A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years.we have gone through some really really hard things together. i have forgivin him for cheating on me...and lying about it and he forgave me for hitting him. which i feel bad for but in the moment i couldnt help it. i have heard things from others that he is talking shit about me...like really bad shit. asnd one of his friends heard us fighting and came in the room and said that he should have dumped me a long time ago for all the shit he talks about me. he tells all of his friends about our fights and how crazy i am. he talks to me very hatefully in front of people even though he knows i hate it. but whenever i try to end the relationship he acts like he doesnt care but then he gets mad and tells me he wants to be with me but not fight anymore. but when i try to talk to him about whats going on he never wants to tell me. and he always complains about how i never know whats going on in his life but he never tells me! even when i ask. he wont come to my house anymore he makes me go to him if i want to see him and im sick of it i dont know what to do hes hurting me more and more everyday. and acting like im the one doing all the wrong things. please help i cant take this anymore.....oh and his friends are always more important then me and when i say something like i dont like one of his friends girlfriends he freaks out and gets really mad at me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 hey, I;m really sorry you are going through thism but it sounds ke a really abusive relastionship. How you getting on since this post? have you managed to get out of it yet?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 August 2010):
Because you take the rubbish treatment. That's why. He can do what he likes you and you'll take it. Take the control away from him for once and walk away from this man.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
 The bottom line is this relationship has outlived it's life...a three year relationship at your age is way over due to end, and when there is nothing left to it but dependency it can get abusive....and he's the one abusing you for the most part, but it sounds to me like you return that to him as well.
It's time to break up, you really both are too young and unsure of yourselves to continue a long term relationship. You are both very young and you have a lot of life to live ahead of you, so why trash your chance for happiness by letting some guy define you and tell you what to do.
You know he isn't nice to you, and real friends don't talk shit behind each other's back. He doesn't like himself, that is obvious, and he can't possibly like or love you if he doesn't feel good about himself. You can't fix that for him either.
Gather your self respect and courage and ask him to stop calling you texting you or talking to you, that you wish him well, but you think you both need to move on so that you can be happy, and that you want him to respect your feelings and leave you alone so that you can do that, move on with your life. Tell him you don't hate him, but that you are too young to be dragged down by a relationship that is at a dead end and so is he.
Take care and good luck with having that break up talk.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Just leave him. Read back on what you said, there's absolutely no reason for you to still be with him. He cheats on you? You've given him many chances and he's betrayed you multiple times. A boyfriend isn't supposed to spark hatred against his girlfriend with all his friends, he's supposed to defend you against whatever bad things they say. He just wants your company without ever having to do anything to reciprocate your feelings.
Leave him. You deserve someone better.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Because you feed his narcisstic need to be right and in control. By rallying with his friends against you, he feels a high about being supported. Let him hang out with his rotten friends. He needs someone to hate because that makes him feel righteous in a sick way. He's doing everything to push your buttons, to bring out the hate in you, in order to help promote his agenda to hate. Why do you need permission to leave? Why don't you leave?
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