A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i think mydoctor took my virginity!i was a virgin and i went to the doctor for a pap spear and a swab exam.when I told the doctor to be gentle because i was a virgin his whole facial expression changed.he was going to fast.he didn't care if i was or not.he stuck bothh ofhis fingers into my vagina.i have never had a doctor to exam with both fingers.they always have checked with one.then he went inside superfast with a mean look on his face.he stayed in there for 4seconds then he pulled his fingers back out.he shoved his fingers inside.i was in pain.then after he was finished he had a guilty look on his face and i felt a lot different.i also think that he was my first or he tried to take my virginity.should i press charges against him?i don't feel as innocent as i was.i also can't stop thinking about what happened.did he get very close to me?becuase his figers were onside of my stomach.i felt it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Virgins don't need pap smears...
It is amazing that a doctor would not know that...very strange.
I'd not sure of the circumstances of your exam - did you request a pelvic exam?
I wouldn't have allowed the exam in the first place - sadly, women need to do the research to work out what's appropriate and what's not at their medical appointments.
Knowledge is Power.
Also, routine pelvic exams in asymptomatic women are unnecessary...my Dr does not perform them unless there are symptoms. Read up...many of these exams are unnecessary in asymptomatic women.
Pap smears are not necessary in virgins, coupes who were virgins in an exclusive relationship and others who haven't been exposed to HPV and after some hysterectomies....
see racgp.org.au/afp/200806/200806stewart.pdf
Also, there is some research that says routine breast exams are unnecessary...see racgp.org.au/afp/200805/200805thistlethwaite.pdf
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Virgins don't need pap smears...It is amazing that a doctor would not know that...very strange.I'd make the complaint...but I wouldn't have allowed the exam in the first place - sadly, women need to do the research to work out what's appropriate and what's not at their medical appointments.Knowledge is Power.Also, routine pelvic exams in asymptomatic women are unnecessary...my Dr does not perform them unless there are symptoms.see racgp.org.au/afp/200806/200806stewart.pdf
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Someone mentioned that there is no reason to do anything but a pap smear until you lose your virginity. That is not correct. The internal examination and pressing on your stomach are used to determine if everything is in the right place. For instance, he can tell if you have a tipped (prolapsed) uterus by doing this and discuss the options available for you for treatment if necessary. As someone else said, he is also checking your ovaries. Using 2 fingers is normal. I suggest you get used to this, as you will have dozens of these examinations during your life. Here is a site that discusses the normal exam. It is just what he did.
http://www.womens-clinic.org/routine_gynecological_exams.php
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Every year we have wonderful doctors who leave the medical field because of frivilous lawsuits alleging malpractice by people out to make a buck or blow a mountain into a molehill. Do NOT file against this man who was JUST DOING HIS JOB!!!! You did NOT lose your viginity, he did NOT violate you. You do NOT 'feel it in your heart' when you lose your virginity, nor are your legs 'further apart'. My boyfriend thinks that this entire thread is made up by someone (probably a man in his opinion) who just wants to laugh at all us aunts and see us jump because it is so patently ridiculous for someone to think their virginity has been taken by an internal, 2 finger, 4 second exam by their gynochologist.
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A
female
reader, xxmissxx  +, writes (15 November 2008):
 Your worring so much about this about hun, i dread to think how you'd be if you ever decided to have a baby!!!!!
god, iv got a 5 month old girl, and all the internals, and poking and prodding you have to go through! i mean i had the sweep, right and the nurse put her fingers so far back i screamed! and yes it hurt for a day or two after but the pain of any internal will go and your only worried because youve not had sex yet, so youve not known what to expect of anything going "up there"! your absolutly fine, the pain will go, and youll be able to carry on as normal! if you cant stop worring, go see your nurse! i do think your slightly over reacting though hun. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Ok, this is getting silly now - YOU HAVE NOT LOST YOUR VIRGINITY. Have you had sex? No. Did a penis go inside you? No. You a STILL a virgin.
To the person who is telling her to report the guy - that is ridiculous. This doctor did nothing wrong. And considering the poster was male I wouldn't bet on him having much experience with pap smears or internal examinations. The doctor was completely within his rights to insert two fingers into you as part of the exam. That is completely normal. What would you tell the police? My doctor was a bit rough - big deal.
