A
female
age
36-40,
*amanthablax
writes:I am in a very weird position. I love two men! I was dating a man in the army who was just about to deploy, he said he really likes me etc etc Then he went away and we decided to talk about taking our relationship further when he comes back. He is also still married and has one child. But going through divorce soon. The other gut i have known over 6 years, my brothers friend, never actually looked at him in that way before but over xmas we spent 2 weeks together at my parents house and i fell in love with him. They ar both amazing men. I don't know what to do?? What are the things i need to think about in order to decide?? The second guy loves me back, the 1st says he is crazy about me, i don't wanna hurt either of them. help!!
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divorce, fell in love, love two Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 As Johnny Depp has said, “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): You have wrote about the army guy before. Listen to what at least 4 have told you. Those being karlos, bronzed, bana and an anonymous female. It seems like you ask for advice without any intention of listening to it and act off what you want to hear. I also think you work out why you think you love them. I think it is important you do. You may be writing here again if you dont, believing you love 3. I dont know why but I get the impresslon you will only hear what you want to hear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): The number 2 guy just seems like a convenience for you while the army guy is away. You sound like you're desperate to be loved. Both of which I was going to put across in my original response, but I thought I'd keep it simple and to the point.
I think its highly unlikely you have fallen in love with your brothers friend after spending two casual weeks with him and other people. Also I think if there was a natural romantic connection between you and him, it would have happened a long time ago in my view.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Am not trying to put you down or sound offensive, but you love 2 men? You sound very emotionally immature. You sound confused. You havent quite grasped what love is yet.
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A
female
reader, samanthablax +, writes (15 January 2013):
samanthablax is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did forget to mention i have 2 children myself and i am divorced. I was really obsessed with army guy for months. He wants the chance to prove to me he can be what i want. But i think you are all right with guy number 2. It's helped me decide a bit more thanks :)
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A
male
reader, SumGuy +, writes (15 January 2013):
You will probably fall in love with everyone by the sound of it. I dont think you really know what love is. Are you frightened of being left on the shelf?
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (15 January 2013):
 If you loved the first one then the second one would not have happened. You need to work out why you believe you love them in my opinion. If you HAVE to love one of them, then love the one who`s available.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (15 January 2013):
You dont love any of them. Are you afraid of being single?
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A
female
reader, bama_mobile +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Is this guy from the army the same guy from the army you have wrote in about twice. If so, you was told that he was using you. Suddenly there is someone else who now loves you back. To be honest the 2nd guy will probably end up the one being hurt. The first one may end up pissed because he lost his bit on the side. You would be better staying single and finding yourself, because you seem to fall in love very easily, far too easily. That is not real love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Your heart isn't 100% with either of these guys, so I'm thinking neither of them is the right choice for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Forget the man in the army. He is married with a child and no matter whether he tells you he may get divorced (that is the usual story), it is likely that he is stringing you along. He'd like you to be around for when he gets back, then talk about your relationship. No way - you are heading for ongoing heart break. This other man sounds worth your time and attention. This is something real in the here and now. Go for it and forget Army Man.
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A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Firstly I have to ask: Do you have any children yourself? If not, you are a young woman and do you really want to be with a man who already has a child and is still technically married? As harsh as that sounds its true. You yourself haven't mentioned how you feel about the man in the army specifically but you did say that you fell in love with the friend at home. I think you should let the man in the army go, forget about him and try with the man who is ready and available!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 January 2013):
 You ask: "What are the things i need to think about in order to decide?? "
Well first and foremost, you must note that ONE of these men is married; hence, is a lying, cheating dog. Then note that one is an available and - apparently - honorable guy who likes you...
Heck, that's NOT just "first and foremost"... that's ALL you have to think about.... Sorry for being so wordy.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, awesomeness97 +, writes (15 January 2013):
I think you should be with guy #2. I think you love guy #1, but you're not in love with him, if really were in love with him, you wouldn't have fallen for guy #2.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Easy, one of them is here now, ready and available to start a romance right now. The other is still married, away and only talking about the possibility of getting together.
OP I have a rule, I only date people who are completely single. Anything else is cheating in my book and you can just not know whether this married guy really is going to get a divorce or whether he was only saying that, or even whether they might reconcile, you really just don't know.
The 6 year friend is a far safer bet, plus he won't be away for months on end on deployment. Plus you know him a long time and you get to skip all the awkward getting to know each other stuff and go straight into the romance.
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