A
male
age
36-40,
*rsenalFC87
writes:I have a thing for bigger women and i dont know how to deal with it. While Im not into the deal of larger women getting larger or "gaining" and not into the feeding thing, i definitely have an appreciation for plus-sized women, and am unsure if my thoughts concerning what i find sexually appealing is somewhat askew. I am struggling with the humiliation of having lust for larger women and the internal ambivalence invovled. Ive reflected on why i have these lustful feelings toward larger women and i think it has to do with the unabbreviated amount of femininity they physically exude and the ideology behind this. A woman's body to begin with is quite beautiful, but to have it physically amplified, especially with the more "curvy" parts, is something so arousing to some, that it seems to come directly from an intrinsic, animalistic sexual desire that few comprehend. I also become aroused when the woman is both larger in weight and in height. I have dubbed this an "Amazon Fetish". Having these lustful thoughts about larger women makes me feel like such a perv and a complete tool. I am far too embarrassed to let anyone close to me know about these feelings because i fear the social repercussions would be grave. The group of friends i hangout with can be incredibly critical of others and thrive on the facade of social affluence(which can get rather old). In other words, they can be extremely condescending and flat out mean. However, be that as it may, Im going to be honest. I am,to an extent, super-ficial, and i do care about what others think. Sue me.I am in my last year of college and i wish i could start openly dating larger women without being hassled by friends and laughed at by people on campus, but unfortunately i live in the United States and thats not going to happen.Laugh if you must, but Ive taken Cialis or have pictured larger women, when ive hooked up with girls, just so that im able to stay physically aroused in order to perform up to par. There have been a few exceptions though, mainly when the girl is extremely gifted in certain sexual acts, but thats completely irrelevant. Dont get me wrong, I love the girls im currently hooking up with. But i shouldnt have to jump through hoops just to get my man junk up, when it seems to go up instantly when a big girl is around. Forgive me for being so graphic and candid about my sexual affairs lol. I didnt mean to dwell on the topic, but we all know that sex is a vital part of relationships, and that satisfaction pertaining to it, is dyer.There are times when i wish i could share these feelings with friends, but im afraid they'll look at me as some kind of neanderthal pervert and immediately judge me.I definitely feel like some kind of chubby chasing closet freak and often wonder what's wrong with me. I also think about all the larger girls, whose feelings ive hurt because of my refusal to be openly exclusive with them. Im also afraid that if i do reach that point with a larger girl, and i convey to her that i have a thing for bigger women, she'll become totally insulted and creeped out at the same time. Its not like i would be with her strictly for the curves. I do have more depth to me than that, believe it or not lol, but i feel like the larger body would be an added bonus and if i shared that with her she'd be like " um eww, wtf is wrong with you" ya know?I know that there of plenty of other guys out there that share these views, but that does not take away from the fact that i feel like some kind of sexually confused freak. What on earth should i do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 December 2010):
Hello again. It really doesn't matter what other people think. It's irrelevant. It's what you think that counts.
It doesn't matter what the girl thinks either. Quite often opposites attract. Each brings out the best in the other.
We all have different tastes. No two individuals are the same. We don't need to be, either.
I don't really think that a girl's "bigness" is the attraction to you. You feel that it is. From across a crowded room in a public place (such as a bar of a party), the first thing you look at is always the person's face and eyes. There's the initial attraction.
For instance, you don't just feel you are attracted to the back of someone. The attraction only happens when you are facing in each other's direction. Nothing happens until that point.
You might see a big lady, but her back is to you, so you can't see her face anyway. Even when you are looking at her side view, even then you have a pretty fair idea of whether you think she is attractive or not.
It's really no different to looking at a slim or medium sized girl. You might look at her figure from the back and think she's got a nice shape. But until she turns around, you really don't know how you feel. She could turn around, and you just aren't attracted to her face at all.
Size means nothing. Your biggest problem is you are afraid of what other people think, just because you are attracted to bigger sized women. So what?
If you are worried about what people think of you, then you are never going to be true to yourself, because you will always be wondering what your friends are going to think or say to you. Would you rather fit in with what others are all doing? OR, would you rather be truly happy?
It's out of touch with reality.
No-one can tell you who you should or should not be attracted to. There is no right or wrong. It is what feels right to you. You are asking us to judge you.
You are already judging yourself. Why?
If you can answer this question, you will then find the answer to this imaginary problem that you seem to think you have.
