A
female
age
41-50,
*pumie
writes:Hi all. I earn double my boyfriend's salary and I'm a bread winner At home. He always ask for money and when he bring it back he doesn't bring the full amount. He's very stingy and he expect me do everything for him like give him money to go to work,pay his cell account and buy him groceries even though we are not living together. I tried to sit and talk to him about this but get all defense full. He doesn't even want to talk to me. He says I disrespect him. I really do need an advice on what to do
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female
reader, reynoldsdm1  +, writes (15 December 2013):
This is absolutely ridiculous. This "man" you are dating isn't a man, but a child.I will share my experience with a very similar situation in hopes it helps.I was in a 9 year relationship just lile that. In the begining of it, I was making a measly 21k a year and he was making 40k. He moved to VA and on my crappy salary I would buy train tickets at 120.00 a pop to go visit him every weekend. Never once would he offer to pay. Even while I was there, he would have me pay for everything, including lunch and dinner, movie tickets, gas, you name it and I paid for it. As the relationship progressed, I moved there to be closer to him and the one sidedness got even worse. Before I knew it I was paying for everything, including his christmas gifts to his parents and family members! By the time we hit the 5 year mark, I was making substantially more money than him. He had bills up the wazoo and still would defend his wallet with the ferocity of a rabid squirrel. At one point I agreed to let him move in with me RENT FREE so he could pay off his bills with one condition.. .he would pay for all the groceries. Not only did he not live up to that simple task, he never paid off his bills, still had me paying for everything while he spent his money on his own toys and junk. Looking back, the guy was a total mamas boy and had everything handed to him with no effort on his part by his parents. I guess that was expected of me too, because he never felt guilty or even ashamed to ask me for to buy him tthings . Although, when we would go out to eat, he would take my credit card and hand it to the waiter because he was embaressed that he wasnt the one footing the bill.Here's a charming event that occured last year at Christmas. For once he decided to get me a decent gift. A new cell phone. He bought himself the same one, a Galaxy S2. Well, something fell through and we ended up returning them and going with a new mobile carrier. Well, when we went to purchase the phones under that carrier, guess who shelled out the 800 bucks for two brand new phones. Suddenly my Christmas gift turned into HIS christmas gift with me gifting myself my own phone! Ridiculous! The list goes on for this loser and in hind sight I should have seen it, but I was blinded by the fact that I thought I loved his man and he loved me.Of course I would bring this behavior to his attention and he would fly into a rage, calling me a selfish bitch or say I was starting arguments over money and that I was a horrible person who only cared about money and to stop making him feel like "less of a man" as he put it.Now this wasnt a surprise over time, as his own mother told me he is a manipulator and a user. Wow! She also said it was my fault for allowing him to be that way, stating that she and his father did all they could when raising him and now it was my job to "teach him" and set him straight. Seriously lady? Where did you fail in all of this? I have nothing but a huge LOL on that one.In the end he decided to end the relationship. This followed after finally proposing to me after 8 years. Let's back pedal a bit.. Soon after he proposed, my mom, 49 was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I spent a lot of my time traveling back home to help my dad care for her and sometimes spent 1 to 2 months away. He never made the time to visit, or help out, even when things got really bad. He knew my parents for as ling as he had known me. The time I took off from work was at times unpaid leave. Still, with only half a paycheck coming in, he still expected mw to pay his cell phone bill, the electric, cable and gas bills. Never once did he offer to help or even to assist my dad and I in the care of my mom. In the end, just a year ago he came to me after I had just returned from assisting my dad and my mom during her worst, and told me he was unhappy.3 weeks later after he had broken my heart and my spirit, I gave him back the ring and left. Looking back I should have kept the ring as payment for all of the bullshit he put me through. I sacrificed a lot for that sorry excuse for a person and was never given even an ounce of compassion in the end.Any ladies reading this post, in a similar situation as me or the original poster...RUN! Run as far away as you can from the loser/user/manipulator in your life before you waste nearly a decade in a one sided relationship where the other party doesn't even respect you enough to buy you dinner, like I have. It starts there and doesnt stop and I guarantee you, uou are in for nothing more than heartbreak.Don't be naive and blinded by love that was never shared by your "significant other" as I did. The faster you get out of a toxic relationship, the sooner you will find a real man that will take care of you and treat you with the respect you deserve. I did and I've never been happier. After the trama of everything unfolding, I found an amazing human being and a real man who steps up to the plate without hesitation. I can tell you that I have never been happier than I have these past few months than I have in 9 years.Good luck and I hope this helps someone out there looking for guidance.
A
female
reader, mpumie +, writes (21 September 2012):
mpumie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much guys, now I know what to do. Today the whole day he has not even spoken to or even just a phone call from him and I'm not calling him either. Thanks for such an amazing advices
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 September 2012):
 I agree, if you have separate households and you are basically just dating, you should not give him any money. At all. If you feel like giving him a gift once in a while ( better not in cash, though ) because YOU want to and you can afford it, fine. But why the heck do you have to pay for his cell phone and his groceries ? because you are somewhat close ?... then why don't you also pay phone and groceries for all your friends, siblings and relatives, I guess you are somehow close to them too.
This bf of yours sounds like a first class moocher and I'be very careful not to be taken for a free easy ride.
It would be different if you were married, ot at least living together , and meant for the long haul. In this case I think it's normal and reasonable that who earns more pays more. Any money that's earned or saved goes for a common project, for a shared life goal... plus it would be cheap and impractical having you eating steak under his nose,because you can afford it ,while he has to make do with a can of tuna. Or switching off the A/C when he's home alone... because he can't afford to split the electric bill in half.
But as long as you are just two people going out together - what you let him do, and have, is silly.
Stop paying his food and bills- don't " sit and talk ", act : draw the purse strings . He's an adult, he has a job, he must live within his means. If he bolts... well, then you know for sure that he liked your money, not you.
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A
female
reader, ktmae +, writes (21 September 2012):
 BE DONE WITH HIM !!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2012):
 continue to "disrespect" him...
the person who is being disrespectful is him.
if you do not live together you do not and should not pay ANY of his living expenses.
He sees you as a bank.
do not pay for his groceries
do not pay his cell phone bill. (and tell him you will not pay it if it's in your name, cancel the plan)
do not give him spending money
do not LEND him money as he will never pay you back
you must harden your heart and know that he will probably leave you because of this.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 If you are paying for your man, then you are being used. It doesn't matter if you make double or not, he should pay for his own stuff.
He is saying YOU are the one who is disrespectful? He has really turned the tables on you. Now honestly, which do you think is more disrespectful? A) Using someone for her money or B) Being a man and paying for your own goods, food, and services? I'd say HE is being disrespectful by using you for your money and then trying to confuse you by saying what he did.
You need to get it straight...if a man cares about you...he wouldn't use you for your money. He wouldn't put stipulations on you and your money. He would be paying for his own stuff!
If you are paying for his cell phone...I would cancel his plan. I would not buy his groceries anymore. I mean, you are a part of this problem too...you are just shelling out your money for him. Why??? Don't do it anymore. I would also refrain from seeing him or talking to him until he figures out the difference between right and wrong.
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