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female
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anonymous
writes: I just started dating this guy. We fooled around for the first time the other night and when I went down to return the favor he told me not to bother because he's only gotten off twice like that with his ex-girlfriend. I hesitated to ask if he's gotten off during sex. Is that normal? Is there anything I can do to fix my problem? Or does he have to handle it himself
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2005): First of all, don't worry too much. He was being honest and that's a good sign. Comments from two different male friends sprang to mind. One had psychological reasons for not liking women going down on him, and the other. I'll explain both to give you some idea of what sort of things might be stopping him from being turned on.
The first guy said he felt like the woman was doing it because she should, not because she enjoyed doing it. This made him feel like it was degrading for the woman, which he found a real turn off.
My other friend said that he'd had some women had given him oral sex that was either been ineffective or actually painful so he would now rather go down on a woman than have a woman go down on him.
So, I suppose what I'm saying is that the two reasons I've heard for not liking it are bad experiences or bad associations.
My advise would be TALK to him about it. Find out what it is that's putting him off. You may be able to put his mind at ease about bad associations and if he's had some dodgy experiences then you could perhaps have a bit of an experimental session where you have to convince him to be honest about what it is about what you try he finds turns him on and what he isn't enjoying as much.
Sorry this wandered on a bit, but I hope there was something you found useful in there somewhere!
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 As of right now i wouldnt take it to heart. It sounds to me that he is being honest with what he said. If you two get more serious then I would advise you to ask him about it. If things get even more serious then when you guys are alone and about to do the deed take over and tell him its worth a try to go below. Even if he doesnt orgasm from it, it shows that your still trying to please him.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 Sometimes handjobs and blowjobs just don't cut it for a guy. That's the way it works, for around 25% of all guys I'd say. Rather than let you waste 10 or more minutes totally unproductively he helped you avoid lockjaw or tennis elbow. Hey, this kid actually did you a big favour! He'll almost certainly be able to "squirt" inside you though, so I wouldn't worry about that.
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (9 September 2005):
you havent known him long so dont rush in to things or jump conclutions he probably feels shy or self conscious about his body and feels he doesnt want to share it with you quiet yet. Its not you dont worrie give it time if your still together in a couple of months you will probably feel free to talk in the open about your sex life. good luck
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):
When you get to know him better you might feel better about asking him to tell you more, or he might volunteer during a pillow talk session. Maybe his ex was grossed out and he is self conscious, when he gets to know you better he'll be more relaxed. If you have a good relationship you will both be able to talk about sex and about what you like and don't like. As time goes on if the relationship lasts you will discover more and more about each other.
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A
female
reader, Captain_Charisma2202 +, writes (8 September 2005):
I would just suggest whatever floats his boat...i mean as long as your enjoying yourself and he is enjoying himself what does it matter? But you could try teeling him you want to go down on him and maybe you can show him why he should want you to bother....hope this helped
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