the rest of your life. A grown woman would have a difficult choice with this decision let alone a young teen. On the other hand if you choose to continue the pregnancy then you will most likely suffer academically and I don’t think you are ready to drop out of school. Enjoy your teenage school years. You are too young to be dealing with the adult role of sex and becoming a mother. After readying, “Evidence on the Effectiveness of Abstinence Education”, it states that, “Sexual activity during teenage years poses serious health risks for youths and has long-term implications”. Meaning, there can be problems when having sex in your teenage years. Again, STD’S, teen pregnancy, fall outs of relationships with friends and family, all leading up to depression. Depression is a serious thing and does not go away fast, you are only fourteen, you should not be depressed with such a thing. Choosing abstinence can allow you to be free and clear of any of those problems. Abstinence is the only way to be hundred percent sure you will not have to go through any of those negative outcomes of having sex at a young age. Abstinence is waiting and there is nothing wrong with waiting.Abstinence is an option, but my main goal is to make you think about the fact you are only fourteen years old. Realizing what can happen before you are ready for sex can benefit you in general. I believe if you can find an adult figure that you can look up to and talk to for advice would really help you out. Ultimately the decision is your and only yours. I strongly do not feel you are ready .Losing your virginity is a big deal and probably one of the biggest decisions you will have to make. This decision is one you will live with for the rest of your life. Maybe you could join an abstinence program to stay strong and see that there are many other girls and boys in the same position you are in. Joining an abstinence program has its amazing outcomes because most of the teens that have waited have a better life experience. They are academically smarter, confident, HIV negative, going to college and much more. Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation and don’t let anyone pure pressure you. I believe that abstinences may be a great choice to live by and can make you happy with your decision to wait. Take your time growing up, you are only fourteen once. I hope this helps you. Good luck with everything
...............................
A
female
reader, Love21 +, writes (11 December 2012):
Dear ae21598, All teenagers go through puberty and I just want to let you know that it is a natural part of your development to think about sex. When young teens become sexually active before they are mature enough to protect themselves and their partners, they are at high risk of sexually transmitted infections and also unintended pregnancy. Whether he is your friend or end your best friend, you may face some pressure when it comes to sex. But knowing the facts might help you deal with things better, so you can have a better perspective for your choice you are about to make. Sex might be an intimate act, but it is not going to make someone fall for you or even make them have stronger feelings for you. If this guy is your close friend, he should care about you enough to advice you that it might ruin your friendship. He should be respectful enough to understand that you are not ready, and if he doesn’t understand that, then he is not your true friend. If he really does care about you, he won’t pressure you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. You can always say no to him. There is nothing insulting about not being ready. But the fact that you are questioning yourself, and asking yourself if you are ready or not, you will have a guilty conscience. If you know you are ready, you wouldn’t be asking yourself if you are ready. Virginity is a very personal decision. It might seem like everyone at school is talking about who is a virgin and who isn’t. I know the pressure can be intense. But deciding whether it is right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make. I am not going to be like everyone else and tell you not to do it, you will have to use your own judgment and decide what you think is right. Feeling nervous and unsure is normal, but you should always pay attention to your feelings. Besides all the morals and personal decisions, you have to know all the risk of having sex. Some of the health risks including pregnancy and catching one or more sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes, chiamydia, genital warts, gonerrhea, syphilis, and HIV. Having sex before you are develop physically can hurt. Younger girls who start having sex tend to have more health problems including a higher risk of cervical cancer. Are you ready to have a baby? You have to consider all the possibilities before making this important decision in your life. To conclude, I understand that not having someone to talk to about these things sucks. I just want to let you know that it is natural that your body is giving you signals, but always pay attention to your feelings. Take a step back and try to figure out what you actually want. Ask yourself if you are really ready to give up the one thing that you could truly call yours, which is your virginity. If you think that your ready, be as safe as possible. Protect yourself and know that your beautiful. Hope this helps you make your decision a little easier. For more information and advice:http://www.stayteen.org/article/dealing-pressure-have-sexhttp://contraception.about.com/od/talkingaboutbirthcontrol/tp/Talk-About-sex.htm
...............................
