A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do with an absent minded boyfriend? He's never forgetful about anything important or anything to do with our relationship, it's just little things - like this morning we made sandwiches to take to work because we're both really low on money and it crossed my mind that I should just pack his with my stuff but I held back because I don't want to be mothering him and just said "don't forget your lunch". And of course after I'd eaten mine he came and asked if I wanted to go for lunch and if I had his sandwich. He doesn't expect me to or anything, he said it was his fault for forgetting, but I feel bad because I could have got it for him easily. Is it ok to start doing things like that? Or would I probably end up completely mothering him?
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female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I think it's natural for us to care and want to do things for the guy we care about and I know they appreciate it as well. I say acknowledge it lightly I love doing things for ya babe but lemme know if Im croosing the line here..and if you feel you are ...then you probably are. It feels good to love so do it freely it's okay to show some vulnerabilty!
A
female
reader, Inallhonesty...  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 How often have you done this already? If this is an everyday ritual and you find yourself doing other things like picking up after him because he "forgot" then yes, you are spoiling him. But if it's just out of convenience that you make his sandwich along with yours one day or another then no, it's not mothering, it's a partnership.
Couples are supposed to do things like that for each other. It's thoughtful and I'm sure it would be appreciated. Has he done anything like that for you? Maybe not exactly in this sense but in some other way, there's something minor that he does that helps you out a whole lot?
I don't usually like measuring how much a bf has done for me with what I've done for him because then you'll start to expect a nice gesture every time you do something nice which defeats the purpose. I'm sure you know when you're being used. Fixing his lunch while making yours doesn't seem like a big deal. I actually think it's sweet:)
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I don't really see a problem here. I don't think that the whole 'mothering' issue is a likely outcome of your care for him. But it is up to you. If you feel more like his mother than his girlfriend, by all means, stop and look back to see how you got there but, at this point in time, there really is nothing wrong.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (9 September 2010):
Hi there. Are you saying that you work together? If this is the case, yes by all means pack his lunch with yours. You probably eat together anyway. It's not really a big deal.
I don't think that you're mothering him just by packing his lunch with yours. At least then, he gets to eat his lunch and not go without.
He might be a bit absent minded with putting his lunch in his backpack, but it's such a tiny little thing, and you have said that he remembers all the important things. So the important things are never forgotten - that's great.
Perhaps you could even ask him if he is ok with you putting his lunch in your bag or does it bother him. Probably it doesn't bother him one bit.
You live together so if you make the lunches the night before or that morning, just tell him as you are leaving, that you have the two lunches in your bag, but don't make a fuss or anything.
You're only mothering a man if you do everything for them and leave them with nothing to contribute to the household. Such as, you could ask him to cut up some of the vegetables when you're preparing dinner each night. You could also get him to cut up the meat and remove any fat to get it ready to put into the pot. This way, you both contribute to the family meal. It's a joint effort.
You could also ask him to take out the bins on garbage nights - or each take it in turns (whoever is home first).
Just so long as you both do things around the house, so that you both feel like you are putting in effort of some sort. Then he will never feel like you are his mother. You will be equals - which is as it should be.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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