A
female
age
30-35,
*ealea1345
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend now for neally 6 months,and I've trusted him untill now. Yesterday I was bored and I know it was wrong of me but I had the urge to see his texts.In saved messages I saw a text saying 'well you can see them for real if you want:p' and this has kind of threw me, I read the date and it was from when we would have been together for 3 months. I know this does not nessicarily mean he's been cheating but I've beeen hurt in the past an don't want it to effect my relationship. He's a great guy but now i kinda feel that the worlds cone crashing down just from that one text. What do I do. I feel helpless and I have genuine feelings for him. Please help
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 So, maybe he's not cheating. He could have just been sending "sexy" texts to some other girl. But are you really ok with that? You could just let this go and drop it. But it's going to bother you. I know it would bug me. I say, the best way to solve this problem is simply to ask him. Tell him what you found. Admit that you were looking though his texts and say you're sorry. I'm guessing that by his response, even if he lies to you, you'll have some idea of the truth.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): People often send things by text that they'd never say or do in real life. It can just be a game. Frankly, my wife will never send sexy texts and I hate that, but if another woman did I'd soon be swopping some with her, however I'd never leave my wife or actually meet the other woman. Try sending your man some really spicy stuff by text, he'd love it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 I think the best option is to pretend that nothing has happened. You should not have ventured there in the first place.
You have intruded into his privacy and you have no right to do that. It is disrespectful and morally wrong. It is like you are stabbing him in the back.
You similarly would not want him to pour over your text messages with a microscope trying to find any evidence of any wrong doings on your part.
If you found something , you should just keep it to yourself and not come out and confront him about it.
In war or love, it is called spying and knowing your enemy's strength and weaknesses that will give you the advantage in any battles.
You could observe him and gather more evidence of his unfaithfulness if there is any. You cannot be seeing devils behind every rock.
You need to reign in your sensitivities and your suspicions.
As a man , he would feel that his privacy has been violated and that you showed your distrust of him.
He will get very angry and may boycott you or ignore you or lashed back at you .
It could be just innocent stuff and you have created a monster or a mountain out of a molehill.
You could be wrong in your assumptions. Let it go and don't get too carried away with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (20 February 2010):
 First of all, take a deep breath and CALM DOWN. Rememeber how the word assume looks split up? Ass u me? Don't assume! At this point, the text could mean anything. At least give your guy the benefit of the doubt until you know for sure what is going on. Talk to him. OK..yeah..you're going to have to admit you were snooping, and the odds are..he isn't going to appreciate that, so suck it up immediately and apologize. See how he reacts, what is his body language ect. But until you know for certain, at least try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It could be a joke, or mean something different. And if in the worst case, he's cheating? Well ok then at least you'll know. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (20 February 2010):
 CaringGuy has nailed it once again! I believe your imagination is working overtime!
Talk to your boyfriend. Don't just assume it means what you "think" it does. You can upsetting yourself for no reason!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I think you should talk to him about this. Okay, you will have to admit that you looked at his phone, but I think this needs to be discussed. I don't know what the message could mean, or why he has saved it. I really don't know. It could be nothing...it could be something. I have no idea, as I don't know what your relationship is like. But I think you should ask him about it, otherwise this will continue to eat you up inside, and you will start to imagine all kinds of things which may or may not be true. Don't torture yourself by trying to guess what it could mean...ask him. Get it resolved, so you can move forward together. I hope it goes well. x
...............................
A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (20 February 2010):
Is that the only text you saw?
You need to chill out?
'well you can see them for real if you want:p'
Doesn't mean anything. Seriously... I would break up with you for being so nosy and creepy... You sound like you're very unstable
...............................
A
female
reader, Cantsay +, writes (20 February 2010):
Chat to him about it and tell him your not blaming him for it but you've still got the feeling of insecurity from previous relationships and want to know the truth because you have feelings for him and you don't want it to end up like the rest of your relationships
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 February 2010):
Slow right down. That could have been anything. Do you even know who it was sent to? At this time, you need to trust him. Cheating always comes out in the end one way or the other. But there is nowhere near enough proof of anything here. At all. You're basing all this so far on past experiences. Not on fact. So far you have no facts. Watch how he acts. If he acts secretly, or is out all the time or receiving lots of texts and phone calls, then be concerned. But until that time, there is no reason to distrust him.
...............................
|
