A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello readers... I've recently found out that I am pregnant. I'm thrilled but really hurt at the same time. The father on the other hand is upset and want me to have an abortion. BIG PROBLEM, because I don't want to. I just don't understand how he kept going on like he wanted a baby, we had unprotected sex, he never pulled out!!! Now he wants me to kill my baby out of convenience... Why the bs now???
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain Thanks to everyone for your comments. I really want my baby and noone is going to make me give it up...yes indeed he agreed to have sex with no condom and knew if anything happend I was keeping my child. Either he can be a part of this or he can move along, with each day, I'm excited and think he is a piece of shit ass person who doesn't deserve us PERIOD...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Just to add, for the future of the child, you may wish to consult an attorney to ensure the child is financially supported by the father. Someone who doesn't wear a condom is pretty much planning (through omission, or is it emission?) to be a father.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Why is it a million times worse to pressure someone into an abortion than to pressure someone in having the baby? I don't think people should be pressured into anything, but it's hypocritical to say one thing is "a million times worse" just because you don't agree with doing it. I know many women on both sides of the issue, who had an abortion and who kept the baby. Every single woman I know who kept the baby did so out of guilt about having an abortion and every single one of them dropped out of school. The women I've spoken to who had abortions all felt relief, not guilt.But that's just my own personal experience and I wouldn't pressure someone into doing something they didn't want to, either keeping it or having an abortion. The OP here clearly wants to keep her baby and she should absolutely do so. I think if someone was decided either way it's horrible for anyone to tell her to do otherwise. No one who doesn't want an abortion should feel as though they have to. But the pressure to not have an abortion is far greater than the pressure to have one for most people I know, what with protestors attacking women for entering clinics and sending around flyers with images from late-term abortions (which aren't performed unless there is a health issue). I don't know anyone who feels guilt from an abortion who wasn't also attacked for being a "murderer." People telling women that they are killing their baby and that it's morally wrong and such is the reason people feel so much guilt for having abortions.Before birth control women used to have early term abortions as a form of birth control and it never caused guilt until religion became involved in the issue.
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Have your baby! I went through exactly what you are going through now, only we had spent 1 year on fertility treatment and I ended up undergoing ovarian drilling on my ovaries to conceive in 2002. I had 10 minutes to enjoy my pregnancy result off the test strip, before I was dumped. He had 'changed his mind'. Then he alternated between wanting to see me, then ignoring me, and didn't accept that I was keeping the baby until it was past 3 months and no longer possible. Yes it was hard and I was depressed throughout my pregnancy and ended up having a very difficult baby with feeding difficulties. I did it all alone with no support from family except my girlfriends who I would see once a week (they all had busy lives being single ladies about town - as they should).
In my early pregnancy I avoided everybody until I was 4 months along as my mother, sister, baby's father all told me to have an abortion. Only my girlfriends stuck by me and told me to keep it as they knew how long we had been trying for.
Now my beautiful daughter is 8 years old, and is the love of my life. We are closer than most mother/daughters and I value her input into all aspects of my life and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Unfortunately her father has made life very difficult for me over the past 8 years (we have had continual custody battles and are now about to head into the family court - our 7th court battle) as the laws were changed in 2006 to give fathers 50% of the time - even if they had shown no interest prior to then.
We still fight about where my daughter lives as he cannot stand paying child support. grrrr - I don't want him to pay, just WANT MY DAUGHTER! So yes, it can be difficult, but my daughter has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced emotionally, and the most beautiful and LOVED experienced I have ever had. Now that I am pregnant again (6 months) I fall in love with my 8 year old daughter all over again and I know that we will ALWAYS have a close special bond because of all the years when it was just the 2 of us. We finish each other's sentences and know what the other one is thinking without even speaking - that is how close we are to each other.
And you will be the same my darling mother to be, because you LOVE your child and have fought to keep her without any pressure from anyone else who is not worth being a part of this wonderful joy you are about to experience.
He is not worth it and if you were to get an abortion, what is to say that he wouldn't just dump you anyway? He has shown himself to be a liar, unreliable - so not good relationship material anyway. You are loyal and are going to be a truly wonderful mother to your unborn child. By the way, I was 30 when I got pregnant with my 8 year old daughter, so it wasn't as if we weren't being responsbile either. Just like you sadly have experienced, these things can happen to the best of us just when we thought our lives were all settled down and in order! But mother's in their 30's are the best! We have experienced living and are comfortable in our skin and are ready to be wonderful loving mums!!!xxxx
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reader, lovebird1  +, writes (21 June 2011):
Congratulations to your decision! Keep us updated and well, forget about this complete idiot.
