A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend very much but I found gay porn on his laptop a few months ago. After much talking and thinking, I decided to ignore it and I hadn't really thought about it. My boyfriend claims it was spam and had no idea why it was on there, and there was lots of straight porn on there too, which doesn't bother me in the slightest.However, my boyfriends best friend is gay. I get on brilliantly with him and he got drunk once and confessed he had feelings for my boyfriend.Since the gay porn incident things have been great, until about 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend is distant, i can barely get a sentence out of him or text or phone call. We've been together over a year and a half and it feels like I'm constantly chasing him for contact now. This week for example, the only time we've had time alone is for 2 hours one night, the rest of the time, his best friend has been there. He was due to meet me from work one night and I was looking forward to it, when I got there his best friend was there too.The last 24 hours I've been quite ill with sickness etc, I didn't want to be alone so I asked for my boyfriend to stay a little longer to keep me company because I was feeling woozy. He said he'd be back soon. I settled in the bathroom, I woke up a few hours later on the bathroom floor with my duvet and he still hadn't come back. I called him and he was at his friends... again! I'm feeling better now but still really annoyed at how ill I've been and he found it fine just to leave me in the state I was.Now, most men visit their best friends but my boyfriend hasn't been like that and they've rarely seen each other, maybe twice a week for the rest of the time, but recently its every day and I'm getting nothing from him, but I've noticed that he wants to know me most when his friend is busy lately, and he's all of a sudden started looking at his phone and is all of a sudden much more interested in texting his friend, whereas yesterday I didn't even hear from him all day, until late.The only thing I can honestly think that has changed is that his best mate now has a boyfriend.. I'm not sure if im paranoid but this is looking pretty strange to me now and I'm wondering if he's jealous of his friends new man, which then also brings my mind back to that gay porn I found.Sometimes I feel like I could just walk away from it all and leave him to it but something is holding me back from just breaking up with him. I suppose I really dont want to lose him. But am i being taken for a mug? And I'm sick of feeling so paranoid. I wouldn't class my self as insecure and I do love being single so if I didn't have genuine feelings for him I know I would find it easy to walk away.Do I have anything to be worried about? Honestly?If so, how do I go about finding out the truth?If not, what the hell is up with me and how do I get rid of this paranoia??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (4 July 2011):
 it sounds like this friend was beefing up your boyfriends ego and that now that aspect is gone he is getting needy and possessive about this friend.
only time will tell. but the fact this friend has a relationship going on is in my eye's the removal of the threat from the equation.
your boyfriend may occasionally indulge in gay porn but if the vast majority of it is heterosexual then i would not worry. although it could be a decoy (if you were desperate to hide your true character or trying to convince yourself of what to like).
check out their body language when they are together and it will reveal a fair bit. but for now bide your time.
A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 He sounds like he is spending time with you because there is nothing better to occupy him for the time being. Incredibly cruel to leave you sick on the bathroom floor to wake up along hours later.... how awful. One very selfish boyfriend. As you have mentioned that he is so different now to what he was before, it sounds like he has found somebody else and you are in the way now. I don't know if it is a boy or a girl, but I just don't like the sound of this one. He has really put you last of the list. I am glad that he came over yesterday and finally spent some quality time with you and I hope that it lasts. I know that you got on with his gay male friend, but men in lust do NOT think about the emotions of their loved ones when they want to get it on. Believe me, I've been hurt before in the past.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding guys, I appreciate it. it's always good to have some unbiased opinions on things. It's also nice to know I'm not going crazy.I think I'm just going to bide my time, let it all go, but stay alert. he ended up coming over just as I was writing my question yesterday and stayed with me all day and night and it's been really nice.Breaking up with him now is an option, BUT I just imagine in a few years time if we broke up, then he just meets another girl and is genuinely straight, I'll be devastated because he's amazing. Then again I could stay with him and he could leave me for a man (or woman)... but I suppose that's a risk we all take in any relationship.it's a tricky one. I'm sure if anything else bizarre happens I'll be posting again for more opinions.Thanks again for your responses xxxx
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (3 July 2011):
 . You need to have it out with him. Don.t waste too much time hoping he.ll change. He,s bi,or gay,and is getting to the point of coming out.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (2 July 2011):
Hey sorry to hear of your troubles. Whether or not he is cheating is irrelevant. The issue that has u complaining is his lack of affection and response to u. He is clearly lacking and neglecting you emotionally. His priority is friends while ur not only sick but lonely. Seriously, ditch the loser. I just recently this week broke my year relationship off simply because I was constantly being ignored about my emotional needs being met and showing love rather than just saying I love you. Please get out of this relationship, he is showing early signs of neglect. If you stay it will continue and worsen. It may take some time but concentrate on you, your health, your future, and your happiness.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (2 July 2011):
 I think your fears are well justified. You are not insecure. You have cause and reason to suspect your boyfriend.
Based on what you are telling us, I share your concern. It sounds to me that there is something going on here. I can think of a few diabolical ways you could get to the truth that involve acting like you have an interest in a 3 way or bi relationship, however, I could never recommend someone act so deceitfully.
Your best bet is to tell him your concerns, why you have them, and ask him point blank if he is Bi, or has strong feelings toward his friend.
This doesn't sound like a situation I would stay in very long, if I were in your shoes. Good Luck.
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