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She is the whole package but her hobby is really freaking me out!!!

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Question - (10 November 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 November 2011)
A male Finland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been in a relationship for the last two years with a girl who’s the complete package but for the last two months a strange hobby of hers is creating some doubts and fears in my mind. She’s been keenly watching serial killer movies and tv shows.

She says this genre fascinates her like crazy. Few nights back, she said if she ever found out I was cheating on her, I would be gone forever and there was so much redness in her eyes while saying that.

I thought she might be kidding but now I am feeling freaked out that excessive watching of these serial killer movies and TV shows might have changed her into something really nasty?

She is doing a teaching job and once reaches home by 2pm from school, she straightaway gets busy watching this shit. I have told her several times politely that she should get rid of this habit but she has got so stuck to it that nothing seems to be convincing her. I live with her and that’s making me even more scared, should I dump her?

Thanking you in advance while counting on you people’s take on this situation!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (11 November 2011):

chigirl agony auntIf you cheat on her you will be gone? Uhm, yeah, gone out of her life. It isn't a death threat.

For over 2 years she's been everything you want, and then she gets a new interest and you're ready to toss her to the curb? People get new habits and interests through their lives. One month it's pirates of the Caribbean, next it is serial killers, next they love Paris Hilton and want to buy a Chihuahua to put in the purse.

It's a passing interest. In 2 more years it'll be something completely different. You sound very anxious though. Has she ever displayed aggressive behaviour or been violent? My ex didn't watch serial killer shows, but he scared me a lot when he would lean over me and scream at me, or threaten to throw my things out the window, or threw his clothes at the wall, or said if I upset him I'd be dead to him, and bossed me around, blocking the exit if I wanted to leave the room etc... But, unless your girlfriend shows aggressive behaviour I wouldn't worry too much about what she watches.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 November 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt I think you may be over reacting . I'd be concerned that she got addicted to watching so much TV and can't find anything better to do with her free time, but I don't think it is worse than watching reality shows or soap operas.

You may object from an intellectual point of view, but I don't think you have grounds to be scared.

I am a mellow type, I would not hurt a fly, I can't even watch action movies with things that go kaboom because I get scared, yet I remember I came across a Ted Bundy 's biography and could not literally put it down.

As SVF mentions , the workings of the human mind are very fascinating , and more so those of a dysfunctional, pathological mind.

So, unless there's more and you have noticed other disquieting stuff that you don't mention, I'd say you don't need yet to sleep with one eye open...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011):

Please, please, for your own sake leave this girl *now*. This isn't some idle fascination; she's internalising all the filth she's exposing herself to... and as for her comment to you, well! That's a terrible think to say - even as a joke - to someone you're supposed to love. In situations like this, I believe you should follow your instincts above all. If your intuition is telling you that something's wrong, listen. Good luck and take care x

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A male reader, Red Green 0289 United States +, writes (11 November 2011):

"a strange hobby of hers is creating some doubts and fears in my mind"

Get ready to dump her... she's trouble, manipulative and it will get worse. Tell her how you feel, and that you can't be in a relationship like this. If she can STOP, then all is well if she can't... RUN!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011):

I'm not that concerned about her fascination with this genre, but I don't like what she said to you. To me that's scary. If she can say that to you and conjure up so much rage when all's calm and there's no reason for her to suspect anything, to me that means she's obsessive or paranoid. And obsessive and paranoid people will go searching out for clues and distort them to feed their fears, in this case her fear that you might some day cheat on her. I think this is a red flag.

if you feel afraid, you should leave this relationship. You do not need to justify whether a reason is a good enough reason to leave or not. Being scared is a good reason, I think.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntoh goodness...

I LOVE that stuff. I read the books all the time, I study them, watch all the shows I can... serial murders, mass murderers, all sorts of stuff like that... it's interesting and ten times better than reality tv crap....

How the brain works fascinates most of us... look at sites like this one.

Is her health suffering due to lack of sleep? Are her chores going undone? Is work being neglected so she can watch these shows? No?

I come home and my man is usually watching a show about a man who cheats, drinks, lies, does drugs, etc... it's entertainment...

as for the "threat" I think you are over reacting there... how many times has my bf said "if i wanted you gone, you'd be gone... I'm Italian after all I have family...." I wouldn't take it too seriously

However IF it bothers YOU that much and you are really that scared have you told her this or just told her to stop watching what she likes?

If you are scared.. then you need to end the relationship... but I think maybe you are over reacting unless there is more you are not telling us....

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