Seriously, you're going to have to have a few of these in your lifetime, every woman is supposed to. You can request another doctor if you like but really, time to grow up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni also am in pain does that mean that i will be in pain and regret for the rest of life becaue of this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i have been having these emotional feelings ever since it happened and also i have been,and when a woman loses her virginity she feels it in her heart and that's where i feel it at.also i can't stop thinking about it and i'm not even trying to think about it.i think his fingers when too far
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay thanks everyone!.......i will calm down and chill out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): in all honestley, when i lost my virginity, through sex, i felt violated even though i loved my boyfriend it is still an area that your not familiar with and you naturally feel dirty and like youve lost your innocence. i dont think that anything bad happened here but this is a very embarrasing and invassive thing for a virgin but just try to shake it off. if you still feel this way in a few weeks then try changing doctors and ask them what the procedure should be, at least then you will know for sure if you hve been violated. it is better that you question this sort of thing than go through them and end up hating yourself as can happen.
just bear in mind that there are a lot of sick men out there who do get off from these types of things and you need to keep yourself safe.
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Legally, I'm not sure if you would be able to press charges or not considering all you have to go against him is that he had a mean look...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): OK let me make this totally clear - You Have Not Had Sex Therefore You Are Still A Virgin!!! Your legs don't spread wider after you lose your virginity, you're imagining it because you're getting all worked up. I swear you have nothing to worry about so please chill =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondid he just get very very close or something?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut i feel it in my heart and it didn't bother me a couple of days ago but now it is making me feel emotional about it and i wasn't even thinking about it and my body feels different and it looks like my legs are spread out farther...i really thinks it gone.....OMG!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Yes, in the US and in Canada a nurse has to be present during and internal, Peps.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 I would definitly report him. There is no reason for the exam to hurt at all, and a young woman doesn't need an extensive exam at all. Pap smear is enough and there is indeed no reason for two fingers.
Pressing charges is risky, your word against his but there might have been other complaints. Doctors ain't saints and some abuse their position, trusting that nobody dares to question doctors.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (13 November 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Is there not a code that a nurse has to be in the surgery with you as there is here, He was I feel a little rough, If you are not happy with the way he treated you tell the hospital...The doctors do this kind of thing so often everyday its quick and can be very painful...Don't see this doctor again go to a female doc, I've always found female doctors to be more gentle as they no the pain it can cause so therefore understand its not a pleasant experience and treat young people with more understanding...He should have explained what he was going to do and how it may feel to you really..Hope you feel better soon love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (13 November 2008):
You did not say if you were bleeding afterwards. IF YOU WERE, tell your Mom what you have described to us and she will know what to do.
None-the-less, whenever you are as disturbed as you obviously are, I wouldn't go back to this Doctor, he isn't the Doctor for you. It's obvious he did not have the right bedside manner for you- or take the time to reassure you- as you were having an internal for the first time! He SHOULD have taken the time to EXPLAIN what he was doing. As all the Aunts have explained, the two finger technique is normal, the feeling around in your belly is to check your uterus and ovaries and it sometimes does feel a big rough when they are shoving everything around, poking and prodding. If he used a speculum, a metal device used to open the vagina and see the cervix (thing up inside that feels like the end of your nose), that is never the most pleasant sensation, even after two childbirths! Any Doctor who doesn't warm those up under warm water should have their license removed! As deejuliet says, be thankful he didn't give you a rectal exam as well! As he had the nurse in with you, I would think that he was doing his exam properly, even if he were distracted or impersonal, but it's quite obvious, he was not the Doctor for you. Get a new Doctor!!!
Technically, the presence or absence of a hymen isn't THE proof of virginity, and many girls will not have a hymen that is fully intact after a childhood of tree climbing and horseback riding. Virginity is taken by a penis entering the vagina for the first time. Hope this helped. XXX
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (13 November 2008):
 If you have not had sex you are STILL A VIRGIN! Girls that use tampons are still virgins if they have never had sex.
The doctor did nothing wrong other than being insensitive. YOU ARE STILL A VIRGIN, don't worry! Okay?
