A
male
age
41-50,
*aralyzed
writes:Well, I haven't heard from my ex since Sunday night when she called looking for her things.She drunk dialed me the night before, but I didn't answer it. When I dropped off her things Sunday evening I asked her if she had called me the night before. She looked somewhat embarrassed, and said yes. I asked her why and she said she just wanted to see how I was. She apologized for phoning.We both apologized for the fight the previous Tuesday when she broke up with me. I apologized first of course. Her eyes almost filled up and she said she was sorry too. We hugged and kissed a little (major mistake)she perked up quite a bit, and I left.Fast forward to 2 days later (this Tuesday). She had me removed and blocked on Facebook. Most likely because I wrote on a mutual friends wall that myself and another friend (who is female) would probably be coming up for a holiday to see him and some other friends.My ex's cousin had posted some pictures on facebook the next day. I looked at the cousin's profile to see them and I noticed that my ex had written on her wall. I'm not sure why I could see what the ex had written, but, it said "Hey Cousin, I went on a coffee date tonight". My heart jumped into my throat, I was devastated. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I tossed and turned the whole night. My heart raced and I felt like I was having a panic attack.I know you are going to tell me to get off and stay off Facebook. But, I didn't bother since she had me blocked anyways. I didn't mean to see what she had written. Perhaps she had hoped I would see it, or perhaps she didn't think I would since I was blocked. I really don't know. But, I feel like I have been beaten with a stick.I need a major pep talk from anyone and everyone today. Please help!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): I was dumped by my partner of 10 years on Saturday morning, I am devastated. I am having panic attacks and I cannot imagine my life without him in it. I don't want to.
The advice that the other lady gave about giving each other space and time is the best way, I know this, but it is so hard to do when you yearn for someone so much you cannot eat, sleep or functon in everyday life.
I hope I can give him the space he needs, I desperately want him back and hounding him with texts and phone calls will just drive him further away.....
Life is soooo hard.
A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 It sounds to me like you are both very emotionally invested in each other and need time apart to let the clouds of your emotions settle. In time, (and time always gives us clarity when it comes to matters of the heart), you will both come to a place of knowing what is best for each of you in this relationship; whether you want to get together again or not, because you will either start appreciating each other more, or will know its time to call it quits. So try to cut the communiation ties as much as possible for now, so those clouds of emotional confusion can clear up.
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A
male
reader, Blackjack +, writes (28 August 2008):
After reading your post I can see alot of similarities with what I am going through with my Ex and the break up. I tried After reading your post I can see a lot of similarities with what I am going through with my Ex and the break up. I tried I tried to not talk to her and I failed a lot at it and when I did end up talking to her I just made things worse on myself. So I would say what you need to do and I myself still need to completely do is cut off all facebook, myspace, AIM stuff like that one thing I might suggest is to give a friend your password and tell him to change it and keep it away from you if you are having issues seeing things on those sites. I know its really hard and some days are better then others and you can think you are doing great then bam all of a sudden you are back to thinking of her and feeling down. I did not sleep for about a week after I broke up and it was hard on me but eventually you will get around it. Some things I would suggest would be to get involved in a hobby or team that is not associated with her if you can help it and have it be something new you can do to fill your time up with, because the more you have free time the more your mind will dwell and imagine things. Also try and exercise as much as possible it might help with your mood, and make you hungry and allow you to sleep better.I know this sucks and I am going through it too. I wish you the best and if you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Hey, she wont be emotionally ready to meet someone new yet! Drunk dialling you indicates she still thinks about you too much! Even if she met someone the other day, the likelyhood of it going anywhere is pretty much zero!
BUT thats not the real issue. You need to decide if you wanna make a go of it with her. You dont say why you split. But if you want to try again, bite the bullet and say it to her! Lifes too short. One way or the other you will get closure then.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 I've been in this position before. I was with someone for a very long time and then 2 days after we split up which happened to be valentine's day, I found out that he had got back together with his ex girlfriend.
I know how you are feeling now and it is the worst feeling in the world.
The only advice I can offer you is to look in the mirror and say " We're not together anymore. She is not my responsibility. If she sees other guys now it's nothing to do with me."
I know that's pretty harsh of me to say, but I have to be cruel to be kind here. You need to tell yourself that it's over now.
When you're on your own, listen to uplifting music and music that makes you feel calm or more motivated. Keep yourself busy.
I will say now that you should have a clean break from her. Do not go on your facebook to check on her even though I know you will want to but you'll be looking for things that will upset you - I'm not being mean, it's what everyone does after a relationship. They want to know why and you will be looking for some kind of answers and it will probably be things that you don't want to see and things that you make yourself sick over when in fact they're nothing.
Don't go on facebook, or myspace or anything where you might see her. You need to block her out of your life for the moment. You need to rediscover yourself and how life was before you met this girl.
I read a poem once that after a break up, you should look in the mirror and rediscover the person who knows you best, who knows everything that makes you tick - you.
Do something everyday that you wouldn't normally do. When I broke up with my ex ( and I'm going to be honest here) I was completely off the rails. But when I thought about it -what he does now is nothing to do with me, he can do what he wants and I don't have to take responsibility of him anymore. And I felt so much better thinking of it like that. I started activities that I hadn't tried before - cooking, art etc. And it made me feel a lot happier. All part of self discovery and knowing yourself better. Through out your relationship you will have been giving yourself away to someone else. Now give some time for you.
For now, until you've sorted out your head, take down all the photos, don't go on facebook, don't check your emails, don't pick up the phone if she calls - break all contact.
Don't expect to get over her in a few days. Give it as much time as you feel you need. Time is a healer.
Visulise a train, put her and her things on the train and wave her goodbye until she's a tiny speck in the distance.
You could imagine it like this - the girl you loved is gone, and another girl has stepped off the next train and taken her place - someone you don't know. Someone you don't have feelings for.
Just remember, all this is natural, you're grieving in a way. Please remind yourself that she is not your problem anymore.
I truely and sincerely wish you all the best.
Take care xx
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