A
female
reader, alice101 +, writes (10 December 2012):
Dear ae21598,
Sex is a decision which most of us need to make based on our own standards many of us just like you don’t know when to start or what’s going on with our minds that make us want to have sex. But based on what you have stated in your question you are not ready not only emotionally, but physically also. You are only 14 and you only have one life to live. So saver the freedom you have don’t just hand it out so easily. Its choice, but may take emotional toll, don’t fall into peer pressure, get help, respect your religion and most of all be careful.
Your choice of words says a lot about what you want to decide. You state that you are good friends if you can’t state that this guy is your boyfriend how can you know that he will be there if something goes wrong and you end up pregnant. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention state,” In 2011, a total of 329,797 babies were born to women aged 15–19 years, for a live birth rate of 31.3 per 1,000 women in this age group.” Also states, A 2011 study reported that 49% of pregnancies in the United States were unintended in 2006, a slight increase from 48% in 2001. Even though the percentage of pregnancies that were unintended declined for teens aged 15–17 years, four out of five pregnancies among women aged 19 years and younger were unintended (Finer 2011,Contraception ).” In this case they don’t even have statistics for children your age because most likely they shouldn’t be having sex at such a young age. Your body is still developing. Therefore in my opinion you should wait.
Another reason for this decision to be made wisely is the mental impact it may take upon you. Ann Meier a sociologist at the University of Minnesota states, “Being female or younger than the average age at first-time sex among your peers increases the chance of depression, as does a lack of commitment or intimacy within the relationship and what happens to the relationship after first-time sex. For girls in uncommitted relationships, ending a relationship with sex [involved] has more of an impact on mental health than ending that same relationship if it did not involve sex." I agree completely with Meier because as I have stated before the only show statistics for women above your age you are below the average age for children having sex. The toll it may take on you is depression and if this man really loves you he shouldn’t be pressuring you to have sex with him. You are probably asking us this question because it’s not the first time this guy has asked you and you don’t want to disappoint him but your own health is at risk.
None the less, peer pressure is also a device that this man is putting against you as you stated “i know this guy since 8 months..we are pretty much good friends...we share everything with each other..no secrets...he wants to have sex with me” and well if he really respected you and who you are he would be asking you he would wait until you are ready. I read this quote written by Steven Maraboli an Executive Director of the Michael Thomas Research Center for Social & Behavioral Science in New York, he states “At any given point you can release your greatest self. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Don’t let anyone dilute you. Don’t be peer pressured into being less than you are. A person willing to dilute themselves for the sake of others is one of the great tragedies of our time. Stop letting others define and set the pace for your life. Get out there and be your best. Do your best. Live your best. Make every day count and you’ll see how exponentially more exciting, thrilling, successful, happy and full your life will be.” And this quote for you say that don’t let your life and losses define your decisions put them aside and let yourself make the path no matter what other people say, do what is best for you and allow yourself to make the path of your life not others. Another thing you should take into consideration when making your decision is that if he knows you have religious expectations to live up to like waiting to have sex tell you are married but yet then he is pressuring you into having sex now at your age maybe he isn’t the guy for you maybe her should just stay as “good friend[s]” like you said.
You are dealing with the difficulty of not having someone there to listen to you but there are lots of alternatives out there I thought the same when I was younger my mother wasn't in the picture of my life and it was kind of difficult to find someone to talk to. But a good friend of mine told me there was a teen hotline were other teens help cope with situations this is there website you could also post things there to talk to people that are most likely in the same situation. The website is http://teenlineonline.org/. You should definitely look into it for future reference I know it really helps when you know someone your same age going through the same problem and you could fix it with them.
If your partner does not respect your religion does he really respect you? In my view a partner should always think of religion when trying to make decisions religion is a key essential to one’s life and it helps us define ourselves. If this man wants to put you through this and make your religion frown upon you that is wrong. There are seven dimensions of wellness that complete a person and if we do not have one of the dimensions we are not completing full wellness one of the dimensions is spiritual wellness and if you go through with this and disconnect yourself from the religion in your life you can’t achieve fullness of wellness. The University of Riverside states, “Wellness is much more than merely physical health, exercise or nutrition. It is the full integration of states of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The model used by our campus includes social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness. Each of these seven dimensions act and interact in a way that contributes to our own quality of life.” Furthermore he will also be separating you from two other stages of wellness. The first one would be your social wellness , the community around you may frown upon your act due to their religious standards. The other wellness he would separate you from is your emotional wellness he will make you unsure and I maybe even regret what you did.