A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (14 December 2010):
 If he is being polite and nice, then I think he is a nice guy and I'm usually flattered. I go based on his demeanor and body language. There are plenty of fat guys who just want to get laid, too, lol.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 generally you go with the flow being a little bit of a big girl my self you always wonder what peoples intentions are but you never find out unless you try. so personally its no different than a large or skinny guy men are all the same its whats underneath that counts more. hope that helps x
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A
male
reader, ArsenalFC87 +, writes (13 December 2010):
ArsenalFC87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question appreciate all the input. just a question out of curiosity for all the curvy girls out there. What goes through your mind when a guy who is relatively thinner than you, approaches you and shows interest? Are you like "hm ok another dude who has a thing for big girls, effing creep" or are you like "hm this guy just wants to get laid and must think im easy" or do you just take it as just another guy whose hitting on you and leave it at that? thoughts please.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (9 December 2010):
There is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, wrong with liking larger women and, believe it or not, you are not alone. Unfortunately, our media and society portrays being plus size as a curse, but it can actually be a pretty hot and sexy thing. You aren't a freak. You aren't a weirdo. You just like what you like and there is nothing wrong with that.
If your friends are that shallow and still make distasteful fat jokes and superficial jabs at, not only strangers, but you and your girlfriends, then these "friends" are not friends at all and are most likely shallow shit eating douches. Forget about them and their lousy opinions. Focus on you. Be happy. Find a girl who you like for her MIND and her BODY and then love her with all your might. Don't let the opinions of others phase you.
I suggest looking for maybe other "chubby chasers" in your area or even just online. Talking to others in your same predicament could prove very helpful. Just do a google search and you are bound to find plenty of information.
Being a plus sized girl, I have always dated guys who have, more or less, tolerated my body, despite my confidence and love I have for my own body. It would be so refreshing and such a turn on to meet someone who actually enjoyed my body, just as I do. So, spread the love and hug a fat girl. Don't give a damn about what others say. Haters gonna hate... But you can choose to love! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You find larger women beautiful. Why is that wrong? There are large women in this world searching for a mate who will love them just as they are. How wonderful that you are searching for a large woman... They say that there is a lid for every pot.
Our society has messed with men and women in so many ways I could hardly touch on every aspect it has screwed with people. Men are 'supposed' to want what is pushed in magazines and porn... but that's a fake world. Some people who are easily 'programmed' fall for the statistics of the perfect woman and fall neatly into place like cattle.
Others have their own ideas. Sounds like you do... honor yourself. Honor your feelings and do what feels right for you.
There are some people who love chocolate... there are others who hate it. Yet, our society says... everyone loves chocolate.
Be true to yourself. You'll find a large woman who will love and adore you... and who you will love and adore....
So, instead of seeing this as dysfunction... see it as this....
You walk to the beat of your own drum.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): In high school - which was a good 13 years ago - at our graduation, a guy brought his girlfriend along. She was big. Very, very big, almost bordering on obese. She had her hair tight in a ponytail, was short and very round, and wore a maroon crushed velvet catsuit. Let me tell you, you have to be pretty damn sure who the hell you are to be able to date someone like that. Not only that, but this guy was definitely one of the lookers in the class, tall, blonde, angular jawline - you get the picture. He could have whomever he wanted. But he wanted her. And I loved him for it, cuz she was a great girl. I agree with the previous poster - this is about you and your insecurity. It's okay, fat phobia is so pervasive in our society and as a big girl myself, I am constantly trying to "fix" it. But if more guys like you came out of the closet...
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (1 December 2010):
Much like it has been said, you are worrying too much about your friends' approval. If you were honestly happy with someone you were with and they blatantly made fun of you for it, they truly aren't the best of friends, are they?
I have a close friend who recently came out about being a chubby chaser and was a bit confused about what he wanted until he met his current girlfriend.
Based on his struggles with this, here is my advice:
1. Don't date them explicitly for their size/physical appearance. Date them for who they are as a person. Think of their physical stature as an added bonus :)
2. Don't be afraid to tell the bigger girl you're dating that you find her curves amazing. This however totally depends on her acceptance with her body. If she is okay with her size, this is easier as she has already acquainted herself with her body. If she's a chubbier girl that is constantly wishing she could lose weight...well the situation becomes tougher. She may love that she's found someone who loves her at her current size, or she may take it offensively. Its all based on her personality. After you've dated for a while and she brings up her weight (whether as a good thing or bad) just reassure her that you think she's absolutely gorgeous.
3. Let your friends deal with it. If you found someone you're happy to be with, don't let your friends tell you otherwise. If for some reason they still give you crap about it, especially in a none joking manner, I suggest you search for some better friends.
