A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'l try and keep this short. My friends have advised me to seek therapy, but i am not sure what to type to seek and if there are other ways in which to help me.Basically, since the age of around 17 I have been getting increasingly obsessed with my weight/appearance. It began with diets, which have over time gotton more and more extreme. My relationship to food is awful. some weeks I will eat 700 calories a day in a desperate bid to lose weight. Then others I will eat excessivly, eg: takeaways every night. I thought this was normal in alot of women, until recently it has got so bad that I cannot even eat a chocolate bar without beating myself up all night about it. I have even made myself sick over it.I cannot look in the mirror anymore at my body without wanting to cry. Ive also refused to get into a swimming costume or a bikini, and some days I dont want to leave the house.All of this I could live with. Until I got a boyfriend. And my insecurities have gotten out of control. I cant even watch a movie with him with a pretty slim girl in without getting angry and taking it out on him. The problem is me, and I dont know what to do. I am 22 years old. And I am a size 10-12. I have even done modelling (which did help my confidance alittle). To other people, this seems crazy. I dont know what to do anymore. please help!!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 May 2010):
 By the sounds of things you are displaying symptoms of bullimia, body dysmorphia and low self esteem (which then causes you to take it out on your boyfriend when there are other attractive women present).
You cannot deal with this alone, and if you let this continue any longer it will only get worse and the bullimia could end up killing you. Go to your GP - they are good at dealing with mental health issues and have a wealth of resources available to you. The GP themselves wont be able to do much to help but will be able to do an initial assesment and then refer you to a specialist. You should also try googling "eating disorder support groups" in your area, there should be plenty of support out there for you but you need to make the first step by seeking it out.
These websites might help you
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home
http://www.equip.nhs.uk/HealthTopics/eating.aspxhttp://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Eating-disorders/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Basically just to explain a little more - hating your body despite only being a size 10-12, and feeling fat but knowing everyone else thinks you are "crazy" for feeling this way because they see a slim girl - this is body dysmorphia and no it does not mean you are crazy. What you see in the mirror is not actually representiative of what everyone else sees - you see a fat, horrible body and I'm sure there will be many parts of your body you could list that you absoultely despise. Whereas everyone else sees an attractive, young, slim woman - you simply cannot see this yourself when you look in the mirror. This is not you being "crazy" - this is a recognized mental health disorder where your mind is 'playing tricks' on you basically and distorting reality. Good news is that it can be cured with help from a therapist. Bad news is that in your case, it has already lead on to a more serious problem - an eating disorder.
Throwing up because you feel guilty for eating, phases of starvation followed by binge eating.....these are all clear signs of an eating disorder, bullimia. Now bullimia is different to anorexia - anorexics starve themselves and cannot bear to eat much at all, they have a fear of food almost and find it hard to even eat fruit and vegetables. Whereas bullimia you tend to have the "binge and purge" phases, where you are constantly obsessed by food and your weight, but at the same time you enjoy food and love the taste. So when you finally give in to induldge in food (like you with takeaways and chocolate) the bullimic feels intense guilt due to the calorific value and fat that they have just consumed, so in order to relieve the guilt, and stop the fat & calories being absorbed they purge the food - through vomiting or laxatives usually.
Both anorexia and bullimia are incredibly serious, however bullimia is often more fatal and has more health impacts due to the nature of purging. In your case it does not sound like you are underweight - hence why I think you may not have realised you have an eating disorder before. With anorexia they are almost always underweight due to the lack of food intake, but with bullimia weight can often remain fairly normal due to the binge/purge cycle. But what is clear here is that you have a very unhealthy attitude towards food and you could well be in the early stages .
The first step you need to take is realising that you have a problem and you need to genuinely want to get better - not because other people are telling you to, but because YOU want help. Ask yourself this - do you think you have a problem? Do you want to get better? Do you want to have a healthy relationship with food and not feel guilty when eating? Do you want to look in the mirror and feel happy with what you see?
If the answer is yes to all of those then great, you can go to see your GP and start getting better. But you said "I thought this was normal in alot of women" - this worries me a little because you seem to think your behaviour is normal, and until you admit to yourself that you are not well then there is no point in seeking help. You have to be 100% ready and open to someone helping you otherwise you will just resist any help and wont get any better.
I hope this has helped and feel free to send me a message through the site if you need any more advice.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, greenflower  +, writes (10 May 2010):
I would start with group therapy. See if there are any body image / eating disorder sessions available for you. I had the same problem, I would start fad diets all the time.
South Beach. Cookie. Diet Pills. Etc. In the end, if you really want to lose weight, you have to accept the way you look (groups help with this). Then you can move on to how to lose weight permanently. Diet + Exercise.
The reason why eating disorders are dangerous are not just because of the effect they have to your body. But they honestly change the way you think.
"If I can lose 20 lbs this week by losing 3 lbs a day, I'll look great." Nothing in life comes easy. Nothing is worth doing quickly. It's like saying... "I'll have more fun with my friends if we just do exciting things for only 20 minutes."
