A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my wife is a s___/w____ or whatever, I'm not trusting her at all.She was 'around' a lot before we dated. We're both only 23, we met when we were 21, but I know she's had sexual contact with at least 20 or more men before me. And that was before age 21. Well, that does make her a slut, but I thought that when we got serious, then engaged, then now married, that would change.I just heard from a friend (who's girlfriend works with and is a friend of my wife) that after work last week, they all went out to a bar (my wife told me it was a few girls going out, well, it wasn't). It was a mixed crowd. And his girlfriend told him that my wife and this guy went outside and disapeared for a while last week when they were out at this bar. She also told my friend that my wife came back into the bar and ran right away into the bathroom after being gone with this guy for who knows how long.Did I marry the wrong woman? I know she was around the block before we met, but I tried to get over that, but now I'm thinking she's still a s____ even though we're married.
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male
reader, Emerald2000  +, writes (25 June 2009):
What were you thinking, brother?
Why would you even get serious with a girl like that? You know better.
Notwithstanding that "grave" error in judgment her lies and current behavior is unacceptable, unless you're into being lied to, a doormat, or an open marriage.
Cut your losses now. And "man up" for crissakes... why would you put up with that crap?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Human beings easily put too much hope and optimism into their ideals. You married the person idealized in your mind. What she was and is can be different than that idealization. You interpreted her marriage to you as 'change', but idealizing change is not the same as realizing what actually changed. The question is, are you going to accept your idealization or are you going to seek to change your idealization?
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (12 March 2009):
 It makes me really sad that you would use the words "slut" and "whore" about your own wife. It sounds like you two have problems that go way beyond whether she's having sex with other guys. It sounds like you don't respect her and that you expected her to change after marriage without having a serious discussion about it.
Sit down with your wife, and talk about how you're feeling. Ask for reassurance. If she can't reassure you that she's not sleeping with other guys, then maybe you need to lay it out there, that you can't stay with her unless she's faithful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Hi
What concerns me the most, is how you CALL your wife A SLUT. You actually sound like you don't even like her let alone love her. She slept with 20 men before you and you say, that makes her a slut...WHY? MAYBE IT MAKES HER MORE SEXUALLY ADVENTUROUS AND EXPERIENCED THAN SOME WHO ARE LESS INCLINED. Rasputin liked sex and he was a HEALER too..but that's another story . Guess i could be labeled a slut ... but hey the ones who choose our labels....are so perfect. I think you dishonour your wife by labelling her a slut...as a final thought some men wish their wives were slutty...she is what she is and you are what you are .
via con dios.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (12 March 2009):
Tell me did you think she was a s... or h... before she went out.Just because she slept around before she met you.Dosen't mean shes doing it now.If you had an opinion on her berfore.Its almost like a self fullfilling profecy.To be honest,if you can't forget her past your not going to have a future.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I am sorry man.
If it were a mixed crowd she should have invited you along. She's being sneaky about this and that is a cause for concern.
However, Gina is right. Don't jump to conclusions. That being said, she lied to you about going to the bar with the girls, and even if she didn't do anything physical with that guy, disappearing in a bar with another man is definitley inappropriate for a married woman.
Do you know if she values fidelity at all? Has she ever said how she would feel if you cheated on her?
No one deserves to be a cuckhold. I would definitely watch things with her very carefully.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (12 March 2009):
 You know exactly what you married, you just thought you could change her. You can't change her and you will never change her. From what you wrote, this girl is definitely a whore/slut - no surprise, coz you always knew it.
Good luck.
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