A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've had this friend for 3 years. Me and her met because I hooked up with her boyfriend unknowingly. He split with her before I found out, but still cheated on her with me. Then cheated on me with her. So me and her became friends, long story short she would go after every man I got with and sleep with him. We ended the friendship for 7 months, and became friends again last year. Well..she's been with the same guy for a year which is why she hasn't gone after my men. My dilemma is..I had sex with her boyfriend of a year 5 times yesterday. Their baby is due in 2 days. Do I tell her? I promised him I wouldn't. I like him as well. Opinions?
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female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I have to say this story made me feel sick to my stomach. As a mother myself I can honestly say that when you are about to have a baby you are at your absolute most vulnerable and need the support of your partner 100 percent. I understand that you have both been awful to eachother in the past with regards to sleeping with eachothers partners but what you have done is downright despicable. This lady was about to give birth and you slept with that baby's father. Not only does that make him the absolute scum of the earth but you are certainly no better. If this scumbag can cheat with her friend 2 days before she pops out his child then he can certainly do it to her throughout the rest of the relationship. The best and nicest thing you can do for this lady is to tell her the truth. Tell her once she is settled with the baby and is feeling well as some mothers can feel very poorly after having a baby. Sit her down and give it to her straight. She will hate you for it and I would not blame her as you deserve to be hated for what you have done. She needs this honesty because she had decided to make a family with that man and he has thrown it all back in her face. The greatest gift a woman can give her man is a child and he has spat back at her. He doesn't deserve that family unit.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 January 2013):
 This may be "life as usual" for you but trust me it isn't for the majority of people, thank goodness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): Oh,okay then I don't think you should tell her unless you want to hurt her and she doesn't need any stress in her life with a new baby.5 times though? you're a bad girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): Well please don't post back on here the next time you jump on your "friends" boyfriend, and find yourself in another dilemma (or anybody's boyfriend for that matter), because clearly you bring these problems on yourself deliberately and then think its funny to boast to the world about it like its something to be proud of.
You need to grow up and discover what the word 'Respect' means, then develop some.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmost definitely not a troll post..which is sad..that this is a reality. i guess life will just go on as usual.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): So you acknowledge all that was wrong in the past but you decide to jump on the band wagon yourself? How smart of you. I hope you get yourself checked out at a clinic for any nasty surprises before jumping on somebody else's boyfriend/husband, that's all I can say.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 January 2013):
troll post I hope I hope I hope
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand by the way, she shoouldnt be so shocked, he was dating her EX best friend and he was cheating on her with the girl we have been speaking of. she et him through his wife and jumped on it rright away, him and his wife split so he got with my friend's friend, and she was having sex with him behind her back. this woman slept with my sons father while we were together. how can i feel that bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, yall were right any way. I cracked under pressure. she didnt believe my bs stories so i just blurted it out over the phone. shes crushed, and devastated. says its all my fault and not his bc "i cam onto him" even though he grabbed me and kissed me. lesson learned.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2013):
 These things ALWAYS come out in the end. And you can be happy in the knowledge you've screwed up that little child's life when it does. Well done.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): You told a big fat lie to spare her heart? HA... You told a big fat lie so you can go back to being her two faced friend who just hangs around waiting for the next chance of sloppy seconds with her boyfriend. How sad!
My mistake. How naïve of me to think even though he's a waste of a boyfriend, he might just be a decent father if nothing else. No no, what I actually meant by support is, she'll keep him around just to play happy families and not make it easy for him to escape his responsibilities and sleep around with anything with a pulse. I far from expected him to be the hard working, model upstanding citizen, and father and boyfriend of the year he ought to be.
Anyway, enjoy your toxic friendship and second hand love life I'm through with this post. I somehow had a feeling you wouldn't do the decent thing but you know, its nice to think everyone has at least one decent bone in their body, but unfortunately some people are just rotten to the core.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 January 2013):
Why do I get the feeling that she, you, and Mr. Goofball are not destined for happiness in the near future anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe suppots him actually, as he lost his job over a month ago. she doesnt rely on hi for not one thing. it didnt come out last night. i told a big fat lie to spare her heart. she said she doesnt think she could keep either of us around if that wouldve happened. i dont know if i should still come forward orleave her happy as she is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): I think what is hitting you the most OP, isn't regret or guilt, but more the fact that if this DOES come out today, that he is only going to put all the blame on you and then ride off into the sunset with her and their child, leaving you with nothing and no one (She will keep him around because she will be relying on his support for their child) and that eats you up.
You can't possibly regret something you so willingly went along with based on feelings strong enough for you to do it in the first place.
Can you honestly say if you had the chance to do things differently, you would?
Or if you get another chance to still remain "Friends" with this woman, all your feelings for her man would just disappear and you would NOT be tempted to romp about with him behind her back again if the opportunity arisen again?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 January 2013):
Dunno. I think you should all do what you have been doing as I think you all deserve each other.
