A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going away for the Summer, to my boyfriend's grandma place. She's quite the old lady (90 I think) and lives in a very, very small town by the river (the whole town has about 20 houses). She owns a farm, so I'll be getting home cooked meals, with homegrown vegetables, eggs and meat. I won't pay for anything other than the car gas to get there.This is the second time I go spend some time there. The first time it was him who invited me, but this year (besides he asking me, of course) his grandma, who really took a liking to me, asked me to stop by again for a couple weeks.Although I was invited, I feel like I should show my appreciation. I thought about getting her some city food, as she never gets out of her town. My boyfriend told me she doesn't really care about anything like that, and that I shouldn't bother.But I won't feel comfortable being a freeloader for a month and getting nothing to show some respect.Should I just forget it or should I get he something? And if so, any suggestions? This is a very old lady, doesn't know how to read, doesn't eat much, just works on the farm, goes to church and talks to her equally elderly friends. Any advice is welcome!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 Offer to help out. Help pick the veggies, do the dishes, whatever she NEEDS you to do.
I think a box of chocolate sounds kind of lovely to bring. Maybe as your BF's mom/dad what SHE (the grandmother) really likes.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 July 2014):
 I know this sounds silly, but make some time for her! Play cards and chat once a day. Along with the help around the house that's been suggested, some socializing I'm sure will be appreciated. I don't know one 90 year old who doesn't enjoy a round of cards. Good luck, and enjoy the summer!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 OP if there's anything that elderly people like, then it's having someone to talk to them. I think the best thing you can give her is your undivided time and attention.
Apart from that, help with the cooking, offer to do the dishes and cook your best dish for her.
More than anything else, talk to her and spend time with her because that is really the best gift that you can give her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Yes, I think it would be nice to get her some kind of gift - no matter what your boyfriend says. Gifts are even nicer when we're not expecting them!As for which gift..... that's always a hard one to answer unless you know the person that the gift is intended for. Which is why you asked you b/f's opinion (even though he wasn't much help)You can always ask him again, stating that you'll be getting her a gift anyway regardless of whether he feels its required or not but that his input would be nice. Or you can rely on your own knowledge of Grandma and decide for yourself.As for not feeling like a freeloader - make sure you help around the house plenty while you're there. Do tasks with her and keep her company. If she lives on a farm she may even need help with some more strenuous tasks. Even non-working farms require maintenance.Take her out for a couple of small excursions. Something really simple like a pub lunch or a cream tea. Or visiting a local town fete for a few hours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): A gift of appreciation and a card would be nice. A box of chocolates? And while you are there, help with all the household chores. Make some meals, help with the dishes, help with washing, etc. That is all you need to do. You might like to go into town and buy some groceries part way through your stay. Let your bf guide you on what to spend. I am sure she will just love your company.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): If she's the one cooking you could be the one to do the dishes. You could help with work on the farm or stuff around the house. I think she would appreciate help more then something you could buy her.It shows you care plus older people usually like help with work. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fitbabe1987  +, writes (15 July 2014):
Maybe u could take a hamper with chocolates, wine, a few magazines, make dinner or breakfast to give hera break. im rure she would appreciate the guesture.
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 I think you're being too hard on yourself. You're not going there to LIVE there and become dependent on her to take care of you. You are there to visit, and typically the person who invited you will also feed you while you are there.
I think you should go ahead and bring her city food, if you'd like. Regardless of what your boyfriend says, she would likely appreciate it. You wouldn't have to bring much if she doesn't each a lot. A little bit would still be better than nothing. Or if you've scratched that idea, you could instead bring homemade cookies. Even if she doesn't eat many of them, she will still appreciate the thought, and that you took the time to make them for her.
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A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Why not just offer to help around her house/farm or take her some flowers? to plant?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Can't you offer to help clean? Or to collect the eggs every morning? Or to bake/cook a meal once a week (find some simple recipes online, if you're not a confident cook! :P ) ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): Maybe arrive with some nice flowers for her? Or if she's not a bouquet lady maybe a plant for her garden to say thank you? Help out while your there, do the dishes after dinner with your bf or make her drinks etc...I guess her generation sometimes show their love through making meals and generally taking care of you when you stay - so enjoy it and maybe send her a little gift afterwards?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): Doesn't know how to read? Really?
You can always get her some sweets if she doesn't have diabetes.
But your boyfriend I s right, old people ussualy happy with someone talking to them and someone who is present. Your attentionis the biggest gift to her. Plus you are for her is a child. And grow ups don't require children to spend money on them:) enjoy your time with grandma.
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