A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Are there an men who would be satisfied with one female sexualy? Is this too much to ask? I mean not be interested in porn etc...I ask this because I am considering whether to start dating again..Frankly Im very against porn for political and ethical reasons and am not really interested in dating men if they are not able to be satisfied with seeing just one naked woman..Please be honest its ok if not I am quite content with my own company but from what I read all men are at least interested in it and even if I ask them they would probaby lie according to all the posts I read nearly every day. I dont wat a porn debate I have studies gender issues and know that the female and male brains are basically the same and we are just socialised to behave differently I just want to know if there are any men who are truely satisfied just seeing their partners naked.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): If they ban porn then they should ban romance novels as well because porn is doing the same thing for men that romance novels does for woman.
Men are wired to find the naked female form attractive. Even the most die-hard porn hater will find naked pictures of woman interesting as it will tingle the part in a man's brain that turns him on. You can't escape the fact that men have a part in their brains that makes some interesting music when looking at a naked woman. That's nature and you can't go against nature as it is pure reality.
Personally I think most woman hate it because they think it will decrease the hold they have on their man like the other poster said. It also goes against the 'good girl' picture they have of themselves or try to project but in reality all people are sluts as nature has made us like this. We all have urges and a need for sexual expression. It's just the way we go about controlling it.
Woman also have urges, lustfull fantasies, etc. The same as men (we all are animals) - Saying you don't have this creates tremendious problems and conflicts inside. Uptight woman like you need to realize that people naturally have sex drives (animilastic in nature) and that it is natural. Each of us have been equiped with a brain and if we understand we have urges then we can control them and not suppress them which will create problems as you cannot control something you don't understand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): i agree with you totally and love your words!
i have a awesome bf of many years who hates porn and we are very happy together.. very very happy..
the world is full of stupid pathetic shallow worthless guys that watch porn but there are some decent guys out there!
be inspired!
:)
...............................
A
male
reader, a_gx7  +, writes (28 April 2008):
I'm a guy, and here's my opinion on porn--
It's not the content i object to, it's the presentation. Erotica should be thoughful and poetic, not a source of cheap external stimulation. Pornography on the other hand is absurdly obscene and manages to make even the exposure of a woman's posterior offensive.
What pornography does to love is like taking a beautiful two-dimensional image and forcing it horribly into one dimension, crudely maintaining a vector but taking away everything there is to see.
One has to be shallow to be impressed by porn, something that usually has no substance.
it is dehumanising; there is no love involved.
It is degrading to the participants and the viewer.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): I'm a guy, and here's my opinion on porn--
It's not the content i object to, it's the presentation. Erotica should be thoughful and poetic, not a source of cheap external stimulation. Pornography on the other hand is absurdly obscene and manages to make even the exposure of a woman's posterior offensive.
What pornography does to love is like taking a beautiful two-dimensional image and forcing it horribly into one dimension, crudely maintaining a vector but taking away everything there is to see.
One has to be shallow to be impressed by porn, something that usually has no substance.
it is dehumanising; there is no love involved.
