A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here's my problem. My bestfriend started dating this guy about three years ago. Pretty much that whole time there were rumors he was cheating on her. I told her many times that this was going on (not that it was necessarly true just that I had heard it) I never really had any proof I just felt as her bestfriend since childhood I should be the one to confront her rather then some other girl. Well one time I was out with him buying her flowers for something, I forget anymore, and we ran into one of the "girls" he was VERY friendly with her and even told me afterwords to promise him I wouldn't tell her we ran into that girl. I agreed because it had already started taking it's toll with her and I. It's not like every day I would come to her and say these things, but when I heard it I would call her. They had only been together about 3 months at this point. Well they got married last August and my deepest fears have come true, I saw him cheating on my bestfriend this past weekend. I was eating at this diner right outside of my town and he was there snuggled in a corner with another girl kissing and holding each other. What do I do?? I don't want to be the nagging friend because I do like him. He treats her very well and she's happy and I would never want to see her heart broken. But to me there not dating anymore, they are married. I haven't heard anything about him cheating in over two years so I can't say that this has been going on the whole time. My husband and I visit them all the time and we are all very close. My first thought was that I should confront him privetly and let him come clean to her. Then again I think I should stay out of it but then I think I wouldn't be a true friend. I just don't know anymore. Any suggestions??
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male
reader, curious-borg +, writes (14 April 2011):
90% chance that she doesnt want to know. With that said carefully ask her if she would like to know hypothetically and then go from there. What will most likely happen if you tell her both her and him will ostracize you and your hubby. You will lose your BF and a friend for your hubby.Step cautiously here. Help is probably not wanted.Your concern for her is righteous though.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 You say you and your husband are very good friends with them, can you not ask your husband to have a friendly word in his ear next time you get together, just to let him know that he was seen and that you are considering telling his wife and that you think it should come from him.
That way he knows he has been caught out and you do not have to say anything to your bestfriend you can just be there for her.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 You said something that caught my eye..."I do like him" and "he treats her very well and she's happy".....That unfortunately is a big load of @#$%...
She's only happy because of ignorance. He doesn't' treat her well at all, he treats her horribly. Her happiness is false and he's making her look like a fool.
A for you liking him. You don't really know him. It sounds like he is very shallow. What's to like? He's a wolf in sheep's clothing. You like parts of him but the bad parts sound like they out weigh the positive ones. So in general, he's a creep. If he would do that to his wife, what would he do to you?
Tell your friend as gently as possible. Have your dates and facts though, it could get messy. Even from an STD standpoint, she should know. The only safe sex is no sex.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi there darling,
You poor poor love, I would really hate to be put in this situation because there is no love like a best friend and its hurting you so much...
You tried telling her once before about rumours that you had heard but you had no proof, she obviously had no proof and decided rumours were rumours and then later married him...
But darling you do have the proof now, you have seen it for your own eyes, I would want to know wouldn't you???
I know if it were me loads of thoughts would be going through my head like, will she blame me for telling her, if they break up because I told her will she still be my best friend etc????
Well to be honest if she is your best friend she will understand the hard situation your in, and she has to realise one thing its not your fault its his!!!!!!
Be a true friend and tell her darling its going to hurt her and to be perfectly honest she may already have an idea he is cheating anyway......
Good luck let me know how you get on
lov Donna
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A
female
reader, Jen advice +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi hun.
Yeah...it's a tricky one, i've been in your situation a couple of times before. I knew that one of my best friends boyfriend was cheating on her, i thought the best thing to do was to tell her everything...in the end she got back with him...it happened a second time, so i told her again both times he admitted it was true, and it would'nt happen again..and she is still with him!...it happened again but to be honest i did'nt see any point in mentioning it to her as it always backfired on me...we've always stayed friends, but i don't see any point in telling her about the third time because it just causes massive problems and makes me feel arkward...
My advice is to tell her what you saw...i would'nt mention about the rumours because they might not be true.
Jen advice x
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I agree with everyone here, tell her before she finds out the hard way.
are you fearing this because you are scared that she will not beleive you? you have being freinds for years so shes bound to believe you
good luck
hannah :)
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (11 July 2007):
I think I would want to know, but no one ever knows how they will react until it happens. You made her aware of the rumours about him and she married him anyway. There is a chance that she might not want to believe you because she loves him. Then she would be mad at you, and you would each have lost a friend. I hope not, but it is a risk. Do you think this might happen, knowing how much she cares for him? I would consider speaking to him first. Tell him that you are not going to go behind your friend’s back about this and collude with him in keeping this secret from her. He has exactly one chance to stop what he is doing. Otherwise you will tell her. No excuses. OK, he may well go on and do it again in the hope that you don’t catch him out, but at least you will have given it one chance. Next time, of course you tell her.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi babe, i suggest you tell her, you would want to know wouldnt you. If she decides to not believe you then that's there choice, at least you tried. She would tell you if it was the other way round.. I hope i helped, good luck. Mail me if you would like to talk x x
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Be a true friend and tell your best friend the truth, if it was you who as being cheated on, wouldn't you like to know?
yes, it will cause problems in their relationship but she has to know the truth and make her own decision on what to do next.
Sit her down on her own and tell her truthfully what you saw, it's best to hear it from her best friend then from anyone else.
If he tells her you are lying after she confronts him and she believes him over you, she obviously has put this asshole before you and shouldn't really be considered your friend anymore.
Be the good friend that you are and tell her. As I said, if it was the other way round, would she tell you? If she's your best friend, she would.
xxx Take care xxx
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