In other words think of yourself being, the affects not only physically but emotionally, and your surroundings and how it effects them. But if you do end up having sex just be extremely careful. A staff writer at The Daily, a Canadian English-language newspaper states “Apart from pregnancy, an obvious risk for girls, multiple studies have found that teenagers who are sexually active are more likely to have been sexually or physically abused, to be depressed, to have STDs, to have contemplated suicide, to drink more, to get poorer grades, and to have poorer relationships with their parents. Not all these associations are causal, but some certainly are, partly or wholly.” Therefore, there are a lot of risks at stake with having sex. It is estimated 48 million people in South and South East Asia are infected with and STD out of 955 million people that’s 50 people in 1000 that’s a lot of people. If you have not talked to your partner about whether or not he has had a partner before or whether or not he has gotten checked then most likely not ready. But abstinence is a better path you might want to follow. It’s your decision. So decide wisely.
For more info, and advice about anything that you found interesting, use these websites.
• http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/
• http://cla.umn.edu/news/reach/archive/winter08.php?entry=121712
• http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/peer-pressure
• http://teenlineonline.org/
• "Early Sexual Intercourse, Condom Use and Sexually Transmitted Diseases." Gender Issues and Sexuality: Essential Primary Sources. Ed. K. Lee Lerner, Brenda Wilmoth Lerner, and Adrienne Wilmoth Lerner. Detroit: Gale, 2006. 274-277. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 9 Dec. 2012.
• http://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html
Hope this helps with you decision, thank you, hope all goes well.
...............................
A
male
reader, hecs3 +, writes (10 December 2012):
Dear Reader, sex is not what your expectations are going to fulfill. Before you make any decisions look into the consequences. You might get STD’s, or even end up getting pregnant. You are too young to be a mother. You have a lot to life and explore to find the true love of your life. In my option just being “friends” and only knowing him for eight months is not the right decision to be sleeping with him.
Being at such a young age and not being influenced by an elder you are going to regret later on in life your mistake. You are too young to be taking this big role of having sex. If this was to go viral and he spreads the word that he slept with you at such a young age, you’re not going to know what to do with yourself, your going to break down emotionally. You don’t have enough support of your family to be there for you if you take this risk. Knowing your mother past away when you were only six years old. I really recommend for you to mature and and find your true love, which will wait for you when ever your ready to have sex
In my opinion 14 is too young to be having sexual activities. You don’t now the results, and the causes that would lead to having sex. One great example would be Lena’s Advice’s, Instead of asking yourself, “Am I too young to have sex?”, why not try asking, “Am I too young to handle all the responsibilities that come along with sex?” Your body may be ready to get it on, but you might not be ready for everything that might lead to” (gurl.com). Lyz Lenz, has her mind set to yes. If you are too young you aren't going to handle it well no matter how much in love or how mature you are. Also, think of the consequences. Even with protection you could get pregnant are you ready to handle that? Until you're ready to handle the consequences, you're not ready to handle the actions” (yourtango.com). Both of these articles are against losing their virginities at such a young age due to the maturity.
My best opinion would be too double think the situation, and really think about if you love this friend of yours. “Our mental and emotional health balance is clearly influenced by sex. Abstinence is known to cause from anxiety to paranoia and depression” (softpedia.com). Anxiety is taking over this 14 year old girl. She just wants to get the feeling of “sex” and get her paranoia out of her head. The best solution to do is to wait till you get older and find someone who cares about you and is ready when you are.