It is degrading to the participants and the viewer.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): hello everyone (:i dont like porn, like everyone else here has summed up, because it is so degrading to women in general. Those 'women'in videos,if you can call them that with all that silicon in them, give men this connotation that all women are as cheap and easy as the video girls.i've never watched porn, but i went on a forum and people had posted some rather sickening pornographic things on there. it really makes you wonder what goes through those people's head while they have those odd and unatural forms of sex.on the partner bit, i dont think you can make people change, if they like it, they'll watch it one way or another. i don't know if my bf watches it, i REALLY hope not, nut if he does i'm fine as long as i dont have to hear,see or act out anything from it. (of course i would hack on his computer and destroy all porn stuffs if i found out there was some...) all you can do as ask before, and check up in a psychology book to see whether they're lying.wow, i've written way too much....n3
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Porn use be something of a hobby of mine. I had been viewing it ever since I was in my early teens. I thought it was awesome. Three months ago somebody sent me a link to 2girl1cup. I watched about 3 seconds of the beginning of that and turned it off disgusted. Later I had somebody explain to me what happened. I became physically ill from this and was absolutely disgusted in myself and the movie. It was so demeaning to women I just couldn't handle it. The next day I was about to watch more porn when I realized that it was all the same. I went through and cleaned off my computer (10 years worth), and I have not viewed anything pornographic since. The whole thing makes me sick. I have too much respect for women and myself to ever view that trash again. I just wish I would have figured this out sooner.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): 1 of the main reasons women hate porn is because it is competition. It decreases their power and hold over a guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): ok here my outlook on it guys are going to look at other females its going to happen.. but porn i dont agree with its not even so much degrading to females if they want to be whores and thats what they are their getting paid to have sex and alot of them are ugly and have alot of plastic on them then one that mans kinda sad.. but if your going to not want them to watch porn then u better be up to haveing sex alot... and thats not a bad thing but u caint expect to only have sex mabey 3 times mabey 4 times a week my fiance doesnt because we have sex alot and thats fine by me and thats one thing if males ever tell u that their just more horny than we are fuck that i know for a fact when im single i masterbate more than any of my guy freinds a daily so their goes ur argument guys
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): The thing with guys(or at least me)is the pull to watch porn and that kind of stuff is a lot stronger for us then it is for women, For instance, (not tooting my own horn here but I'm a vegetarian guy, I love to volunteer and I get a great feeling out of helping people I believe very strongly that there should be no power difference between men and woman....and I'm addicted to lesbian-porn, I know its wrong and I've tried for years to stop (I'm still trying) I've never really been with anyone so.....anyway my answer is that if you meet I guy that has watched porn I would urge you to see his moral strength in stopping and not let it get in the way. though if he still watches it he's probably not a good guy (which I am not at this time either)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Um some people think porn is hard to hide but really all you do is download a different internet browser, watch all the porn you want for that sitting on sites like myfreepaysite.com and wank.net which do not involve downloading then you delete the browser you search for browser name on computer and delete history so even if someone does happen to download that browser it has a clean slate. Thats what i do and im 13. Of course this is nothing to do with the relationship topic, so ya.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): Let me start by saying I am a man and I respect women. Porn not what most women think. Yes some of it is discusting and degrading to those women but there are also things out there people call art that I find discusting and disturbing. Where is the line?
You must also consider that those women agreed to that and were payed for it. Yes it isn't real. It's a fantasy. When guys masterbate without porn they have the same images in their heads. Men use porn as a fantasy. Women use graphic "romance" novels for the same thing. I personally think those romance novels are very graphic and discusting. In my oppinion it filth. Men are just more visual than women.
My girlfreind sometimes uses the pictures in my dirty magazines to "warm up" while I am out. She likes porn too. There really isnt anything wrong with it. Plus it is a multi-billion dollar industry and helps drive the north-american economy.
Even with the porn, I know where home is. I still love her. I don't love or need those other women. Sometimes I'm just feeling it and she's not it makes things easier. So ladies, It's not about you not being perfect. It's normal fanasizing.
P.s. If she asked me to give it up I would no question.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): The idea that "female & male brains are the same but just socialized differntly" is just wrong. I know this is off the subject, but I believe that you've gotta come around on this issue if you're ever gonna even begin to understand porn issues.
I suspect porn has become so frustrating to you because you're blaming IT for men being men to some extent. But nature shapes men, who in turn shape porn. Porn isn't making men into what they are. Most porn is just a ridiculous exaggeration of the kind of sex that men (sometimes) want to have.
But in this society, porn is also overwhelmingly the product of, um, well . . . a lot of coke-addicted dirtbags. Porn is not just what "all men" want from sex, it is what the particular men who are willing to produce & star in porno movies want in sex. Porn is WAY short on decent people, because most decent people don't want to produce or star in commercial porn. (Yeah, they'll watch it sometimes, but that's another story.) And it's also very difficult to convey the sensual & more subtle/detailed aspects of sex compared to the blunt-instrument stuff that most porn is. Porn is a lot of rude crap for the same reason the the entertainment industry in general likes to produce a lot more rude crap than the market really demands. It's just cheaper & higher-profit than anything else.