You wouldn't want the fun things to be short so you can't make the hard things that short either. Good luck. I believe you can reach your goals and find yourself with a little help.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 May 2010):
 You do need therapy. I'd look for one on one sessions and/or finding a therapy group that includes others who are having these difficulties.
I'd also recommend working with a nutritionist. I feel as if the ups and downs are not so much to maintain your weight, as much as it is not knowing what you're doing, therefore creating anxiety and frustration when a plan doesn't work. The nutritionist will give you answers to eat healthy, receive the calories needed to remain healthy, and can provide ideas of what foods will burn additional calories. Also, lets not focus on your weight, or the loss of. It's a negative way of thinking. That is why so many fail in diets. "I'm going to loose weight....." okay, what now?
Aside from loss weight and a smaller pants size, what would you get from accomplishing your goals. Make a list and make that list your focus. When I think about it, which I'm on the same process, but from where a girls size may be 14-16, I think of health. I think of feeling more energy. I think of playing sports with my kids that I once played but have long pushed aside.
Think of what it'll give you, that can't be physical appearance and make that your focus. It's more motivating, and has been shown the right focus, without the stress etc. of the wrong focus produces better results, and long term success.
Also add an exercise program. It doesn't help to reach your goals, but then not maintain the results. Some personal changes need to take affect as well. It's difficult to change, but it is such a wonderful experience to be living a lifestyle that maintains the direction you want to go.
I hope this helps, take care.
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A
female
reader, crissy27blue +, writes (10 May 2010):
 I know how you feel.I am 25 and have dealt with weight issues or rather how I perceive my body for the past almost 5 years.For me it started with wanting to graduate college(getting my Associate) and in order to do so to receive the diploma to take a health class.What was supposed to be fun and informative turned into an obession for me. I have gone from a size 3/4 to a size 2 if I am lucky and I am 5 foot 5 inches and as I have mentioned 25 yrs of age and weigh less than 120 lbs.Before taking the class I had a bf and I was so happy with my life,working out moderately and so forth and after taking that class things just changed.I started to work out and try to be fit like a celeb,I always heard my teacher's voice when it came to calories and eating so I started to eat even healthier,I decreased my intake and lost weight.Transferring to the university that I go to now I was healthy and over there with all the girls looking nice and pretty my body image started to distort even more.Long story made short:I ended up getting sick.throwing up, shivering,having dark circles under my eyes,keep counting calories when I eat with my family,I eat healthy foods and try to eat the best that I can. Now I am a wreck because everyone thinks that I need to put on weight and when I eat something like a cookie I feel guilty.
The one thing I can tell you that I have learned is that while in Feb. I learned to be happy with how I looked because it showed on my face.Just be happy with what you have and stop obsessing about your weight which is a lot to ask.I know that perfection is what all of us ask yet do not compare yourself to the supermodels or the skinny movie stars since that is their job to act and to model.We are real life people with curves and have bad hair days and bad make up days and bad days when everything goes bad.This is not where you are supposed to weigh 100 lbs and be a jr. high school student looking person but rather someone who is healthy and enjoying the way that you look.I think that you need to sit down and do some soul searching and think why you behave the way you do before you literally push your friends,family and finally your boyfriend out of your life for good.Food is food and to keep us alive,we use it for emotional eating,to lose or gain weight or as in my case after I thought it over to keep control over my life when school did not go as planned.Realize that food is not the only thing that you have,that love is more important,you will deprive yourself of so much happiness and that time that will pass you well you will never be able to recover it as hard as it seems and I learned that the hard way. Go have a cookie but not a whole box, work out and be healthy,Do everything in moderataion,get enough sleep and get out of the house and get some more self esteem and you will see how everything especially your perception will be changed.The first step is accepting that you have a problem.Yes you might need some help but you can also help yourself,have your friends and family listen to what you have to say to them such as why you feel the way you do and so forth.That way you get out of your system what you feel and get some feedback.
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A
female
reader, ashana21  +, writes (10 May 2010):
girl, the best way to deal with this is talking to ur doctor. they'll get u the right theropy
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A
female
reader, ohemgee +, writes (10 May 2010):
Hey, don't beat yourself up :) Your friends are trying to help you, and the truth is, they're right: Therapy would help you. How? Well, you'd talk about your feelings, and the therapist would give you guidelines on how to deal with them and better your relationship with yourself and food. There are lots of options available that they might utilze. A lot of people with eating/self-appearance problems opt for group therapy so that they can talk it through with others who feel the same. But some people prefer one-on-one therapy with someone who will give them undivided attention and help. I recommend you go to your doctor too. Before you do anything, deciding to go to a therapist or not, go to your doc/GP and explain how you're feeling. Perhaps he or she will be able to give you some guidelines on healthy eating and establish a healthy weight for you to aim at, because it seems as if your eating habits are extreme- either eating a lot or not much at all. So, relax and take a deep breath, and consider that these things might help you. And remember, try to maintain a balanced attitude to eating. Ideally, you should eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're full. Don't let the negative voices in your head control you, YOU can control them, AND how you eat. Make that positive.
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