A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HELP! - cI have been seeing this guy - who I know had an ex partner who he sees from time because of his child! Anyway, the other day, he accidently sent me a text intended for his ex girlfriend saying how much he loves her etc etc! - After the initial shock and confusion I decided to just say nothing - but now I wonder if I should just confront him with the evidence or pretend I don't know!!I do love him and don't want to split up from him and he says he is falling for me too - so I really am confused and unsure what to do next!! - He may ring me tonight - so urgent advice needed!!
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male
reader, spydoc  +, writes (13 March 2009):
Gather some more evidence before you approach him. Have rock solid evidence before you confront him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): To be straight forward with you...you are involved with a man who is treating you like a 'rest stop' in his life, someone he comes back to occasionally for a bit o' fun, but picks up and does what he darn well pleases, when he gets the itch. There are both men and woman like this, and they cannot maintain an ongoing relationship. The know nothing of loyalty and devotion. They are self-involved. You have the proof...open your eyes.
Trust and respect are the foundation in all relationships.. You have to tell him what you have discovered. No matter the cost...you tell him and you need to ask why you are so fearful of losing this cad. Don’t ever let anybody determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. My suggestion: Is grab your courage and let him have the ex. Because you need to stay away from people who tear you down. I preach boundries, because all relationships, need them. So many women are afraid to draw boundries in their relationships, with their partners, due to fear of loss and insecurity. Sometimes when people disrespect us, we take the risk of setting tough boundries, rather than continually permitting ourselves to be hurt and devastated by a loved one's actions/behaviours. He needs to learn to grow up and stop using his 'email' antics witht he ex, as a catalyst to keep massaging his fragile ego. The man has fidelity issues! Honestly...my opinion. Show him what you found. Tell him he screwed up and don't talk anymore, just walk. It will hurt like hell, at first, but you will heal, recover and learn from this. But at the very least, you leave with your self-respect intact. Take care, dear and be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers - I guess I will have to end up confronting him... but it won't be easy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): F*** it, confront the guy. Show him the text, or tell him about it, and also tell him that is he doesn't have a good enough explanation, then there will be trouble. You shouldn't have to accept this. I'm not saying go and break up with him, but see what he is able to come up with first xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): yes confront him - find out whats going on you owe it to yourself - dont let this fester.... ask him. say you got a strange text from some bloke about x... see what he says (dont give details exactly or change name) then get message and read it to him and find out what he says when you sayit was from him.
I would prefer to do this face to face though - only do over phone if you aren't seeing him for a while? e.g. tell him you have migrane tonight if you are seeing him tonight.
Star.x.
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