I find the people having the hardest time embracing a nature/nurture difference in male & female brains are usually women who can't shake the feeling that if they actually are a little different than men, then the differences might make women the inferior gender. But if you can start to lose that default viewpoint and just ALLOW the female & male genders to be worthy of their own traits, it gets so much easier to let the world be what it is.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I guess all of us are pretty happy seen our girl at home, that doesnt mean we stop likeing the legs of another pretty girl, I thinks that is completely normal
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): I feel exactly the same way , porn is fucking raunchy and disgusting, it's fake and men expect women to look like that.
everything is airbrushed, i don't care who says it isn't i'm a makeup artist i would know.
those women aren't even pretty, if you look at their face.
i find it disgusting when men watch porn when they are in a relationship, thats why my boyfriend dosen't look at it anymore ( trust me i know, i live with him and we use the same computer he's not hiding anything from me)
if men can't understand why we hate porn so much then they should understand why we spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, make up and anything else that will make us closer to the expectations of stupid and pathetic society
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Good! There are some respectful guys who dislikes to watch porn, and refuses to watch it out there..
I have a wonderful partner who hates porn, and he's so handsome, cute, a genius, respectful, loving, and he's everything I wanted.
Many women love him because he respects them, and he's not like other 'dirty' guys.
Porn is not love.
KAC
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I want to say, porn IS NOT COOL. However in saying so I am a complete hypocrite. It’s funny, I’m 22 years old, I’ve had a few good relationships on and off since about 15 and every time I’m in one I feel no need to look at the stuff… It’s crap. I’ve also spent a number of happy years travelling when I could think of nothing more degrading and demoralising then ruining a wonderful trip with a fix of porn. But basically for me, porn has on and off been like a drug. It sounds so pathetic I know, but when I’m depressed my teenage habit comes back to haunt me and I feel like shit for days after. The weird thing is, I couldn’t think of anything more repulsive then my gf in some of the positions I’ve seen women in. It’s like I’m in porn depressed mode and I’m divorced from reality. It sucks, but today for once and for all I have vowed not to intentionally look at it ever again. I have never looked into forums and know if I brought it up with friends they would laugh it off. I figure though, a person can have principles, and my principles do not include abusing the dignity of women or men in order to satisfy one’s personal fantasy. I will never wish to see a woman in a position where some authoritarian sexual act is performed on her, or see her bend over like a dog, and I have never ever accepted a blowjob from a woman because her mouth isn’t a vagina. So my conclusion is I’ve been unhappy at times and as a teenager porn went from curiosity to drug. Into my early adult years it’s become my depressed solution, but IT MUST STOP. I sympathise with guys who like me have no connection with what they have seen in porn and reality, but deplore those who look at the stuff and expect that their gf will do the same. I have no concept of women in reality as anything like women in porn. Women in porn may as well be robots. I would never pay for porn, never have paid for porn. I think this is where the Internet is very dangerous, it allows people to explore the darker side of things without anyone know. Things that may start out as simple curiosities end up addictions. But I truly believe there are good people out there who can see the difference between people who simply enjoy porn, and have no moral dilemma with, and people who are unhappy, have low self esteem and have let the dangers of the internet strangle them. Wow, I sound like a total weirdo, I’ve got a life to lead and my porn free months will now turn into a porn free life. ITS CRAP PEOPLE, UNLESS YOU HAVE NO SELF RESPECT AND NO PASSION FOR LIFE, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AT LEAST TRY AND GIVE IT UP! ITS FOR TEENAGE BOYS AND GIRLS WHO ARE naturally curious NO ONE ELSE NEEDS THE STUFF, FOR THE SAKE OF THE WOMEN AND MEN WHO WASTE THEIR LIVES MAKING IT STOP IT!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): I HATE porn, and not becuase I care if my husband looks at another girls, but because every porn I have seen is degarding to women. The man cums in their face or calls them 'bitch' or some other degarding act occurs. It's not necassary. There are men out there who do not watch porn - you can find them. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I think it's okay. I believe there are men out their capable of differentiating between sexual urges and the desire to feed that sexuul urge by viewing porn and realizing that sex was designed to bring together two people who love and respect another.
I believe there are men who know what it is to have self restraint; to be in control of themselves, their thoughts, their actions, and who view porn as destructive to healthy, loving relationships.
I believe that there are men who save this for the women they love as honor to them and to themselves.
It is not wrong to live by a higher code of personal conduct over what the message that the World deems acceptable.
You decide what you find acceptable, you decide what you will not tolerate.
