A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Okay so this is kinda tricky.. i'm good friends with this girl, not like my bestie or anything but we still hang out often enough. Started getting to know her through college, been hanging around with her for about a year, we're both 21, same age. To cut a long story short I had sex with her dad yesterday. We planned it, and it was the first time. Before you guys murder me, I have to put some context into this. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her dad, just the two of them. He's like really hot for a guy his age (he's 46), and I only started to chat with him recently when over at my friend's house.I feel really guilty about this. We ended up flirting and stuff when my friend was like in a different room or whatever, and a sexual tension unwittingly developed. It was fun and playful cos he's really like open, but it got a bit heated. We both knew their was a sexual attraction so I eventually decided to front up and ask him if he wanted to have sex with me last week when I came over. I felt like I needed to, to know here we stood.. the flirting was getting absolutely ridiculous. He was taken aback by my bluntness but he agreed, gave me his number, and we met up yesterday afternoon in the house and had sex. My friend was away for the weekend at her mum's place.I know this is bad, but we both really enjoyed ourselves. Afterwards it felt really awkward, and we were both racked with guilt. We decided to talk it over. He was willing to have a sexual relationship with me, and I agreed. This is the tricky bit. We both agreed to keep this top secret, as he said that he could never live with himself if my friend found out, if he hurt her like that. This like goes without saying from my point of view, I couldn't deal with that either. Sex is very important to me,and we're both single. We agreed it's only gonna be a sex thing nothing else, because we aren't atrracted to each other any other way. I'm 21 so it's all cool legally.I really don't want to feel like a slut. I don't sleep around or anything and I've never cheated on somebody. I really felt I had to ask him did he want to have sex, and after we did it I want more. I have to be honest. As I said, I really like sex, and have a high sex drive. A sex relationship is what we both want in our lives right now. We've come to an understanding we both agree on with regards to my friend, his daughter. I feel so guilty for admitting this, but the secrecy of it all really turns me on. I'm awful. She's such a nice person and will NOT find out about this. I don't take any pride in it whatsoever, but this new thing feels right for me. My question I guess.. is it really so bad to have a close friendship with my friend and have an entirely separate sexual relationship with her dad at the same time? Advice needed! xp.s. sorry for such a long post guys!!
View related questions:
divorce, flirt, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 March 2012):
Sometimes women accuse guys of "thinking with their dicks" but you obviously didn't use your brain when you embarked on this either. You and your friend's father should be ashamed of yourselves. I blame him more because he's older and used your stupidity and naivety to his advantage, but you were right there with him and as an adult you should know better. There are some lines decent human beings do not cross and you just crossed it.
Have you not learned anything in this time on earth, things like self restraint, loyalty, basically morals and manners 101? You say you feel guilty yet you want to continue this. Actions have consequences. You think she won't find out. She will. The only question is: when?
If you want to to do some damage control, leave this man now and do your friend a favor by letting your 'friendship' fade so she can replace you with someone who will respect her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): I will not judge you. When I was 23 I slept with my driving instructor who was 50 and used me since I was a virgin and later I found out that he was married. He broke my heart. But I will never regret having done what I did. With the experience and mind that I have now, I would have made different choices. I hope your story turns out better although I am afraid that the secret between you two is too big to let the relationship survive once it gets out. Secrets have a way of being revealed when you least expect it. Consider the fact that once it's out, your relationship with your friend will be ruined, as well as the relationship with her father. Let alone what your parents will say. Or friends from school. You are playing with fire and you are very likely to get burnt. Be careful!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): When it comes to sex, what "feels right" is usually whatever caused your ancestors to have healthier offspring that survived to adulthood. Nature does not care if these choices make you happy or not.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Anonymous poster, yes it is the father that has everything to gain and nothing to lose. He's the one getting a 21 year old to sleep with, at his age that's more than he could ever expect. And you are actually asking the OP to "enjoy it", without thinking of any moral repercussions that are involved, you know what, if you think we are all so negative, instead of posting anonymously, come on out and air your views. No one is being negative here, its not just about sex, its about the friend who is getting caught in this mess and the disgusting web that this has created.
...............................
A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (5 March 2012):
How would you feel if your friend was having sex with you Dad........... Its weird enough you two are so far apart in age. its even weirder that its your friends dad. Awwwwww its so grouse its like half of your friend is in you...........
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2012):
 The things you do when no one is looking are the things that define you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 March 2012):
 "She's such a nice person and will NOT find out about this."
You can't seriously believe that she'll never find out, all it takes is one slip up, one break in routine, one suspicion... and they happen so easily. The longer this goes on for, the more inevitable your "friend" finding out becomes.
Friends don't do this to each other. Enemies might however.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): wow.. this is like right out of a fantasy porn- article.. which also means people usually fantasize about these stuffs not actually do it..one thing is clear u do not respect your friend... if you did you wouldn't have done what you did. I think you need to get checked up as well. If you are gonna sleep with every dad that flirts with you.. you have an issue.. I mean older guys always flirt... and if you really fell for that - I'm afraid you haven't been with that many nice guys in your life..Other than that.. I would just like to add - what if someone else found out about your "arrangement"- somebody other than your friend- then it would be a lot of heart ache for everyone and a bad name for you.. please think about thatBut most of all.. you friend's father is a guardian to her - him sleeping with you is just the kind of thing you wouldn't want your sole guardian to be doing. He is the only person she can trust and rely on and because of this - she will have a tough time relating to him as a guardian and trusting him again.. her dad is doing a bad job of being a guardian . period.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): "is it really so bad to have a close friendship with my friend and have an entirely separate sexual relationship with her dad at the same time?"