In conclusion I highly recommend for you to wait till you have sex. Keep in mind the consequences that come with having sex. Just remember that this “guy” is just your friend. Don’t do something a guy is pressuring to do, just wait till the right time, and you won’t regret it later on in life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Please sweetie don't do it, you are too young, you have a whole life time to do this .If he really liked you he wouldn't want to have sex with you so young, you are still a baby.I say leave him now. Sex is not for you at this young age.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tenay +, writes (7 December 2012):
Dear Rae, sex is not what most people think, it’s not just pleasure, there’s consequences behind it. For instance getting pregnant or getting diseases like STDs and AIDS. Even thought there’s protection like condoms and more, its not always secure. Since you are just fourteen years old, and you are not even in love my advice to you is to not have sex. Your friend’s offer is confusing you with your hormones, which you have had control before his offer. His offer make you think you are ready, which deep in you, you know you are not. Its normal for young people to have crazy hormones, but it doesn’t mean you have to go and have sex.
Being fourteen years old is not an accurate age to know what you want. If at age fourteen most teens would understand and know what they need and want, the adult age will be 14 years old instead of 18 years old. Body asks us for things, but our mind always speak to us, and the answer is right there. If you are having doubts to whether or not have sex it’s a symptom that you are not ready to have sex with your friend. Listen to this clues, because you don’t want end up feeling “ashamed to admit that you ended having sex with some guy” like a teenager tell us in Family Education. She says that she feels very dirty and no more pure, because that was not love.
Like it was mention in your letter that your Indian culture didn’t accept sex without being marriage, there has to be a reason there. For example in my religion having sex is a sin, but making love is acceptable, because God is love. Maybe that’s the same with the Indian culture. If you are afraid about later regretting having sex, it’s because your have gotten some values from your culture. Take in consideration your culture in this situation of sex; it will certainly help you, because culture in a way shapes our lives. I don’t know how is it in India, but I do know that when culture or religion prohibits something one has to respect it or else they are seem as unrighteous people. Not only that but you have doubts if whether you are emotionally ready. Like I mention before doubt is symptoms of not being ready.
I know you don’t want to stop being your friend friend, because like you say in your letter you and him are very close to each other and have no secrets, perhaps this is the reason you want to have sex. His offer is a temptation, especially when your hormones are acting crazy. But like I say before, you could get pregnant. Going back to your friend he is not your boyfriend, because you address to him as your friend. Maybe that is why you don’t feel emotionally ready. You don’t want to be part of data that say “ while 90% of all youth were sexually inexperienced at ages 13-14, there was a significant shift toward initiation of sexual activity by ages 15-16.” (Academic Journal: Friendship & Early Relationships Links to Sexual Initiation) Don’t be another one of this list.
In conclusion my advise to you is that you don’t have to have sex, because you are not ready to do so. First of all you are not the appropriate age to been thinking about sex. Second of all the guy is just your friend, not your boyfriend. Lastly you aren’t sure of what you really want. Sex is not just about making your hormones happy, but about you being comfortable doing it. Having sex with a person you truly love I think is the best experience, because women first time is a dream. Is a way to give more than love to the person you love, its about tying yourself to one another. I think your friend in a way is pressuring you to have sex. Listen to your own self the answer is in you. Don’t do something you will later regret.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 If you have sex now you will regret it. 14 year old girls ALWAYS regret having sex at such a young age.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I always feel like an arrogant idiot when I find myself attempting to explain life in India .. to Indian posters, but, I must say, you girls amaze me, you are SO unaware at times, it seems that you never talk with your friends or relatives, or read papers, or watch TV, or just walk in the streets, never OBSERVE what surrounds you, I mean, come on, don't you know how things work , by and large, in your country ?...
What you are tempted to do is folly. Mind you, I think that,for a number of reasons , 14 is dramatically too soon for being sexually active, even if you lived in New York or London,but in your society you'd be definitely shooting yourself in the foot.
Yes, things are changing, and in Mumbai, or Delhi, there are young high earning, high powered female executives in their mid 20s who live alone and independent, and have ( discreetly ) a sex life out of marriage, if they want .
But , are you one of them, are you old enough , skilled enough, experienced enough, RICH enough to live like them ? NO.
You are living at home, with your father I guess, or grandparents or other relatives. You are not financially indipendent.
