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*_Missy
writes: I want to be friends with my boyfriend's friends but I don't want to make it seem like I'm flirting with them. Everytime we're in a group, I go silent because I don't really know any of his friends. I'd like to get to know them but I only come over when they're watching tv and stuff. Those are awkward moments where they all ready have it pre-set in their minds that everything is going to be boring..especially talking to their buddy's girl. When they have fun, those are the 'boys night out' sort of deals. I respect my boyfriend's wish to hang out without having to deal with being cuddly, etc. etc. But I want to know how I can become friends with his friends. I don't want to seek them all out individually and be all "Hey, whats up, buddy?" because then it might appear...well...odd. What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2005): I am in the exact same shoes, but I'm a guy. My ex-girlfriend came across as really flirty with my guy friends, and I couldn't stand it. It's probably the driving force behind our break up, and guess what? I never even told her to this day that's why.
Just tonight, about 8 months after our breakup, I saw my best friend saying in her profile to "cheer up and smile". Uhh, ladies, do you want your guys going around to your girl friends and throwing them lines like that? Put yourself in our shoes and keep your distance. It's one of the biggest, mis-understood dating tips you can get.
Be friendly, but don't overdo it. Hang out with the boyfriends' friends too much or even worse--alone--and you'll find yourself burning bridges.
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Hi there, you seem like a very very nice girl who's thoughtful and your boyfriend is an extremely lucky guy to have you! I'm a guy and I just got out of a relationship with my gf whom I really love. Thing is, we argued a lot. And what triggered me to argue about anything and everything is the fact that I know my gf is overly friendly with my mates and I HATE that!!!! That agitates me although I know she doesnt mean to get it on with them. And the worst part about all this is that I cant tell her how I feel. Ive tried explaining to her that I resent her actions but she insists she has done nothing wrong and make it seem as though I am overly sensitive. Enough about me, back to you. Like I said, the fact that you're thinking of whether to be all buddy buddy with your bf's mates shows that you care a lot about the relationship and that you have respect for him. Although I would suggest you dont get too close to any specific one of his mates (just in case he gets the wrong idea), I also recommend that you be comfortable hanging out with them while he's there. Its important that his friends like you and you like his friends, but never overdo it. Being overly friendly (for example, being very touchy, too much eye contact especially staring in his eyes, etc). From your question, I can tell you're an intelligent girl who knows whats best for herself. I trust you'll know what to do at the right time. Dont worry too much about this tho, cause you aint doing anything wrong and I dont think you will anyway!! Chins up!!
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Give it time. You don't become somebody's good friend overnight. Relax, it will happen. They've already accepted you. That's good enough for right now. Just give them time.
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male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 June 2005):
 You're putting way too much thought into this. Just take it easy whenever you see them.
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reader, Caribgal +, writes (9 June 2005):
I have bad news. It will always be like that. You will always be ______ girlfriend. Put yourself in his shoes. Do you want your man hangin out with you and your girls? Give him his down time. Put more time into building your own friendships instead of trying to make friends with his. Why is it so imperative that you make friends with them anyway?
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (9 June 2005):
Hello, i understand where you are coming from with this completely. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and his mates are my best of friends! my boyfriend loves the fact that they are as much my friends as they are his. When you are with someone, making friends with there friends and vice versa is all part of the relationship. Its how you make new friends. If you are serious about each other you dont need to explain anything to your boyfriend about being friends with his friends, it just happens naturally. Do you ever go out with him and his friends? if so, try and make the extra effort to try and talk to them and get to know them. Dont worry about it at all. They will soon get to know you for you and im sure they will love you. Your boyfriend has to accept that this happens when you are with someone.When i met my partner a year ago, i met him and his friends at the same time, so it was easier for me to get to know them because Jon cant get jealous in anyway because i know them as well as i know him but let things happen naturally, try and listen to them and stuff, try talking to them, they will appreciate that you are making the effort to get on with them.
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Maybe see if there are any common interests there, something that you may like as well as they do. For instance do you like football ? Films? That sort of thing... when you are all next together, why not while sitting with your boyfriend start to join in with the converstation, even its a topic that your not overally impressed with, just see if you can pick up on things they are chatting about and add the odd comment subtly and things will go from there. Failing that speak to you bf and explain that you want to be with him and that when you are together and hang out with his pals you would like to be able to be freinds with them too and see what he says... he would probably like it thatyou are showing an interest in his mates... and he may even try to then get you involved in converstations, take it one step at a time and see how things pan out... there is nothing wrong with chatting to other men that are your boyfriends mates so longs as your not all over them... stay by your boyfriends side and then start chatting.. things should naturally take a course then.Take care
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reader, psychic1 +, writes (9 June 2005):
This one is a bit tricky as it may seem to your boyfriend that you fancy some of his mates.Try to see him one to one, or better still ask a few of your girlfriends to come round for a get together with the guys as well.Leave him to his buddy time, it's probably his way of saying his wants his space a bit more.So give it to him.Ask yourself how you would feel if he started to get all pally with your girlfriends.I think your'll find your own anwser.
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