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male
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anonymous
writes: This may be a stupid question but all my friends are giving me crap for dating women way outside my age. I'm 23 and most women I date are between 35 to 42. My current love interest is 40 and I don't understand why I'm not attracted to women my own age. I had a great home life, my parents still married, so I'm not looking for a motherly figure. I go out and there are beautiful young women everywhere but all I can see is the older ones.PatrickThanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): I had an affair with an older woman a few years ago which started off as a bit of fun. After several months we fell in love. At the time probably more so her than me as she ended up leaving her husband. Unforunately I could not commit to a "proper relationship" even though we kept seeing each other over a two year period on the quiet.We had an incredible sex life - something I will never experience again. I did fall in love with her but I could not commit as I want children one day and I knew my family and friends would not accept the 11 year age gap.We stopped seeing each other 12 months ago and we broke each other's hearts. She started to see another man to try to get over me and I eventually met someone else.To this day she is still with this other man - I really don't know if she is happy - he is of the same age. I am with a girl of my own age and I'm OK in the relationship but I just don't have the same feelings as I did for my older lover. I know now I should have followed my heart and regret my actions. I should have given the relationship a go but at the time I was a weak man and could not handle the baggage of the age gap, the future, an estranged husband and 2 teenage kids. To this day I think about her everyday. If only I could turn back time - what a fool I am!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005): Hi patrick! go ahead! I'm 28, in love with 33 yr old lady. she has a kid and wants to divorce her husband for me.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Ah yes, the age old question of older ages.If older men are attracted to younger women, then younger men also have the right to be attracted to older women.Just remember, if there is a 20 year age gap...when you are 45(in your prime) she will be 65 (ready to retire)If you really love her, then it will not pose a problem, and you will not have a "wandering eye" in the future, but if this is just a "phase" you are going through, I would advise you prevent yourself from a long term commitment with an older woman.It will save both you & your special lady, much heartache in the future.All the best,
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reader, PreciousDaisy +, writes (5 July 2005):
Hi Patrick...As others have said, you are attracted to the maturity and the "no drama" as well as confidence of older women. I am in an age-gap relationship as well, as the older woman. There is nothing wrong with it! Some people won't like it, but that is usually the case when you are doing something outside of the "acceptable" norm. Good luck to you. If you need support, check out AgelessLove.com. It is a website for age-gap relationship support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): There is a lot to be said about dating older women and you've likely discovered that..long before other men your age have. More often than not, an older woman has faced her insecurities and fears head on, and has dealt with them to the best of her abilities. She likely has enough life experience to know what matters and what doesn't. Consequently, she's above the petty nonsense that drives you crazy about women your own age. An older woman has figured out what looks bad on her, and what looks good on her, and knows enough about male-female relationships to not bother you with feminine trivialities that usually serve to turn men off anyway. Older women have the self-confidence that could only come from experience and the knowledge that they can handle whatever life throws their way. That is not to say that they never have a bad day, but merely that it's probably due to something much more than the fact that they have a pimple and a party to go to that night. Older women don't tolerate petty, immature stuff..they are straight forward, honest gals.
Often, older women are newly divorced, and looking to sow their wild oats. Getting involved with a man who isn't looking for a serious relationship and wants to have fun is the perfect solution. Younger men have the stamina and carefree attitude to satisfy their needs for a wild ride. So, if you're looking to learn a thing or two between the sheets, look no further than an older woman. After all, she's no longer sexually inhibited, knows what she wants, and probably has a few tricks up her sleeve. Watch and learn.
In the end, it's up to you to weigh the pros and cons of such a relationship and decide if it is right for you. Let's see, the promise of mind-blowing sex with an older, experienced, confident woman...hmmm. Just get out there and enjoy the older woman...I am sure she'll enjoy what you have to offer, as well. Good Luck and have fun!
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reader, pops +, writes (4 July 2005):
YOu may be older than the women you see, but don't date, but you may not be sure of yourself, and fear getting entangled with a woman your own age, to whom you are attracted for all the wrong reasons. Take your time. When you date, don't make each date the great conquest. Get to know women slowly, by doing things with them you enjoy doing on your own. If you ride horses, take your new date horseback riding. If you canoe, or row, take her for a ride in a canoe, kayak, or boat. If you fish, take her fishing, If you hunt, take her hunting. Do things she likes to do, with her. If a woman has no hobbies that she can share with you, she is pretty shallow. You won't make her happy no matter how much you try, because she doesn't know what makes her happy. Young women won't bite you, unless you let them. So, give them a break. And, be willing to say, No, thank you, if someone invites you on a date that you don't want to go out with. Or stop dating someone you have found you really don't care for. The first woman I had sex with had a voice like a broken bandsaw. I thought I could ignore it, but found later I could not. I stopped calling her, and moved on to date other women. I met her years later after I was married, and my wife asked me why I stopped seeing her. I had forgotten, until the woman began talking. I whispered to my wife that I would answer her question later. When I told my wife why I stopped dating the woman, she laughed. Seems she wanted to ask me how I could stand that voice!
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reader, Helen05 +, writes (4 July 2005):
You are attracted to maturity, experience and the whole person. Sounds like you are about 15 years ahead of your friends in the maturity stakes!
I don't see anything wrong with dating older people, but don't pigeonhole yourself. Be aware that there are women out there of all ages that you can potentially have a relationship with. Don't close off half of the female population!
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reader, lovethat +, writes (4 July 2005):
Hi Patrick,
Funny that you would be asking that question and I would find it. I'm 48 and he's 30. We just started dating. I asked him why he liked older women and his answer was that the younger ones had too much drama going on. The older women had more life experience (obviously) and therefore knew what they liked and didn't like. I'm not sure what's going to happen with us. I've never dated anyone with such a wide age difference. It's rare that men your age can identify with us older women. Or us identifying with you. So I guess you have to follow your heart. You will be judged and some will disapprove (mostly out of jealousy).
The other thing I wanted to mention is regarding your mother. I believe the only time we look for a mother or father figure in a relationship is when we didn't have an emotional connection to mom/dad when we were growing up. Something was missing. So the fact that you're not looking for a mom replacement probably means you had a pretty great mom when you were little. If my guy doesn't work out, you want to go out? JUST KIDDING! Peace-
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (4 July 2005):
 Hi Patrick, I'm attracted to older guys too and I'm 15. My friends don't like it but they should get used to the way you feel. I've told my friends I'm not interested in guys my own age because they are immature. Older ones are mature and nicer. You should keep seeing older women whether your friends like it or not. It's up to you who you want to see and who you don't, they should just get used to it!! Good luck babes!!
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reader, becky05 +, writes (4 July 2005):
You must just be different! You know yourself, that theres men who have different preferences in women eg; plump women, skinny women, dark hair, tall women, black or white women, older or younger.I wouldnt worry about unless it starts to cause you real problems in your life.
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