A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last year, I accidentally found my boyfriend's porn on his external hard drive. In that collection, I found naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend after he told me that he didn't have them anymore. I got very angry and deleted all of them. When I confronted him, he said that he had forgotten that they were there and got angry because I deleted them without asking him first.A couple months later, he transferred some files from his old laptop onto his smart phone. I looked at them because I don't like to be made a fool. In those porn pictures, I found a couple pictures of his naked ex-girlfriend again. I didn't want to confront him that time because I knew he'd get angry and not talk to me.I don't even know why he's keeping those pictures. She was fat and not very good looking. I can't take this anymore. What should I do?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, nude pictures, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mikechunduri +, writes (21 April 2013):
I used to have pics of my ex girlfriend but I deleted them a long time ago. She was so sexy she could be a nude model. I wish I still had them because I would definitely hack off to them. I don't have a gf now so it wouldn't hurt her feelings.
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 I always so love hearing the male perspective on all this stuff. They are always so straight forward and so much less complicated than us girls think. We tend to think that if a man gets off on porn picture he wants to be with that girl, prefers us to her, so that must make us fat, ugly, unloveable, etc etc, you know what I'm talking about here girls, but men are not so complicated as that. They can just get off on someone and then forget them a minute later. Its us who stay in the place of being miserable and hung up for days after, needing reassurance. What I don't get is - God is really clever the way he devised everything............ why did he get this bit so twisted? But seriously, I love to hear a mans perspective on all this stuff. It lays my fears all to rest straight away. Yet when we hear those words from our own partner, do we believe them? Wierd I say. Lot of confusion between the sexes I feel. Hmmmmmmmm. Just my thoughts.
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (16 May 2008):
 If your guy is calling you fat he does NOT respect you. Please break it off and find someone better before he emotionally damages you further. You are beautiful exactly the way you are, and if your boyfriend can't see that, that's his problem! You deserve someone who will cherish you and not lie to you.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (15 May 2008):
Just to put things in perspective: We can all celebrate the diversity of opinions here and accept that each of us must live in his/her own mind and body. I keep pictures of all my old girlfriends to the extent I can. I treasure them, yet don't look at them if I have a current gf. One day I will be older even than I am now, and would like to have these memories. I have never, ever "jacked off" to any of these pictures - for me they are a reminder of love once there and ultimately lost. Of course, I still love these women, though I may not have seen them for years. They were an important part of my life, and helped me grow into who I am.For Replacement - I have a validly low "self-esteem" - an objectively evaluated inability to get and keep what and whom I desire, yet I have a very high "self-respect" - in that I know I stand for real values that matter and I will live or die according to those values. We can't all be sex magnets, even though we wish it were so.The original questioner has valid qualms about the fact that she was lied to, and this is just wrong. The fact that her bf does not take her seriously on this issue is also wrong. For her to damage/delete something that is HIS personal property is wrong on her part though - it shatters trust even more than a lie, since a lie can be forgiven(sometimes) and a lost photo is forever. It may be that her young bf thinks of the old photos as porn and masturbates to them - I can't judge that.There is definitely a problem here regarding trust, boundaries, and respect. It needs to be addressed - perhaps even with a relationship counselor or older, wiser person. Best of luck working this one out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much bday121. After I saw those pictures, I was crushed. I actually went to the bathroom and cried for quite some time. I was very hurt and angry. At first, I didn't know what to do, and I was scared to confront him knowing that I'd cry again once I did. Just thinking about it is making me teary-eyed. Sometimes I do think that I deserve better, but I also know that he truly does respect me. He's just very childish.
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (15 May 2008):
I would not put up with that! He's jacking off to thoughts of his ex-girlfriend, how does that make you feel? I'd be crushed, personally. Don't take that kind of crap! You had EVERY right to delete those pictures, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! How dare he even get angry over that?! He should've been on his knees giving you the sincere apology you deserved. And another thing, you deserve a better guy! I'd break it off, honestly. You'll find someone who respects you. This guy absolutely does not respect you and he's not worth your time!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your responses. They really made me think of things differently.
Replacement, we've been together for longer than a year. I guess it just really bothered me that he had them after he already told me that he deleted them. I know that guys have different fat standards, but she was bigger than me and he constantly tells me that I'm fat and to stop eating. Oh well.... It's alright.
It's true what the female reader wrote. You have to be in my shoes. How would you male readers feel if you found out that your girlfriends had naked pictures of their ex-boyfriends? Maybe women just feel different about this than men, but I don't think anyone would really want to find naked pictures of their partner's ex.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 First of all, WastedLife... you sound really sad to me... honestly... "it's to remind himself that he was not a failure for all that time."??? Not all of us men have such pitifully low self esteem that we need "reminders" of not being a failure. I am quite confident that I've never been a "failure" and I wouldn't need pictures to remind me of that. You're reading way too much into it, it's NOT about reminding yourself that you had a girlfriend some time back, it's MUCH simpler.
It's porn. It's masturbation material. What makes ex-girlfriend porn so much better than the "fantasy woman" porn with their fake tits and all that is that when you're looking at the pictures, you have real memories to go along with it. So... you're looking at a picture of a naked chick... that's awesome in and of itself... but also, you've got these memories to stimulate you even more. THAT is why he's keeping the pictures of her. To jack off to.
As for her being fat and ugly in your opinion- in my experience whenever girls think a woman is fat, men probably think she's gorgeous. Women have been conditioned to like really skinny girls but guys just don't. Everyone has different fat standards. Your boyfriend thought (and thinks, evidently) she was a hot chick, one worth keeping pictures of. So try not to be so judgmental.
What you should do- nothing? Chances are he doesn't want to get back together with her, he just wants something special to jack off to. There are no emotions there. Men can happily get off to photos of women they don't care at all about. I've done it plenty of times. It's harmless. He's got to masturbate to something.
How long have you been together?
In my opinion, a woman has no say on a man's masturbation technique until they've been together for a few years... you can't change a man that quickly, men will give up their weird porn habits when they feel like they've found someone they can really be with... But it takes time for a man to determine if their girlfriend is someone worth changing for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): i dont agree with wasted life. how would you feel if you found naked pictures of ur wife or girlfrend on her ex's laptop or hp? or naked ex bf's on her laptop?always put urself in the other persons shoes. i guess all of this is quite subjective. depending on which side of the fence ur at.if you respect and love each other enough, u'll close the book on ur past if it makes your partner happy.good luck.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (15 May 2008):
He loves you for you - let it go. A man has very little to live for in his life. Either his wife or girlfriend if he is lucky, the memories if he is less lucky, or nothing. When/if he loses her, all he has is the memory for those years of his life. If he loses the picture, part of the memory goes away too. It's not right to delete anything on someone else's computer - I am surprised he is still with you. No doubt he has since made many backups of the pictures. They are his, not yours. He is not sleeping with her or going out with her - it's part of his history, as I am sure you have your own, or wish you did. Live together and enjoy each other now - life is short.My best advice is to apologize for touching his stuff and deleting his files - how would you feel if he deleted all your contacts from your cell phone? A man is very visual and the pictures are his only contact with his own past.It's not that he is keeping the pictures to bother you - it's to remind himself that he was not a failure for all that time. Let it be, and enjoy your lives together. When he is in his 50's or older, his only life might be enjoying those pictures, and some of you two together. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Your boy frend is a werdo in my mind.
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