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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel totally hideous and this is keeping me from enjoying and wanting sex. I feel too self conscious. My boyfriend watches porn, but it's not like he's addicted far from it actually. But these women look a thousand times better and this puts me off. I'm not an idiot. They look hot, duh, like porn with ugly women like me would make millions. And he's told me about many of his celebrity crushes. Of course they're all gorgeous and this puts me off too. I wish I'd never had known ANYTHING about this. I know men watch porn and blah, blah, but he showed me some clips and I saw his reaction and well, I just feel ugly and hideous. Should I leave him so he finds someone confident who enjoys her body even if it's sub-par or someone hotter to have sex with? I feel embarrassed being naked with him when I know who he fantasizes about. I hate my ugly body. Should I be single?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cdognon  +, writes (8 June 2009):
this made me cry as i feel exactly the same way, everyone who has written answers to you have also somewhat helped me so thank you
A
male
reader, koenig  +, writes (1 June 2009):
Pornstars aren't hot, it'd be like having sex with a deceitful barbie doll - including the plastic part. There's actually something very attractive about girls just looking natural, it's much more attractive than some cheap slag making fake moans for the camera.Guys, well, most guys, realise that women aren't going to look perfect and they really don't mind. They still find their partners hot and often, they're glad that they're willing to have sex with them. Remember, he probably doesn't look perfect either.No, you shouldn't be single, you should work past this.I really think that CommonSpencer hit the nail right on the head though :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): It's difficult to give you a proper answer without knowing your b/f. Most guys know that what they see in porn is a fantasy designed to push their buttons, and that it has little if anything to do with the real world. And most guys are grateful that a real woman is there to be with them, share their lives, touch them, be with them.
It's possible that your guy is someone who lives for the plastic fantasy that porn gives him. But more likely he got together with you because he values you as you are. I can understand how anyone might feel inferior to what's on the screen -- in many years of real life, I've seldom met anyone who looks like that. I'm happy to live in the real world, and be with real-world women who might have stretch marks, zits, and who doesn't wake up looking like a supermodel. I'll bet your guy is too. You're for real, you're there loving him, and you're giving him feelings he can't possibly get from a screen.
If he doesn't value you for who and what you are, then yes indeed you should be single -- for now, until you find a real man. But you haven't said anything that indicates he has a problem with you. Forget the girls you see on the screen. Be a real-world woman in a real-world relationship.
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A
male
reader, CommonSpencer  +, writes (1 June 2009):
Don't hate your body. Be confident you got this guy in the net already anyway :). Ask yourself this question. Do you think a beautiful porn star would pick your guy out of the crowd? Maybe, but probably not. If your not attractive to him why is he with you? He is attracted to you otherwise he would not have bothered. Truth is, is that a lot of men watch pornographic material, but most won't share that secret with you. If this guy is not stating any complaints about your body, then he probably loves your body and he feels comfortable to share his intimate fantasies with you. Next time he starts going on about these stars maybe mention some of your celebrity crushes. I don't want to go too far, but maybe some role playing is in order here(hope I'm not too out of line):)?
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A
female
reader, jalmetha +, writes (1 June 2009):
 My dear, NO ONE looks like a porn star except women who are tying to become porn stars! They all have fake boobs, capped teeth, hair extensions, Gel Nails and make up that needs to be scraped off. If he likes you, he likes you. Don’t compare yourself to them. All men have celebrity crushes whether they are porn stars or guest stars on CSI. They may be famous but believe me, they are flawed in some way or another. As for fantasizing, are you sure about that? I think Denzel is hot, but I don’t fantasize about him. He’s just eye candy and these girls can be the same for him. Then look at your boyfriend, I’m pretty sure he is not perfect! Maybe one of his eyes is higher than the other, he has smelly feet or has a skin tag that looks like a tail. You love him right? Give him the opportunity to love you too.
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