A
male
age
41-50,
*otal_screwed
writes:I am 32 yrs old and have been married for 4 yrs. A year ago we moved to a new town and my wife and I drifted apart. She befriended our neighbours and became close friends with the lady. We would often go to dinners there and I met their now 19 yr old daughter. One night after an argument with my wife I went to a local bar for a drink and ran into our neighbours daughter, T and we started chatting. We talked for a couple of hours and then she added her number to my cell so we could chat. For about a month we texted all the time. Then one Saturday night in September she texted me to come to the bar for drinks. Many drinks later we ended kissing and messing around.Eventually one thing lead to another and we have been having an affair since mid September. my wife told me she wanted to try to have a baby. I told her that I was very unhappy in our marriage and that I thought a baby would add to trouble. She agreed that we were having problems and said she WOULD stay on the pill. We went away over Christmas to work on our problems.While away I realized what I had with T was more then just sex , I was falling in love with her and didn't want to be apart from her. I told T how I felt after new years and she agreed that she had the same feelings. Last night I went to tell my wife that I wanted a divorce she told me that she had agreed to dinner at our neighbours - I told her I wanted to talk first and she said it would have to wait. While we were sitting down at dinner with T and her family my wife smiles and said that she was pregnant. My wife and T's mom started jumping up and down. T jumps up and says "I think I'm pregnant." and I blurted out "I'm having an affair". Now what do I do?? My wife wants to know who the affair was with, T's parents wants to know who she is sleeping with and I want a divorce. How do I tell my pregnant wife I want a divorce, how do I tell the people who opened their home to me that I may have gotten their teenage daughter pregnant?Any advise, please?!
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affair, christmas, divorce, kissing, neighbour, text, the pill Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ReturningtheFavor  +, writes (30 January 2010):
Wow, you have really effed up here! My advice is step up be a man and take care of your responsibilities. I am a man and I understand the need desire or want to get some strange but have some self control! Look at porn or something. You need to really put your man hood to the test here and take care of business! I know how it feels to want some strange but realize that it ruins lives and wives. Dont do this to the woman you loved. The grass is only greener on the other side till you have it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): This just makes me sick. You idiots always think the grass is greener on the other side, but everything and everyone gets old eventually. Why can't you be happy with what you have? And with some 19 year old? PLEASE!! Give me a break. It's always these loser guys hooking up with the young bimbos who think they're something special because they can take the loser away from his wife. Grow the hell up and stop thinking with your dick. Seriously. This 19 year old is going to get tired of YOU and move on to some cute hard-bodied guys. Then what will you have? Nothing but a bruised ego and a baby who has a father living somewhere else. Really nice jerk! You don't deserve a wife and kid.
Remember, what comes around goes around. Imagine what you're going to feel like when the very same thing happens to you. Will you go whining and crying to your EX wife saying "Boo hoo, I don't know why she did this to me." I've seen it happen. And you'll deserve every bit of it and more. Am I angry? Hell yes I'm angry. I'm married to a loser just like you. Never happy with what he has. Always looking for something better. It's coming around to him, believe me. You'll both get what you deserve, so enjoy your little girl while you can.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 January 2010):
 This is what happens to guys who assume that birth control is solely the female's responsibility. Let this be a lesson to all, wear a glove or no love.
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female
reader, unhappy78 +, writes (25 January 2010):
Wow....and I mean wow.....I can tell you from my own personal experience that you CAN get pregnant on the pill....I did....I was not planning to have children until I had graduated college, however, God had other intentions for me. I was blessed with a beautiful, amazing baby girl. Sometimes things happen for a REASON. From your posts I hear alot of ME, ME, ME....Not about the feelings of the woman you vowed to love, honor, and cherish....nor the feelings of a teenage girl who has not yet gained the emotional maturity to know what true love is. I think the most important thing you can do as a decent human being is to enroll yourself in counseling...and to be a good father to your child.....
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (25 January 2010):
 I would also suggest that perhaps you should get DNA testing done both with the wife's impending pregnancy (amnio) and the 19 yo girlfriend.
Just saying ....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Why would this be a troll post? The situation may be fairly unusual, but I'm sure there are thousands of similar situations, and the original post is fairly detailed. I think there are a few aunts who have somehow got it into their heads that practically every other post on DC is the work of a troll.
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (25 January 2010):
Wow, and I thought the guy that my wife cheated on me with was scum, but buddy - you take the cake!You want to make this mess any better at all? You tell EVERYONE involved. No, don't ask T's permission. Shes 19 for crying out loud! you took advantage of the naivite and innocence of a girl who is barely finished with puberty, and has no perspective on life, and now you want to know if she's comfortable with her parents knowing she's pregnant with the child of their 30+ year old married neighbor? Hell no she's not comfortable with it! You've treated her with incredible disrespect, ever since you started this whole torrid incident.Not to mention the disrespect you showed your wife, your own children, and even yourself.Make it right. 'Fess up, first to your wife, who deserved a LOT better. Next, to your neighbors, who you slapped in the face, and who didn't ask for any such thing.Don't be surprised in the end, when everyone hates you. You brought this on yourself, and will hhave to suffer the consequences of your own actions.
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male
reader, total_screwed +, writes (24 January 2010):
total_screwed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off I am not a troll.
Secondly, yes I plan on being a father to the child my wife is having. Do I feel that we can work things out no, I know what I did was wrong but so is what she did. She knew we were having problems and she on purposly got pregnant. Would I have had sex with her if I had know she wasn't on the pill? No I won't have, I knew that I did not want a child with her.
As for the younger girl, I haven't had a chance to sit down and talk with her yet, she hadn't mentioned being pregnant or the thought that she may be but I don't think she would lie about it. Yes I plan on finding out for sure.