Overall, don't be ashamed of what you like! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I don't see how this is a problem. It seems to me that you don't want your friends calling you names. Don't worry about what people think.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): There's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of chubby, so get over yourself man! :P
It's not like you have to 'come out' about liking big girls, just get stuck in - it's not like you need to go around pointing out to people that you think she's hot because she's big either.
There's an age old saying that goes "Shagging a fat girl is like riding a moped - it's great fun, until your mates find out!" but seriously, if you're friends are 20ish too and still taking the piss about who you/other people go out with then they're just almighty douches that still belong at high school.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (30 November 2010):
Hi there. It could be that it's like a fantasy to you, more than an actual attraction.
Because you have said that you will go out with bigger women, but are sometimes repulsed by their bigness when it comes to going physically further with them.
Perhaps you could just concentrate on getting to know them really well, and find out what makes them tick and what's nice about them - all their qualities.
Take the focus completely off their size. When you mainly focus on their physical appearance, it prevents you from going any deeper with getting to know them. It stays a mere physical attraction and nothing more. It's completely superficial.
You must want more than that for yourself, surely.
There are many large women, who have absolutely beautiful faces and are very sexy. Being big, doesn't mean ugly. Bearing in mind like average sized women, big women come in all shapes and sizes and many are very well in proportion with a nice bustline and a fairly small waist and well defined hips as well - not just straight up and down with rolls of fat. They do vary a lot, as I'm sure you are already aware.
There are many slim women who are average size, who have a bust, but have no waist at all - almost boyish. They have curves - the bust - but not the hourglass look of the hips and waist.
Have you ever seen the movie, "Shallow Hal"? He was a guy who only looked at attractive, shapely women and big women didn't get a look-in. He actually feel in love with a very large woman, and drove off into the sunset and was very happy - because being truly happy, was more important to him in the end than just physical looks.
I realize that you have said you do get to know these bigger women also, but you really think that maybe it's only a phase you are going through.
Beauty is entirely in the eyes of the beholder. What one person sees as very attractive, another won't feel anything at all. It's a very individual thing.
Unfortunately, you are being guided by what others think and are afraid of being judged by them.
This is actually about you, not the liking of bigger women.
Just go with the flow of life, and do whatever feels good to you. The main thing is to do what makes you happy. If for the moment it's bigger women, well so be it. You are not breaking any laws.
Don't worry about what others think - it's not their business.
I actually think that your biggest critic is you, never mind what your friends might think. Do what pleases you, not what you think is expected of you.
When people do things in life - no matter what it is - just to fit in with what others are doing, they can do it for a while, but later on, it doesn't feel natural to them anymore. They start to think, this isn't really what I want. When you start to feel that way, you become restless and dissatisfied and feel as though you are living a lie.
You probably feel that way with a lot of things you do, (trying to fit in with others), not just being attracted to larger women. It usually happens in all areas of a person's life.
It's ok trying to fit in with others - to a point - but if you constantly do this in your life, it eventually reaches a stage where living like this, just gets in the way of happiness. It becomes a barrier. It's at that point where you need to have a serious think about what you really want.
At this point, maybe you haven't reached that place yet, but in the not too distant future, you will.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (30 November 2010):
look you are the only one who can make you happy not your friends they dont live your life and if they cannot understand what you want that makes you happy then they are not real friends. and if you dont see that being an option out then you are really not that bothered about your own happyness. ok its not healthy for a girl to be obese however they are. you are not a freak and that is one thing that is far from being really freaky their are other things that are much more disturbing. its a bit like anything else you can either pretend its not happening or accept it. personally i think you need a reality check and decide what you want from life. a true friend will stand by you and be happy for you. also we all care what people think but you have to choose what you want in your life or what you hear. people will always judge you but who cares when you have the person you want and are happy the only ones who can judge you is each other. hope this helps good luck aphex xx
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 November 2010):
 It's not freaky to be attracted to larger women...but you are letting your friend's opinions dictate your behavior, and acting as though it is something dirty and shameful!
Most definitely, if you told a woman that you were with her because she's large...not only would her feelings be hurt, it would be totally and completely insulting and out of line.
Stop using these woman as sex toys! If you are ashamed to be seen with them, then don't take them to your bed! At least not until you can come to terms with your own prejudices! That's what's making you feel like a confused freak! You are hearing your friend's voices (as well as your own) in your head!
If you truly consider this a problem, see a therapist!
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