A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband recently left me for another woman. We were married for 16 years and he met her at work. I just wondered if anyone else has had that happen to them? and how did it turn out? how long did it take the hurt to go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): the pain just doesnt go away its the betrayel and hurt .. the devastation you are left behind and you loved him .. it will take a long time and meanwhile he just is gone and next thing you hear he is in love.. it hard and you begin to realise you are worth more and you continue on with your life ... the pain takes a long time and men just dont seem to care..
A
male
reader, Nick-38 +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Hi, I am sorry to hear thism but , this has not happen to me, but a very good friend, basically the husband run away with his hair dresser, she was devestated with two kids, I know their sex life was not so great, however there are many reason for everyone, but to be honest, surely it was sme problem , may be from his side, if you can mend it for a sake of childern try to do that, if you love him, if not let him go and time will look after things for you, you hurt becuase he has done the act of going away, but believe me this could turn out to be much better than you ever thought, opportunity for you to have you life the way you want away from someone like himgood luck
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 You can learn from this experience because there are always symptoms going on in the marriage before something like this happens. A wise spouse will spot the signals before it spins out of control. I've seen it time and time again among friends and family. With my closest friend, she became so involved with her children, her husband felt invisible and less important. He soon found a woman at his office who thought he was a genius. It didn't take long for the marriage to dissolve after that. Sometimes even the best wives get dumped, and it can simply be a mid-life crisis husband who is afraid of getting older, and thus a new and exciting relationship seems to be the answer to all his fears. Whatever the case is, give yourself time to heal and learn to spot problems before they become full blown. Best wishes. xoxox
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 This is unfortunately quite a common occurrence these days.
I don't know if there are any children involved, but you have to understand that whatever reasons he had for the affair, they have resulted in him moving on with his life with another woman.
Some marriages fall apart because of lack of communications, neglect, taking one another for granted; a failure to maintain the relationship through emotional and physical affection and bonding. Any one of the reasons that cause a marriage to degenerate can cause a break-up.
In either event, whether you had anything to do with this or not, all you can do is learn from the experience and try and put this behind you.
In addition, do not even think for one moment that you are not worth the efforts. You are not worthless, but the emotions you are feeling are those of abandonment and loneliness.
That can be overcome in time, and unless you can salvage your marriage, and unless there is still a great deal of love left, maybe its time to end the marriage and move on with your life in a meaningful way.
I would also suggest that you set aside any hatred or enmity towards your husband and whoever it is that he's seeing. By taking that out of the equation you will start feeling better almost immediately.
In this case maybe its best that you found out sooner than later. This gives you time to restart your life without wasting any more time on your husband, if of course you choose to end the marriage.
I could suggest marriage counseling. At the very least that may make the two of you consider reconciliation; but if that's not possible, it may be possible to settle out issues in your divorce so that you can split up amicably -- which is best.
So sorry you are going through this. The other posters will suggest that in time things will get better. I think they will get better when you decide for yourself what is best for your future.
I wish you the best and feel your hurt on this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): I feel your pain and understand what you're going through; my husband cheated on me numerous times and left me when I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. The most important thing is to get your life back. I sank into a dark place for 2 years and it did no good. You have to focus on what it is that you have now, even the little things. Some mornings I had to be thankful for just waking up and being able to live another day, but I kept my focus on what it was that I still had. It will take time. You wont wake up tomorrow and be okay. But slowly and surely, every day will get a little easier. Also, learn to be alone with yourself for a bit. If you can learn to be alone and happy, you won't be disappointed by failed relationships and you won't be so desperate to fill that void that he's left. I do hope you make it and that you move on and have a happy life with someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (24 January 2010):
It took me 3 wasted years to get over him. It could have taken a year but I stupidly wouldn't let it go and wasted my life thinking about how he messed up my life. The pain can be so deep that you can feel your body aching... To make matters worse you start to question your self worth; your confidence is down the drain and in my case I stupidly contemplated suicide. I went from crying daily, then once a week, then once a month until I got over it. Allow yourself to mourn but not indefinitely. Give yourself a cut off time for the venting and crying.
In my case, I have completely recovered and am engaged to a wonderful man who accepts my children. I spent the mourning period also reading a lot of self-improvement books and courses and now am as happy as ever. 3 years ago my world had ended but I'm glad I fought through it and have another chance at happiness. I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 I am sorry you have had to go through this. I can feel your pain just by how little you wrote. You must of suspected something was going on.
Anyway, you need to work on getting on with your life. And time does heal. You have not said much about your circumstances but if you are working, through yourself into your work. Do things to make you feel good about yourself e.g. gym. Fill your life with activities. If you have not got much money you can socialise through voluntary work. Surround yourself with friends men and women.
The time it takes varies from one person to the other. There is no guarantee that he will come back. there is no guarantee that you will want him back. Sort out a finacial settlement and move on.
He is probably living in real guilt and so will the women who took him away from you.
Believe me time will heal. I know ifs always hard to believe but you will meet someone else. Dont waste away hoping that he will return.
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