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anonymous
writes: My question is whether to tell my mum I'm seeing an older guy. I'm 17 and I've been seeing a 33 year old for 11 months. My mum thinks he 20 as I haven't had the courage to tell her the truth... I'm scared what her reaction will be and I really don't know if I should tell her or not.. I want to be honest because I love this guy. Please help, Reply to this Question
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (13 June 2005):
 My sister is 18 and she is going out with a 38 yr old and my parents were a bit edgy at first but when she met she fine!! I am 15 when i was 13 i kissed a 13 yr old. I felt a lot of regret becz he told his friends i slept with him!! I could have killed him, now i never say hi or look at him!! I think you're relationship is going to last if it has been goin on for 11months. Tell your parents they will come around chick!! :)
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (8 June 2005):
How old does the boyfriend think you are?...A 33 year old dating a 17 year old?....RETHINK!!!!!.Mom should be wondering about that situation!
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reader, malekis_mom16 +, writes (6 June 2005):
You have to be true to yourself. I know how scary it can be if you don't feel like you can tell your parents the whole truth, but love can only be what it is and you can't change how you feel. Before you talk to your mum, I think you should have a long talk with your boyfriend. Perhaps knowing how he feels will make it easier to be honest. Or maybe his life experience will help you both decide when a more appropriate time would be. Anyway, if your mum reacts badly just remember that she is only concerned about you and wants you to be safe and happy. And that it may take some time for her to get past the fact of not just the age difference, but the fact that you didn't feel comfortable telling her the truth in the first place. By the way something you might want to think about is why you didn't tell her the truth off the bat? It might help you understand the whole situation better and take the best course of action. good luck
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (6 June 2005):
 You can definitely tell her the age of your man. She will be upset that I can guarantee. I'm a mother myself. But your mother can be a point of your best advice. She loves you, cares for you, and wants the best of every situation for you. And yes, she has every right of be upset, 16 year age difference? Wow! What could the two of you have in common except sex! Your mother knows this...that's why she'll be so disapproving. She wants someone for you who will love you for WHO you are and not how much hot sex you can dish out. Think about it. Because I guarantee your man hasn't. Tell your mum, it's for the best.
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reader, Shane +, writes (6 June 2005):
Hey there,Well it sounds like you're in a bit of a sticky situation! I actually haven't had any experience with this sort of problem before, and I think that others here might be better at answering it than me, prehaps Bev, but anyway I'll give you my tentative advice too.S you're nervous about telling your mom? That's only normal. I've yet to introduce my girlfriend to my parents and I'm fairly nervous about it myself. And your anxiety is worse because of the age difference, obviously. You have my sympathy!Well, firstly, legally you're perfectly ok to be in a relationship with someone. At least that's the case in my country... In the eyes of the law you're nearly an adult and your personal life is your own.There's obviously a huge stigma attached to going out with someone so much older than you. He is nearly double your age!!! The problem your mom might have is that he is a very mature man, who might be only interested in you for sex. Parents can generally assume that teenagers of 17 going out together might not be having sex. But if your boyfriend is 33, a grown man, it's nearly impossible that sex is not a factor in your relationship. Mommy's don't like to think about this.Firstly, I'd take a long, hard look at your situation. Try to be as objective as possible. Where do you see yourselves going as a couple? The age difference makes for a lot of problems, and if you decided to marry him (it's not such a rare situation I'm led to believe) you would most likely lose out on some of the best years of your life. You wouldn't be able to go to parties, enjoy being single, etc.I know this is a hard question, but you have to ask yourself is there any possibility that he could be using you? Most older men (25-up) see young girls as the most desirable. At seventeen, you probably haven't developed your tastes and personality fully yet, you will be (slightly!) less mature than you will be at say, 22. I'm guessing that you're still in school, and if you do have a job it's only part time. So the question is, what exactly is he with you for? You might be head over heels in love with him, but you must be sure that he is the same for you. Yes, theoretically such a relationship could work, but being the cynic I am, the odds are against it. You also have to ask yourself why you are so nervous about telling your mom. I'm guessing it's because you know it won't go down well and that you're not too sure about the correcness of what you're doing.To conclude, you're probably feeling nervous because you know your situation is not quite 'normal'. But please remember that your mom only has your best interests at heart. Consider your relationship and where you want to go with it, and if you still want to pursue it, just talk to her. She won't lead you far astray.Hope this helps in some small way, sorry for the rambling nature of it. Whatever happens, best of luck. xxx
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