You will be seduced, deflorated and abandoned. That's for sure, this guy is a sexual predator, and a sex offender in India too, you are under the age of consent. He won't stick around, he won't be there for you to help you when you get cought or word spreads around your neighborhood about your indiscretions. Your family will be ashamed, humiliated and furious . Their most likely reaction will be to keep you under lock and key, and deprive you of any possibility of social life and entertainment, until you are 18 and they can fob you off in legal marriage - to some guy 30 or 40 years older than you, or some invalid, disabled individual , some poor fellow anyway that can't be too choosy and can't demand the virgin bride a young man can demand.
This , if you are lucky , and your family is educated and understanding.
Otherwise, they'd probably disown you and kick you out, to fend for yourself at age 14 and live on the streets. It would not be the first time these things happen.
Sure, your society needs to change in time, needs to accept women as equals , needs to respect their freedom of choice, including sexual choices,- but , OP, do you really want to play feminist martyr... for the sake of a scumbag child predator ?
Well, hopefully he is not an adult, hopefully he is another kid your age, totally selfish and totally clueless, - he only hears the voice of his dick, he can't stop and think of the consequences for YOU. Like, if you should get pregnant ? ... Ah, that would be fun, eh ? particularly because you can't be legally married until 18 ( and I think it's 21 for the man ! ). Seen how your environment feels about unwed mothers and how they treat them...
Be smart. Don't jeopardize your future for a hormonal rush.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): You are ready for sex when you no longer feel the need to ask yourself, or others, that question.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, noone00 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I am 20 and i would say DON'T DO IT! i live in America where sex before marriage is acceptable and expected. my first time was right after my 17th birthday with a guy that i had known for 2 years. i was crazy in love with him. we dated for 3 years after that and to this day i still love him. but i regret having sex with him back then. now that i am married i think about the other guys i have had sex with and i cant help but compare them to my current husband. it is terrible. living in america there is so much sex presented to me all the time, it it everywhere(tv, music, ads, books)but it truly is something that you should save for marriage. it makes it soooo much more special and if you do you'll look back and be sooo grateful that you did.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): After something Cerberus wrote OP : Based upon your knowledge of indian culture, indian religion and indian society, I urge you to ask yourself "Why, if this guy is a friend, does he want to shame and disgrace me in this way?"
Do you think this guy is a friend or a user?
I begin to wonder if he's just preying on you because you have no mother or nobody to turn to and he knows you are vulnerable. I know you probably feel alone OP, but you'd be better off alone than with someone who is only going to lead you down the wrong path.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): I'm not going to tell you you aren't ready like everyone else...Listen I had sex very younge. 13 actually. And to this day it is a very painful memory for me. Because now, I no longer have the opportunity to give my true love my virginity. Not only that, but you will emotionally become attached to this guy forever and there is nothing you can do about it. If you aren't together forever it's a really sucky feeling to always kinda love someone even though they are "just some body that you used to know." And it makes it VERY easy to have sex or go further with the next guy you talk too or whatever, because its almost like it doesn't mean as much to you, because its not your first time.Think of it like this. If you have a peice of tape and stick it to something, and take it off, it's not as sticky. Sex is a lot like that in many ways.If you think your ready, then do it. But be safe. Use protection. Make sure that this guy deserves the gift you are about to give him. Also respect yourself in the process.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Any guy encouraging a 14 year old to consider sex at 14 is a predatory guy who will use you and hurt you.
You are definitely NOT ready for sex.
Why do I say this?
I know you are a teenager.
But the LAW defines you as a child.
And that is done because the LAW recogises that you are not emotionally ready for this big step.
Your 'Emotional Intelligence is still growing. And at 14 you are still very vulnerable to Pedophiles with evil intent.
Pedophiles do something very wrong and wit evil intent called 'Grooming' of children they intend to abuse.
They tell the child what the child wants to hear. They act like your best friend. They introduce the topic of 'sex' into the conversation. And from then on the escalate their campaign to manipulate you. So they can have sex.
Strangers on the internet who are Pedophiles trawl the internet looking for vulnerable naive children (strange as it may seem to you - the LAW defines you at 14 as a child and this is done for your own protection.)
