A
male
age
36-40,
*ase@999
writes:Me and my ex have been together, on and off for over two years, but the last eight months we were solid, truly in love and best friends. This was both our first proper relationship. We both became unhappy that I might be moving soon and may have to break up and also in time, we have sort of become bored of the routine of seeing each, we lost the spark, but she cared about me too much to break up with me. We tried to make things more exciting, but she decided to break up with me, saying she wants to see other people to see how 'special' our relationship was and because she wants a change. She says she cannot say that we are meant to be together (as I believe) because she won't be fully committed to another relationship and doesn't want to get my hopes up. We are both relatively unhappy apart and I can't cope with being friends (which she wants - she said she misses me as a friend), neither of us are eating. She is starting to see another guy, not oficially, but I think it's only a matter of time. She says he understands her as well as I do, but they are really different (her and I are very similar). She says we were the best couple, and I want to know if it's over forever. What do you think? We never had to change for one another to like us - we loved each other for exactly who we are, but we both think we maybe became too dependent on one another, and were almost too good together. Should I wait for her to realise we are meant to be? Will she realise this? Should I persuade her that we can get the spark back? Does she need time/space? I can't bear to think of her with someone else but I truly believe she wouldn't be as happy as in our relationship, so would come back to - her friends agree and she's suggested this to me as well. Would this make our future relationship stronger?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Each relationship is different. There are no hard and fast rules.
What works for one couple may not work for another.
If I were you I would prepare for the eventuality of separating from her for good.
However, there may still be hope.
Give her a little space but make sure you stay available to her if she needs you.
Do nice things for her if possible, like giving her flowers or dropping a nice note to her to make her smile.
Don't be too forceful though.
If she is going to come around she will come around.
If she is not then she will let you know.
Just play it by ear. I hope this helps. Doc
A
female
reader, alieP91  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Well it looks like that you's are better off together, but if you truly want things to change all you have to do is have a really big talk on want the other wants. Then see where it leads you.
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