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anonymous
writes: I am due to get married in August this year to my fiance/boyfriend of almost 8 years. Yet 7 weeks ago he was unfaithful with a stripper and was undecisive as to whether he wanted her or me. The reason for his straying (according to him) is that i have changed recently and have become boring and not the girl he wanted to marry. The reason for my change is that my Dad died at Christmas of a brain tumour which I have been finding it very hard to come to terms with and therefore all my frustration and hurt has been coming out against my fiance. He has now realised that he made a huge mistake and wants me back and wants us to get married still in August. But I am so unsure as to whether he is the right man for me now. What do I do?
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male
reader, jahno22  +, writes (10 June 2008):
Well due to the situation of your dad passing away...why he couldn't be there for you instead of leaving you hanging...never the less....people do deserve chance so i suggested that give him a next chance but don't marry him this August, put it off and if he do hang around and you see that he's a change man then you can proceed from there on....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): This will not be the last time he will cheat on you and I doubt if it was the first. I would not marry anyone who would cheat on me especially with a stripper...makes me want to vomit. Your boyfriend has no class at all...I guess the stripper was not all he thought she was so you will have to do. The stripper did not want him because he did not have enough money and she needs more then one mans attention just like he needs more then one womens attention. Do yourself a favor and get away from him before he give you something that kills you. When a man cheats the least he can do is blame himself. Just because you were going through a bad time is no excuse for him to cheat. What will be his next excuse???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): no dont do it if he truly loved you he would of been by ur side through the hard times and would have NOT cheated on u its not ur fault that ur dad died shit happens bad shit... you just gotta move on and for him hes a scum bag if u get back with him ull have a horrible life find someone that will realy LOVE U good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): I know how you feel....
I'm a man of 23 and have been engaged twice.The first fiancee cheated on me in our house (well really my house until marriage), at the time I worked overnight, I decided to come home early and prepare breakfast in bed because it was after all her birthday. I had finished cooking everything she liked and brought the tray to the back bedroom where i found her and another man i had previously met and hung out with on several occasions. i didn't want to go on, at least not as anything more than friends. i was civil, and kind. She on the other hand was blaming me for everything, every now and then when i see her in public she will still yell at me making a fool of the both of us. still two and a half years later.
I thought i would never love again like that. I was wrong I met my second and current fiancee at my last job.(hopefully last)(keep reading) she is wonderful everything about her the way she thinks, talks, walks, the way she plays with kids, etc ..... Everything was going great until 6 weeks ago. I was getting the new wood floors sanded and could not stay at home because of the dust. So off to the holiday inn (suite) we were going to have a little fun you make the best of the situation when it's possible. My father needed my truck so i borrowed the car we do this all the time no big deal i let moms know. I get a phone call around 3:00AM from dad saying he called the police, told them I stole the car the man went crazy, Never stole anything in my life. so I make an emergency phone call to the police tell them what is going on and arrange an escort back to the house in the stolen car ha ha ha... the whole time I did not realize she was packing until it was to late. she said she had asked me if I wanted her to stay by my side but she said the pause was unnerving. I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH THE POLICE, I DID NOT HEAR HER TWO ROOMS AWAY.She didn't believe me she does now but the damage was done.She said it was like she had just been with a married man and now it was time to leave.She didn't know if she wanted to continue.You see the 3-5 day span we were apart we both did a lot of drinking especially at the parties, well one night one of her friends brought her home her home not mine and well they didn't get out of the truck for several hours. (You can fill in the blanks) I never did feel right around this guy always felt like competiton I know silly at least that is what I thought. He is a good guy she would say.Trust him he is only a friend.
I found out one night after asking why she was so afraid of me picking up the phone when he called. he still calls when he wants something. the guy isn't aware that I know. I cant stop thinking about it, every time we touch I hear her in my mind moan but not because of me. I have a hard time moving on. She is sorry I know that much. Never seen anyone cry that much,other than myself when she said didn't want to go on. You cant blame or get angry at people for being honest especially when you ask them to!If you need to be angry thats Ok but be angry at them for the action of wronging you.
It hurts a hell of a lot getting torn open, even more so twice.I still love her and still want her to be my beloved, and the mother of my kids, etc.... I guess if you love someone and they are really sorry not sorry they were caught but really sorry for the action.A second chance might be worth it after all someone in life probably gave you a second chance on something trivial. Isn't something important like love worth a second chance.
(go look up the meaning of sorry it has some of the same meanings as forgive, repent, in your grace, love)
P.S. Were working through this and the future looks good. It's not easy but It's worth it.GOOD LUCK.