It's a view and belief and it's yours.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): the porn ultimatum
some people watch porn and some people don't. i would sugguest before begining a relationship talk about what you consider "deal breakers", such as porn, in this case.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): what should we do as men my dear?it is stimulating and educative on different sex styles for maximum clitoral stimulation for the same women who cry for great orgasms.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Don't compromise your position or you will be unhappy! If you do not like porn the only way you will be happy is with a man that understands the effect it has on the woman in his life "the apple of his eye" and find merit in abstaining from it.I am an extremely attractive and accomplished woman and the man I am in love with is addicted to porn, it has caused me to loose all respect for him. I walked in on him wanking off at 1 a.m. in front of his computer. That memory is forever burned in my brain and the only reason we are not broken up is his crying how much he loves me, I do not feel the same in return. I have been distancing myself in the hopes that it is kinder and gentler than breaking it off abrubtly and causing him greater pain.Not all men are going to be addicted to porn but a greater and greater majority are finding it hard to say no to with the availability on the internet and there is no telling if the man you are with will have it develop into a problem. Your chances for happiness are better if he does not partake independently of your opinion. My boyfriend's addiction is so severe that he prefers masterbation over having sex with me (once every 2-3 weeks) and yet he cries if I try to leave him, he tells me how much he loves me, that I am the only woman for him, that he has no desire for anyone else and yet when I walk out the door, he is right back to it. We do not share the same opinion on porn and it is the deal breaker for me......he can have his porn, don't go down this road, it will break your heart and his.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): i HATE PORNOS im not intrested in them and i agree with you o and im a guy and i dont like porn
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): I think that the excuse "maybe you do not have enough self confidence" is BS. If your guy needs to watch some other woman and think of her, that to me is not love. I do not think of some other guys penis in me... Is that so wrong? I dont think men and women are that different and it comes down to respect and excuses. I respect myself ALOT and I must say I am pretty good looking (even dated a hot celeb) but I would never take a man that needs to do that seriously. Have fun with him and then RUN! Why not, if you are in a relationship, make a movie together! There is nothing wrong with getting turned on by eachother.! I just cannot agree with some men these days, if you "Love" someone, you respect them and think the world of them. Not this "deal with it B****" attitude. Society makes excuses for men who are actually boys, it is hard for them to grow up, this why you see so many older men single and unhappy getting drunk at the bar and telling storys about the girl they should have married 20/30 years ago or paying some young girl who does not give a damn about him to be with him. Sad. But also keep in mind there are different kinds of people in the world and we need all types to make the world go around-this is why you should look for someone who understands your p.o.v. and will work with you on this or any subject. There are a lot of people who have no souls so how could they possibly understand the emptyness that seeks a soulmate?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Most men will look at porn but most men are not prepared to lose a worthy woman over it. The question I think you might need to ask yourself is, why don't my boyfriends respect me sufficiently to NOT look at porn when in a relationship with me? It is, perhaps, more about a lack of respect for you than a fidelity issue for them. No-one has a right to expect a prospective partner to give up anything and this includes porn or any other kind of sexual expression. Relationships are behavioural contracts that are shaped through negotiation and compromise, not dictatorship. Sexual expression is part of that and if porn bothers you then you should negotiate it out of the relationship contract, perhaps exchanging it for the feminist assertion that every woman has the right to wear a slutty outfit and not be a target of sexual attention. They both amount to the same thing.However, if you're looking for a healthy heterosexual relationship armed with a textbook post-feminist agenda then you should perhaps settle for a dog and save yourself the heartache.
...............................
A
male
reader, Stupid Lullabies  +, writes (25 June 2007):
The trouble for a lot of guys is that porn is addictive. I know because I used to watch it excessively. Quite quickly (I'm 21 now) I just found the situations so ridiculous and fake and uninspiring I just couldn't be bothered with it any more. Occasionally I have watched some, but ever since it doesn't really do anything for me. I think it's because sex for me isn't an act in itself, it always has to be a part of love, and even in the "best" porn, this can never be faked. I suppose I have become quite a feminist recently as well, so I do have objections to pornography, but that is inconsequential as you said you didn't want a debate. If I did watch porn, I would certainly not during a relationship, or at least try and cut back as much as possible. As I see it, watching porn is basically saying to your girlfriend "you are not sufficient for me sexually, I still need to look at other women, I need to have fantasies that are fulfilled by other people," which clearly is not the basis for a healthy relationship! Well this is just my take on it, judging from the responses on here most men disagree with me..