Pedophiles groom the vulnerable child, make the child think it is ok. Eventually, if they can, thet use, abuse and then discard the child. They are bad and evil people.
No decent guy talks to a 14 year on the internet in a way designed to influence vulnerable naive 14 year old child to
think that sex is ok with that online predator.
It is time you looked to your studies and concentrated on your studies.
maybe look to see if you can learn a new hobby?
If you have trouble making friends with your 14 year old peers who you see every day then you need to develop your emotional intelligence skills. Listen to your peers. Try to understand what concerns and interests them. Be a good listener.
But sex at 14 with anyone is too young.
The online predator you communicate with on the internet must be blocked.
That you are being manipulated is obvious - the predator keeps on talking about sex is WRONG. You will be deeply hurt emotionally if you succumb to this predatator.
Turn your back on this predatator - believe me they will get over it, they very likely are in contact with other vulnerable teens on the internet as well as you.
They will move on to another child to groom as soon as you shut the virtual door to them.
You are in a more vulnerable position than many others. All the more reason to protect yourself from harm, manipulation
and future abuse by online predatators.
Sex with this person or any other person is so utterly sad and wrong while you are so young.
if you still doubt how much harm pedophiles can inflict on a vulnerable child then google these words:
'michelle elliott + pedophiles' there you will find a youtube clip by this campaigner who seeks to highlight how much harm can be done to a child by a pedophile.
You deserve to be protected and kept safe from abusive pedophiles.
You deserve to be better supported in your home and at school and in your community so that you do not seek out especially evil strangers (who try to appear as your new Best Friend) on the internet - but are intent on ultimately hurting you. Before they then discard you.
.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): No you're not. Look we have many Indian posters and Aunts here OP. The ones who have had sex and not been married have a very tough life. Read some of their stories.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-pretend-to-be-a-virgin.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/indian-society-is-very-harsh-on-babies-born.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/virginity-is-a-huge-deal-in-the-indian.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-could-i-face-husband-when-i-will.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-married-boss-suggested-no-strings-sex-should.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-had-sex-a-year-back-will-my.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ex-is-blackmailing-me-with-threats-to.html
Now if you're too lazy to read those let me break it down for you.
1. he will have the power to blackmail you, if he has sex with you even once then he can use the threat of shaming you to force you to have more sex with him.
2. You greatly decrease any chance you ever have of getting married and having a family. Indian men do not want non-virgins for a wife.
3. You may get pregnant and a 14 year old mother in India is not something you want to be. Condoms are not 100% effective and you can still get pregnant.
4. You could catch an STD that is incurable, you will never find a husband then at all OP.
5. If anyone finds out about this and they will OP, Indian boys are not known for their discretion, he will boast and your name will go down as one of an impure girl not worthy of much in your society.
6. The age of consent in India is 18, you will be breaking the law and you will get into trouble for it, again that will go on your record so have fun looking for any kind of well paying job in the future with that kind of thing on your record.
7. It will ruin your life. Read those stories OP. There are many more on this site, the most popular common theme in all of them is that these women had sex with a boy who promised he'd keep it secret, who promised he'd marry them and he broke that promise every time.
You're too young emotionally, otherwise why would you risk your entire future for a physical act that lasts about 10 minutes, will be painful your first time, won't be fun for you and really ruin your chances for a nice life when you're older?
How old is he Rae, because if he's older than 18 then he's not your friend he's a scum bag looking to use you for sex.
It's not okay for you to have sex, Indian boys don't suffer the same consequences as you.
Do this, and you life will be ruined. I'm not joking. I've seen it so many times before. You will regret it. Do whatever else you like, but do not have sex and do not get into a position where he can even try that. He only has to put it in once and that's your virginity gone. Hold onto your virginity until you're an adult and can choose what to do with it then.
Do not think for one second you can do it and get away with it, once is all it takes to ruin your life. Don't take that risk.
My advice is why not explore your body on your own for now and masturbate to ease your urges, if you like this boy and he's your age then why not become boyfriend and girlfriend and take things very slowly. There are other things you can do.
