A
male
age
36-40,
*rosss129
writes:I will try and keep this as to the point as possible, because I really could use some help. I am a bisexual guy who is not "out", and I ended up in a relationship with a guy now for over a year that stemmed from a random hookup. I fell for him fast and hard. I do love him, and he definitely loves me. The problem is one year later, I am still not out, and have an increasing amount of things going on in my life from family things, to career, to friends, to battling coming out and it is getting too hard to be the bf to him that he deserves. Part of me feels like I am making excuses to get out of this relationship, but another part of me really believes that this relationship just did not come at the right time in my life for me. My main thing to tackle right now needs to be coming out, so that I can end up being in a healthy relationship with a guy one day if it comes to that. That has proven difficult, being in corporate America, and being the first "out" person in the family, and being the only child. There is no question that he has been more than patient with me to this point, but it is becoming clear that my not being out is beginning to cause serious problems. We always fight, I find that he bothers me with everything he does, and all the things I used to like about him, I dont like anymore. I havent been sexual with him in over a month, and we are just about done with a 3 week break, where i did not have any sort of relations with any one else. I feel like i need time to be young and find myself and work on all the other stuff, and I dont see myself having the time for him, but Im scared I wont find someone else like him who is so good to me. He treats me like gold, thinks I am amazing in so many ways, and while I used to feel that about him, I dont anymore. Even thinking about being with him sexually makes me cringe when I think about it... and the fact that this 3 week break is ending is stressing me out to no end because I really don't want to see him.So my question is, do I stay because one day I will come out and be able to have him as apart of my life, or do I leave now and take control of my life under my on my own terms, without feeling like I have to do it for him and for "us"? Any words of advice would be helpful I am breaking down over this. Thank you all :) Reply to this Question
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reader, crosss129 +, writes (27 February 2012):
crosss129 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank you both for your advice. The update on this is that I stayed with him for a couple months after that break, but I have since ended the relationship, and I realize now that it was the best and right decision for me and for him too. I can now really focus on myself, which as selfish as I might sound, is what I need right now i want to move forward and have a healthy and happy life. So thanks again fr the advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): you've got this all under control! i'm also bisexual,and coming out to my parents was the hardest thing. they weren't too happy about it at first,but they've either 'forgotten' now,or just accepted it. as for the relationship,it seems to me that you do just need to concentrate on yourself at the moment. i know how you feel,being in love,and i have no choice in my situation but to let go, so i understand. if he loves you he'l let you go,and after time,maybe something could grow between you again,if both of you allow it to. hope ive helped:)
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