A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a serious relationship for 10 months with a wonderful man. We see each other every day and spend weekends together. Our families have intertwined and everything is going great. When should I be expecting a marriage proposal? I'm 43 years old, and usually I wouldn't rush but I'm not getting any younger. Things are so good between us that I don't see why we should wait. I have been married before (20 years) but he has never been married. Am I a fool for pushing, or should I let things flow and progress until he feels comfortable? My only concern with that is maybe he is content with the way things are and won't want to get married. Marriage is something we have talked about and we both said we wanted it....What should I do?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 First off, congratulations on finding a successful, loving relationship.
The short answer is that I think at the 10 month period is a good time to start talking about long term plans -- especially if you both have broached the subject casually before. The talk will be uncomfortable and perhaps risky, but I think you need to ask him what his long terms are and how they involve you. If he loves you as much as you think he does, though, he shouldn't have any problems at least forming a general plan.
Be prepared, though, as you will likely have to reciprocate in kind with what you want and your timeline. So be sure you know exactly what you want and what you are willing to compromise on.
I would like to caution you, before jumping into the marriage talk, particularly if you have children (or he has children) from a previous relationship. It is imperative that you consider how his ex(es) figure into the plan and what each other's responsibilities are with your offspring. I cannot stress this enough and especially if you've been dating less than a year. It is super important to take your time getting to know his children and him yours. Dealing with stepchildren is one of the toughest jobs of a blended family. Very few people really know what they are getting into when they get married into ready-made families. I know things are probably pretty rosy now, but any difficulties in your marriage will be transferred to your children AND his children. If this is the case, 10 months might be too soon to be making this big of a decision.
Hopefully, I've given you some food for thought and good luck!
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): I don't think you should rush it. Why do you want to get married anyway? Is it for financial reasons? You got divorced once before I bet that was expensive and may have turned into one big fat pain in the ass, you know the divorce, the lawyers, splitting assets and everything. But then again I don't know...
My dad had been married and divorced three times before he met the love of his life in his 50's. They never married and he would never leave her. The one woman he loved above all the others, he never married.
I think if you love someone why complicate it or change the element of what you got going?
Marriage and weddings are costly. Why don't you two just elope (it's way cheaper and more romantic) and save all the money you would spend on a wedding and take a fun romantic trip/honeymoon to Bali.
You are right, you are not getting any younger. So be spontaneous and HAVE FUN! Unless you can give me 5 good reasons why you want to get married (besides, "I love him,") yeah don't rush marriage. Go with the flow. If anything let him beg and convince you to marry him!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I'm with SVC on this. If you and he have been "seeing" each other for 10 months.... you probably have a pretty good handle on whether or not you and he could/should make a "permanent" committment to spending the next (put number here) years together......
EITHER you and he DO want to make that life together,.... OR, you don't. By now, I think YOU know. Does he?
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 “when should I be expecting a marriage proposal?” how about if YOU propose?
I love both KC and Honeypie and find them both very wise but I disagree that you are rushing it. IF you know you want to marry him then you should let him know. BUT you must be prepared that he never wants to marry YOU.... because it really is about the person.
I have two "older than average" men marriage stories for you
1. my friends just got married in September, they were dating 2.5 years before they got married. They still live apart and only see each other on weekends due to work. First marriage for both... he's 52 she's 40. NO doubt in my mind it works for them and it will continue to work.
2. My favorite story.. I know a man who was 37 and swore up and down right and left in and out that he was NEVER getting married. He did not believe in marriage he did not want marriage... he was going to be happy if he could find someone to love that loved him back... he had pretty much at 37 not had any long term serious relationships. Marriage is stupid he said. I'm never getting married he said. Ok said the woman... no problem I have been married three times, I have grown children, I don't want to get married again. That was early on in the relationship... fast forward 3 months... her life changes... he falls in love... They started dating casually December 2010. They got engaged February 2012 Shortly before they knew each other for 2 years they went to Las Vegas and in front of family and friends they married. I kissed my darling husband goodbye this morning.
I truly believe that once we are past a certain age (around 30) once we meet the right person we know fairly quickly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2012):
 Honestly, I do think you are rushing it.
I mean what is the hurry? It's not like you have an expiration date when it comes to marriage.
I would talk to him about what he thinks - you already know that marriage is something he can see in the future but getting his take on a time line would not be a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I think you are pushing it a bit, rushing into marriage, even when age is against you is never wise - and this is his first marriage, he will want more time to make sure it is right.
He has told you he wants to get married, so chances are it will happen when he is ready. Dont push him otherwise you will push him away, let him take his time.
I dont think any couples should ever get married, regardless of how old they are, unless they have been together at least 2 years. In the first year you are still in your honeymoon phase, of course everything seems great but these feelings eventually cool down. After 10 months you dont know enough about each other yet, I know everything is going well but you are still getting to know each other and learning about each other.
Things like marriage proposals should be natural, they shouldnt be when a man feel forced into it. I'm sure you want him to propose in a romantic way, where he REALLY wants to do it - not because he feels like he has to and rushes it.
I'm sure within the next year he will, and waiting one more year isnt going to kill you. This is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have many many years to enjoy together - one more year of waiting is nothing in the grand scheme of things, especially when the result of waiting is a happy boyfriend who is 100% ready for the comittment and makes a genuine, romantic proposal.
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