A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is hanging out with an ex a terrible deed? this is an ex of mine from 4.5 years ago, the one prior to my current boyfriend of 4 years. It wasn't even really a relatonship, it was more fwb. but it ended because i found myself developing feelings for the fwb and i knew he wasnt interested in a relationship, so i stopped seeing him. shortly after i met my current boyfriend, whom i love and respect.Recently I hung out with my ex-fwb. Platonically, just got together to catch up. I admit i was sneaky about it, but just in the way that my bf is very sensitive about my sexual past, and i didn't even want it in his head esp around the holidays. Well now I don't know how but I think he has been snooping and came across some sort of correspondence to the ex-fwb. Not exactlt sure what he came across.either way, he now has the thoughts in his head and he thinks i am being dishonest, which i suppose is my fault for being sneaky but i didn't mean it in any negative way, just i didn;t think it was necessary to put him through the thought of my past.Maybe I am being selfish but all I wanted was to say hello and see how he was doing, but my bf seems to think that I was being malicious and he probably thinks i cheated on him ( I can't be sure what exacty he thinks because he is currently ignoring me after a very angry message)what to do... :/
View related questions:
my ex, sexual past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (23 December 2011):
you say you love and respect him...... If you respected him you would have ran the idea by him. So now you look sneaky because you were and your bf is doubting why you had to withhold this "innocent" information from him .
If it was innocent then you should have told your bf.
Stop complaining and tell your bf who you met up with and why .
Your bf will Probly not believe you because you went stright up about the situation. "innocent" actions like yours are the reason men and women lose trust in a relationship. Next time Dont be so selfish and think about your bf .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Here is my story. I hope that you can relate.My girlfriend also met up with her previous boyfriend before me. Like in your case, he wasn't really a boyfriend as much as a friend that she slept with a few times. He sought her out on Facebook and they talked on the phone. I never knew about any of that until I saw the phone bill.Like you, she says nothing happened. Like your you, she was being sneaky. Like your boyfriend, I am sensitive about her sexual past as she has much more of one than I do. Now my trust in her is completely shaken and we are in counseling. I am about 50/50 whether I will leave her or not. I don't know what I am going to do now. I am sure your boyfriend is just as confused. I suggest you start apologizing. I also suggest that you sit down and have an honest talk - not the argument that we had. My girlfriend is acting annoyed at me for not trusting her and that's pushing me out the door. She did a really good job screwing up our relationship because she wanted to "catch up."Lesson here: DO NOT SNEAK AROUND, ESPECIALLY IF THERE'S NOTHING TO HIDE!
...............................
A
male
reader, crushed and gutted  +, writes (22 December 2011):
ask yourself, are you saying that u wanted to meet up just as friends to convince yourself tht and it was for a breath of fresh air or rly just as friends? if it was rly just as friends then you should ask how your partner feels, and if its negative say you really want to. if its still negative its unfair of your partner, if he says ok then dont do it and tell him tht he is enough, he obv trusts you. as of now tell him you fucked up but arent sorry, cuz after all your not are you?
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (22 December 2011):
 You have every right to see these people from your past but because you hid it from him you look like you have something to hide. I would be suspicious too if I found out my gf secretly met up with her ex no matter how long ago the relationship was.
If you want to save the relationship then you need to tell him what happened and why you chose to hide it from him. Also it is important to admit that you were in the wrong here for what I said above.
You are not a selfish person you just misinterpreted how you should respect your bf's feelings so hopefully he will understand as long as you come clean.
...............................
A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Yes hanging out with an ex is a terrible deed when you are being sneaky and keeping it from your boyfriend. You say you did it this way because you were trying to protect his feelings, if that was really true you wouldn't have done it at all. I am afraid that it was a bit selfish of you, because you knew how hard it is for your boyfriend, and how he would react, so you betrayed his trust by lying to him about it. You handled the situation the wrong way. If my boyfriend was sneakily meeting up with an ex, I would assume he was hiding something and probably cheating, because if not why wouldn;t he be honest with me from the beginning. It may have been completely platonic but your boyfriend can't know that for sure from how you went about it. Unfortunately what is done is done, now you have to deal with the fall out. Your boyfriend needs some time to figure out how he feels about the situation and then deal with it when he is ready. You will have to work to regain his trust, in future if you want to catch up with someone innocently, be open about the fact.Good Luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 sorry to lecture but honesty is always the best policy. You should have told him you was going to see a friend rather than snooping around.
As a man who has been cheated on im now very weary of suspicious behaviour if he has had problems in the past he might be too. Just be honest with him. If you have nothing to hide. Why hide it.
Good luck.
...............................
|
