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*hris-B
writes: Dear Anyone.I'm 42, living in England, with Cerebral Palsy. This comes out mainly in my face - I look like a freshly shaved gorilla! And that, in a nutshell, is the question.How do I get people past the face and disability to the person inside? I am not unintelligent, I have 14 quite high-powered qualifications. Yet when, in my best outfit, I go for jobs, I get treated disparagingly every time. Example: I went for a job maintaining arcade machines. I went to the arcade, asked to see the boss, for the interview. One of the other workers came up to me, wiped his hands all over me, said 'You make a darned good oilrag!' Much merriment all around. I stood my ground and asked to see the boss and he said: 'I'm the boss as far as you're concerned. Go away, you're barred!' (If I used the 2 words he really said, this wouldn't get published.) My last job was working with old people, I lost it because they said that although I was one of the best workers they'd had, my face gave them nightmares! Relationships? Forget it. I meet a lady, her friends jeer at her for going out with me, I get dumped or she says she wants to stay friends only, because she doesnt want to lose all her other friends. I've been raped by men. Pelted with stones, frequently, by kids. I get pushed downstairs because my balance isn't too good and it's fun, for the attackers, to watch me stumble and fall. I get banned from places because 'my face offends the other customers'. And this isn't just sometimes, it's ongoing. There's days, weeks, when I'm simply too scared to go into my own town center, incase I meet one of the bullies. And this has been happening the full 42 years of my life. You never get any friendships. You never get to mix with groups - I don't count day-center groups, they're co-ordinated by staff and they HAVE to accept me whether they want to or not! Please, I want to know how to show people I'm an OK guy before they recoil with shock. I want to be able to talk to a lady without her friend, another lady, coming up to me and saying: "Don't talk to my friend, cant you see your face makes her feel sick?" I want Not to get sad, sympathetic looks from passers by. I'm an ordinary, fairly intelligent human being. All I want to know is how to get treated like one! Any ideas, anyone, pleaseChris-B Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):
 Blee you I know what It feels like to be bullied and picked on at the moment that is what iam going thorugh my self.
I feel so sorry to hear this my advice to you is just ignore these horrible people as they are not worth wasting your time and energy. These people who are horrible to youm are stupid and ignorant one thing you can do is laugh in their faces and then stand up to them and say to them what is your problem? then say to them "if you have a problem and you are prepared to be horrible to me say it i want to know why you are behaving like this as I do not deserve this. That will definetely shut them up and they will think about it and might change the way they think about you.
Try it and see.
any way take care and rememebr you are not on your own
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female
reader, lostgirl04  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 Hello there. I'm sorry to hear about this. People can be so immature and ridiculous at times that it's unbelieveable. There is no reason for you to be treated badly. We are all human and we are all the same on the inside. Have you ever considered moving to another town? Can you move somewhere else? It seems the people around your area are not even worth befriending. I live in the U.S and people can be very rude here too but I've never heard of someone being banned from places because they 'offend customers with their looks,' in my city. I can't seem to believe all that I read here, it's incredible that this goes on and I'm so sorry you have to deal with ignorant people like that. Honestly, I believe that those people will end up paying for all the harm they've done to you. God is always with you. You can't change people's mentality or ideas. So don't frequent the places where you have been treated badly. I suggest you try to switch up the scene. Go to places farther from where you live if you can, move to an area where people are more friendly and accepting. I hope I've helped out a little bit. Take care of yourself. You sound like a nice man, if people don't want to see that or don't want to realize it then they don't deserve your friendship anyway. =)
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female
reader, Seratuki +, writes (6 May 2006):
 Hello Chris,
I just wanted to say, I have Cerebral Palsy also, which effects the way I walk (my feet turn inward) and my eyes. (I can see fine, but they have a mind of there own muscle wise and each go in there own direction) and I too have found that people make assumptions based solely on my outward appearence.
All I can say really is to find yourself a group of people who have disabilities also. I find that older or elderly people are much more open minded and understanding than those of my own generation. (I'm 26) Purhaps there are also groups around your area for people with disabilities? Being in social situations with more understanding people may help you boost your self esteem and confidence, which in turn will make it easier for you to approuch women and so called "Normal" people.
