A
male
age
30-35,
*opskotch
writes:Well I'm 18 years old...I have HUGE self esteem issues, but I date some of the prettiest girls..The problem is, keeping them.My self esteem kicks in fast while in a relationship, like I doubt that I'm good ebough for this person, or if I'm pretty enough to be with them and I start doubting myself..I hide it well at first but then i cant hide it anymore...and it starts to show that I'm not confident at all..I mean I date very pretty girls, I have a ton of friends so I know im a pretty chill guy... When a party is going on, it doesnt really start until i get there..but i was wondering if there was any way for me to feel better about myself..I get called cute or hot all the time, but that isnt enough, i dont care about what other poepl think about me...i care about how i think of myself. and wondering how can i think of myself as cute or better than whatr i think i am now..?Cause until im happy with myself, i wont be happy with another person... =/
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male
reader, Hopskotch +, writes (21 September 2007):
Hopskotch is verified as being by the original poster of the question No not so much the gay or bi part...but through out my life my dads always been an alcoholic, my step mom is mentally crazy...like choking your biological mother in front of you and always telling you you'll fail...only because she never got to succeed at anything...and being called ugly all the time for most of your life doesn't help neither.until about my junior year i was the kid that played yugi oh or poke mon and in 7th grade i was in to dragon ball z cards lol.... but then i realized that i was never gonna get a date being like this and decided to change...and when i look at myself now and look at myself now, i can see s HUGE difference personality and physically...i don't know like when i walk by a mirror i can't help but look at myself...but i think a lot of my problems derive from my child hood.... drunken dad, psycho step mom...biological mom never being there, or leaving you somewhere to get laid by some dude she met over the phone or online, and even the girls made a huge impact on my self consciouses....i think mostly i need to do some searching in my self and my life and fix some stuff... =/
A
male
reader, m23  +, writes (21 September 2007):
Im 24 never dated or even asked a girl out.Im not gay.What should I do?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 September 2007):
 You don't have to be bad looking to have a low self esteem. Getting compliments really doesn't make much difference either. This is dealing with (SELF) It's internal. Compliments and looks don't help, those are external influences.
I want you to look at self esteem as being (whole) self. We can even go a step further and call it (balanced) self. What in your life is out of balance that's causing these feelings? I look at improving our sense of self as being split up into different categories. Any one or a combination if out of balance give us that feeling of being lower than we know we are. You have your "spiritual" self, your "social/emotional" self, your "physical" self, and your "mental" self. Each of those areas need attention. Spiritual doesn't mean only religion, it means how in tune are you with knowing you, your beliefs, your character and your integrity. If you aren't paying as much attention to any of those categories, you can throw yourself out of balance. What I did to help myself create change in my life, and I did learn these techniques from books, not just coming up with something to waste time, is. Write down what your rolls are in life, what is your role in relationships, I have rolls with my children, my parents, my siblings, my church (the relationship with others who attend), my school, friends etc. Write down your relationships then take each category I named above. What is your roll with each category in each relationship. For example, my children. My physical roll is to exercise to remain healthy to keep up with their activities, my mental health is to learn about them and how I can teach them better to full-fill their lives, my spiritual health would be raising them in an honest home filled with love so they will grow up happy and develop a strong sense of themselves, social/emotional is taking the time to meet their friends, get to know who they are involved with, take part in school activities so I can meet and associate with people they do.
It's amazing being able to talk to your kids because you know their friends.
Each one of those areas need attention, what I do when I am done listing my roles and which areas need improvement, I list my weekly priorities, and appointments, then I take time to fill out different times during the week to focus on improving my roles. Lets say you have friends you haven't contacted in a while. Set up 30 minutes during the week to call them, write a letter, or send and e-mail, just to keep that contact.
Let's say you're lacking in your contact with relatives, schedule an evening just to enhance the relationship with them.
When your in balance you're self esteem will raise. I would also include your goals as your rolls too. If you want to go to school, but haven't found time to check it out, schedule the time to do it.
I hope this works out for you. You can research this further just by searching rolls and goals. It's nice we have all the information we need right on the computer. Take care.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (20 September 2007):
 what is it you feel is wrong with you?
do you feel that there are many guys better than you?
the reason you don't hold a relationship is because girls find guys who are confidence sexy, if your personality changes when you are with them, they are going to notice the differnce. you shouldn't be something you aint for popularity. although i do feel if you are having troubles with yourself you need to figure out why. something must have planted the seed of doubt in your mind?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I completely see where you are coming from, I have those issues as well. I have a form of OCD so that doesn't help. I always have these back thoughts and what not, of am I good enough for her? is she thinking of dating other guys? How can a girl that attractive date someone like me? All those thoughts and more are running through your head. I think it has something to do being related in the past, that you know how you are and the things you've done and you might expect your gfs to know that as well, but trust me they dont. They only know the physical part of you. This is more of a mental illness it comes and goes. What you can do to improve your self esteem is,if your smoking marijuana it doesn't hurt you can still do that. And if you drink a lot try to lay off on the drinks they can get you depressed the next day and have it linger on. So I recommend taking B vitamins preferably the B 150 Complex which you can buy at walmart or any store down the vitamin isle . Well try that out and good luck! You will soon over come this
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A
female
reader, brokenshadow +, writes (20 September 2007):
 You said it! It is all about how you think about yourself first. Well, it sounds like your problem derives from something deeper. How did your parents treat you when growing up? Did they praise you and show you lots of love, or were you teased, maybe even pushed away alot.
Or, and I don't mean to offend you or anything, but are you suffering from feelings that you may be bi or gay.
One last theory could be the kind of people you hang with. Some "popular crowd" people can be real shallow and fake. You may be having trouble connecting with them since they are so empty.
If you said no to all of those, you may have to go get some counciling for your depression. It could get pretty bad if you don't do something soon. You can private message me if you need to talk. Good Luck:)
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