A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does he even care anymore?So I have had a boyfriend for 4 years now...and we have been engaged for 6 months. It seems like ever since we got engaged, he doesnt care anymore. We made a huge mistake in getting engaged so young (21) and we put my ring on a credit card...He drives a long distance for his job, and i never see him anymore...he is always working. And even when i do see him..its like hes not really there..you know what i mean? He works full time and I am still in college and i work part time. I make about 100 dollars a week. we have two credit cards together..that he let get behind on payments. I am trying to get caught up on the payments...and it seems like he doesnt even care. we have 2 60 dollar payments a month...and I literally have to remind him every month to pay them...and most of the time i am the one that pays them. I make 100 dollars a week..and he works full time..and im paying his bills. i realize that i made a huge mistake co-signing for our ring..but i feel like he needs to start paying for MY engagement ring.. i shouldnt have to pay for my engagement ring. and if i pay for the bill one month...he could at least appreciate what i do for him..and thank me. but he says things like "why should i thank you or appreciate that you paid it, no one MADE you" and he doesnt realize that he has screwed up my credit so bad..and im only 21.. i would like to graduate from college and buy a car and buy a house one day..and he doesnt seem to care... i dont know what to do..ever since he got this job where hes gone all the time..hes been so distant to me. we dont even talk about anything anymore..and we havent have sex in like a month. we are engaged...but i wonder if i should even marry him, because he is so irresponsible...why should i be marrying this!? i do love him..but i ever wonder if he is going to grow up. any advise would help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): im so sory bout ur situation. it doesnt really look good if u ask me.i think you both should slow down. you're both still really young. y the rush? y the need to get engaged and married so fast? maybe both of you should take some time off to think about what you both really want. maybe he's just feeling pressured into something he's not quite ready for. maybe ur having doubts too?from the looks of it, there are things both of you want but are holding back because of ur marriage.maybe a college degree? maybe a new job? maybe explore life and other places? meet other people?i suggest you guys take it slow. maybe not a breakup, but let urselves explore life as individuals. and once u've done that, you'll be ready to accept each other. im afraid if you both rush into something ur not ready for, u mite regret it and resent each other for the rest of ur lives. marriage should come at a time when you both are safe and secure with urselves. so go out there and live life as you want it. with no pressure of what other ppl think it "should be"im married and went thru the same situation ur in now. if i could turn back time and know what i know today, i wud live a happier life. marriage doesnt magically transform a bad relationship into a good one, with a "happily ever after". marriage just intensifies what u are already feeling. what more with children and morgage. money will always be an issue. its the biggest deal breaker.think about it. its easier to take ur time with major decisions until ur ready, rather than rush into it and spend ur entire life paying for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Welcome to the world of the married woman. Your engaged to be married, yet you have to pay for your own ring. He works hard and spends no time with you. He's not interested in the stress your having trying to pay of your shared debts. He's helped you to run up unmanageable levels of debt and yet is strangely uninterested in helping to sort the situation out.
Read the signs and weep. This is the man that you love, and this is the man that you have pledged your life to, and want to marry. That's how he is. He is unlikely to change. If (a very big if) you get married, you will be the adult in this relationship, and will constantly have to be behind him nagging him to get things done.
Does that mean you can't marry him. Of course it dosen't. But please be aware that his personality is unlikely to change. You love this man, but are you willing to spend the rest of your life in a marriage with an irresponsible child. Can it work, of course it can, but be realistic about the level of responsibility you will need to take to get this relationship to work. I wish you good luck. Your young and intelligent. Anything you decide will be the best decision for you.
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