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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Do you think ,is it foolish to stay in a marriage ,which does not make you happy sexually and emotionally,or it is not ,because marriage is more important than some happy sex and feelings? I mean ive been in therapy to try to and save my marriage, and yet, it does not seem to want to get better. The situation is that my husband has no interest in changing, but I tried it anyways. He is cold to me in bed, and spends his whole life in work or in front of his computer. I tried and tried, but,he wont make changes. I'm angry at him inside, and I feel betrayed, and let down. Am I crazy to hang in there, or am I a loyal wife? Is it possible that i'm just too scared to make a change? Maybe he will dump me at the end, if I wait too long? When is the "end -line" in a marriage? When is it not worth doing it anymore? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Well,what is the point of an unhappy relationship? I think ,yes ,it must be fear ,what holding you back,also You don't want to be alone. At first, it always difficult to be alone, but really ,there is no other way ,when you tried so hard, and he didn't respond. It is wasting your energy,on something very draining. Instead ,take care of yourself, you must respect yourself. With no respecting yourself, how would he respect you? Take care...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Did he refuse to to therapy with you? Than ,what is holding you back? He is obviously not interested in any change,maybe there is a dynamic,that you created, wit letting him not give you ,what you need. It happens in long term marriages,and it is very damaging. You need to separate for a while to find the boundaries again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): You can't do this alone! If he does not feel motivated to change, you need to go ! Take care
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Suggest a trial separation. Either you move out or ask him to. This can sometimes wake up a tired marriage and get a man's attention. But be prepared for it to be the final straw if need be. Give yourself 6 months of living apart to decide if there is anything there. His behavior during this time will assist you in your decision one way or another. You guys can always move back in together once things have improved.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Unfortunately the breakup of most marriages occurs when one partner ignores and neglects the needs of the other one.
Your anger is directed at the fact that he is not being attent to your affection, emotional and sexual needs.
I would suggest that if counseling and therapy have not convinced him to change, then you two have drifted far enough apart in the marriage to end it.
There is no point in keeping you or him in a marriage where either or both of you are unhappy.
We all need and crave the things you are missing and it leads me to believe that your husband is either completely ignorant of your needs, or has simply found a way to fulfill his needs without attending to yours.
In either event, it may be time to simply look at him and tell him you want to call it quits, throw in the towel and move on in your life.
There is without a doubt many good men out there who would be happy to provide you with everything that you need as a woman, and would be worthy of your affections and loyalty.
But staying in the marriage for the sake of saying you're loyal does not mean you have to be unhappy to no end.
Unhappiness leads to depression and extramarital affairs. You are better off just separating and obtaining a divorce, and moving on with your life. Who knows what's waiting for you.
But obviously this is a sign to you that its time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2010):
When you have tried your best, it is perfectly reasonable to leave.
There is a very good chance that he has not tried to change because he doesn't see a need. You are still there, and he is happy, so why should he make an effort.
Many people don't realise what they have till it's gone, so go away for a while and stay with friends or even take a short term lease on a flat for a few months.
See if you are happy alone and see if he decides that you are worth fighting for.
After that, you can make an informed choice.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, MissFixIt +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Hi
What you have to remember is a marriage needs two people invested to make it work. It seems you have done all you can to try to make your marriage work and now it's his turn to prove he deserves a loving wife like you. His actions are making you feel bad and doubt yourself, it must be hard and I can't imagine what you are going through but my advice would always be to stay true to yourself, perhaps if you actually left him for a while he would realise what you mean to him (don't know what you've got till its gone kinda thing). At the end of the day don't let him make you feel bad if your marriage can be saved it will happen but if even after you leave he pays no interest then move on with your life and find someone who truly asppreciates you!
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