A
male
age
41-50,
*MDA
writes:I met her in the internet since 10 months ago , we live so far away from each others , we clicked so fast , and we felt we should meet up , prior to that we felt love but we wanted to see if that's real or not , we met after 3 months of chatting in the internet , we stayed together for 3 weeks and we felt so great , we found many commons between us and everything was more than perfect , after that everyone got back to his own life , we used to chat daily , smsing , and phone calls ,after awhile i noticed some changes which really confuses me .one day she make me feel how madly she loves me but on the other day she becomes so flat.I talked to her about that , she replied maybe she is just busy with work stuff , but honestly i am not convinced with that answer ,Any suggestions?
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male
reader, OMDA +, writes (30 June 2011):
OMDA is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys for your answers , After I read all of them and thinking deeply I realized that all of you touched the point , special thanks to you ( Denise ) , as you really mention about something I never thought of , yea , we are of different cultures and different religions but we already have mutual respect on that . so I believe I should be more patient to her and to take Wheeler's advice as we have individual variations in expressing love , the good new that yesterday after I posted that question , I had long conversation with her and she admitted she was bit cold with me and she promised she gonna do her best and assured me that she loves me as much as I do ,
Thank you guys again
Good Luck for everyone
A
male
reader, OMDA +, writes (30 June 2011):
OMDA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your answers , After I read all of them and thinking deeply I realized that all of you touched the point , special thanks to you ( Denise ) , as you really mention about something I never thought of , yea , we are of different cultures and different religions but we already have mutual respect on that . so I believe I should be more patient to her and to take Wheeler's advice as we have individual variations in expressing love , the good new that yesterday after I posted that question , I had long conversation with her and she admitted she was bit cold with me and she promised she gonna do her best and assured me that she loves me as much as I do ,
Thank you guys again
Good Luck for everyone
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Ok, I think it also pays to consider how you met this girl which is through chatting. If you are new to this kind of dating, please be aware that relationships that start with chats may seem promising at first but most of the thrills end up and start declining after the much anticipated meeting. I am not saying all but I was into this before and have known people who have experienced this. Believe me, this is getting to be a normal trend in online dating so it could be that you are experiencing it now. But in all honesty, online dating as most people judge it is really a risky way to find a mate and does not offer a very good chance of success.A lot of reasons are there, it could be that when she finally met you, she did enjoy your time being together but then she may have realized later on that some things about you don't suit her. Be it attitude, culture, physical appearance or distance! Or if she is the type to get thrilled with meeting up online people, the ultimate meeting has already happen and she's now back to her old life and is already starting to get bored. I mean, we have a lot of reasons to put here for consideration.If I were you, don't put too much effort in this. What does your gut feeling tell you? If you think this is going down the drains, quit it. Or if not, ask her how she feels about your relationship, be gentle and let her know you respect whatever she says. Tell her you just want to know where you stand and that if there is nothing more, then atleast you can pick yourself up and move on.And lastly, do not drag yourself up in a relationship that you yourself feel is not going anywhere. Fix the problem now or leave. Don't waste you time, effort and emotions.Best of luck to you... :)
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 You have had some really good responses. However, I do think the real clue may very well be in what Emily wrote concerning the cultural differences between you.
Is your gf from another Middle Eastern country? Are you both members of the same religion? Or both secular?? Even if she is, say, from Bosnia and a Muslim, there still might be differences in lifestyle which she and you would have to consider if things become more serious.
Just another idea to throw into your "mix."
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Because of the physical distance it is difficult to know what could be causing this inconsistent behavior on her part. It does not necessarily mean she is doing anything wrong, or not being honest with you.
You mentioned that "we felt love" before meeting up? What was the result after you had spent time together? Did you make any decisions about the status of your relationship?
She may very well be struggling with the long distance part of the relationship.
Maintaining a long-distance relationship requires a lot of effort and energy. When you get home from a long day at work, or you have a big argument with your parents (just some of the many possible scenarios), you may feel like just plopping down on the couch with your significant other and relaxing.
She may not always have the energy to show you attention or express her feelings to you. This will require your patience and understanding.
Some people have a greater need for affirmation, to be told they are loved. I have that need myself.
Something I have learned is that everyone has particular ways that they show love, and need to have love shown. These are the languages of love. Figuring out how your partner expresses love and receives love is crucial to a healthy relationship. You may show love primarily through words, or maybe in physical ways such as hugs and kisses. Some people show love through giving gifts or doing things for the one they love.
If you have a greater need to be told you are loved then maybe you need to let her know. She may not realize you are feeling neglected, if that is the right word. Just remember that patience is one of the necessary ingredients of a long-distance relationship.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Hi,
You did the right thing, asking her what was wrong? But, I don't feel like she was completely honest with you.
I understand that so far everything was great. You have a mental, physical connection. Many things in commom and the conversation is effortless. Sounds like a perfect match. Very compatible and yes I can see a future together.
What comes to mind is that the distance might be the issue. Its hard to have a long distance relationship. It takes a lot of patience, devotion and commitment.
The only thing that can explain why she's so loving and cold is because she's not sure if she's able to continue the LDR.
Understand that this has nothing to do with you. Its not about you. But, in a relationship, specially in the beginning, couples have the need to have the companion by their side. Its very important to have phsysical presence, that's the whole purpose why people date. People need and want attention, support.
Even though she likes you or even love you, she might be feeling lonely? Its hard. Sometimes, emails, phone calls, text msgs are not enough.
I believe that both of you love and care for each other. But, she might be having some doubts because of the distance and lack of time spending.
If she's not being completely honest with you, don't be angry at her. I don't think she has any bad intensions. Its just complicated and sometimes its hard to talk about it.
I might be wrong... But, this is what I think? Try to talk to her again.. Be honest with her. Tell her how you feel, why you feel this way and what are the things that are making you feel this way. Tell her that you want this relationship to work and that you're willing to do whatever it takes. But, in order to make it better, you need to know what are the changes that needs to be done. You need to know what's wrong and what you're doing wrong.
Hope this helps :-)
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Don't go cold on her by any means, but maybe try backing off a bit and see how she reacts. She may in fact be questioning the relationship. Which any sane person should do, before they get into very serious long term deals.
I always say communication is key. Don't pester her, but on days she is flat, ask her about her day. She may have something else going on in her life that is bothering her.
Finally, lets face it, this is one of those fickle things about women, we men have yet to solve.
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