A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going on holiday in two weeks with my best friends, but it's just hit me how amazing they're bodies are compared to mine. One of them is 6ft and she has a great figure that many guys love and girls are jealous of. In fact it's intimidating. The other one is my height, but she's skinny and although people say skinny isn't a good look, she isn't the unhealthy sickening skinny. She really suits it and makes me feel big next to her.And then there's me. I'm slim i'm a size 8/10 (UK) and 5'4. But i'm not skinny, nor am i tall so i don't have endless long legs and a long torso! So i'm worried that my insecurities will get to me on holiday and i'll feel short, fat and horrible next to them! Not forgetting all the other girls that will be there with amazing bodies to die for!! And my best friends are very, very pretty without makeup so it just makes my self-esteem shoot down even more!I've never really been insecure or jealous of them, it's just now were going on holiday i realise the obvious. I'm just annoyed at myself for not noticing this sooner so then i could of worked harder to get myself in shape! I mean i do exercise and eat really well, but i would of done that three times as harder if i had thought of this. I just don't know what to do and how to deal when seeing them in bikinis with their envious figures. I don't wanna be depressed on holiday!?
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, insecure, jealous, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 I agree with the others. I am jealous of you. I would love to be going on holiday even being able to consider wearing a bikini. I am a uk "average" 16 and have always been on the bigger side. I have to think about ways to cover up on holiday without being too warm. I already accept that I am not going to compare to a skinny woman. But that's ok, I accept I have a different figure, and I know guys who prefer a woman with big boobs and curvy bottom and hips.
Hun, there are ALWAYS going to be people who are more beautiful and "perfect" than you are. But why let that bother you? You need to learn to love who YOU are. You sound perfect to me. You're not too tall, like your 6 foot friend(not saying she's too tall but to some people that would be an intimidating hight for a woman), and you are not too skinny like your other friend. You are a uk 8 to 10 which is just right in my opinion. Any thinner and you could risk looking skeletal and having no boobs.
I think women of all shapes are beautiful for different reasons. Really skinny women can look beautiful, if they suit that shape, and more curvey women, right through to larger, size 20 plus woman can also be very beautiful, with curvy hips and big boobs. Every woman is differen, what you need to do is fins the size and shape that is HEALTHY for you and learn to love it. Health is beautiful. I am sure you are beautiful because you are just at the age of maturity and have a healthy weight for your hight. Like others have said, your friends may look at characteristics you have and wish that they had them. Try not to think of it as a competition or you will always set yourself up to fail. Learn to love the good things in everyone, including yourself. Go and enjoy your holiday :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Go enjoy the holiday!
Humans come in all shapes, sizes and shades. We don't all look alike. Heck how boring would THAT be?!
Get over it honey, it's vacataion time! Leave your petty jealousy at home and bring that nice personality to the beach.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Oh PLEASE... seriously... you are far from fat or even chubby. It sounds to me like you're quite slim. worrying accomplishes nothing, aside from making you feel like crap. Change what you can... though you don't need to lose weight and it could actually be dangerous. only a qualified doctor can verify that... but I don't think you need to lose any weight. I am actually jealous of YOU... I love my job but I'm dying for vacations, and I am gonna spend my upcoming two week vacation in North Carolina... I am grateful to see my family again but I would die for a beach holiday! Definitely don't turn your back on your friends but perhaps you need some platonic GUY friends? You wouldn't be constantly comparing yourself to them the way you would compare yourself to a girl.
...............................
A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (7 June 2011):
Men don't like skinny women. The 'ideal figure' for women is one which has been set by gay fashion designers, who do not and will never sleep with women. I'm not into porn, but I can tell you that the girls in it are chosen because theeir figures are nothing like those of fashion models. Men never look at Vogue Magazine or suchlike to get off- the models are built like a pair of parallel lines, and that just isn't attractive!
Have a wonderful time on holiday, buy a nice bikini for your size 8-10 body and wear it with pride, sling some bright red nailpolish on fingers and toes, be pleasant to talk to, and rest assured that no man will EVER criticise you for having hips, bum and bust- just drink up the attention.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! I have to say that after reading the advice it really made me happy and notice how silly and just shallow i was being.
I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who took the time to answer!! I really appreciate it... especially 'K c100' because i was really doubting myself and feeling low, but after you throwing things into perspective and giving me a wake up call about how you see things, why i'm being stupid worrying and that i'm fine how i am. Really did help me!
I am feeling a bit better about this holiday. So now i can just think about what you guys said anytime i start feeling my jealousy and insecurities get to me! (: thank you
...............................
A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Do not let the beauty of your friends get in the way of you having some good fun with them.
God created all of us in his own image and gave each of us unique features.
Humans come in all shapes,all sizes but each human has their own uniqueness. While on holiday,remember you won't be the only one feeling the way you feel,there will be lots of others.
For someone your age,you don't need make up to be attractive but rather be yourself,get indulged in the fun and others will just like to be around you.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 June 2011):
 I'm sorry if I sound harsh here, I dont mean to be but you really need a wake up call!
Imagine me sat here, aged 24, a UK size 14 and only 5ft 3 in height, currently starving on a Weight Watchers diet, listening to a 19 year old who is 5ft 4 and a size 8-10 complain about her figure......sympathy is not particularly forthcoming I'm afraid!
