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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend got a new hairdo the other week and I hate it, but I don't have the guts to tell her. When she said she was going for a haircut I thought she meant just a light trim like she always had but little did I know she would be coming home with a much shorter bob cut.I don't know what it is but I can't stand the bob cut, it's just such a turn off. I would feel the same about any woman with it. But as men are always supposed to do I complimented it and said she looks amazing. Her friends absolutely LOVE it as well so I can't see her changing it any time soon.Worst thing is I'm not really attracted to her at the moment. We haven't had sex since she got it and I think she's starting to notice I'm not exactly willing at the moment. Should I tell her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Tell her the truth. Then offer to buy her some hair extensions until her real hair grows back. Not much else you can do. You can expect her feelings will be hurt, but it's worse to lie to her.
And no, you are not shallow. You can't help what you're attracted to, and what you're not so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm sure if you had the choice, you'd be attracted to her short hair, am I right?
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (11 November 2011):
You are seriously overreacting. Like spilt milk, the hair is gone. When it grows back you can say how much you prefer it. In the meantime whilst making love you are just going to have to try and look at some other part of her body, if you can manage that!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 You don't feel like having sex with her because she got a bob cut ?...
You've got to hope she is not as particular about hair as you are.
Otherwise , as soon as ( how alas it happens so very often in men, even starting from an early age ), your hair will start thinning and falling out, your hairline will be receding, and you'll begin showing a little bald spot on the top of your head , she will say- sorry, not today, I am not in the mood.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Word it exactly like this, or up the lines of this, and you'll get what you want:
Tell her that you haven't been as intimate with her as you usually are, and that you would like to explain to her why. Because you think it is important that you are open and honest with each other in the relationship. Tell her you aren't crazy about the hair, but respect that it is her head and want her to be happy and creative as much as she likes. You think her new hair style is interesting, and want to make her feel great about it, but that it isn't something that turns you on. It is fashionable, but you find yourself more sexually attracted to how she used to keep it. However, you love her regardless of her hair style (give her a kiss at this point). The only thing is that you don't feel as comfortable being intimate with her right now, maybe because it is such a drastic change, and you need to see if you can get used to it. Then ask if she understands and assure her you still find her sexy and that she is an amazing woman, you just aren't feeling comfortable with the new style and think maybe all you need is time to get used to it.
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Then leave it up to her to decide what to do next. Be OKAY with not being intimate at the moment. After all, her hairstyle is bound to change over the years, and next time around she might pick something you are attracted to as well. But if I know a woman right, she'll want you to be intimate with her, love you tons for supporting her and approving of her hair style despite it taking a toll on your sex life, and she'll be so over the moon happy with you that she will make any sort of adjustment to make you happy as well and get intimate again.
And, she'll probably never get that hairstyle again. As long as you word things like I said, and support, support, support her doing whatever she wants with her hair. If you on the other hand try to tell her "I don't like your hair style, it turns me off, and I don't want you to ever get that style again", then I can close to promise you she will keep it out of spite.
So be diplomatic about it.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I think you should be honest about it. Tell her the truth. But man, seriously, its only hair. Don't you love her deeper than her outwardly appearance?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I would tell her diplomatically that you prefer her hair longer, the way it was before. She is still the same woman, isn't she? She still has the same personality and everything else that matters? Honestly, not being attracted to her, and not willing to have sex with her because of a new hairdo is very superficial. To me it would tell me that the guy isn;t with me because of who I am, but more because I am a trophy that he wants to be seen to be with. Be honest with her, but be diplomatic, but I think that you should try and figure out what is really causing this lack of attraction, or is it simply a case that you are superficial and don't care about the person she is, but rather it's all about how she looks.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u  +, writes (11 November 2011):
Oh man you're hooped. I completely get your problem with it -- a new hairstyle can completely change things, and a change so drastic takes an eternity to work itself out. I've been there. It's not like you're old and married -- when you're young and dating, the visual is incredibly important.
The gals are right about how to tell her -- not "I hate it!" but the more diplomatic "I really think the old style suited you better". You're stuck with it for now, but if you tell her then at least she might not maintain the new do. Hopefully you can get used to it enough in the interim to get the attraction back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I would tell her the truth, but I would do it as "diplomatic" as possible. As in, to be honest I liked you hairstyle better before because it fit your personality, face whatnot better.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 It's just a haircut, it will grow out!! I mean it's not like she went out and shaved her head, that I can understand. But a bob, will grow out within a few months.
Can you deal with a longer grown out bob?
I wouldn't come right out and tell her you absolutely hate it. She'll be upset and it will cause some tension in your relationship. All because you don't like her haircut. Just tug on her new short do and tell her you miss her longer hair. She'll take the hint that you want her to grow it back out.
But then again what if she doesn't grow it out? Is she the type of girl who changes her hair all the time? Doesn't sound like it from your post.
Are you going to let this relationship fall apart because you don't like her hair? Lack of sex is going to cause some problems if not sooner than later.
I'm afraid you're going to have to accept her hair, right now that's part of who she is. Surely you can get past this unattractive bob (which can be fixed) and remember the real reason of why you're with her.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (11 November 2011):
If you feel you 'have' to tell her, I would be diplomatic about it and say something like 'Your new haircut is nice, but I really liked the way it was before, You're old style really did it for me'
Does a haircut really make you no longer attracted to her? I mean, she is still the same person though??? Or were you having doubts before the haircut???!! x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 November 2011):
 yes you should tell her why...
I just went through a spell with my boyfriend where he would not tell me why he was not up for sex... once we talked about it, the problem went away (it was also something outside of his body but in his brain sort of thing)
I personally would prefer an honest man to a man who compliments me just because he thinks he's supposed to.
And to be fair to you.... I guess she wanted to surprise you but I would never do something so drastic or long term without first discussing it with my partner... (this includes hair changes...)
I hope you and your gf can compromise on this... I know that visual stimulation is critical for most men but I'm not sure that a woman's crowning glory wouldn't override that....
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