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age
30-35,
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writes: i recently lost my virginity to my boyfriend (about a month ago). he was not a virgin, very experienced from what ive heard and what hes told me. about an hour ago we were just talking and watching tv, and he turned on a channel with guys cage fighting. he was saying how much he wanted to get into it and i asked why? it looks so dangerous. and he said "i love the feeling. putting someone into a position where if they dont tap out, they will get hurt. thats why i love virgins. especially when they bleed. they dont even know what to expect. you were so great, best virgin i ever had. so naive." this kind of hurt my feelings :( idk why he would say something like that. now i feel used for sex and that me giving him my virginity was a bad decision and it didnt mean anything to him. i love him, but what do you think? why would he say something like that??? any advice is helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Dump him
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): He is a dumbass. He is only doing or saying what benefits him. He does not care about anyone but himself. Even if he comes of with a lame excuse you should tell him to "F" off. I would hate for something like that to happen to someone I personally knew or cared about. You deserve to be with someone who cares for and respects you.
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male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (4 October 2009):
Natasia is 100% RIGHT! Great advice!
I'll only add that if he enjoys contests where one has to "tap out" - tell your father what happended and what he said, or better your older brother and 2 or 3 of his freinds... he'll wish he could move his limbs so he COULD TAPP OUT...
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female
reader, patient66  +, writes (4 October 2009):
"best virgin i have had" Sounds like he is keeping a record.
I am sorry he said that. I know how it feels when you choose that person. But you should leave, he just used you.
You deserve better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): I feel so sorry for you, that was an awful thing of him to say! Shows that he doesn't respect or love you at all. Sounds like you were just a thing. And object for his satisfaction. Take pride of who you are though, no matter what he says. You had sex with a boy you love and thought loved you. Now that you know the truth, leave it. Give your love to someone worthy of it.
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female
reader, yellowmarshmallow  +, writes (3 October 2009):
even thou hes probably younger he seems to want master control and thats bad. Carrying on with a realtionship like that only makes things worse, you get hurt and without noticing it he will probably have you in his hands soon enough. Tbh if i were you i would give one more try and stay attentious to everything he says, and tell him that i didnt like what he said, and depending of his reaction or next time something like that happened i would have to be goodbye forever. I am sorry my dear, but he is not worth it and really immature ;/
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reader, natasia +, writes (3 October 2009):
 ps
Yes, having now read the other comments - I also thought 'hey - here we go - another sociopath' .... often v charming, but totally heartless. Again, be careful. I'm not going to tell you to ditch him straight off, because you feel a lot for him and need to work this out for yourself. You'll come to it, in time. I just want you to do it, though, rather than him hurting you.
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reader, natasia +, writes (3 October 2009):
He's showing off. He's a stupid kid who thinks he knows it all. He wasn't thinking about your feelings - but in a warped kind of way he was trying to impress you (with his sexual prowess) and compliment you (at least you are No.1 in his list of conquests!!!).
I guess he is a teenager as well. Whatever he says, he can't have had more than 2 or 3 years' 'experience'. I'm afraid though that he sounds like the kind of guy who could REALLY hurt you. I want to try to tell you not to get too attached, but of course you already are, or you wouldn't have lost your virginity to him.
Take what he says with a pinch of salt. Explain to him that you felt a bit upset (he is too stupid to even guess that - trust me) and try to train him to think about your feelings. You might get somewhere, but might not, so prepare yourself for one day finding someone more thoughtful ... having said all that, I don't think what he said means you weren't/aren't important to him - he is just v full of himself, and full of hormones, and doesn't talk a lot of sense. Be v careful, though, as he has won your heart, but isn't really responsible enough to take care of it.
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reader, xAx +, writes (3 October 2009):
 If you saw me while i was reading this, my face was gob-smacked and i know everyone else's face would be the same.I cannot imagine how bad you must feel, but i think you did make the bad decision. But if you learn from it, it won't happen again.PLEASE leave him. It will be hard, but he doesn't care about you from what you have told me.I think he told you this because he feels like he has you in a trap, and he knows that sex is a big deal and feels like this will keep you in the relationship with him. I think all this because he said to you that "he likes putting someone into a position where if they don't tap out, they will get hurt", that's exactly what he has done for your relationship with him. The fact that you had sex with him for the first time puts you in the position where you won't 'tap out' as sex for the first time is really emotional and he then will say whatever he wants to you. However, you can 'tap out'. You are not in a literal cage of any sort. So, if you want to be in a relationship where he will treat you in anyway he wants and says whatever he wants to say, then by all means stay with him. But if you have self respect, then leave him. I hope this helps.Good luck X
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reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (3 October 2009):
Walk away Sweetie - you are not some object that can be just used and conquered. What he said was indeed vile.
Try and use the experience to understand what you want out of a relationshop - sexual or otherwise. We all make decisions - sometimes they are wrong and sometimes they are right - what is important is that we try and learn from them.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Wow, what a charmer. He is a sociopath in the making. Get away from him fast, he sounds like he could be dangerous even.
I don't like what he said at all, these are his values, he wants mastery and control over someone, he wants to win at all costs, he has no conscience, he has no remorse, he doesn't see your feelings or how something like your virginity was important to you. He is a sociopath. Has he ever hurt an animal?
I am sorry, he is an awful person, and he is bad news, please tell him to get lost and to never contact you again.
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reader, Blod +, writes (3 October 2009):
 I can't believe he said that.
This guy is not worth it. He's using you, I'm sorry. I don't think he cared about your feelings, it being your first time. It sounds like he knows what he wants and used you for it. If it's virgins he likes then you might not last very long now anyway.
Finish it with him. You may love him but he doesn't deserve it. Leave him and find someone who respects you.
Good Luck. X
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reader, charlie p +, writes (3 October 2009):
Right. i think you already know the answer to your problem, and we're all thinking it. get rid of him.
thats the obvious thing, the next thing is more important; dont feel bad looking back on what happened. you trusted him, as he made himself appear trustworthy, so you're not to blame...he is!! so put it down as an experience, and learn from it. you can now make an informed decision about which boys are worth you time and which to aviod.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): My advice is going to be harsh, so if you don't want to hear what I have to say about your boyfriend, feel free to stop reading...
This guy is awful. Honestly. He just is out to use and abuse people who are innocent and trust him when he doesn't care for them at all. What he said SHOULD have hurt your feelings, he's a jerk. You really should leave him and find someone better who treats you the way you're supposed to be, not just using you for sex (as it sounds he may have done to many people).
Unfortunately I don't believe your virginity meant a damn thing to him, it sounds like he's taken virginity from a lot of girls who were just being used. It sounds as though you don't mean a whole lot to him either, as I doubt they did. He's just using you for sex from the sound of it. I know you love him, but it's definitely not how he feels, otherwise he'd be more considerate of you and your wants and desires and feelings. He's not. Leave him and find someone more deserving - meaning really just about anyone.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 October 2009):
Yes, I have some advice. Get rid of this guy. He's using you. How dare he suggest that you were nothing more than an object to hurt. He's a vile young man. Get rid of him and find a guy who will actually respect you as a human. I'm afraid he has used you. Get rid of him and find a better guy. this one's not worth any woman.
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