As far as I know, it is against the law to be banned from places of buisness because of your appearance, there may be some legal action you could take in regards to this, as it is discrimination.
I suggest taking a self defense course, which will also help boast your confidence and make you feel more secure in your own enviroment.
I know exactly how you feel about getting looks from passers by, but the way I look at it, if they want to waste their pity on me, let em, I don't want it or need it. I have found that if you have the confedence to stare right back at them and appear un-effected, they'll get embarressed and look away.
You really need to walk into situations with your head held high, nasty people are like dogs, they smell fear, and if you go in afraid, it's like having a huge kick-me sign on your back. But if you stand your ground and look confident, even if you don't feel that way, they'll be less apt to target you, and eventually you will feel confident!
I really do wish you the best, and hope to hear a reply from you soon. If you ever need a shoulder, please feel free to send me a message.
:)
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female
reader, watrbot +, writes (6 May 2006):
that's terrible the way people treat you. i would never even think about treating someone that way. what about church. God is there for us 24/7. i don't know what i would do without him. the only person you can be is you and if people can't see that then they suck. don't change for anything. good luck and God bless.
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 Dear Chris, I wept as I read whay awful things you have had to put up with. My friend, people are so ignorant nowadays. I am afraid I cannot answer your question because man being the fallable, inherently evil beings that we are, we have prejudices in all of us. I have been bullied heavily through out my life, because of various factors though I do have a "normal" face, the taunts have stripped my self esteem to less than nothing and as a result, I dont see any beauty in my face at all, but I am very critical of my looks and I desire to change my features though as a Christian, I dont belive in plastic surgery because it is altering that which God has already created. My friend, all I would say is, God has made you for a reason and if people dont like it, that is their loss and their problem. Have you tried going to support groups to get help and advice and to be with those who know how you feel. My friend, you have been through an awful lot with the rape and the bullies, my heart goes out to you, I only pray that one day the evil that these people have caused you will be turned round for good. I realise that all the grief I experienced as a child has helped me to help others. I only hope and trust that you will find a special person who will see past thre outwardness and like God will look at the inner you. xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): If I were you I would volunteer- do some writing, get your story out- find others who encounter the same thing day to day as yourself. Bond with those you may be able relate to on some level- even if it is the slightest, and at the same time get yourself out there in the world-let others see that their "privledge" is only allowing you to feel misunderstood and treated unfairly. I am glad you are standing up for things- but you should have stood up for yourself along time ago. I can't see what it Is like to feel opressed as you feel, but I know that I can respect everyone- and make this known to yourself as well. Make a voice of yourself- write to local newspapers and magazines- make yourself known ( and rise higher than the bullies) you may even become a spokes person for a cause for charity or gain some personal press. Do what you can to help others, and that not only will you gain recognition and respect, you will also take your mind off of the insults others give to you and the instances that you may dwell on. Always remember that it is not your problem if people ridicule you- it is something going on with the people themselves- they have not adknowledged their own weaknesses, by ridiculing you they are trying to feel better about themselves- so really it has nothing to do with you- you are obviously the stronger one as I see it. Use this to your advantage, and know you are stronger, and surround your self with people who do care- regardless of what they look like- this is the lesson. Some of my best friends are people I judged, but thats a lesson I learned. If any thing, prove someone wrong by worring about them instead of yourself. Show you can care about others too and then you will be cared for back- regardless of your image. You can use that to advantage to show that you have a beautiful mind and heart. Know that there will be someone out there who can care.
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reader, Sis6372 +, writes (5 May 2006):
The people that treat you like that should be ashamed. They are the ones with a problem not you. I can't really answer your question as to how to get people to change or meet new ones. What I can tell you is you don't need people in your life like that. Life is too short. It shows how unintelligent and immature the people that treat you like that are. I commend you for going through life having people treat you that way and you still keep going. Good for you. I think if people saw your heart first instead of your face they would have different views. I'm sorry I can't answer your question, but I do hope someone can and wish you the best of luck.
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