I'm really happy to hear you're supported, and I wish you all the best. You're a brave woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMorning... I really really appreciate all you guy's comments and ill be posting pictures in the next 8 months! ( of the baby) :) He doesn't want the baby apparently now because he didn't think it was really going to happen and he doesn't have money... a load of crap... I'm happy, my mom is happy, I have a wonderful support system plus you guys and I'm grateful...
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reader, natasia  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 I like Missy's answer - you can always get another boyfriend, but your baby is unique. ! Good one.
Someone posted here who was in the exact same situation, and very sadly was pressured into an abortion and is now having to live with that forever. The same happened to me.
There is a lot of talk on here about it being your body and doing what you want - when someone is pregnant, they get a whole load of advice about having an abortion. But there is also the other side of the coin - people being pressured into having an abortion! I think that is a million times worse that trying to give someone the support and hope so they can have their baby and be happy.
It is pretty much a crime in my eyes to pressure someone into having an abortion. I had it done to me, so I am really pleased to hear that you aren't going to let anyone do that to you. Enjoy your pregnancy and love your baby - it will all be great! And the father - let him take it or leave it. Men often find unexpected pregnancy hard, but come round later.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (20 June 2011):
It's your body, you are the one who is pregnant, not him. He is completely allowed to give his opinion, but he is not allowed to demand anything or try to force you into any decision. He forfeited his choice when he decided not to pull out or wear a condom. If you want to keep it, it's your decision to do so.
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reader, LittleMissy +, writes (20 June 2011):
If you don't won't to, don't let him pressure you. Speaking from experience. You can always find another boyfriend but you can never ever take back a decision which you were not happy about in the first place. Feel free to message me as iv been through this. Xx
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reader, freeme +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Keep the baby, without a doubt, dump the man, and stay away from him until after the baby is born.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Ive been in your situation b4. When i found out i was pregnant my bf sad were having a baby got excited then the next day said have an abortion. I was so upset. When asked him why he got excited he said he was being sarcastic. Anyway stupidly against my every desire to have the baby i had an abortion. I regret it. Even now i think about it. Cry about it. It damaged me so much. I had a pill abortion and it was very painful. If i said ow hed tell me to shut up. And when the baby came out he wanted to put it in a jar! We broke up maybe a month after. My point is if you want this baby have it. You made this baby together. If he cant man up then yes you are on your own but its better that you do what you feel is right.
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reader, lovebird1 +, writes (19 June 2011):
A very difficult situation.
I've got no experience on pregnancy/abortion, but I'd recommend you listen to your heart and also take a good look at your life situation.
Would you want to raise a child on your own, if the father's not cooperating? Could you afford to raise a child on your own, if your relationship fell apart?
Do you know your partner's reason for his change of mind? I mean, are you 100% sure it's out of convenience and irresponsibility, or is there something else? In what kind of relationship are you (marriage, ltr)? Are there some fears you haven't discussed before, money issues, relationship troubles, that need to be solved first?
I'd really try and sit down and talk one more time. Let him explain all his thoughts and feelings without judging or interrupting him. Just listen. Look at him and try to figure out who he is.
And then explain your feelings and thoughts to him without being reproachful or angry. Be open and honest with him.
And then see if you both can solve this together.
If you can't , then think about if you could ever forgive him for being the main reason why you aborted your baby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot... I am going to keep him/her... it wasn't right how he did it on purpose...every time we had sex, we talked about this pre baby. Now he can't afford it, I'm not worth nothing, I mean he went on and on. But I will stay strong and I told him, HE has a choice because I've made mine already...
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reader, natasia +, writes (19 June 2011):
Don't have one. I had one when I was 21, and I didn't want it, and it ruined my life. I can elaborate on the whole subject, as you can imagine, but just do not do it. And frankly, stuff him. If he isn't interested in his responsibility (and, actually, his good luck to be able to have a child), then you are better off without him. You will be fine, and someone will of course want you, both.
He will also want you, both, once the baby is born - 100% guaranteed. So just weather this storm now, ignore him, completely refuse, and don't take any cups of tea or other drinks from him ... (not joking - some men put abortion pills into the drinks of women carrying their children!). Be careful, and say no.
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reader, SMARTERthaniappear +, writes (19 June 2011):
 He obviously wasn't livign in REALITY. It probably just hit him that he's going to be a father. A lot of the times we say things we don't actually mean. He's realizing that if you kept the child that he would have to a GIVE UP HIS FREEDOM AND THE CASH IN HIS WALLET! Another answer is the pleasure. Some men think's protection takes away the pleasures. I wish you the best.
HOPE I HELPED ^.^
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