I know I need to let everyone involved know the truth, but I didn't want to say anything until I talked to T first. If she wasn't comfortable letting everyone know then I wouldn't say anything, just yet.
Thank you for all of the advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Haven't we heard this one on Jerry Springer?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): well when you be unfaithful its only natural that someone will get hurt. that doesnt seen to be you so you dont have the problem you just caused it. so whatever happens to you you will deserve. i feel sorry for the other people involved. they have a long way to go from all this.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 January 2010):
Wow! That's a keg of dynamite and you're tied to it.
With the wife. Well she lied to you about being on the pill, and she got pregnant by you. What I don't understand is why have sex with your wife if you wanted a divorce and you wanted to split up? In either event if its true and your wife is pregnant, then you're going to be a father.
As for the girl next door, if she's pregnant too, then again, congratulations. Now you're going to have two kids by two different women.
Finally, your neighbors are going to hate your guts, your wife will hate your guts, and if you don't get a divorce, your girlfriend is going to hate your guts.
How to fix it. Tell the wife you wanted a divorce, and accommodated her with sex over Christmas as a means of making peace with her. You didn't realize she was off the pill; and if you had you would've abstained.
Pregnancy or not, if you are dead set on the divorce then you're going to have to go through with that.
With the girlfriend, if she's pregnant, then again you're going to have to man up to the responsibilities and deal with her issues too.
If you do finalize your divorce and the girl next door is the one you want, then you'll have to marry her if that's what you two had intended all along.
If that is not what you wanted, or if it turns out the girl next door is not pregnant with your child, well then you know she's not the one for you , is she?
All-in-all it does not look good. You're probably going to have to fess up to the affair with your wife and neighbors.
Its going to get out anyway, and the pregnant teen is not going to be discrete about this very much longer. Especially if she's young and jealous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): you're wife may have been wrong to have gotten herself pregnant without your approval, but you must remember she is pregnant because you had sex with her. you had sex with her while having sex with another woman.
and now you want to leave her? you're a great guy, you know that? i don't even think you really love T. dang... is she in for the biggest mistake of her life. poor chick.
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male
reader, Faraday  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Troll post?
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female
reader, Miss King ! +, writes (24 January 2010):
 To be perfectly blunt and honest, I think what you have done is extremely wrong, you are a married man and whether or not you felt you were having troubles in your marriage, the last thing to do is to befriend a 19 year old and end up having sex with her. Your extreme feelings of love towards her are probably a result of the reduced feelings of closeness and love towards your wife.
I can see that you feel a little betrayed by your wife getting pregnant after you had made your feelings clear and told her you didnt think it was a good time to have a baby, however you cant really blame her for getting pregnant, you are married, and if she wants a baby enough its likely she will try to make it so she can get pregnant.
The situation with the 19 year old girl is a bit scary, it could seriously hurt not only your wife, but your neighbors and in the end probably you... this girl is young and has many years to go before she is in the same situation as you, don't you think she will want to go to college, travel, holidays, experiment with people of her own age!? To expect her to give up all of that for you is a little over expectant.
The best thing to do would be to discuss with the 19 year old girl her pregnancy, if she wants to have the child you need to tell both her parents and your wife. You then need to decide which woman you are going to be with. As both your wife and this girl may be having your children you need to decide how this will work. It's definitely NOT a situation to envy, but its a situation that you have gotten yourself into. Accept that you are going to upset ALOT of people and you will probably grow to regret the decisions that you have made. But honesty is the most important part of this now, you can't keep any more secrets or things will get worse.
I really do hope things work out, for your wife your neighbors and you.
Best of luck! x
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Oh geez, you've really gotten yourself into a pickle here!!
I can only suggest that the best thing for you to do is to be open and honest about this to ALL parties as soon as possible - there is no avoiding hurt or shame here and I think as a man you have to face your responsibilities and sleep in the bed you've recently made.
You didn't want to have a child with your wife but she is pregnant, you will have to step up to that plate for the child, but you certainly do not have to stay in the marriage if it is making you unhappy - a baby WILL make an unhappy marriage worse, I can tell you that much for nothing, but that baby is on its way and you're still its father, and so have to act accordingly.
As for the girlfriend, you need to find out if she is really pregnant or if she just said it in a moment of weakness, jealousy and shock at your wife's news. I would tread really carefully here but try and get some kind of evidence that she is expecting, before she actually goes out of her way TO become pregnant to make her words true.
You are going to have to be honest with yourself about who it is you want to be with, but be prepared to not be with either - being pregnant might well change both women and their mind sets and you might well be on your way to losing both.
I think you have to talk to the parents of the girlfriend when all the other dust settles on your little "adventure".
If you really want to be with the girl, and she is pregnant, you need to make it work and sort it out NOW. You can NOT string your wife along any more, even with a baby on the way. You will have to explain to her that she knows you didn't want to have a baby with her and that the baby does not change how you feel, but that you will be there for it and support her the best you can, but not as her husband - unless this changes things for you.
You do need to do some thorough soul searching here, and have a lot to fix. Start with yourself, be honest with your wife, then deal with everything else.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): The damage is done. Please, for all that is good and DECENT in this world, own up to your actions and let all parties know EXACTLY where you stand. Just because your wife is pregnant does not mean you are obligated to be with her (under law. In the eyes of God is another story, but I digress...). If the marriage is salvageable, I would try and make things right (and honor your vows!!). If all is lost, LET YOUR WIFE GO AND BE A GOOD FATHER!! DON'T STRING HER ALONG! It isn't fair to her or to your child.
Good Luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Jump in it with feet first. Should have thought about the mess before you got into it, so now you just have to deal with it. Theres no quick fixes or easy ways out of this one.
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