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female
reader, soswi +, writes (20 October 2005):
You should deffinately weigh out your options on this one, for instance what is marriage??... Marriage is the union of two people til death do them part, and people are opt to change during a life time. If your fiance could not hang in there for you during a difficult time in your life and he had to go out and cheat that is more than likely what he is going to do next time you change as we all do as we age. Your fiance is being totally insensitive to your feelings and the worst part is that he blamed it on you and couldn't be man enough to own up to his own mistakes. He gave in to temptation. Is this something he is going to do every time things are not spicy and new if so you need to kiss this guy good By because things are not always going to be exciting and new when you have been married 10-20 years. He obviously does not know what marriage and committment are if he had to think twice about wether he wanted you or the stripper, his love may not be that deep for you to withstand a lifetime of commitment. I would recomend losing that creep!!
but than again only you can answer wether you should get back together or not people can change... but with time!! I would not recommend still getting married in August. However what ever you do I wish you the best of happiness
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): hello my name is shay and i was recently cheated on back in november 2004!! i know how you feel. it hurts me to this day!! and guess what i was pregnant with his child!! he wants or we both plan on getting married this december 2005!! but im not sure will he do it again and whats bad about the whole situation she claims to be pregnant by him!! and he told me he used a condom with her so i am wondering is she lieing becuase she as feelings for him or what is going on with that!!! god bless you and i hope you make the choice you feel is right for you because i understand how it is. please email me any time you feel like talking [email address blocked]
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 I am so sorry these troubles have been heaped upon you in such rapid succession. I'm not especially thrilled that your fiance's response to your emotional upheaval was to run around on you with another woman; I'm concerned that perhaps both of you may not be ready for the huge commitment that is marriage. My inclination would be to give him the heave-ho but quick, but I'm not you and don't know him and have gotten only a sliver of a chunk of the goings-on.Here's what I do know: while you don't necessarily have to tell him to go to hell in a handbasket, neither do you have to marry him right this second--or this August, which amounts to the same thing.If you think you still love this man, well, keep seeing him. Maybe set up some parameters, go to counseling together, see if you can build back the trust you once may have shared. Just call off the wedding. In a year, if you still want to marry, by all means, set another date (or just run off--my favorite type of wedding!)But you are unsure, and that means unequivequolly that you two should NOT marry right now.Best of luck to you both.
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reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (10 June 2005):
oh ouch, thats quite hurtful, he should of realised you was going through a rough patch and not cheated with a stripper, its his fault he did such hurtful things and how do you know he won't misjudge every other little changes you have, he might of learnt his lesson and give more thought into whats happening, but i suggest you don't take the chance, find someone who loves you and every little thing about you, and will take care of you through your highs and lows! xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2005): The first thing you should do is cancel the wedding as soon as possible. A man who cheats once has probably cheated before, and will probably cheat again. If he really is serious about getting married to you he can wait until after relationship counseling and the two of you can set a new wedding date when you are both 100% sure you have a solid relationship. Also, he is extremely selfish to have slept with not only another woman, but a stripper at that, while you were struggling with your father's death. Love is not so selfish.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (10 June 2005):
 The least he could have done was to support you, not go out and sleep with someone else!! You so need to move on from him, you are coming to terms with the one of the hardest thing in life and thats losing a parent. You need to focus on you and deal with your grief not worry about him. Tell him to go away, you need to be able to have the support of you partner, not someone thats going to bolt at the first sign of trouble. He really is out of order. You need to be strong, i know it will be difficult, but you are already hurting a great deal at the moment. Have time out to accept that you dad has gone, and tell your partner you dont want to know anymore. Do this for you, once you have done this things will start to be clearer and you can slowly begin to move forward. Your partner really isnt worth more stress in your life right now, so please move on and do whats best for you. Take care
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reader, crystal +, writes (10 June 2005):
hya after what your so-called fiance did to you i wouldn't consider taking him back although i know how hard it is to just let go of the one you love even though they might have hurt you very badly. If you are certain you love him with all your heart and he is the one for you and he is truely sorry for what he did then maybe you should consider taking him back but in the end the choice is yours and no one can make it but you so i wish you luck if you decide to take him back and get married, but if you don't there is someone else out there for you so choose carefully and make sure it doesn't happen again. I hope my advice is helpfull for you from:crystal
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (9 June 2005):
 Nope, he's not worth it. At the time you needed him most, he ran out on you and cheated with a nasty dirty stripper. He should have empathsized with you. Instead, all he could think of was himself during this time of your great loss. I'm sorry to hear your father passed. You are in my prayers tonight. I'm sorry dear, but if this is the best support he can offer in your time of great need, he's not worth taking back.
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