A
male
age
51-59,
*rinder
writes:I have a live in girlfriend that I have been with for over a year now and I love her with all that I have. My problem is that 2 months into our relationship we were out having drinks and she drank too much and does not remember the events of that night but I do.We seen an older brother of mine later that night and she openly showed that she wanted to sleep with him. With me sitting right there. It didn't happen because I was there but if I weren't,,it would have.She has said that she is sorry for it and it would never happen again and that she loved me.Every since then I have had a major trust and jealously issue with her and she see's it as my fault,,that I should get over it a move on. It's kind of hard for me to do this and I really don't know why. I look at and scrutinize everything she has done from then to now.This is tearing us apart and I need some kind of advise. I really do love her and can't understand why she would think me being hurt is my problem only.
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male
reader, grinder +, writes (23 March 2009):
grinder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank all of you that replied to my question. I'll keep you posted on the outcome. I showed my original post to her last night and she is eager to see all of your answers.
Thanks Again!!
A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
You're being a tad too hard on yourself.Having your two-month old girlfriend proposition your brother is a slap in the face.It's true, that people are often attracted to siblings of partners for exactly the same reasons they're attracted to the partners themselves.But, you don't date someone only to pass them up when someone perhaps older or different comes along.Your girlfriend seems oblivious to the fact that whilst there is alot to be said for forgiveness and moving on, there are ALSO actions to which the consequences can have lasting repurcussions.Tell her; "I'm sorry, but I really feel that if I hadn't been there that night you would have gone ahead and slept with him..."If she says "no, I wouldn't" then that is a good thing.But, if she says "well, I didn't so what does it matter?" then that denotes a degree of shallowness in her and I can only hope that she grows out of it in time and realises that she most probably had a lucky escape that you was there.On the jealousy and trust issue, what can you do but go to yellow alert for a while? And especially where she is drinking which was undoubtedely the catalyst...
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Look, if she truly is sorry for it, then maybe she can better show you by seeking counseling for alcoholism.
I don't know how big of a partier she is, but even weekend binge drinking can be a problem.
But if she almost never drinks, then please try to be a little understanding of her situation. She was tanked to the point that she doesn't even remember anything from that night, and she drunkenly made stupid passes to your brother. And lets be honest, if she's attracted to you, and you look like him, then of course she might think he's a cutie.
I would let it pass. Therapy if she is a regular hard drinker, forgiveness if she is a lightweight who has never acted like that before or again. I don't condone cheating, but she didn't cheat. She was just a sloppy drunk. I'm sure she wants to get past this just as much as you do.
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A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Thats tough. Well being a girl I have had similiar probs with an ex boyfriend of mine..he used to think i was "flirting" when I wasnt and it got to the point where I could not even go out with him in fear of looking teh wrong way or smiling the wrong way or doing something wrong..he was insanely jelous and made me super paranoid. So all I can say is if your brother or friend was not drunk and you can honestly say to yourself that she was "blatenly flirting" with him in that manner and you saw it..Try to talk to her and let her know how she has made you feel and that you dont know if you can forgive her..sometimes you have to let things go..if she comes back..well you know how it goes..but its better than being uncomfortable every time you go out. or feeling "almost cheated on"..
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A
female
reader, schristinar85 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 I totally feel for you. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and she broke that. I would be very upset to. The thing is, it's not healthy for you or the relationship to hold on to this. After seriously discussing it with her, you need to decide once and for all if you are going to be able to start fresh and let go, giving her the ability to regain your trust. If you don't believe you can truely do that,(which is very understanding) you really need to move on and find some one else. This is a really hard situation. I know how hard it can be when you really love someone that has hurt you, or that you feel you can't trust.
Good luck sweetie. Just please do what's right for you. Only you can figure out what that is.
XOXO- Sarah
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A
female
reader, cls1990 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 if you werent there it would have done? What does that say about her and your brother!
No matter how drunk a person is, its not a justifiable excuse to cheat/flirt.
If you cant trust her then what kind of relationship have you got.
It doesnt sound at all like your fault but if theres no trust your relationship will be under strain which will cause arguments & you will both end up miserable.
Has she done anything since this incident to regain your trust?
Ask her how she would feel if you came onto her sister/mother infront of her.
this needs to be sorted before you end up having no trust for anybody.
Hope this helps
Cx
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A
female
reader, Ravenxx91 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Hmm if it hasn't happened since or the problem of what happened has not happened then why stress yourself over it.
You were only two months in and that is very early on. She may of also have had her own problems that day or time and been extra stressed.
She is likely in love with you now - properly and more bonded. Try to trust her. Your probably hurting her being like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Let it go! She had too much to drink and almost, did the unthinkable! But that was 10 months ago. If you let this go on, you will destroy the relationship. We all have done regrettable things while drinking too much, haven't we? I don't think that her and I are the only one's in the world who have ever made fools of our selves while drunk!
Give her space and time to regain your trust! You can't hold this against her forever. Let her prove to you that she can be trusted. Maybe watch her alcohol intake a bit, though!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Whoa. She disrespected you, and she embarrassed you, in such a big way. How convenient she says she doesn't remember it, and can;'t talk about it. Oppps, soory, sap, I had an itch that night that only your bro could scratch. Women, in particular, use this as a way to avoid talking about something or excusing behavior; don't fall for it. Because the female gender, in any animal kingdom, is supposed to be careful about mate selection, the fact that she chose you, and then is openly flirting with another guy at a bar, your brother no less!, is true slap in the face to you as a person, egio and manhood. She showed something about your relationship, and about how she feels about you. And don't think your brother what forget it -- I bet he loved it! Some of these Agony Aunts (i,.e, women) will only see it from a female perspective, blah blah blah she's only human, she said she was sorry, be man, forgive her blah blah blah. Dude, she better be making this up to you, big time, and showing that she loves your as*, and even then, maybe you should kick this hoe to the curb. There are other peebles on the beach, not ones that not try to get laid with your bro. If you put up with this, she will respect you even less than she already does, which sounds very little. (How did you brother react? Is he good looking? It doesn't matter, she should have kept it to herself, no matter how many beers she had.) Lots of red flags here, fellah. Sorry. You sound like a nice guy.
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