A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have known each other for almost two years and within that time, we've broken up and reconciled for about twenty times. maybe i'm over exegerating but the point is i know he doesn't trust me and he keeps referring me about an affair i had with someone when we hadn't broken up which i apologised sincerly and really regreted it. we fight most of the time and he ends up telling me he wants a break up. after about fifteen minutes, he comes back to tell me he can't live without me and i accept him again since i love me. this has been going on for sometime now and i'm getting confused. what do i do?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 He's probably suffering terribly from doubt and insecurity. The fact that you had an 'affair' will have set off many fears in him: 'Does she really love me? will she leave me again? will she sleep with other men behind my back?' and so on. This will be really hard for him to deal with. Many people cannot recover a relationship from the breakdown in trust you get when something like this happens.
If you really love him you need to focus on building his trust back up. That means really understanding and empathising with him about his fears, and continually reassuring him. You need to continually remind him that it is HIM you want to be with, that you don't want to be with anyone else, and that staying faithful is something you are 100% set on from now on. Whatever compliments you can think of that are accurate are also important, keep reminding him why you want him and what about him you find attractive. What is it you love about him? Tell him about it. Very often.
If you keep this up then it may gradually ease his fears (and resentment?) and you may find that things stabilize and become better.
A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):
 make your minds up sounds like a roller coaster to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): this relationship is a waste of time! leave him and go on with your life or your going to pay for it. he is always going to resent you for cheating on him no matter what. i know from experiance. im married now and have been for 8 years and my husband still cant get over the fact that i did that to him back in the day when we first started dating. i didnt think that is was a big deal considering the fact that we had just barely started dating. he brings it up everytime we visit our hometown and has this huge cow over it. plus he has caused me so much pain in the first 3 years or so of our marriage. truth is, i dont think he's ever going to get over it, so now i have to deal with mistake i made because we have kids and of course its a whole lot harder to leave that way. trust me! save yourself from all these problems. good luck and i hope this has helped.
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A
male
reader, Ryder  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 I hate deeply hate this situation as the right thing to do is what you don't want to do.
A very dear and close friend of mine she is also a girl is in the exact position i have given her advice plenty of times and she doesn't listen to me and i know she eventually will when she gets deeply hurt but thats not what i want.
Your boyfriend im sure loves you but he has doubts he might be worried you cheat on him again, it can also be that he is imatuer which is very comon in guys.
He hears you did this or that his friends whisper in his ears how can she do that he goes into the protective mode and has a fight with you.. Its normal but its not easy to deal with.
No offence but trying to fix such a relationship is very complicated and difficult in my opinion i suggest you break up stay friends if possible and tell him that its for the best because it is.. You guys have been fighting several times for 2 years you dont need binoculars to see that the relationship will end and if it doesn't then it will be a living hell for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (5 May 2006):
 Your on/off boyfriend obviously can't forgive and forget your affair (which it isnt really as you were broken up), which in the end is ruining any possiblity of you two moving on with your relationship. i don't doubt that he loves you but if he can't get over your "affair" your relationship will go no further then it is now.
i think you two need to take a break....see if the relationship is something you really want to work at. because being together isn't making the situation any better, the time apart should give you a prepetive on your relationship and give you a break from fighting all the time.
i believe it's something you'll should try.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): Er, this relationship is going nowhere. It sounds like you are at school, and if not acting very childishly. Good relationships are not based on breaking up ever 5 minutes. If he couldnt live without you he wouldnt be breakingp with you all the time. The pair of you should grow up and go your seperate ways as this relationship obviously isnt working.
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A
female
reader, bridetobe +, writes (5 May 2006):
 I am in a similar dilemma with my fiance. We are due to get married next year. I think its all down to how insecure he feel about himself.
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A
female
reader, Sis6372 +, writes (5 May 2006):
He doesn't trust you and he never will, you lost that and can't get it back. I think you should sit back and think of how long you can deal with this because you hurt him and he's not going to change. He probably doesn't trust himself either. He can't get over it but he can't bare to lose you either. I suggest talking to him and telling him you either need to change or I can't be with you. Good Luck in what you do!
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A
female
reader, *dreamer* +, writes (5 May 2006):
 well,
you sound like you are either at eachothers throats or he is just asking for attention.
Most of the time when people want you to just come running back, or even when they know that you will it gives them some sort of satisfaction, like they are the boss, they can say wether this is over or not!! If you appear to be more strong, let him know how you feel, make sure he knows that maybe next time he says its over there is no coming back!! Then this may stop, i cant promise anything but i hope you the best of luck!!!
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