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (13 November 2008):
No, dear, he did not take your virginity. You are still a virgin. He may have been alittle rougher with you than you would have liked, but it sounds like an internal exam to me! Internals are never confortable or easy and it is not uncommon to use more than one finger. Actually I think it is the norm to use the first two fingers. Differant doctors have differant techniques and differant things they do. I have had some doctors that even do an internal rectal exam! Yuck! Talk about feeling violated! But it was all part of the exam process. You were not molested, your viginity was not taken. Please dont go trying to ruin this mans life by reporting him or pressing charges. He was only doing his job. And especially if a nurse was there to witness it! You really think a nurse would stand idly by and watch as the doctor molested his patients?
Your best solution is to go to a differant doctor next time. Perhaps a female one. But do NOT try to press charges on this man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit was a nurse in the room with me and did i lose it?
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (13 November 2008):
YOU SAID - becuase his figers were onside of my stomach.i felt it!
That is standard procedure for an exam. That is how they check your ovaries!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): You were there, we weren't. I believe you, he properly was too hard but remember next time, don't go to a male doctor for these issues. You don't know what type of man he may be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm not accusing him at all i'm just worried because i can't stop thinking about it....it's like i have strong feelings about what happened...i'm telling you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Doesn't sound like he did anything wrong - no one said vaginal exams were a walk in the park. We all have to go through it. Time to get over it and stop being so dramatic I'm afraid.You don't need to mention to a doctor that you are still a virgin, it's completely irrelevant and inappropriate info. Nor do you need to ask them to be gentle, they have a job to do and are going to do it one way or another.You lose your virginity when a penis goes into your vagina. Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, xxmissxx +, writes (12 November 2008):
Just to note:: i totally agree with what everyone has said and explained, but to note, if it was a male doctor that did this examination, people should bear in mind that when it comes to giving young girls/women these internals, a female nurse should legally be present at the exam too. that is a rule here in the uk, and common practise, i should think it would be the same anywhere else.
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A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (12 November 2008):
 I know you probably feel like he took your virginity, but that's NOT possible. Fingers can't take away your virginity. I know it probably felt like it did because you were in so much pain, but i have had 2 pap smears, one done by a lady and one by a man, and they both hurt more than anything! if you think he was that rough on purpose then you could make a complaint to the doctors office/hospital, but he definitely did NOT take your virginity.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (12 November 2008):
He was a little insensitive but that's about it. They use their fingers to check for internal growths. That is part of the procedure. Next time go to a female doctor if it makes you more comfortable. She will do the same thing, but no doubt be more gentle about it. Men don't realize the pain since they have different equipment!
He was guilty of being impatient and insensitive. Its possible you misread his facial expression. He might have thought you were being dramatic? Or annoyed that you were giving me a hard time? I don't know, but there isn't a way you can say it was a look of guilt since you were so upset.
But NO he didn't do anything wrong. Just see a female doctor in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): I've had internal examinations before and they are not nice, they sometimes do hurt, but it is not a form of sexual molestation. There is only one way of going about them. Neither the fact that you are a virgin, nor the doctor's facial expression have any bearing whatsoever on your claim; they are completely irrelevant. As another of the aunts says, you need to go and read some literature about sex because you need to clarify some basics for your own knowledge. Out of interest, over here you can ask for a chaperone for these types of examinations, so ask for one next time for sone peace of mind if you are worried.
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A
female
reader, xxmissxx +, writes (12 November 2008):
iv had smears before, and internal examinations, and alot of examiners do use two fingers, erm,,,,,if your worried that hes taken advantage of you in any way, i'd book an appointment to see a nurse, or other proffesional, talk to them, tell them what you think may have happned, and they'l be able to offer you the correct advice.
As far as losing your virginity goes, you have to have had intercorse with a penis for that to happen. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): He hasn't taken your virginity because he didn't have sex with you! However he was quite rough with you, and even though pressing charges is a bit drastic, you can still make an official complaint to the hospital.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Firstly, your virginity could only be taken if he had put his penis inside your vagina. Secondly, he was a doctor doing what sounds like a perfectly legitimate exam with you looking for things that aren't there. Women crying wolf and ruining good doctors reputations in society has become all too common. If you are ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN you were taken advantage of then please report it, but from the way you tell it (look on his face etc) it sounds like this would be a completely illegitimate claim.
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A
female
reader, molly4  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 he didnt take your virginity, his penis did not go inside your vagina. i think you should tell your parents or press charges, because you were in pain and this is a form of molestation. good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): the only way you will lose your virginity is if a penis was inside of you... fingers are different, what else would he use inside of you? -.-
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