A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My husband I are married fr 2 years now. But we dated for 7 and half years before marriage. We had sex after 2 years into the relationship. My problem is that he never gave me oral sex. But I have recently started giving it to him. He doesn't even initiate sex. Its I who always initiate. Most of the time when I try to have sex with him he says not now, or in while. He says he loves me and says that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. I love him so much with my whole life, but I sometimes feel unloved and alone. We both are still young. I'm 28 and 4 months pregnant now and he is 10 years older. Please advise what I should do. We love each other a lot. But has he taken me for granted?? Thanks. confused wife.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Well, having sex with a pregnant woman doesn't feel right to some men (including me). Don't ask me why. It just doesn't feel right.
But maybe it's not a pregnancy problem.
Some men are always horny. Some others need to be "Teased" a bit.
For those men who are not always horny, It's not a very sexy idea to initiate sex directly. Have you tried to tease him instead? You are a woman. Use your feminine powers to make him want you.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 February 2012):
Hi there. When you said "we had sex after 2 years into the relationship", do you mean sex didn't start till the 2 year mark? And before 2 years, there was no sex at all?
I am not clear on this.
It seems that your desire for sex and his, are not the same.
Perhaps he doesn't want to have sex now, that you are pregnant and he is concerned it might hurt your unborn baby.
Perhaps now you are pregnant, he sees you more as a mother figure - rather than as his wife and lover.
It can happen.
In any case, you need to sit down with him at another time and ask him what he feels about making love.
As him:-
- Does he enjoy making love?
- What are his feelings towards making love?
- Does he feel disgusted by the act of making love?
- Has he ever in his childhood, been sexually abused?
Perhaps he has some repulsion to it, in some way.
Some people just are not interested in sex at all, for no medical reason. Perhaps they are bored by it, or see no point to it.
They just DON'T like it, or don't enjoy it and so it's like sex doesn't exist as far as they are concerned.
It almost seems like if you didn't initiate sex with him all the time, that making love just wouldn't happen at all!
Is that the way it feels to you?
And if it is that way, well then you need to clear the air about what your expectations are in this marriage.
Plus, what his expectations are.
As you are still young and have many years of life ahead of you, if you can get some clarity on this, then you can make a decision as to if you want to live the rest of your life this way.
No matter how much you love him, making love is a very important part of the relationship because it's how two people emotionally bond with each other. It definitely brings people closer, there's no doubt about it.
It just somehow seems his heart isn't in it.
He doesn't seem to have any medical problems from what you have said here, so it can only be emotional reasons for him.
So I would sit him down and a time when you won't be disturbed by anyone, and have a heart to heart talk about it.
And NOT when you're about to have sex! NOT then!
You can then get some input from him about how he feels about everything. Hopefully he will open up to you.
Unless you do this, the situation won't change at all.
Then during and after the talk, you can get some clarity on what you would like to do. Especially if it doesn't seem anything's going to change.
It might come to a point where you have to ask yourself these questions:-
(1) "Am I really happy with this situation?
(2) Am I prepared to live the rest of my life with this man and be unhappy in the bedroom?"
Problems or issues in the bedroom, can and usually do impact on all other areas of your life with him, in some way.
Even though you are having some sex, it still is not quite what you would choose for yourself, is it?
You have the desire, he does not. Or so it seems.
So all the more reason to have this discussion as soon as possible.
DO NOT wait another day. It's important.
We are talking about your future here.
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A
female
reader, Classic events  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 when did he start showing lack of interest in sex? this will help you to try and figure out what could have triggered the lack of enthusiasm,he could be stressed , sick or maybe the pregnancy, some men freak out, thinking they can hurt you or the baby. And then if you say you guys love each other a lot,then why do you 'sometimes feel unloved and alone'? i suggest you sit him down and discuss your feelings and concerns with him.communicate with him, even about your needs,oral sex etc. if he trully loves you like you say, he will gladly explain things to you.then you take it from there . stress is the last thing you need right now in your pregnancy state. I hope this helps.
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