A
male
age
36-40,
*rz
writes:I'm 20 and healthy. I was a virgin before I met my girlfriend. She is not, she had one partner before me, she said he was awful. Now we have had sex four times recently, on the first night I was in the missionary position. Everything was going ok, she was feeling good, it felt good for me. Then something happened, I didn't feel myself cum, but evidently I did because I lost my erection. I was a little nervous, so I blamed nerves. We tried again twice more that night with the same outcome. We weren't upset about it, no ones good at anything their first time.Tonight we tried again. She was on top it felt good, I was NOT nervous I was just enjoying my self. Erection went away, I didn't feel myself orgasm. What is going on? 20 year olds shouldn't be losing their erections. Can I cum without feeling it? I just want to make her feel good. My Guesses: I'm worried about something, or its a physical problem.Thanks.
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male
reader, poop +, writes (28 April 2008):
I have had this problem myself in the past, and being the same age thought I could help. Honestly, while it sounds like some degrading diagnosis, I feel u and I may suffer from ED(erectile dysfuntion). Causes vary but its really becoming common in youth with pressures in todays society..I can list all kinds of pressures but we all know any stress is a major killer these days.All that aside, i have had my share of experiences, with long term girlfriends and one-nighters. After much frustration I invested in one of those "male enhancement" products after ditching more embarassing tools like c-rings. Personally I bought a month supply of Enzyte, it happened to be at a K-mart so it was convenient. All that size increase mumbo jumbo aside, the effects were pleasing. Hate to sound like an infomercial, but it entirely remedied my problem. Took about 2 weeks to work, and I was only taking one pill like every other day. I no longer lost "wood" and instead had those good ole rock hards that you would wish for...just a lil tidbit, it also nearly doubled my average time, and in doin so, had HUGE satisfaction in releasing (if you know what I mean). Anyway, try it out, theres even some GNC products that can work. I use a goofy named product called "Horny Goat Weed" now cus its cheaper, even tho Enzyte worked better. These products are a bit less extreme than viagra at least
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (13 September 2007):
Many things can cause your problem:
Decongestants
High Blood Pressure
Numerous medications
Masterbation
Girl who stops stimulatuion
Squeezing your penis
Lack of Practice
Failure to concentrate
Medical problem
Pschological problem.
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A
male
reader, Grz +, writes (13 September 2007):
Grz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys who said it was nerves was absolutely right. My girl and I recently have been getting much more intimate(Non sexually) We really just started to thoroughly getting to know each other. I am more in love with this woman than ever before. We started to mess around, more foreplay. (Oral sex, fingers, etc.) Which made me even more comfortable around the woman.Once I was completely comfortable and was no longer worried, I had no problem to keep it up for a very long time. Our sex life is amazing, but with this girl its about everything but the sex.
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A
male
reader, legacy +, writes (28 August 2007):
I'll throw my two cents in here also. I think you are letting your worries get in the way of your sexuality. If you talk openly with your girl about your anxieties about this, it will help alot. If she is unkind then it says alot about her and I'd forget it. If she understands then you got a good one. So make sure she understands it is not rejection of her from you. Tell her this, tell her you think it's because it's your first time. She will love it being your teacher. Also I have found that some women like being fondled and rubbed on their vagina especially with a soft penis!!! yeah I know it's a mindblower but it's also great news. And if you get to talking about it you may find that just being f#$%ed for hours is not HER idea of a great sexual experience, forget all those movies you watched. Don't forget they get paid to act like it's the greatest sex ever... great work if you can get it huh? So relax, enjoy the experience and don't set unrealistic expectations for yourself and you just might find she loves the lovemaking all the more for it. I finally found a woman who understands my sexuality and opened my eyes to a whole new aspect to sex. Oh yeah, one last thought, my ex-wife and I had sexual difficulties for the first month and a half. I had a lot of stressful things going on and could not get it up big time. She was a very beautiful woman and very sexual so no reason right?! Well the more I worried about it and tried harder, the worse it got. Later when all was working "back to normal", she told me it just wasn't the same. What?! She said she liked it when she knew she couldn't just have me, it was a mystery and challenge. No guy had ever been that way with her before..... sortof that you want what you can't have. Go figure and good luck
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A
male
reader, Grz +, writes (27 August 2007):
Grz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses. I do drink, but never on a night I have spent with her. I will use your advice on no masturbation before the act. That makes a lot of sense. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again, I very much appreciate it.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (26 August 2007):
You've got performance anxiety all right. I doubt you had an orgasm without feeling, I mean did you see any semen?
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 What rhythm says about drink/drugs is very true stay off for 2-3 days before you try next time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I think you are just nervous because you want to perform for this new girl.
Also, if you smoke weed or do any drugs or drink alchohol first to make you less nervous, that will dramatically effect your ability to maintain an erection.
If it is not, try to relax and have your girlfriend give some foreplay and build up to sex with giving her some pleasure during foreplay, the longer you draw the act out, the more pleasure you will feel when you do come.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (25 August 2007):
It's unlikely to be a physical problem, but if you're worried you can get a health check to rule anything out (in very rare cases mostly in older guys it can be a sign of other diseases).
Lots of guys, especially those new to fucking, can take a while to get used to it. It's a very different sensation from masturbating yourself. So, firstly, don't be worried that you're "broken". Lots of guys have gone through this. Keep at it, keep being intimate and loving with your girlfriend and things will click.
It's also worth bearing in mind that it needs more "sexual energy" to fuck than to masturbate. Say you were pleasing yourself every day or other day (which would be normal). In fact, you may only feel like making love to your girl every two or three days. Because it takes more energy. Don't masturbate or have any release until you see her next so that you're as horny as you can be. My guess is that you'll not have a problem.
Another point is that guys sex drive waxes and wanes. It's normal. We're not machines that can get hard on request. Just because you're not performing as you'd like this week doesn't mean you won't be in a week or two.
So take it easy and have patience. Keep us updated with how you get on.
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A
male
reader, Grz +, writes (25 August 2007):
Grz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I can orgasm alone, or if I get a blowjob. Theres no problem physically I suppose.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Your first guess is absolutely right: you're worried about something, and that something is "will she think I'm awful, too?"
By the way, any age is good for losing an erection if you have performance anxiety.
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A
female
reader, Lizz +, writes (25 August 2007):
 When you don't feel your orgasm is there any semen present in the condom? Have you ever felt orgasm before during self-gratification? If you have and your equipment still works fine when you're "alone" then it could jsut be nerves. Perhaps you were afraid it would happen again and that's why it did. Under any circumstances, if it continues and becomes bothersome go see a doctor. You could have a medical issue that needs to be addressed.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 I never heard of that happening to a 20 yo.
You try to find anything online about premature ED? Who knows, some 20 year olds might need viagra.
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