But explain to him all these things to him and tell him why you can't, if he doesn't respect that then fuck him, he's not as good a friend as you thought.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): If you have to question if you're ready for sex or not, then the answer is NO.
What do you know about sex?
Do you know how you get pregnant?
Do you know how to prevent pregnancy?
Do you know about sexually transmitted diseases and infections, and how they are passed on from one person to the next?
Is this friend of yours still a virgin too?
How old is the guy?
Your body won't be ready for this yet and I'm sure your mind isn't either. A 17 year old girl asked me the other day if she could be pregnant even though she ONLY kissed her boyfriend, no sex and he ejaculated in the toilet after they finished fooling around. The answer is OBVIOUSLY no, but she doesn't know the first thing about sex and she is 17, so I VERY much doubt you do at only 14, you're still a child.
In my opinion you should NOT go ahead with this yet for reasons mentioned above. Not to mention it may bring disgrace upon you for doing so before marriage.
Please listen to advice given here and be sensible, you will most definitely regret it afterwards if you ignore what people tell you here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Like SVC said, you are NOT ready if you think strangers on the Internet can tell you that it is OK at 14 to have sex.
You already know that it's not accepted culturally where you live, so til you are old enough to DEAL with the repercussion that might happen IF you decide to have sex before marriage, you need to wait.
What you feel - is READY to please your BF by having sex - that is definitely not the same thing.
THERE is no hurry to have sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 NO you are NOT ready for sex.
the truth is if you have to ask strangers on the internet it's not a good sign.
You will regret it. WAIT as long as you can honey
YOU will know when you are ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): No No No. Trust me, the sex may not feel good and you will feel like shit afterwards. You will regret so in the future. From someone who had been there before.
...............................
A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 the fact that you're asking if you're ready or not tells me that you're not, because if you were ready you wouldn't be asking questions as you would know exactly how you feel. And yes you are right, it is your hormones making you feel like this. it will pass eventually...3 years at least. I think you should wait because you are only a virgin once and it is something you should not give out easily. You should treat yourself with self respect. also, 8 months of knowing someone is not long at all, you have your whole life ahead of you! I don't agree with your culture but I understand why they want you to wait till marriage. You will obviously be frowned upon if you have sex first not in marriage so you need to think carefully what would happen if you did have sex? can you handle the consequences?The law in the UK allows 16 years olds and over to have sex which I think is still too young! I had sex at that age and I don't regret it as I was my choice and I was in a long term relationship. He was my best friend for 3 years before the relationship and I was completely in love with him. Sex is something very special which you only get to understand that properly by maturing and at your age that's not something you should be concentrating on or are capable of understanding. I'm now 19 years old and I wish I waited because I'm finally in an adult relationship and I would have loved to have shared that experience with him. I'm not saying you're not intelligent but everyone goes through what you're going through now and some realise everything after it's too late that they should have waited! Hence, I don't want you to make that same mistake. It's really good you're asking advice. You need to grow more and understand yourself before doing something you're going to remember for the rest of your life! Sex should be very special between the couple where they both listen to eachother and want to make the other happy. you need to be comfortable with yourself and trust them. I hope you make the right decision!.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sjroller14 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Okay so your asking if your ready for sex. you say you THINK you are but thats the thing you think. You dont know. Your very young and your hormones are raging. You say you guys are good friends but it may ruin your friend ship totally. You just said youve known each other for 8 months that isnt very long. He may just leave after wards.
So many people dont have sex just because they feel they are ready. Ive had that feeling when I was about your age but I am 16 now and still a virgin and Glad I am. Just wait if hes truly your friend he wont bug you about it and will respect your wishes of wanting to wait for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 yes, it's hormones. don't have sex you are too young. most people take their virginity for granted, BUT, once you lose it to a man you'll never have it again. wait till your married, older, and more mature. you can get pregnant even with a condom don't risk it. the reason why you want to have sex is because your hormones are going WILD and CRAZY, they are screaming at you to get out there and have a child (don't do it). and remember, if a guy is looking for sex, and you have sex with him, you will no longer mean nothing to him, you won't be special and you will be just like an ordanary girl who just did it with him. take my advice and don't have sex. good luck
...............................
|