There is nothing wrong with you, end of story. You are very slim, you have a figure that most girls would chop their right arms off for. Just because you happen to be friends with a girl who could be a supermodel at 6ft and a skinny girl, does not mean that your body is any worse than theirs. Have you ever thought about all the girls who will look at your body and be jealous? What about all the guys who will look at you and wish to be with you?
You will be the three hottest girls on the beach, be pleased about that! Anyone who is a size 8-10 cannot look fat under any circumstances, even next to Kate Moss or Gisele you are still not going to look fat, and if you are worried about looking short next to your incredibly tall friend - well 99% of the female population will look short next to her, you are not alone there! You are the same height as your skinny friend, so you wont look like the short one. And at a size 8-10 you're not going to be the fat one either, you are going to look just as good as them!
I do worry how skinny this other girl is, if she is a clothes size smaller than you that would make her, what, a size 6? That is worringly thin and chances are she is puting her health at risk. At your size I would call you skinny - to me size 8 is skinny, 10 is slim, 12 is curvy and then anything above that is a bit big (like me!). If you lost any weight you would be unhealthy, you dont want to aspire to being unhealthy.
Be proud of what you have, and be proud that you are different to your friends. If all 3 of you looked the same then that would be boring and you would drastically reduce the pool of men who would be interested in you. Most guys wont go near supermodel friend because she is too tall and most men are threatened by women taller than they are. Yes they might stare, but I bet she will struggle for guys to chat her up. Skinny friend again might get guys looking at her, but nearly all men I know like girls to be healthy and have some sort of shape on them (i.e. hips and boobs). Not many guys want to date girls who look like teenage boys (straight up and down), so chances are out of your friends most guys would say you have the best figure because it is more likely that you have bigger boobs and more curves rather than a very boyish shape.
Just relax and enjoy your holiday, you have the perfect body in the eyes on 99% of girls so remember that - there will be equal amounts of girls on that beach jealous of you. You and your friends are all gorgeous for different reasons, that is one of the wonderful things about being human - we dont all look the same and it makes the world a much better place! You said yourself, you exercise and eat well - you work hard for your body and you should be proud of it. You can either spend all your life looking at everyone else wishing for something you cant have, or actually realise what you have got is pretty damn good and be proud of that.
You will just waste your life away if you spend all your time worrying what you look like compared to everyone else, so stop thinking about other girls bodies and enjoy checking out some of the hot boys on the beach - that is far more fun than staring jealously at other girls! But seriously - there is far more to life than how toned your legs/bum/abs are compared to other girls, if you worry about such trivial things when you are already so slim, you will end up giving yourself an eating disorder. Focus on the important things in life, and simply enjoy your holiday with your friends.
You will be one of the thinnest girls on the beach I promise! Now please stop moaning about your terrible size 8-10 body and leave us fatties in peace, you dont know how lucky you are to have such a great figure when there are people like me struggling to even lose a few pounds. Only kidding - but really, you have to see how ridiculous you sound to someone like me, I dont think even aged 12 I was a size 8, it is fantasy for me to ever be that size! I think if I got into a size 8 piece of clothing the shock would be so much that I would faint!
I am naturally curvy, I have huge boobs, a little waist and wide hips and a big bum. I am never going to be skinny like you and your friends - but the difference between me and you is that I have accepted it and I dont mind my body. I know I need to lose some weight, mostly for health reasons, but I only ever want to be a size 12 - I know that is the size that suits my body and I am ok with that, I dont need to starve myself to be thin like my friends. Most of my friends are between a size 6 and a size 10, but does that get me down? Not at all. And thats because I can see their beauty and they are gorgeous girls, but so am I - I have lots of good things going for me too, they are just different things to my friends.
You are an individual, you are uniwque, be proud of that and proud of the fantastic body you have. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your figure, no chance at all of you ever looking fat and I promise there will be plenty of girls on that beach wishing they had your figure. Learn to love your shape as it is, you have been born with this so there is not a lot you can do to change it. Be confident and be happy, that will shine through and be far more noticeable than longer legs or a longer torso ever will be.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Go and buy some tankinis instead. They cover your tummy, but you can always tuck it up when you're lying on the beach!
Try not to worry too much, tell your friends that you are worried, they will help you out because they're your best friends after all, they can take you shopping and help you find clothes that flatter your shape
...............................
A
female
reader, Cinnamon_girl79 +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Size 8/10 is as slim as you want to be. Anything less and you'd be in danger of stopping menstruating! The problem is not with your body, but with your perception of yourself. I have a funny feeling (as birds of a feather do flock together...) that you're every bit as gorgeous as your friends - with or without make up.
Low self esteem is sadly epidemic in young women, the time of their life when we are at our most beautiful is when we tend to be least comfortable in our skin. Take your 6" friend for example - you admire her figure but have you ever considered that she may secretly wishes to be more petite? Men don't often like to be shorter than their woman.. She may often wish she was more like you.
Be grateful for your slim and petite figure - the average size here in the UK is a 16. Twice the size of you! Less focus on the negatives, less comparing - you have nothing to worry about, please believe me.
In any case, confidence is the most attractive quality in any person, so smile, hold your head up and revel in your youth and beauty.
Enjoy the holiday you lucky thing. x
...............................
|