That poor child.....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Speaking about dumb, your actions weren't the smartest and wisest . And, yes, unwise actions are likely to have unpleasant consequences,it's a fact of life.
Nothing we can tell you, dumb or smart, is going to alter this fact.
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male
reader, tby1 +, writes (8 January 2013):
 This is truly an amazing post. It's something you don't want her to ever find out and I wouldn't be telling anybody. It will come out somehow if you put yourself in there lives, I'd back right off and make your own life better
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't come for dumb remarks, even though I deserve all of them. She's texting me at this moment asking questions cause shes suspicious. I KNOW I deserve anything I get. I'm a horrible, horrible friend. And now she might know. She is VERY suspicious. She's blowing up my phone. She saw him deleting our messages on Facebook. So I might be losing both of them..reality is hitting me......and I regret my decisions now.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 January 2013):
ehh... obviously don't tell her! Wtf? Why would you people be happy to ''share'' men? This friendship is toxic at best. Why would you want a guy who has a kid with your ''friend''? Do you not value yourself enough to seek out a healthy relationship with someone new who has not done the rounds with people you know? I'm not being harsh... but the mind boggles. Grow up. and please dont have kids anytime soon.I like Karlos and Cindy Cares answers btw
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
Nice! WHat a great friend you are. Your best friend is about to drop and you have sex with her boyfriend.
What a nice boyfriend she has too.
I feel sorry for her and the poor little kid.
Shame on you both!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): If you didn't sound like a very fake, two faced, selfish, heartless person (for the want of a better word) with no morals or self respect before, you do now after reading your late follow-up.
What are you going to do now? Go back to being her "Friend" and make like nothing's happened? Smile in her face but behind her back you're trying to take her place? Its shocking how low people can get. It makes the rest of us feel ashamed to be human.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Did you honestly think you'd get serious advice on here with a post like this? Its clear you blatantly do this for the fun of it.
Yeah sure, tell her, she'll probably break friends with you for a while, but then become friends with you again when you get a boyfriend and she screws him behind your back 5 times a day for the heck of it while still claiming to be your friend. Then again, you probably won't mind because friendships are about sharing aren't they... Silly me.
Enjoy, I'm sure the fun and games will go on forever. They've already gone on this long, why change a habit of a lifetime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I knew he was her man. I spent the weekend at her house. She was at work. I slept with him cause ive been attracted to him since high school. Not bc of her. Maybe ill just take it to the grave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Just tell her, and then end the friendship with her for good. Also cut contact with him. You can say you like him all you want, but I don't think you really do. You mentioned she went after guys you dated in the past, so sleeping with her boyfriend was your way of "getting even". Besides, why would you want to be with someone whose willing to cheat on his girlfriend? And 2 days before their child is born, no less. That's just plain low.
You are better off without either of them in your life, and they are better off without you. She is, at least. You bring out the worst in her, and she brings out the worst in you. Of course he's going to try to keep seeing both of you, because you both let him. He gets to sleep with both of you, so why would he ever change?
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 January 2013):
Uh ?
After nearly 3 years on DearCupid, I thought there were going to be no more postings which could really surprise me. I was wrong. Yours does.
Contrariously to the posters who suggest that, if you just have to tell her, at least you wait until after the baby is born, I say instead, no , if you just have to tell her, sneak into the delivery room while she is in the last phase of labour. She'll probably already be in excruciating pain, so ,stab of pain more stab of pain less, I don't think she will much notice the difference when you reach her with the jolly news.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (7 January 2013):
 I think you should vow to stay away from this woman, and her partners, for the rest of your life. It's an extremely toxic 'friendship'.
If you feel you MUST get one up on this woman by telling her you had her man, have the decency to wait until after she's had the baby.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 January 2013):
 do what you want.
you already do.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2013):
Well you promised him you wouldn't tell her and you obviously are over-loaded with honor and integrity, so mum's the word. Keep the screwing on the QT and behind her back.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (7 January 2013):
 No I don't think you should tell her, take a step back and let them sort their own problems out.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2013):
 That is seriously messed up kind of friendship. Who the heck "goes after" a FRIENDS BF and has sex with him?
WHY did you have sex with him? Did you KNOW he was HER bf?
And should you tell her? What for? To make yourself look like you "won" some prize or contest?
You already knew she was pregnant and you still slept with him?
I just don't understand this at all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): Sounds like you don't like this man at all, just seems like you did it because that is normal for you both.Tell your friend, and I use the word friend loosely, because that's why you did it anyways!Seem you girls are selfish, did you think of this child at all? Clearly not.Grow up and stop acting like a spoilt child. Go for men who are not taken with children on the way and you may do ok.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 January 2013):
Since you probably just slept with him so you could tell her, so go ahead and do it. For the sake of the baby if you are going to tell her don't do it until a few days after birth. Stress can be difficult on babies in the mother and out.
It's no wonder you guys are friends you deserve each other and she deserves a boyfriend like him.
If you tell her it won't any difference, you're really just hastening the inevitable demise of their relationship.
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