...............................
A
female
reader, blondie04  +, writes (24 June 2007):
My boyfriend looks at porn alot at least I think he does although he says he doesn't look at porn everyday. He has went as far as paying for swingers site and going into chat rooms and talking to other women and wanting to meet them and have sex with them and he thinks it is ok he says it just sex. Yes I think he did meet with someone and have sex with them although I don't have any proof that he did. So why am I still with him???? Yes i agree with you. I think if he loves so much then why does he feel he has to look at porn or other naked women he can look at me he knows it upset me. I wish for it to be taken off of the internet so no one can see it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 I think your gender studies have ruined you. You are taking intellectual constructs and trying to force them to work in the real world...in the end, it is you who will suffer.
My suggestion is to learn to create your own porn. I am serious about this. Create the type of porn that you Would want to watch. THAT might make things more interesting for both you and your future partner.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
A
female
reader, MichelleG +, writes (24 June 2007):
Unfortunately you can't prevent this from happening and the more you try to deter them the more appealing it becomes. I know in situations such as this you're left feeling hurt and under-appreciated but unless you find that rare partner that shares in your opinion -you're most likely to win a jackpot- look forward to living a lonely life. I'm sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Its certainly NOT an expectation for all men to look at porn..at least not amoungst those of us who expect a man to respect his partner...stick to your guns, if a man is into porn you just know he's not the man for you..I know heaps of great guys who are educaed on this issue and would never dream of stooping so low..and no, they are not gay.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (24 June 2007):
 If you don't want to date a guy that watches porn, then you would have to date a guy that's asexual, which is very hard to come by. They won't feel anything sexual at all. That's the closest that I see you getting. It's an expectation for guys to look at porn. I think that the truth of the matter is that you're insecure, and can't bear the thought of him being attracted to more than one person. You might as well ask him to cut out his eyes. He's also going to learn how to satisfy you better by watching porn. It's not a bad thing in moderation. Try watching porn with a partner.
DV1
...............................
A
female
reader, burningbridges +, writes (23 June 2007):
You might find a man who doesn't look at porn, but it's unlikely to find a man who only fixates his sexuality on you. Humans are not monogamous; the most we can muster is serial monagamy, and his fantasies will probably be just as bad as the porn most people look at, if not more unrealistic.On the plus side, you can almost certainly find a man who'll keep his fantasies to himself and be devoted to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 Yes, there are men who would be satisfied with one woman only. Many of us would.However, most of us do watch porn until a significant one comes along. I think I would not lose a lot of money (quite the opposite) if I bet a teenager he's looking at porn. In this time of the internet, I guess that some of us will never stop watching porn. I do think you will be lucky, however. At some point, every mature man will find that a REAL relationship is what he is after. And, this eventually means one woman only.Leaving other considerations aside, sometimes women are offended by porn because they feel that their men do not truly appreciate what they have. Maybe this feeling is behind your question.Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, i need help fast +, writes (23 June 2007):
i know LOTS of men who dont like porn. i think ur being a bit to hard on men. not all men r like that. u just have to trust them. if u get a boyf and start to get worried ask him straight. if he cant look u in the eyes and say no than he does. if he can than hes tellng the truth or hes a very good actor
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (23 June 2007):
 I am not sure what the answer is that you are looking for! You sound like an intelligent person. If you are starting to date again you will no doubt have to go on several dates before you find a man you can trust and have the 'porn' conversation with. My Ex husband did not entertain porn. My current partner and I enjoy watching soft porn together (now and again) as part of our healthy sexual relationship. If he had suggested this within the first few years of our relationship then I would have been disgusted, however it is something that we have explored together, and I find it very erotic. Your views are very strong about this subject, you will need to communicate this - at the right time - with any new partner. I was also very against sex toys, but now also have quite a selection! Some times our sexual inhibitions can stop us from truley experiencing the complete joy of sex. I feel that once a relationship is solid, then the exploration of healthy sex can only bond you together more.Ask your self, your question again. Is it you that needs to be comfortable with your own sexuality - rather than asking if a man can be satisfied with only one woman to look at?
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (23 June 2007):
 I would suggest you find a guy who doesn't watch porn then. I am pretty sure not ALL men watch porn and some don't mind giving it up for their partner.
xxxxxx
...............................
|
