A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My guy broke up with me a few weeks back, it's so hard to get over him.. he doesn't even want to be friends.. says it's for the best.. I really want to get back with him.. I've emailed him telling him how I feel but he just doesn't reply:( I don't want anyone else apart from him.. What could I do to get him back?? I don't even know if he still loves me and I can't ask cuz he's told me to not stay in touch.. not even as friends:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou 4 the advice everyone...ur all right..i should just move on..yes it's the hardest thing ever but i'll get there in the end! I keep living in the hope that he's going to come back to me one day but why should i wait if he's moved on happily! We're both going to the same uni aswell...that's going to be very hard...facing him every now and then..acting as strangers cuz he doesn't even want to be friends! One thing im dreading is seeing him with anotha girl..knowing that he was once mine:( oh well like most of you said..everything happens for a reason n i just got to be happy for him:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): It sounds to me like he does not love you anymore. And when a guy stops loving a girl they become phobic. Like have you ever not liked a guy who likes you but doesn't get the message and starts to irritate you?? That is how your bf feels. So your insistence is only going to drive him away further and make him so irritated that he may even end up hating you. You don't want that. I know it's hard especially knowing that someone doesn't love you anymore. I think that is one of the toughest things to go through. That and being cheated on. That's horrid too.
I wish I knew of some easy ways for you to control your urges and be able to let go a little more easily. But I know it's never easy. Well, I just got dumped by my bf. And the only thing that keeps me strong is actually several things (no I haven't called him nor do I intend to). In fact as heartbroken as I am I am planning on moving on. But anyways here is what I am doing. I am convincing myself everyday (this takes diligence) that I am beautiful and that I don't need him. I tell myself that he is going to regret it. I am too good for him and if he can't realise that now he will eventually. That thought makes me happy. I think about all the bad things he has done to me, even the fact that he broke up with me. I write in a journal everything that I want to say to him, good and bad. "oh I loved you so much. I miss you"...etc. And I tell myself everyday that I would not so much as give him the pleasure to call him and to know that I can't live without him. No way! I want him to think that I am a strong woman and that I will be just fine without him. Ha! What would I say anyways?? "oh hi. Well you broke up with me and I was calling to say that I miss you." And then what?? You see?? It's pointless. Anyway I think that if he was the one to break it off then he is the one who should do the calling. And know yourself. Like if your friends want you to go out and you are just depressed and not up for it, that's ok. You should stay home. Sometimes that is what you need. You might not be ready to face the world right now. There is nothing wrong with that. So do whatever you need to do or feel like doing in order to feel better. Cry. Sleep. Watch a movie. Whatever.
I am very heartbroken but that pain always passes. I guess you are young and new to this so it is hard for you to see it that way. Look I am heartbroken. I hate this. I wish he would call and give me all the things that I wanted. That is how I feel today. But there is always tomorrow. And a month from now I might feel totally different about him. Just please be strong. Don't call him. You are going to feel so strong and proud of yourself if you don't. You are going to look back and be like, "wow, I am one of those girls who is strong and got over a break up without being totally pathetic." Then after the first time, it becomes easier the next time. And remember that everything happens for a reason. So for right now just work on accepting what has happened and accepting that for right now, you can't change it. So stop trying. Take things day by day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): I know it hurts bad dear, but a relationship is based on two people wanting to be together, not only one. I know you feel like he has so much of you and it's like an imaginary string that you feel attracts you to him, but only you can make this better for you and that is trying to get over him. Respect his decision. Think that nothing good can come from a relationship in wich at least one of the parts feel it's for the better that you two go your separate ways. Evidently he feels strongly about this and you have to be firm and let him go. When you feel like it have a good cry, it helps. Don't stay in your room all month please and don't go and jump into another relationship quickly. Stay social, call your friends, change the layout of your bedroom (it helps, I just did it) and do different things; things usually you wouldn't do so you can get him out of your mind and start noticing that a change has ocurred in your life. Even if you still want to go back with him try to be alone for a few days so you can reflect on what might have went wrong with this relationship. I know a short poem in spanish that I will translate for you. It goes like this: "If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's because it was always yours, but if not, it's because it never was".
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female
reader, shynelly  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 You need to love yourself more and understand that YOU are the one hurting ...dont worry about how he feels about you..He has hurt you and you need to take care of YOU first by being strong enough to understand that he doesnt deserve you. He did a major power play on you by doing this "dont contact me BS" because psychologically it doesnt give you a chance to vent. I would suggest sitting down and writting him a letter but dont send it just to get everything off your chest. I would burn it along with anything that was his just to get closure. And most importantly try to make yourself happy. Pamper, enjoy, and have fun with friends and people who really love you. Just remember that the only person you need to be happy is yourself.
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reader, DJ8433 +, writes (15 September 2007):
 You can't control his actions, only your own. I have told my past girlfriends that there are two reasons I will definitely leave and never come back, 1. screw around on me. 2. ask me to go-away. He asked you to go-away, I suggest you move on, because he has. The question you might ask is, "how do I get over him after he dumped me?"
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reader, Hk45cal +, writes (15 September 2007):
The flip side to this is the fact that you are still pretty young and for the next couple of years you are going to experience these type of relationship troubles. Unfortunate as it may be, I have come to realize this. Every ending relationship I walk away learning something new about myself and about life. Take the situation as a whole and think about you faults just as much as you think about his. Learn from them and press forward. As much as I hate to say this, its time to let it go. If he doesnt want to keep in touch at any level sounds like he has moved on with another, got back with an ex or even worse he has had a girlfriend or wife the entire time. The factor of him not wanting to keep in touch leads me to believe that he has already had someone else and for awhile. This type of action is pretty typical, only because I have guy friends that have done this themselves. The more contact and attention you show the matter, the worse it is because its not going to bring him toward you. Best advise is to cut the contact, keep busy, and keep trying. Its life, sorry
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reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Sorry to hear it girl:( Try to keep a low profile for a while if you can-during that time two things might happen:1)he realizes he misses and still loves you2)you realize you're better off without him.Well unfortunately you can't force him to get back together with you (ah,what a perfect world it would be if we all could do that) but just maybe he does call you again.You haven't mention why did he broke up in the 1st place...or no reason at all?...Just be strong and you'll pass through it.If nothing happens it is for the best you don't see him at all so you could get over it as soon as possible.Support
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reader, youcant loose what you never had! +, writes (15 September 2007):
you shoudnt be asking yourself what you should do to get back with him,the question you should be asking your self is how to move on.ok i understand you love him and felings cant be just switched of like that but if he doesn't love you no more or doent even want to stay friends;which by the sounds of it he told you to not stay in touch.get over him ok it will be hard but depnding on him,trying to make something which is clearly not going to work, happen is only going to make you ill,depresed.you need to get out there meet new people yeh no doubt it will be hard but get the curage and show him what hes missing trust me youll cheer up in no time and meet loads of new people.prove to him youve moved on and before long youll be saying him who?
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