A
male
age
51-59,
*areliz
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and living together for 6 years. We have 3 beautiful dogs together. He has made it clear recently that he does not want to get married or have children even though he knows I want children more than anything in the world. I am almost 36 and he is 44. I love my job and my life here but cannot afford to move out on my own plus there is the dog factor. I'm not willing to leave them. I've been trying to find somewhere to move to that I can afford however I live on a small island and it's hard to find even an expensive rental here. I will not leave my job because it's a great job. I feel hopeless right now. I do love him but I'm not in love with him.
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split up, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): leave and have kids with someone else who cares about you want. once you have children of your own the dogs will pail into insignificance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): "If the only thing that is keeping you with him is the dogs and the fact that you love your job, it isn't very fair to put either of those factors as a reason to stay with him. It makes him sound like a convenience for you, rather than a choice." birdynumnums
You can stay with him for the dogs, or you can leave him and find somebody else that will provide you with children and dogs galore.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Sorry Hun! Scratch the first two lines! I stand behind the rest of the advice still - LOL! Where, oh where did I put those reading glasses...
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (10 June 2008):
I'm assuming that you don't want to go against his wishes and accidentally get pregnant, because you would be wrong to go there. Deception is always a mistake. From what you describe, your relationship is stagnant and at some point, these resentments that you harbor are going to make you stop loving him all together. If the only thing that is keeping you with him is the dogs and the fact that you love your job, it isn't very fair to put either of those factors as a reason to stay with him. It makes him sound like a convenience for you, rather than a choice.
This "comfort" is preventing you from living the life that you truly desire, and if you honestly want children, then you should move somewhere where you can can be financially independent and find that person that wants to start a family with you. I wouldn't want to miss out on having children if that is what you truly want - they are a huge, HUGE part of life.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 my suggestion is that if you don't want to be with him anymore then you can discuss or consider "just" being roomates until you can find another place to stay that is convienent for you and then together since the dogs are both yours and his you can decide who gets which dogs and then maybe if you still want to be friends you can do like a custody thing where you get them one week and he gets them another
thats about all i can help with
good luck!
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A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Sounds to me that you need to sort out your prioities. Look... you said that you want kids more than anything... but are unwilling to leave the dogs, the job, and the security of what you have. I'm not going to tell you that you need to make a choice between something that you know and love and an uncertain future, but what I will tell you is that I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself. I say this because, if you want kids more than anything, you would drop EVERYTHING for that purpose. I think that you need to sit down with yourself, or with a close friend that cares about you, and work though your emotions and figure out what you can do to make yourself happy. You never know... the answer could be along a completely different road. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (10 June 2008):
 its understandable, theres no point in staying with someone that you know what give you what you want out of a relationship. like marriage and kids. so im figuring you dont have any family close by... cause most people usally look to family first for a place to stay. what about friends? do any of them need a roomie? if you dont have any family or friends who will take you in then i guess you could look through the want ads for people look for a roommate. i hope i helped.... but i dont feel like i did.
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