Yeah it's very bad OP. You say you don't like cheating but you're pretty much committing the worst betrayal you can to a friend. Not only are you risking her friendship but you're risking her relationship with her own father, all for your own selfish sexual needs.
She'll never trust you again and may never want to even speak to her father ever again either. You're basically taking a 90% risk of ruining her and her fathers lives and it doesn't make it better that he's willing to do this either.
When she finds out, when OP, because she will, he's her dad and she lives there. She will hate you with a passion and she will tell everyone that you're a very horrible person. You will get a reputation and you will be alienated by everyone, slagged by anyone who finds out and stand to lose a hell of a lot more friends, you risk your own family finding out, thinking far less of you and you make yourself untrustworthy and soiled in the minds of everyone else.
I know this seems like a fun little sexual game for you but it's probably going to end up ruining your life. For what? For a sexual need you can get fulfilled anywhere? Fair enough OP, I just hope the hour or two of sex a time you have is worth the months, if not the lifetime of your entire town knowing you're what a lot will consider and untrustworthy, easy, "slut". No girl will trust you around their boyfriends or male family members, no guy is going to trust that you can stay faithful to only one guy or that you have enough good moral foundations to see as anything other than good for sex only.
You have to ask yourself is your immediate horniness really worth risking your entire future and reputation. Especially when it is only sex.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): Oh dear, SO many negative reactions. It's only sex after all, not an emotional involvement. As both you and the father need discretion you just have to be ultra-careful, but that's the only problem. Apart from that, I don't see why it has to be a secret; you are both legal adults.
"Anonymous123", why does it have to be just the father that has "hit the jackpot"? Both parties are getting great pleasure from this, so both share in the "jackpot". Age is irrelevant.
OP, you are not a slut, just fulfilling your needs and his too, so take care and enjoy it - and don't get pregnant; that will give the game away!
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (4 March 2012):
 Well it's probably going to be complicated. I cannot condemn the sexual activity but your friend will likely find out at some point. As you say, it's legal, but you may eventually lose your friend. If the sex is good and if you prefer it over your casual relationship with the man's daughter, then go with it. Just be prepared for some negative reaction from it from others.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (4 March 2012):
Anything which needs to be kept a secret, is wrong. That is why you are keeping it a secret in the first place. If you can justify this "relationship" by saying that you are adults, you have a high sex drive, you really like sex, etc., etc., at the end of the day you are hiding it from your friend, because you know this is not right.
Not only are you jeopardizing your friendship, you are also putting their father-daughter relationship at risk. Now I know you would say that its none of your business but have a heart and think about it. How on earth would you feel if you were in your friend's place?
Secondly, YOU are the one who's going to get hurt here. The man has nothing to lose, he's a 46 year old who's getting a 21 year old girl to sleep with him, he's hit the jackpot. It's you who has everything to lose. By continuing with this, you are losing out on the options on meeting guys your own age. While its exciting and fun right now, you will soon realize what a huge mistake this is. A secret never stays a secret for too long. Once your friend gets suspicious, you will end up lying and one lie will lead to another.
Call it off before anyone gets hurt further
...............................
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (4 March 2012):
 Having a FWB, sex only relationship is an absolute fallacy... You will eventually develop feelings for this guy, you will eventually want more from him than just the 'sex', and when he turns you down/ breaks it off, YOU WILL get hurt!! (and more than likely, HE WILL)You're a young woman of age capable of making mature decisions and being able to hold herself responsible for the outcomes of decisions whether positive/ negative.You're absolutely attracted to him and the thrill and adrenaline that the uncertainty and secret nature of this new relationship so very much appeals to your senses...But in all likelihood you will get burned, and burned HARD. Such thrills normally don't last that long, but somehow, I think you know this..It feels so right to you at the moment but sometimes one has to step out of your current reality and assess and make decisions from a different perspective, a logical perspective and act upon your reassessments regardless the overwhelming feelings of what seems right at the moment.Consider this... What would become of humanity if people acted upon every desire or feeling that we harboured deep within our hearts without boundaries or restrictions?Life becomes exciting when every once in a while we let loose, fly free and just have fun, but that kind of life lived continuously without boundaries leads to chaos IN our very lives in one way or another...sooner or later!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): Is it bad? In my opinion, yes, it's disgusting. If you were "racked with guilt" you wouldn't carry on doing it behind her back.
She's going to find out eventually and when she does don't be surprised if you lose a friend or two. Oh, and a guarantee you'll end up developing feelings for the guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2012):
 You think you can still maintain a good friendship with your friend, if you say so. I myself love the thrill of keeping secrets. With friends you share everything. I am not judging you but I see that you value sex over this friendship. Her dad has more to lose if you are found out so I guess he is the one that has to be super discreet when it comes to when to meet, places where nobody knows him. My advice would be to put sunglasses on and dress more mature when you are in his car. And never get so drunk with your friend that you end up saying something you regret. You also have to keep your mouth very shut in terms of sharing sexual lives. How many times can you tell her you are still single and is not thinking about any guy at all. I know you are good at hiding secrets but don't undermine your friend's intuition. She has a bond with her dad. The worst scenario is that you have to be prepared to lose your friend.
...............................
|
