A
female
age
30-35,
*iddenHeart
writes:Boyfriend and I just broke up about 2 months ago due to some just plain unfortunate stuff. Were living together over a year, dating quite a long time. Had to move out and to my mum's far away. Ended up leaving on good terms, and with mutual wants to get back together once things settled down.His friend had apparently been trying to hook him up with this one girl (whom is his girlfriend's cousin) even while we were together. This friend of his always hated me, cause y'know, I think for myself and wasn't subservient. He took advantage of the break-up and sort of pushed my ex into this relationship while he was vulnerable, right after I left a bit over a month ago. It caused a lot of problems, and a lot of arguments.A week ago, we got into this big argument, but we got everything out of our systems and broke down a lot of barriers. He expressed that he wanted to get back together. We've been making plans to see each other, and as ashamed as I am about it, he is sort of cheating on this girl with me and I am allowing it to happen. He is just sort of stuck in the relationship for now because dumping her without any good explainable reason would risk him losing almost all of his friends. (Unfortunately, saying "Hey I'm cheating on you with my ex because I love her and want to be with her, not you," isn't going to fly well with his buddies.) He's also far too nice and just isn't the type to dump anyone, usually waits to be dumped instead. It seems like he wants to wait a while until he can try to cause problems purposely, as if it were like a regular relationship running it's course. I just don't know how long I can keep up how things are while he is seeing another girl. I'll add in that she is a purity ring girl, so there is no intimacy between them, which is probably why I can handle what's going on at all. It's not a serious relationship at all, not for him at least.I want to be considerate of the pace at which he deals with things, but I feel so impatient right now. I just want him to end it already so that these games don't have to go on. It's not really fair to this girl or myself for this to go on.Just wondering what may be the best thing to do? Should I give him some more time to handle things before I really start bugging him about it maybe?
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broke up, cousin, get back together, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LaughAlot2010 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 No! The girl isnt doing anything wrong, so let him grow the balls to tell her.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2011):
 Heck no, just walk away.
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female
reader, HiddenHeart +, writes (1 July 2011):
HiddenHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your advice. I'll definitely have to rethink things, I have been quite foolish. I will give him an ultimatum, at best.
Would it be the right thing to do to tell his new girlfriend if he does not intend on leaving her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): Firstly you cannot blame his friends for your ex now being with the new girl. Your ex is a grown up with a mind of his own. No one forces anyone to be in a relationship, he went into one willing and continues to be in it of his own free will.
Second, again he is a grown up! What man would stay in a relationship because otherwise his friends wouldn't be his friends? That such a BS story.
At the end of the day you are being played for a sucker. Only a new born baby or a fool would fall for his stories. Catch a wake up sweetie, you are being used here to fulfill what I assume are his sexual desires seeing as his real gf isn't putting out.
If someone wants to be with you there are no questions or complications around it. They will do everything to be with you and you will know that they are yours and you are theirs. Right now you're just a dirty secret
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female
reader, Aunty Abzy  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I agree that he wants his cake and too eat it too :|
He's in a posisiton most 'unfaithful' men would love too me in, he's in a relationship with someone and meeting up with you and in a way your letting it happen. i think if you do meet up with him it will be a silly mistake too make. Your better than that !! You dont need too be with someone who's willing too cheat becuase if he can cheat on someone for you he can cheat on you for someone !
Please listen too everyone's advice because all thats going too happen is you'll get hurt. I wish you all the best and hope you make the correct decision and find someone who'll treat you right x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 June 2011):
Are you having sex with the guy?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Well, I just don't know about your situation.
You and he broke up due to unfortunate circumstances (i.e., moving back to your Mother's) and then his friends "pushed" him into dating this other young lady.
Look, I don't see how they could have done that unless he was at least willing "to a look" at her. If he liked what he saw, he started going out with her. But if not, there's nothing to prevent him from either not dating her in the first place, or letting her know he thinks she's nice, but nothing doing.
I personally think yopu should leave things alone and see what happens. If you "really start bugging him" it could very well cause hurt feelings and resentment.
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female
reader, LaughAlot2010 +, writes (29 June 2011):
Hun, truth is he's not going to pick you. You really think this is the kind of man you want to be with? Who has a new girlfriend then goes and cheats on her?! I dont think so!
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (29 June 2011):
Sorry, but I just don't buy this bit
"He is just sort of stuck in the relationship for now because dumping her without any good explainable reason would risk him losing almost all of his friends."
or this bit
"He's also far too nice and just isn't the type to dump anyone, usually waits to be dumped instead."
He's hardly a nice guy if he is prepared to cheat on his existing girlfriend with an ex. If he had any sort of backbone- or compassion- he would end the relationship and stop betraying her, rather than waiting to get dumped. As for the risk of losing his friends, then as far as I can see he could simply end his relationship with this girl, but not jump straight back into another one with you, if that is what it takes. I personally don't think that the risk of losing his mates, which also seems pretty far-fetched to me, is a good reason to cheat on a girlfriend. It strikes me as being convenient excuse for him to be able to have his cake and eat it, so to speak.
This business making his relationship look like it is heading into trouble and then breaking up is just a silly game, either that or an excuse for him to have 2 women on the go at once if he and you are still getting together.
I honestly think that if he was really that keen to get back together with you he could easily end his relationship. Presumably they can't have been going out for any more than 2 months, probably less, so it's not like it's that serious anyway. Plenty of people change their minds in the early stages of a relationship so if he did end it, I don't see why it would be such a big deal. Remember, he doesn't have to tell his friends he's been cheating with you, he could simply say that actually he wasn't over you and wants to give things another try. Why would they be so outraged about that?
I'm sorry, but I don't think he is a good guy. I think he is biding his time, and both of you girls are getting hurt in the process. I don't believe this stuff about having to go through the motions with this girl before ending the relationship for the reasons above. I personally think you should tell him that you will see him again when he is single. That way he gets an ultimatum which should motivate him, and you are no longer involved in breaking up some else's relationship, nor are you hanging around waiting for him to take the initiative. Good luck!
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